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The “this” being their marriage. “You’re not interested at all?” she asked, a little surprised by how disappointed she felt.
“You’ll have fun choosing things like china and sheets.”
Not by herself, she thought glumly. Maybe Rachel or Crissy would want to help. But that wasn’t the same as having Dev doing with it her. After all, he would be eating off the plates, too.
“I did have something I wanted to ask you,” he said, setting down his fork and looking at her. “I should have brought this up before. Do you want to speak to a grief counselor about Jimmy?”
He wouldn’t pick out china but he was offering her therapy? “I’m okay,” she told him.
“I can get you some names. I wasn’t sure, what with you having the baby and all.”
“Thank you.” She sipped her water. “I know Jimmy and I dated for a while and we, well, you know. He had talked about getting married and all, but…” She cleared her throat. “I don’t think we were really in love with each other.”
Dev stiffened in his chair. “We don’t have to talk about that,” he said gruffly.
He seemed uncomfortable. But why? Because she was being realistic about her relationship with his brother? Did that upset him? Did he want to believe they’d been madly in love? Or was he judging her for sleeping with a man without being sure she loved him?
“Dinner was great,” he said as he rose and carried his plate to the counter. “I brought some work home, so I’ll excuse myself.”
And with that, he was gone. She didn’t think she was going to see him again that evening.
Separate lives, she thought. That’s what they were living. While she hadn’t considered what their married lives would be like, she’d never thought she would be so…lonely. She felt lost in this big, beautiful house, living with a man who didn’t want to have much to do with her. Lost and alone and not sure what to do about it.
Chapter Six
Dev arrived home nearly two hours early to find loud music filling the house. He walked into the family room and saw Noelle sprawled across the sofa, a large text book propped up as she slowly flipped through the pages.
Instead of the conservatively dressed woman he’d seen last night, today his wife of less than a week wore a tank top and shorts. Her feet were bare, her hair piled up on top of her head in a ponytail and she was chewing gum. She was, he acknowledged wryly, a teenage boy’s dream. Which meant he had no excuse for what he was feeling—he was old enough to know better.
Still, the information didn’t seem to have any impact on the sudden rush of blood south or the desire to cross the room, pull her into his arms and kiss her senseless. He imagined her yielding and aroused, straining to get closer, reaching for him as they—
He forced the erotic images out of his mind. This was a marriage of practicality, he reminded himself. Nothing more. Besides, he’d been enough of an ass last night. He should take a break from that kind of behavior.
Pushing her to talk about Jimmy had been out of line and now that she’d admitted she didn’t think she and his brother had been in love, he, Dev, felt even more like a jerk. He’d only done it to find out if she was in mourning or not. Knowing she wasn’t overwhelmed by the loss of his brother meant, in a twisted way, that she was more available to him. Maybe he was the one who needed professional help.
He crossed to the CD player and turned down the volume. Noelle jumped. She sprang to her feet and the textbook hit the floor.
“Dev!” she said, obviously startled. “You’re home early.” She touched her hair, then fingered the hem of her tank top. “I’m not ready.”
“You live here,” he reminded her. “There’s nothing to get ready for.”
“Dinner,” she said as she folded her arms over her chest. “I was going to get changed.”
“You don’t have to for me. I think you look charming.”
She tried to smile, then failed. She reached up and pulled a band from her hair so that it tumbled loose around her shoulders.
The instant disarray was too sexy by far. Despite the steady hum of the air conditioner, he had the sudden need to unfasten his collar button and pull off his tie.
Instead he walked over to the large wrapped package he’d left by the entrance to the family room and held it out to her. “I brought you something.”
Her gaze locked on the box and a her mouth curved into a wide grin. “Really? For me.”
She tucked her hands behind her back, as if to keep herself from lunging toward the present.
“I felt badly about missing your birthday,” he admitted. He started to apologize for the previous night, then stopped, not wanting to get into all that right now.
“You didn’t have to get me anything,” she said politely, even as she practically quivered in anticipation.
“You’re not very good at this,” he said, then set the package down on the coffee table. “You’re saying all the right things, but I can tell you want to jump on the box and rip it open.”
She looked at him and smiled. “I love surprises. I was always the first one up on Christmas morning. Even now, my parents have to set a time limit so I won’t be downstairs, shaking boxes at five in the morning.”
“No one is making you wait but you.”
“If you’re sure,” she said even as she dropped to her knees in front of the coffee table and tugged at the wrappings. In a matter of seconds, she had the box open and was staring down at the sleek, silver laptop computer he’d bought her.
Dev perched on the edge of the overstuffed chair. “It’s lightweight, so you can take it to classes, and wireless. We have wireless high-speed in the house, so you can be online just about anywhere. Even out by the pool.”
She opened the top and ran her fingers over the keyboard. “Right. Because everyone wants to do e-mail poolside.” She turned to him. “Dev, this is really, really nice. I don’t know what to say.”
He shrugged. “I didn’t think you had one already.”
“I don’t. It’s terrific. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. I thought later we could go online and register somewhere. You know, for gifts.”
Her eyes widened slightly and her lips parted, even though she didn’t speak.
“I know you were disappointed last night,” he admitted, feeling uncomfortable. “You surprised me. I hadn’t thought about things like showers and parties. I shouldn’t have left it all up to you.”
A warm, happy smile blossomed on her face. She left the laptop and shifted to him, crossing the few feet of area rug still on her knees. Then she put her hands on his thighs, leaned in and kissed him on the mouth.
“Thank you,” she said again. “In case no one has told you recently, you’re a pretty great guy.”
The soft pressure of her mouth lingered long after she’d pulled away. Desire exploded and he instinctively pulled away to help keep himself under control.
“Oh,” she breathed as she stood and took a step back. “Sorry. I was just saying thank you. I didn’t mean anything by…” She waved her hand vaguely in his direction.
Guilt ground into him. He swore silently. “Don’t apologize,” he told her gently. “We’re married. Kissing is allowed.”
“But you said you didn’t want that for us. It wasn’t part of the deal.”
Sex. She was talking about sex. Something he wasn’t going to experience again for a very long two years.
“I said I wasn’t marrying you to pressure you into sleeping with me,” he reminded her. “I didn’t want you to feel obligated. We’re living in the same house. We’re going to run into each other. We need to get comfortable with that, and with kissing. As far as the world’s concerned, we’re newlyweds. We have to act like it.”
“So my thank-you kiss was practice?” she asked.
There was something in her tone that made him wonder if she were holding in laughter. “If you want.”
She sighed. “There are very complicated rules here. It would help me a lot if we could get them in writing.”
He saw the humor in her gaze. “I’ll see what I can do,” he told her. “Maybe someone could stitch them in a pillow for us.”
“That would give our company something to talk about.”
He could only imagine.
Determined to make things right between them, he crossed to her, put his hands on her shoulders, then bent down and lightly brushed his mouth against her.
“You’re welcome,” he said. “Happy birthday a little late.”
This close he could see all the various colors of blue that made up her irises. Her lashes were surprisingly long and dark and there was a tiny freckle by the corner of her mouth.
He could hear the slight intake of air and feel the tension in her body. The very male part of him quickly pointed out that those were symptoms of a woman receptive to a man. That maybe, what with her not being wildly in love with Jimmy, she was open to getting involved with someone else—namely him.
Right—because he needed another disaster in his life. Noelle was wrong on so many levels. Most importantly, she was carrying his brother’s child. Whatever might have happened in the future, Jimmy had been involved with her when he died, and it was still Dev’s fault that his brother was dead.
“Thank you for my wonderful present,” she said as he lowered his hands to his side. “I made peanut butter cookies earlier. Would you like some?”
“Sure. They’re my favorite.”
She grinned. “Mine, too.”
She led the way into the kitchen.
Dev followed her and did his best to ignore the sway of her curved hips. Noelle was nothing like he’d imagined. She was a contradiction of terms. Still young and excited by presents, but mature and capable. Smart, funny and, as her mother had pointed out, not as tough as she thought. He would have to remember that. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her.
“This place is huge,” Lily said on Saturday morning as Noelle led her through the house. “I’m so jealous.”
“No, you’re not,” Noelle told her. “You’d hate this. You like changing guys at least twice a month. I don’t think you’re going to be willing to settle down for years.”
“That’s true, but the house is great.”
“Dev picked a really terrific decorator,” Noelle said, having met the woman for the first time the previous week when she’d come to supervise the work on the pool house. “Some of the antiques belonged to his grandmother.”
When Lily had called and said she wanted to come by, Noelle had been torn between welcoming a familiar face and not being sure she could handle the stress. She’d dropped by the church office twice the previous week so she could see her parents and ward off any plans for a surprise visit.
Having someone from her family in the house meant making sure there were no personal items showing in her bedroom and putting a few things on the dresser in Dev’s room.
Complications, she thought as she and Lily finished their tour and headed out to the backyard to have snacks by the pool.
“If I just didn’t have to be married, I could get into this,” Lily said. She sipped her soda and reached for a tortilla chip from the bowl.
“Good thing you’re going to college. You’re going to need a really great job to support this lifestyle.”
Lily wrinkled her nose. “I know. I’m still trying to decide what to study. You’ve known since your accident. Are you still going to be a nurse?”
Noelle nodded. “I start summer school on Monday. Calculus.”
“Yuck,” Lily said. “But aren’t you supposed to be on your honeymoon?”
Whoops. Noelle thought fast. “This wasn’t a good time for Dev to be away from work,” she said with a casualness she didn’t feel. “The wedding was a little impulsive, so we couldn’t plan for stuff like that. We’ll go later.”
“Too bad. It would be great to be away on a beach somewhere with a good-looking guy. I wouldn’t say no to that.” She looked at her sister. “Okay, so tell me everything.”
Noelle blinked at her. “About…”
“You know.” Lily lowered her voice, then whispered, “Sex. Mom told us all kinds of things, but that’s just logistics. I want details. Is it scary? Wonderful? Is it like in books? Do you see stars or feel swept away?”
Noelle felt herself blush. “I am not having this conversation with you,” she said sternly. “It’s not appropriate.”
“I’m eighteen, and your sister. Come on. How am I supposed to find out about this if you won’t tell me? You wouldn’t want me experimenting just so I could know for myself,” Lily added slyly.
“You’re manipulating me,” Noelle said. “Forget it. I’m not going to talk about that. It’s too personal.”
In truth it wasn’t personal at all. She simply didn’t have anything to say. Her lone night with Jimmy had been a blur, first of pain, then of uncomfortable intimacy. In the few hours they’d been together, he’d entered her a number of times, but before she could figure out what he was doing or what was expected, it had been over.
Plus, he’d been so heavy when he collapsed on her. She’d felt trapped and embarrassed and frankly, she didn’t get why everyone made such a big deal about it.
Dev stood just inside the family room, the sliding door open, one foot on the patio. He’d been about to go out and greet his new sister-in-law, but given the current topic, he decided a timely retreat was far more intelligent.
“At least tell me if it hurt the first time,” Lily said. “I can’t get a straight answer on that.”
“It did,” Noelle admitted. “It’s a little awkward. I didn’t know where to put my arms and stuff.”
Lily winced. “But Dev made it okay, right? He talked you through everything.”
“Yes, Dev was very patient and…and he made me laugh so I stopped being embarrassed. He made it great.”
If he hadn’t known better, even he would have been convinced by her words. But he did know better. Noelle was saying all the right things to convince her sister.
He stepped back into the house and quietly closed the slider. If Jimmy had been the typical twenty-yearold, Noelle’s first and only night of passion probably hadn’t been anything she remembered fondly. He, Dev, hadn’t been anything great in bed at that age. He found himself wanting to apologize for something that wasn’t his fault.
Later, when Lily left, he found Noelle in the kitchen.
“Did you enjoy having your sister drop by?” he asked.
She looked up from the vegetables she was chopping and smiled. “She’s always fun.”
“I started to come out on the patio to join you, but I heard what you were talking about,” he said.
She frowned for a second, then blushed. “Oh. That.”
“Thanks for the compliment.”
Her mouth twisted in a half smile. “I had to say something. I couldn’t admit my first time had been with Jimmy.”
