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A combination of relief and satisfaction radiated through him. He’d thought the same thing. He touched her shoulder.
Her muscles tensed beneath his hand.
“I get it,” he admitted. “Having you here is…”
“Weird.”
“Different,” he said at the same time. “A little weird, too.”
She blew out a puff of air. “Good. I mean, not that things are weird, but that I’m not alone or imagining things.”
“You’re not alone.” He’d been imagining things about her all night. Unfortunately. Because those fantasies would never become reality. “We’re adults. We can handle this.”
“It’s not like we have another choice.”
If only…“It is what it is until you’re ready to go back to Bellingham.”
“If things get too weird we can talk it out.”
She had wanted to talk about everything. He hated doing that. He’d been talked out after his parents had the family attend counseling and grief sessions following Blaine’s death. The intense sessions helped, but they also frustrated Cullen because no amount of counseling or rehab had been able to help his brother kick his drug addiction.
Sarah looked expectantly at him.
“Sure, we can talk.” He relented. “May I check your incision?”
She lowered the blanket. “It’s not like you haven’t seen this before.”
He slowly raised the hem of her nightshirt over her thighs. The bruises were fading. He lifted the material higher, past her orange polka-dotted bikini panties that showed off the curve of her hip. He willed his hand not to tremble. He continued to the large incision on her abdomen from her emergency splenectomy.
Cullen might have seen her body before, but he liked seeing all that creamy skin again. His gaze strayed back to her panties. He swallowed.
Focus.
The skin around the sutures wasn’t any more red then it had been at the hospital. No drainage, either. He placed his fingertips on her stomach. The skin wasn’t hot, but boy did she feel nice. Soft, smooth, silky.
He dragged his hand away. “No drainage or rash. Are you hungry?”
She nodded.
“That’s a good sign.” He pulled down the hem of her nightshirt before he became more unprofessional. “Has the pain lessened since the surgery?”
“Yes, until I coughed.”
“Next time you have to cough place a pillow over your incision.” He stood. “Let’s get you up and moving. That should ease some of the pain.”
She scrunched her nose. “It’s too early for you to be up if you have to work tonight.”
Her concern brought a smile to his face. “I’ll take a nap later.”
“You’re sure?”
“Positive.” He cupped her elbow and helped her out of bed. “Is it hard to breathe?”
“Nope.”
“Let’s see how you feel walking.”
She moved slowly and carefully, the way she should to make sure she didn’t fall. “It helps.”
He noticed her long legs, liked the curve of her calf, the slender slope of her ankles. “You’re doing great.”
She walked out of the bedroom. “I must look pretty frightening.”
“Not frightening.” He followed her down the hall. “You look pretty good for someone recovering from a bad fall, broken bones and surgery.”
She glanced over her shoulder, her green eyes hopeful. “Any chance I could shower?”
An image of him taking off her panties flashed in his mind. He gave his head a mental shake. “Uh, sure. I’ll have to wrap your cast.”
“That’s what the nurse did at the hospital,” Sarah said with a relieved smile. “I may need you to pour the shampoo into my left hand.”
Or he could join her in the shower and wash her hair for her. He wouldn’t mind lathering her up.
Strike that. Cullen pushed the idea from his head. He found it too easy to think about her as his wife, not his soon-to-be ex-wife. She’d wanted out of the marriage. No reason to assume she wanted back in. Not that he wanted her back. He didn’t. At least most of the time, he didn’t. “Let’s get you fed, then cleaned up.”
Sarah stood in the bathroom wearing her orange robe and nothing underneath. She stared at the tile floor, not wanting to meet Cullen’s watchful eyes. She tightened the belt around her waist as best she could with one hand so the robe wouldn’t slip open.
His height and wide shoulders made the space feel cramped even though the bathroom was larger than the one at the hospital. He checked the plastic around her cast. “It should stay dry.”
“I don’t think any water is going to come close to my cast.”
He turned on the shower. Water splashed against the tub and curtain. “That’s the plan.”
Cullen had always been a planner. Too bad he hadn’t stuck to his plans instead of letting her derail them. That would have saved them both a lot of heartache. Well, at least her. “Have your life figured out again?”
His gaze met hers. “Pretty much. I made a few changes.”
Like removing her from his future plans. She pinched the bridge of her nose, ignoring the hollow feeling inside her.
He checked the water temperature. “Ready?”
Not really. “Sure.”
He pulled back the shower curtain. “There’s a mat on the bottom of the tub, so you shouldn’t slip, but be careful.”
“Okay.”
She waited for him to leave. He didn’t.
“Aren’t you getting in?” he asked.
Cullen stared at her as if she had something on her face. Left-over French toast, perhaps? She rubbed the back of her hand over her mouth. “Are you staying in here?”
“Yes.”
It was as simple and as complicated as that.
“I need to hand you shampoo,” he reminded her.
Oh, yeah. She’d forgotten about that. But still she hesitated. “This is kind of awkward.”
“Only if we make it awkward.”
“I’m not trying to.”
“Neither am I.”
“But I’m the one who is naked under my robe.”
“I can undress.”
She gave him a look.
He grinned, then faced the door. “Better?”
“Yes, thank you.” Mustering her courage with a deep breath wasn’t going to work, with her incision and ribs. She settled for a slight intake of air, untied the belt, dropped her robe and stepped inside the tub. She closed the shower curtain. “You can turn around now.”
“Is the water the right temperature?”
Hot water poured over her. Steam rose toward the ceiling. She picked up a bar of soap. “Perfect.”
“I remember you like it hot.”
She remembered the showers they’d taken together. Hot water pulsating down on them. Washing each other. Kissing. Touching.
The soap slipped out of her hand and clattered to the tub.
“Sarah—”
“I dropped the soap,” she said at the same time.
“Can you reach it?” he asked.
Bending hurt. But she wasn’t about to ask him to get it for her. That would be too awkward. Too…tempting. “No, but it’s okay. I really just wanted to wash my hair.”
“I’ve got the shampoo,” he said. “Stick out your hand when you want some.”
Once her hair was wet enough, she extended her left arm. The cooler air temperature made her shiver. Goose bumps covered her exposed skin.
He poured a dollop of shampoo onto her palm. “Is that enough?”
“Yes.”
Washing her hair was easier this time. “I’m getting the hang of using one hand.”
“Just takes time.”
Time she didn’t have. For the past twenty-four hours, Cullen had occupied the majority of her thoughts. Not Mount Baker. Once she had work to distract her everything would return to normal. She couldn’t wait for that to happen. She rinsed the shampoo from her hair.
“Need more?” he asked.
Yes, but not from him. He hadn’t been able to give her what she needed. She couldn’t be the wife he wanted. That was why they were better off apart. Still, the thought made her heart hurt. Not a want-to-throw-herself-a-pity-party aching, but a too-bad-this-couldn’t-have-worked pining. “I’m good.”
At least when it came to shampoo.
After she returned to the institute with her marriage and Cullen behind her, everything in her life would be good, too. Given how bad things had been, it sure couldn’t get any worse.
Later that evening, the doorbell rang. Sarah remained on the couch while Cullen answered the door. Her babysitter for the night, Leanne Thomas, must have arrived.
Sarah was looking forward to Cullen going to work. A physical separation from him would be a relief, even though she’d spent most of her day in bed while he caught up on things around the cabin. But she’d been thinking about him constantly. On her mind was the last place he belonged. Well, actually her heart was the last place, but that wasn’t going to happen again.
A pretty woman with long, shiny brown hair, an easy smile and wearing a huge diamond engagement ring carried in a platter of mini red velvet cupcakes. She placed the dessert on the kitchen table, then removed a green tote bag from her shoulder. “Hi, I’m Leanne.”
“I’m Sarah.” Cullen had called the by-the-book paramedic and mountain-rescue volunteer tough as nails, but Sarah didn’t get that impression at all. “Nice to meet you.”
“The pleasure is mine.” Leanne glanced at Cullen, who was sticking a water bottle into his backpack. “Hope I’m not late.”
“Right on time.” He swung a backpack strap over his right shoulder. “Thanks for taking the overnight shift. I left a list of instructions on the breakfast bar. Sarah’s meds are on the kitchen counter. She should rest as much as possible. Short walks are okay, but not outside.”
“Bummer. I thought I could take her on a midnight stroll around Mirror Lake,” Leanne teased.
His gaze hardened. “You’re kidding.”
Sarah shook her head. He needed to lighten up and not take things so seriously.
Leanne’s mouth quirked. “Give me a little credit.”
“Just making sure,” he said. “Call me if you have any questions.”
What? Sarah bit her lower lip. He hadn’t wanted her to call him at work no matter what was going on. If she did contact him, he never got back to her. Most of the times she’d tried calling had been because she missed him and wanted to hear his voice.
“I’m sure Sarah will be able to answer any questions I might have,” Leanne said.
“Definitely.” Sarah liked how direct Leanne was. “I don’t know what instructions Cullen left, but my doctor’s orders are to take my medication. Sleep. Rest. Sleep some more. Rest some more.”
Leanne frowned. “Sounds boring.”
“It is,” Sarah agreed. “I fear I’m turning into a couch potato.”
