Les Bijoux Indiscrets, or, The Indiscreet Toys

"Amisadar obey'd, and sate down by Fannia. 'That mantelet of yours, madam,' says he, leaning towards her, and uncovering her bosom, 'wraps you up strangely.' – 'You say right.' – 'Why then do you hide such beautiful things?' added he, kissing them. – 'Come, ha' done. Do you know that you are mad? You are become intolerably impudent. Mr. Moralist, resume the conversation which you began.'

"'Well then,' said Amisadar, 'I would be glad to find in my mistress a good figure, good sense, good sentiments, and decency above all. I would have her approve my attendance; not deceive me by looks; make me thoroughly sensible, once at least, that I am agreeable to her; and even inform me how I may become still more so; not conceal from me the progress I make in her heart; give ear to none but me, have no eyes but for me; neither think, nor even dream, but of me; love but me; busy herself about nothing but me; do nothing but what may tend to convince me of all this: and at length yielding herself up to my transports, let me plainly perceive that I owe every thing to my love and to hers. Oh, what a triumph, madam! And how happy is the man who possesses such a woman!' – 'Alas, my poor Amisadar, you are certainly out of your senses. You have drawn the portrait of woman who does not exist.' – 'Pardon me, madam, there are some in being. I own that they are rare; but yet I have had the good fortune to light of one. Alas! If death had not snatch'd her from me, for 'tis death alone that ever robs one of such women, perhaps I should be in her arms at present' – 'But how then did you behave with her?' – 'I loved to distraction, and miss'd no opportunity of giving her proofs of my passion. I had the sweet satisfaction of seeing that they were well received. I was scrupulously faithful to her, and she to me. The only disputes between us were, whose love was strongest; and in these little debates it was, that we laid our hearts open. We were never so fond as after this scrutiny of our souls. Our caresses always became more tender and vigorous after our explanations. Oh! what love and truth were then in our looks! I read in her eyes, and she in mine, that we burned with equal and mutual ardor.' – 'And whither did all this lead ye?' – 'To pleasures unknown to all mortals less amorous and sincere than us.' – 'You enjoyed?' – 'Yes I enjoyed, but a good on which I set an infinite value. If esteem does not intoxicate, at least it hightens the intoxication considerably. We unbosom'd ourselves without reserve, and you can't imagine how much it strengthened our passion. The more I examined, the more perfections I discovered, and the greater were my transports. I spent half my time at her feet, and I regretted the loss of the rest. I made her happiness, and she filled up the measure of mine. I always saw her with pleasure, and always quitted her with pain. Thus we lived together: and now, madam, you may judge if loving women are so much to be pitied' – 'No they are not, if what you tell me be true; but I can scarcely believe it. There is no such love as you describe. Nay, I imagine, that such a passion as you have felt, must make a man purchase the pleasures it affords at the expence of great uneasinesses.' – 'I had some, madam, but I was fond of them. I felt some twitches of jealousy. The least alteration which I remarked in her countenance, spread the alarm all over my soul.' – 'What extravagance! Upon mature consideration, I conclude that it is better to love in the present fashionable way; to take a lover at one's ease, keep to him while he amuses, quit him when he becomes tiresome, or that our fancy speaks for another. Inconstancy affords a variety of pleasures unknown to you languishing folks.' – 'I grant that that method may be proper enough for little kept mistresses and common women; but does not suit with a man of tenderness and delicacy. At most it may amuse him, when his heart is disengaged, and he is willing to make comparisons. In a word, a woman of gallantry is by no means of my taste.' – 'You are in the right, my dear Amisadar, you have a ravishing way of thinking. But do you love any thing at present?' – 'Nothing, madam, but yourself; and I dare not tell you so neither.' – 'Ah! my dear, dare on: you may continue,' replied Fannia, gazing on him stedfastly.

"Amisadar understood this reply thoroughly well, moved forward on the couch, fell to playing with a ribbon, which hung down on Fannia's breast, and he was not interrupted. His hand, meeting with no obstacle, slipt down lower. She continued to fire him with glances, which he did not misinterpret. For my part," says the Toy, "I found, he was a sensible man. He took a kiss on that neck, on which he had bestowed so many encomiums. He was desired to stop, but in such a tone as plainly shewed that she would take it ill, if he obeyed; and accordingly he did not. He kissed her hands, returned to her neck, passed to her mouth: nothing resisted him. Insensibly Fannia's leg was on Amisadar's thighs. He put his hand on it: it was soft, and Amisadar did not fail to remark it. His elogy was heard with an air of distraction. By favor of this inattention, Amisadar's hand advanced, and with rapidity reached her knees. The absence of mind still continued; and Amisadar was preparing for the charge, when Fannia came to herself. She accused the little philosopher of want of respect; but he became so absent in his turn, that he did not hear one word, or at least made no other answer to the reproaches she threw on him, but by compleating his happiness.

"What a charming man he appear'd to me! Of the multitude of those, who preceded and followed him, not one was ever so much to my taste. I cannot mention him without panting. Pray suffer me to recover breath! I think I have spoken a pretty sufficient time, considering it is my first speech."

Alonzo did not lose one single Word of Fannia's Toy; and he was no less impatient than Mangogul to hear the remaining part of the adventure: but neither of them had time to be out of patience, when the tale-telling Toy resumed in these words.

"All that I can comprehend after serious consideration, is, that in some few days Amisadar went to the country, that he was asked the reason of his stay in town, and that he related his adventure with my mistress. For somebody of Amisadar's and her acquaintance, passing by our door, enquired either by chance or design, if madam was at home, sent in his name, and went up. – 'Ah! madam, who could imagine you were in Banza? and how long are you here?' – 'An age, my dear, this fortnight, that I have renounced society.' 'May I presume to ask, madam, upon what account?' – 'Alas! because I was tired of it. Women are become such strange libertines, that there is no bearing them. One must either do as they do, or pass for a silly creature; and sincerely, I think both extremes should be avoided.' – 'Indeed, madam, you are become quite edifying. Pray, is it the conversation of the Bramin Brelibibi, that has wrought your conversion?' – 'No, 'tis a squall of philosophy, 'tis a quint of devotion. It seized me suddenly; and it is not poor Amisadar's fault that I am not at present practising the highest austerity.' – 'Then madam has seen him lately?' – 'Yes, once or twice.' – 'And you have seen no body else.' – 'No, truly. He is the only thinking, reasoning, active being, that has entered my doors during the eternity of my retreat.' – 'That is singular' – 'And what singularity is there in it?' – 'Nothing but an adventure which he had the other day with a lady of Banza, alone like you, devout like you, retired from the world like you. But I must tell you the story: perhaps it will amuse you.' – 'Without doubt,' replied Fannia: and immediately Amisadar's friend set about relating his adventure word for word, as I have done," says the Toy: "and when he was advanced as far as I am now. – 'Well, madam,' said he, 'what do you think? Is not Amisadar a lucky man?' – 'But,' answered Fannia, 'Amisadar is a lier perhaps: do you imagine that there are women so daring as to abandon themselves without shame?' – 'But consider, madam,' replied Maruspha, 'that Amisadar has named no body, and it is very improbable that he has imposed' – 'I begin to see thro' the affair,' says Fannia: 'Amisadar has wit, and is a handsome man, he has, to be sure, infused some notions of sensual pleasure sure into this poor recluse, which have mastered her. Yes, this must be it: this sort of folks are dangerous to hear, and Amisadar is matchless in that way.' – 'How, madam,' interrupted Marsupha, 'is Amisadar the only man that has the art of perswading, and will you not do justice to others, who deserve, as much as he, a share in your esteem? – 'Pray, whom do you mean?' – 'Myself, madam, who think you a charming woman, and' – 'I fancy you joke. Look at me then, Marsupha. I have neither paint nor patches. My night-cap does not become me. I make a frightful figure.' – 'You are mistaken, madam: that undress sets you off surprisingly. It gives you so winning and kind an air!' —

"To these gallantries Marsupha added others. I insensibly joined in the conversation; and when Marsupha had finished with me, he resumed with my mistress. 'Seriously, Amisadar has attempted your conversion; he has an admirable hand at conversions. Could you give me a sample of his morals? I would lay a wager they are much the same with mine.' – 'We have thoroughly handled some points of gallantry. We have analysed the difference between an affectionate woman and a woman of gallantry. He is for the affectionate women' – 'And you too without doubt?' – 'Not at all, my dear. I took great pains to demonstrate to him, that we were all alike, and that we acted upon the same principles: but he is not of this opinion. He establishes an infinity of distinctions, which, I think, exist nowhere but in his imagination. He has formed to himself, I can't tell what ideal creature, a chimæra of a woman, a non-entity in a coif.' – 'Madam,' answered Marsupha, 'I know Amisadar. He is a lad of good sense, and has been very conversant with the sex. If he has told you that there were such' – 'Oh! whether there are such or not,' interrupted Fannia, 'I could never conform to their customs.' – 'I believe it,' said Marsupha: 'and accordingly you have chosen another sort of conduct more suitable to your birth and merit. Those silly creatures are to be abandoned to philosophers: they would never be look'd on at court. – "

Here Fannia's Toy stopt short. One of the principal perfections of these orators was to break off their discourse à propos. They talk'd as if they had never done any thing else: whence some authors have inferr'd, that they were pure machines. In this place the African author specifies all the metaphysical arguments of the Cartesians against the soul of brutes, which he applies with all possible sagacity to the prating of Toys. In a word, his opinion is, that Toys speak as birds sing; that is to say, so perfectly without having been taught, that, to be sure, they are prompted by some superior intelligence.

But you ask me how he disposes of his prince. He sends him to dine with the favorite: at least 'tis there we shall find him in the following chapter.

CHAP. XLI.

The history of Selim's travels

Mangogul, whose thoughts ran solely on diversifying his pleasures, and multiplying the trials of his ring; after having interrogated the most interesting Toys of the court, had the curiosity to hear some of the city Toys. But as he had no advantageous opinion of what his should learn from them, he would willingly consult them at his ease, and save himself the trouble of going to find them out.

How to bring them to him, was what embarassed him. "You are in great pain for a trifle," says Mirzoza. "Sir, you have only to give a ball, and I promise you this very night a greater number of those speech-makers than you will covet to hear."

"My heart's joy, you say right," replied Mangogul; "and your contrivance is the better still, because we shall certainly have none but those whom we have occasion for." In a moment an order was dispatch'd to the Kislar-Agasi, and the master of the revels, to prepare the ball, and to distribute no more than four thousand tickets. They were probably better judges in that country than elsewhere, of the room that six thousand persons would take up.

To amuse themselves till the hour of the ball, Selim, Mangogul, and the favorite set about telling news. "Does madam know," says Selim to the favorite, "that poor Codindo is dead?" "This is the first word I heard of it, but what did he the of?" says the favorite. "Alas, madam," answered Selim, "he fell a victim to attraction. He filled his head with this system in his youth, and it turn'd his brain in his old days." "How so?" says the favorite.

"He had found," continued Selim, "by the methods of Halley and Circino, two celebrated astronomers of Monoémugi, that a certain comet, which made so much noise towards the end of Kanaglou's reign, was to return the day before yesterday; and fearing lest it might double its steps, and he should not have the happiness of being the first to see it; he resolved to spend the night in his observatory, and yesterday morning at nine o'clock he had still his eye clung to the telescope.

"His son apprehending the consequences of so long a sitting, went to him at eight, pull'd him by the sleeve, and called him several times: Father, Father. Not a word of answer. Father, Father, repeated the young Codindo. 'It is just going to appear,' replied Codindo: 'it will appear; zounds! I shall see it.' 'But you do not consider, dear father, that there is a dismal fog' – 'I must see it, I will see it, I tell thee.'

"The young man, convinced by these answers, that the fog had got into his father's head, called out for help. The family ran to him, and sent for Farfadi; and I was with him (for he is my physician) when Codindo's servant came. – 'Quick, quick, Sir, make haste, old Codindo, my master' – 'Well, what is the matter, Champagne? What has befallen your master?' – 'Sir, he is run mad.' – 'Thy master is run mad' – 'Oh! yes, Sir. He cries out that he must see beasts, that he will see beasts; that they will come. The apothecary is with him already, and they wait for you. Come quickly.' – 'Maniacal,' says Farfadi, putting on his gown, and hunting for his square-cap; 'Maniacal, a terrible maniacal fit.' Then turning to the servant, he ask'd: 'Does not thy master see butterflies? Does he not pick the ends of his coverlid?' – 'Oh! no, Sir,' replied Champagne. 'The poor man is on the top of his observatory, where his wife, daughters and son have much ado to hold him. Come quickly, you will find your square-cap to-morrow.'

"Codindo's disease seemed to me to be of an odd kind: I took Farfadi in my coach, and we drove to the observatory. At the bottom of the stairs we heard Codindo crying out in a furious tone: 'I must see the comet, I will see it: withdraw ye rascals and jades.'

"In all probability his family, finding that they could not prevail on him to go down to his bed-chamber, had ordered his bed up to him: for we found him lying in bed at the top of his observatory. An apothecary of the neighbourhood, and the Bramin of the parish had been called before we arrived. The latter was trumpeting into his ear: 'Brother, dear brother, your salvation is at stake: you cannot with a safe conscience expect a comet at this hour of the day: you damn yourself.' – 'That is my business,' said Codindo. 'What answer will you give to Brama, before whom you are going to appear?' replied the Bramin. – 'Mr. Rector,' says Codindo, without stirring his eye from the telescope, 'my answer shall be, that it is your trade to exhort me for my money, and the apothecary's there, to extol his warm water to me; that the physician does his duty of feeling my pulse, and learning nothing from it; and I my own, of waiting for the comet.' – In vain did they teize him, they drew nothing more from him: he continued to observe with heroic courage; and he died on the leads, his left hand on his eye of that side, his right laid on the tube of the telescope, and his right eye applied close to the eye-glass; between his son, who cried that he made a false calculation; his apothecary, who proposed him a clyster, his physician, who with a toss of his head pronounced, that there was nothing more to be done; and his priest, who said to him: 'brother, make an act of contrition, and recommend yourself to Brama. – '"

"That is," says Mangogul, "what they call dying in the bed of honour." "Let us leave poor Codindo," added the favorite, "to rest in peace, and pass to some more agreeable subject." Then addressing herself to Selim, "my lord," says she, "as you are so gallant at this time of life, have so much wit, talents, and so good a mien, and lived in a court devoted to pleasures; it is no wonder if the Toys have formerly celebrated your fame. But yet I suspect that they have not told all they knew of you. I do not require this supplement: you may have good reasons for refusing it. But after all the adventures, with which this gentry have honoured you, you ought to know womankind: and this is one of those things of no consequence, which you may safely own."

"This compliment, madam," replied Selim, "would have flattered my self-love at the age of twenty: but I have gained some experience, and one of my first reflections is, that the more one practises this business, the less knowledge he obtains. I, to know women! that I have studied them much, may be allowed." "Well, what do you think of them?" said the favorite. "Madam," answered Selim, "whatsoever their Toys might have published concerning them, I esteem the whole sex as most respectable."

"Indeed, my friend," says the Sultan, "you deserve to be a Toy; you would have no occasion for a muzzle." "Selim," added the Sultana, "abandon the satyrical strain, and speak the truth." "Madam," replied the courtier, "I may possibly mix some disagreeable strokes with my narrative: do not impose the task on me of offending a sex, which has always used me well enough, and which I revere by" – "What, always veneration! I know nothing so caustic as those sweet-tongued folks, when they set on," intermitted Mirzoza; and imagining that it was through regard for her that Selim excused himself, "Let not my presence restrain you," added she: "we are contriving to amuse ourselves; and I promise upon my honour to apply to myself all the obliging things you shall say of my sex, and to leave the rest to other women. Well, you have studied women much? Pray, give us an account of the course of your studies: it must have been very brilliant, if I may judge of it by what is known of the success: and it is reasonable to presume, that this will not be contradicted by what is unknown." The old courtier complied with her desire, and began thus.

"The Toys, I own, have talked a good deal of me: but they have not told all. Those who were capable of completing my history, either are no more, or are not in our climate: and those who have begun it, have but lightly touched the subject. I have hitherto inviolably kept the secret which I had promised them; although I was better made to speak than they: but since they have broke silence, I think they have dispensed me from the obligation of keeping it.

"Born with a fiery constitution, I loved almost as soon as I knew what a beautiful woman was. I had governants which I detested; but in return I was much pleased with my mother's waiting-women. They were for the most part young and pretty: they conversed, dressed, and undressed before me without ceremony; they have even enticed me to take liberties with them, and my temper naturally inclining to gallantry, turned every thing to advantage. With these elements of instruction, at five or six years of age I was put under the care of men; and God knows how forward I was in improving them, when the ancient authors were put into my hands, and my tutors explained certain passages, of which possibly they themselves did not penetrate into the sense. My father's pages taught me some pretty college tricks: and the perusal of Aloysia, which they lent me, gave me a vehement desire of becoming perfect. I was then fourteen years of age.

"I cast my eyes around, seeking among the women who frequented the house, one to whom I might make my addresses: but they all appeared equally proper to ease me of my irksome load of innocence. A commenced acquaintance, and still more the courage I felt to attack a person of my own age, and which failed me with regard to others, determined my choice in favor of one of my cousins. Emilia was young, and so was I: I thought her pretty, and she liked me: she was not difficult, and I was enterprizing: I had a mind to learn, and she was not less curious to know. We frequently asked one another very frank and strong questions: and one day she deceived the vigilance of her governants, and we instructed each other. Ah! how great a master is nature! it soon set us in the high road of pleasure, and we abandoned ourselves to its impulse, without the least thought of the consequences: and this was not the way to prevent them. Emilia had indispositions, which she took the less pains to hide, as she did not suspect the cause. Her mother examined her, extorted a confession of our commerce, and my father was informed of it. He made me some reprimands blended with an air of satisfaction; and it was immediately resolved that I should travel. I set out with a governor, who was charged to watch my conduct attentively, but not to put me under any restraint: and five months after, the gazette informed me, that Emilia died of the small pox; and a letter from my father, that her tenderness for me had cost her her life. The first fruit of my love serves with distinction in the Sultan's army: I have always supported him by my credit, and to this day he knows me solely as his protector.

"We were at Tunis, when I received the news of his birth and his mother's death. Her fate touched me to the quick, and I believe I should have been inconsolable, had I not embarked in an intrigue with a sea-captain's wife, who did not afford me time to run into despair. The Tunetine was intrepid, and I was fool-hardy: for with the assistance of a rope-ladder, which she threw to me, I passed every night from my lodging on her terrass, and thence into a closet, where she put the finishing hand to my instructions; Emilia having only made a beginning. Her husband return'd from a cruize, just at the time, that my governor, who had received his instructions, urged me to cross over into Europe. I embarked on board a vessel bound for Lisbon, but not without several times taking leave of Elvira, from whom I received this diamond.

"The vessel, in which we sailed, was laden with merchandise; but the most valuable commodity on board, to my taste, was the captain's wife. She was not quite twenty: and her husband was as jealous of her as a tyger, and not quite without cause. We all soon understood one another: Donna Velina perceived that I had a liking for her; I, that I was not indifferent to her; and her husband, that he incommoded us. The sailor resolved not to lose sight of us till we were landed at Lisbon. I read in the eyes of his dear wife, how much she fretted at her husband's assiduity: mine testified the same things to her, and the husband understood us wonderfully well. We spent two whole days in an inconceivable thirst of pleasure; which would certainly have kill'd us, had not heaven assisted us: but it always assists souls in pain. Just upon our passing the Streights of Gibraltar, a furious tempest arose. I would not fail, madam, to raise the winds about your ears, and make thunder rattle over your head; to set the heavens on fire with lightning; raise the billows up to the clouds, and describe the most horrid tempest which you have ever met with in any romance; were I not giving you a history. I shall only tell you, that the captain was compelled by the sailors cries to quit his room, and expose himself to one danger for fear of another. He went up on deck together with my governor, and I threw myself without hesitation into the arms of my fair Portuguese; quite forgetting that there was any such thing in nature as a sea, storms, or tempests; that we were on board a tottering vessel; and abandoning myself without reserve to the perfidious element. Our course was rapid, and you may well judge, madam, by the weather at that time, that I saw a great deal of land in a few hours. We put in at Cadiz, where I left a promise with the Signora to meet her at Lisbon, if my Mentor agreed to it, whose design was to go directly to Madrid.