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CARTER REALIZED THAT Lindsey saw him as a bit of fun. And after all the women he’d played around with over the years, a part of him got that it was payback. But another part, the bit where he’d actually thought she was different than all the lovers he’d been with before, bristled. She was looking at him as if he were a stranger. The kind of man that she didn’t know or trust.
“What do you say, gorgeous? Want to give it a shot?”
“I do. I’m just not sure that I should be committing to doing anything more with you because you’re a bad influence.”
He looked at her, amused despite himself by her adorably earnest expression. “How do you figure?”
“Kissing dares. Sex twice in one night... Skiing again.”
He noted that she’d started with the light stuff and ended with what was really worrying her. “I’m not going to push you down the slope, Linds. I just want a chance to help you remember what you loved so much about the sport.”
She cocked her head to one side, her blond ponytail swinging behind her head, and he remembered the feel of her silky-smooth hair against his body. His blood heated, and he realized that he was working so hard to find a reason to stay in her good graces because he wanted her back in his bed.
He hadn’t been finished with her when she’d walked away, and now he had to do whatever was necessary to get her back.
“What do you know about my love of the sport?”
“Only that if I fell and couldn’t snowboard for six months, I’d be devastated. And though I’m retiring from amateur competition, I know I still want to be on the board. I can’t define myself without it.”
She gave him a hard stare. “I hate that you actually get me.”
He laughed, but inside a part of him was hurt by that. “Why?”
“You’re not a serious person. You think dares and games are the way to get what you want—”
“It’s worked for me in the past, hasn’t it?”
“You have a point.” She sighed. “Maybe this is what I need. So what do you recommend?”
“You have to get to the root of your fear.”
“How do you know that?” she asked. “Do you have something you’re afraid of?”
Of course he did, he thought. But he liked the fact that she saw only the confidence he’d worked so hard at projecting. If she saw him as the man he wanted to be, he was good with that. He wasn’t about to start confessing to things that he couldn’t do and the secrets he protected.
“Just being walked out on by women like you, gorgeous,” he said smoothly.
She nibbled on her lower lip, and he remembered how her mouth had felt under his the night before. He had thought he’d had enough time to exorcise the lust demons that had been plaguing him for years, but realized now he hadn’t come close.
Would he ever be able to sate his thirst for Lindsey?
He’d sort of believed that her elusiveness was all that kept him still wanting her. It had been a while, and each time they were apart he’d try to forget her. Those big brown eyes and the pretty blond hair.
The media had dubbed her the Ice Queen for her cool persona before each of her runs. Other skiers smiled and joked, but Lindsey had held herself aloof and had come down the mountain as though she owned it. Now he realized that he had wanted to be the man to melt that icy exterior.
He’d done it once, but that wasn’t enough.
Why wasn’t it enough?
It seemed to him that having waited so long to claim her in his bed, he should be happy, or at least content. But he wasn’t.
He wanted something more.
But as was par for him, he had no way to define it and could only say that it involved Lindsey.
“I am sorry again for leaving so abruptly,” she said softly. “I wanted to see if I could take a run this morning... Well, that’s not entirely true.” She fixed her gaze squarely on his. “You scared me, Carter. I’ve never been the way I was with you last night. I’m not sure I recognize that part of myself.”
“Good,” he said. “The old you has been hiding. Frozen in some sort of limbo. I’m glad you don’t recognize yourself, because that means you are finally thawing.”
“Thawing? Wow, I thought I’d proved last night that there is nothing icy about me,” she said in a slightly breathless voice.
“You did, but then you retreated behind your wall of ice,” he said.
“Fair enough.”
“Let’s go,” he said, standing and holding out his hand to her.
“Where?”
“Trust me?”
She reached for his hand and gave him a forced smile. “No. But I’ll follow you anyway.”
He’d take what he could get with her. She stood and he led the way to the parking lot and his SUV.
“Where are we going?”
“You’ll see.” He smiled mysteriously. “I have an idea.”
She got into the vehicle without another word, and he drove them away from the lodge to a path he’d found about a week ago when he’d needed to get away from everyone and everything. He parked the SUV on the side of the road and came around to Lindsey’s side of the SUV. She had her door open and had hopped out before he got there.
“This is your big idea?”
“Stop with the doubt and follow me.”
He led the way to the tree line over the snow-covered ground, and she followed him. Her boots were good and sturdy, as were his, and he kept walking until he found what he was looking for: a small clearing in the copse of trees. Icicles hung from the branches, and in the center was a mound of snow that he suspected some local kids had built.
“This is it?”
“Yup,” he said.
“How’d you find it?” she asked, looking at the steep snow mound, which was large enough to slide down. In the middle was a trench big enough for a sled.
“I don’t know, but I think it will work perfectly for us.”
She walked over to it and then looked back at him. “Thank you.”
Seeing her quiet, contemplative expression as she continued to look at the snow mound made it easy for him to believe that he’d done the right thing. But deep inside he knew that helping her ski wasn’t what he really wanted.
6 (#u15241939-5112-5a8a-81d2-1759ffb894ea)
THE STEEP MOUND of snow might look like a bit of fun to anyone else, but to Lindsey it looked huge. As she stood at the base of it, she realized that Carter had found her the ideal place to test her own limits.
“I have a sled in the SUV,” he said. “Let me go and get it.”
She nodded.
Words were inadequate while fear was tightening her throat, but really her fear had to do with the public way she’d fallen. She knew everyone had seen it, and now when she put on her skis she was always aware of people watching her. In truth, they might not be, but her fear was that they were.
She noticed some foot holes had been dug in the snow and put her boots in, slowly climbing to the top of the mound. When she got to the top, she simply stood there. Her pulse was racing, and she was sweating inside her snow wear even though it was freezing.
She licked her dry lips and tipped her head back to look up at the sky. This height was so small compared to the mountains she’d skied in her career, yet it felt bigger. Felt scarier somehow, and she knew she didn’t want Carter to see her this way.
It was one thing to admit she was afraid to ski but something else entirely to actually let him see a glimpse of what that fear looked like. She turned to climb down and saw him standing there, the trees behind him, their limbs heavy with snow. The small sled in one hand and the most serious look she’d ever seen in Carter Shaw’s blue-gray eyes.
He knew.
She hated that he was witnessing this moment of horrible weakness.
He didn’t say anything, just continued to watch her. Inside her fear a small bubble of rebellion formed. Carter was the last person on earth she wanted to witness this meltdown.
“Great...I’m glad you have that sled. I was going to give it a try without one but thought I’d wait for you.”
“You don’t have to do this,” he told her. “Baby steps are the way forward.”
“I have no idea what you are talking about. This little mound is nothing,” she said airily. God, please let me get off this damned mound, and quickly.
“Okay.” He pointed into the distance. “See that drift over there?”
She glanced all the way across the clearing to the large drift that had been reinforced probably by the same people who’d built this mound. That had to be where the sled would stop. It seemed huge. Farther than anything she’d gone down before.
But she knew that was fear talking.
“Great.”
“Great?” he repeated. “I know it’s not great, gorgeous.”
She knew it, too. But she wasn’t about to let him once again see her weak and vulnerable. Man, was that what this was all about? Was that why she couldn’t ski? Vulnerability?
Whatever it was, she was going to have to sled down this mound to prove a point to herself—and to Carter. She’d expected him to hand her the sled, but this was Carter, so instead he climbed up next to her.
“Not so bad from up here,” he said. “Reminds me of the first time I stood at the mouth of the half-pipe.”
“Is this really how high it is?”
“Nah, it’s a bit higher, but I was strung out on nerves waiting to take my first run. Excited, scared and so full of ideas of how I wanted it to go I couldn’t stand it.”
Her hands were shaking, and she wove them together to keep Carter from seeing, but he put one of his big hands over hers. Held them for a minute, and she looked up to see his face close to hers. So close she could see the flecks of silver in his blue-gray eyes and notice how thick his eyelashes were.
He had incredible eyes.
She wanted to do something crazy, like kiss him. If she kissed him, then passion could sweep them away and she wouldn’t have to go down the mound. Hell, she’d strip down naked in the cold with the wind blowing the snow from the tree branches if it meant she didn’t have to go down this small mound of snow.
Realizing that made tears burn at the back of her eyes. Dammit. If she couldn’t sled down this freakin’ mound, how was she ever going to ski again?
“I’m scared,” she whispered.
“I know,” he whispered back. He lifted his free hand and cupped the side of her face. “But you are the bravest woman I’ve ever met.”
“Liar.”
“I wish. I know that no matter what, you will conquer this mound and then get back on the expert slope. I believe that with every fiber of my being.”
His eyes burned into hers, and she could feel the sheer force of his will radiate through her.
But how could he have such unwavering faith in her when she was riddled with so many doubts and fears? She appreciated what he was trying to do here, but a part of her—a huge part—wasn’t sure it could really come true.
“I—”
“No, don’t say anything else. Just sit your sweet ass on this sled and take the run you’ve been thinking about.”
The run she’d been thinking about was down the Wasatch Back Range, but she had to do this to get there. His strength was there all around her. His breath was warm against her cheek. His hands, which held her so solidly, reminded her that he was virile and strong.
She leaned up and pressed her mouth to his. Angled her lips over his and thrust her tongue into his mouth. Surprised, he opened his mouth, and in her mind she pretended she could borrow his courage just by kissing him. She pulled her head back, took the sled from him and sat before she could think anymore about where she was and what she was about to do.
She put her hands in the snow and shoved with all her might. She wanted to close her eyes as she flew down the mound, but kept them open. Wind whipped past her cheeks as she skidded across the flat snow-packed ground into the drift, and she started laughing.
* * *
CARTER HAD ALWAYS been a gambling man. Reaching for things and willing to play the risks, but this was the first time he’d gambled on someone else.
He’d felt as if he’d failed miserably as he’d stood at the bottom and saw Lindsey standing up there literally shaking with fear. It was more than fear or pride or even vulnerability. If he’d had to define it, he would have admitted she was lost. He never wanted to be responsible for that look he’d seen on her face again. So, heart hammering in his chest, he’d climbed up there with her, told her he believed in her. And then, just like that, she’d kissed him and thrown herself down that snow mound as though it was the gate to a Super G course. And when her laughter rang out around the clearing, he’d felt justified, and more than a little bit relieved, if he were being honest.
The risk had paid off.
They spent the next hour sliding down the snow mound. Each time he watched her carefully, and he noticed it wasn’t getting easier for her, but she had made up her mind that she would do it.
And she did.
He felt like a jumble of nerves. A mess. This wasn’t like him. He was the guy who felt nothing. Why did Lindsey change all that?
And he was beginning to believe that his desire for more of her in his bed wasn’t the only thing he wanted.
“Thank you for this.”
“You’re welcome,” he said.
She put the sled on the ground next to him. “Your turn.”
