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– Will do, sir!
Complaint
– There’s a complaint on you, sir!
– A complaint? To who?
– To the Flight Control Center, to the base, sir!
– How did you find out about it?
– I’ve got access to the files! By chance, of course…
– Ha! What are they complaining about? And who is that blotter?
– I guess it came from a ship that wanted to outrun us into the corridor of opportunity. It had some kind of special mission. Their lady commander said…
– What The Hent! I told her that we had an emergency! According to the flight rules, a ship with an emergency has a higher priority to pass, and, in any case, the Flight Control Center decides on the priority!
– They claim, sir, that our contingency was in doubt, and that we did not wait for the Center’s decision, slipping into the corridor first…
– Of course, we didn’t wait! In the event of emergency, the decision is made by the captain, without waiting for a command from the Center! It’s a shame I can’t answer them as we haven’t received any formal complaints, have we? Otherwise I would tell everyone how they climbed with their “special mission”, creating that very emergency! But, that’s bollocks, we will fight back…
– Already done sir!
– Have you deleted the complaint?
– On the contrary, I’ve multiplied it on their behalf… The FCC spam filter has removed it, I believe, forever, sir!
– I haven’t heard any of that!
– Serving the System, sir!
– Keep up the good work, Hans!
Tail
– Oh my! What’s that Hans?
– That weird ship again, it says, we are tailing after them.
– Are we?
– Yes, sir, they say we are going after them!
– You mean they say we are following them, Hans?
– No, sir, we must be going in the same direction as they are.
– What The Heel! Tell them it may be in their imagination, but we aren’t!
– They are insisting, they are as stubborn as mules, sir!
– Those dumb idiots! Make it clear to them that we are a universal cargo ship, as they might have guessed themselves. We are not pursuing anyone or anything, except for the accomplishment of an important mission on behalf of the System. Write it in many words. The more, the better! Let them read! Shove them the Universal Declaration on the Movement of Ships in Space.
– But It’s huge!
– So let them read it from cover to cover and bug off!
– Done, sir!
– Any response?
– They don’t believe us! They are infuriated that we are following them.
– Tell them that if it’s so important to them, we can overtake them. But let them slow down, I’m not going to waste my fuel on their stupid fantasies!
– I’ve relayed that, sir.
– So, what is it now?
– Nothing so far, sir! Here’s a new message: they don’t want to be trailing under our tail.
– What is it they want?
– They say they don’t want us to chase them. And they don’t wish to lag behind us either.
– But they will have to! Prepare for the jump! Try to make something fall off their ship when we jump, like their stupid antenna of their damn transmitter.
– Yes, sir!
– Not yet, hold on! Transmit a signal to the base: dangerous maneuvering of the ship ahead, incomprehensible signals received, possible illness of the crew… Report their coordinates and a malfunction of their transmitter. We needed to make a jump to avoid an emergency. Do mark urgent and confidential.
– Already sent, sir, but their transmitter is still working!
– Perhaps not after our gambol, Hans! Now everything depends on you!
– Yes, sir! Serving the System, sir!
Robots
– Sir, there is a ship looking like ours on the course!
– It does not surprise me, there are a lot of them flying, it’s a popular model!
– Yes, but it is unmanned. Uninhabited automatic flight!
– This is also in the order of things.
– But it’s amazing, sir, that they are flying where we are. I wonder why they had to send us if the robots can accomplish this mission?
– What amazes you more: us being sent, or that the mission can be performed by the robots?
– Rather the first, sir.
– You see, Hans, this is a far-reaching subject. Of course, robots can complete almost every mission. But if they do it all the world will become completely… how would you put it…
– Deterministic, sir?
– That’s it! Deterministic! We bring an element of randomness into it. A surprise, you know! Therefore, we are still needed. For the same reason many living organisms have two sexes. If they had just one, then the rate of evolution would be determined only by mutations, the probability of which is rather small. And when there are two sexes, a female can meet with one male or another, or with no male at all. The variability increases many times…
– Males also fight for the female, sir!
– Of course, they do. Thus, the strongest, the fittest, the bravest, the most cunning or the smartest win! Accordingly, the evolution is directional and not chaotic. Robots are the same story. If only robots remained in the world, they would have no need to develop at all. But we introduce some irregularity into the system and problems to be solved. This creates the reason and the drive. Consequently, the System receives the necessary development!
– Serving the System, sir! But why does it need to be developed at all? Why not let it stay in the current state that is perfect as we know it?
– That’s another good question! I believe it needs the development, so it is prepared for the next surprise.
– So, we need to surprise it so that it is ready for the next surprise?
– Yep! If it ever stops the development, it will start to degrade, Hans! By the way, there’s an indicator flashing…
– Sorry, sir, we’ve deviated from the course!
– Fix it and send the robots “space hello”, as required by the flights protocol.
– Done, sir!
– Have they responded?
– I think they’re trying to pull a joke, sir! Their answer is: “It is not the strongest or the most intelligent who will survive but those who can best manage change” Leon C. Megginson…
– This is on our agenda, Hans! I hope they didn’t overhear our conversation…
Police
– Anything new, Hans?
– It’s Police, sir!
– Police?
– Yes, sir, they demand we let them into our cargo hold!
– If they so demand – we will comply, but ask them first to hand over their credentials and the search warrant.
– Already requested, sir!
– Well done! What’s their comeback?
– They say they have the right for a secret investigation, and they don’t have to show us anything.
– Then tactic number one!
– Number one, sir?
– Yes, we are washed off! This is not the police! They are swindlers! So we might report to the base if required. Meanwhile, ask them for a copy of the assignment. Write to them that we are on a special mission, that’s why the cargo hold is sealed. They cannot be aboard without Special permission from the Council. Mention that we have requested legal support and expect to receive it within 10 minutes. This is a bluff, of course, as we are in another galaxy, but we will play for time, and let them think over an answer. Turn on the accelerator! While it stabilizes, we will prepare for the jump. Also let’s put something heavy in the transfer device just in case. I thought we had a faulty buoy or something.
– Why, sir?
– Tactic number two, Hans! This is not taught at the Academy!
– What good might it do?
– If they still try to get on board through the TD and don’t check the volume, as they usually do, then the first thing to meet them here will be this very buoy and any other rubbish that we can find for the good of the System!
– Serving the System, sir!
– No time for that now, Hans! Go look for trash in the cargo hold and we wash off!
Ursa
– Sir, right on the course is Big Dipper!
– Impossible, Hans, we are in another galaxy!
– Sorry, sir, it is the Ursa Major spaceship and it is in distress!
– We don’t serve the poor and we aren’t a rescue mission either, Hans!
– But still, sir, maybe something terrible has happened to them?
– Request a surveillance! Beggars can’t be choosers, especially the proud ones! Let’s see what we can see!
– Nothing special, sir. It is empty everywhere!
– Look again, look in their cargo hold, look where they never look usually.
– Nothing, sir! Maybe they were already helped, everyone was evacuated, but the distress signal was not turned off in a rush?
– Request the remote control and turn it off!
– It’s turned on again!
– I’m going to check it myself now! Here it is empty, so it’s here, and there, but here one can easily see some kind of crap lying in a nook!
– Let me look at it, sir!
