скачать книгу бесплатно
– Yes, sir!
Mosquitoes
– Sir, we’ve got mosquitoes!
– Mosquitoes, onboard?
– Yes sir. I seem to have seen one!
– You seemed or you saw?
– I saw, sir! And heard, sir, it was buzzing right above my ear…
– This may be very serious, Hans, who knows what shit they can transmit! We don’t need to drop sick with some cosmic fever in another galaxy!
– This may be very serious, sir!
– I said it first, Hans! Where do you think they came from?
– Cargo bay or the Russians, sir!
– Where do we get the Russians from?
– Mosquitoes, sir, from Siberia!
– This is very serious, Hans, they must be hungry!
– Hungry, sir, and opposed to us, I know, these Russians…
– Leave agitation aside, give me the temperature and humidity in the compartments!
– On the screen, sir!
– I don’t like the parameters there, Hans, but the mosquitos can be anywhere now: they fly, you know!
– That’s for sure, sir, they fly and buzz all night, they don’t let you sleep, these Russian snarling and squeaking mosquitoes, they are clearly plotting something!
– Did a mosquito bite you?
– Not yet, sir, I resisted their evil propaganda!
– Give a good blow through all compartments, lower the temperature – they should be sucked into the filter! We’ll have to chill out, Hans! Send a message to the center, tell them we have got unprecedented complications, details after the elimination of the incident!
– Aren’t we making an elephant out of a fly, sir?
– Do we have flies as well?
– Only in the laboratory, not too many!
– Count them all, Hans! They may be related to the mosquitoes!
– Sir!
– Yes, Hans!
– We have a toad in the laboratory!
– I don’t understand how it may help!
– But they are antagonists, sir, the toads eat them!
– Mosquitoes or flies?
– Both species, sir!
– Hans, go negotiate with the toad! What I’m saying… Incite it to catch mosquitoes for us!
– I’ll fetch it right now, sir!
…
– What have you got now?
– It thinks, sir!
– “It thinks”! Can your toad think?
– Yes sir!
– And how do you know?
– It sits silently and pouts!
– Am I dreaming?
– No, sir, it’s an ex…
– Tell your toad again, more persistently!
…
– It refuses most strongly, sir! It also insists that it be mentioned in all conversations as “she”.
– Why?
– She says…
– Wait, wait, wait, can your toad speak as well? Is she an enchanted princess?
– Princess, sir?
– Haven’t you read fairy tales?
– I didn’t read that one, sir! The toad said that she’s fine in the laboratory, but it’s cold and dry where we are! She will be uncomfortable with us! She is happy to be left alone in the warmth and dampness…
– Hans, I’m at my wit’s end! Or you have gone crazy! If you had a talk with the toad and heard the answers, tell her it’s an order!
– I’ve already told her!
– What did she say?
– She isn’t going to obey your orders, she is an independent toad, well-known and respectful in her circles. She has a high self-esteem and the second level of intelligence…
– Ah, that’s it, she’s a toad with intelligence… So, stop feeding her!
– Impossible, sir, she will complain to the institute that sent her, we’ll be in trouble!
– Damn her! Go dress warmly! Lower the temperature! Offer your toad a sock, a handkerchief, or something to keep it, that is, her warm.
– Don’t worry about her, sir, if anything, she’ll go into hibernation and…
– To hell with her, I’m fed up! Turn on the air evacuation, I am going to catch mosquitoes myself and, perhaps, eat them, to be on the safe side! There were my wings someplace…
– Your wings sir?
– No time for you now, Hans!
– I’m eager to help you, sir!
– No, just sit on your ass and watch the toad! Install 24/7 surveillance around her! These could be links in the same chain… Trust me! You never know what to expect from toads, mosquitoes and the Russians… This could be the beginning of a big conspiracy, Hans, but we are aware, alert and are already acting!
Quantum principle
– Sir, we are to be in square AGZ6835YB the day after tomorrow!
– Sure, Hans, we will!
– Yes, but sir, we need to be in square QGAPU364F concurrently!
– So what, Hans? It’s almost the same distance to them, we can manage!
– I’m afraid we can’t, sir, they are in different galaxies, we cannot be in both of them simultaneously!
– You mean, in two days we must be in two different places at the same time?
– Exactly, sir!
– I wonder, who planned the route?
– I’m afraid you did, sir!
– And who is responsible for the navigation and in addition the junior in rank?
– I guess it is me, sir!
– That is, we both are to blame! See, we’ve already split the problem in half! Not bad for a start!
– It hardly helps, sir! Maybe we can send a message and cancel one of the missions?
– Impossible, Hans, we are in another galaxy. The signal will go there for thousands of years.
– How are we going to do the trick, sir?
– We will apply the quantum principle!
– How’s that, sir?
– We will be in both places at the same time with a 50% probability!
– Great idea, sir! But I don’t quite understand how to implement it!
– What is it that you don’t understand, Hans?
– Which half do we fly with this quantum principle to?
– Hans, we are not flying at all, but flying with a probability of 50%, and in different directions!
– That is, sir?
– That is, we are not flying at all! If it’s easier for you to comprehend. Imagine that we fly to one place, others will look for us, and they will find us for sure, and they will also find out that we weren’t intending to fly to them at all. Is that so, Hans?
– Yes, sir!
– And they will also find out that we flew to others.
– Just so, sir!
– Respectively, we will offend them by showing that they are not important to us, but those others are! What are we getting as a result?
– What, sir?
– A lot of mess, actually! We will cause a competition between them on who is more important. Somebody will inevitably complain to the High Council, we’ll get troubles, prosecutions, and so forth. Do we need all that, Hans?
– We don’t, sir!
– That’s why I announce two days’ urgent work to troubleshoot the navigation system! Mark this in the journal and send the message to the base!
– But the navigation system is alright, sir!
