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“Semantics,” he countered.
“A year lease is a commitment.”
“It’s worked out fine.”
“That’s great, but I prefer a month-to-month lease.”
Of course she would. A month-to-month marriage would have been her first choice if that had been allowed. “You’ve always liked to give yourself an out with everything you do.”
Sarah stiffened. “I know better than to back myself into a corner.”
She’d always been independent, but she sounded defensive, as if the world were against her. He hadn’t meant to attack her. “Someone might be there to help you escape.”
“I’d rather not deal with the consequences if they’re not.”
So jaded. He hoped their separation hadn’t done this to her. “People can surprise you.”
“They usually do, but not in the way I expect.”
Cullen wasn’t sure what she meant, but the tip of a knife seemed to be pressing against his heart. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer, but curiosity compelled him to ask the question. “Does that include me?”
“Yes.”
The knife pierced his heart. Her answer shouldn’t have surprised him. She was impulsive and impatient with a tendency to erupt like the volcanoes she loved so much. He’d tried to take care of her when they were married, but she’d pushed him away. He’d tried to make her happy, but she never seemed happy enough. A lot like Blaine. Cullen’s jaw tightened to the point of aching. “Care to elaborate?”
“You’ve been great about my accident.” Gratitude shone in her eyes. “I wasn’t expecting that.”
He felt the tension in his jaw ease. “Couples in our situation can be friendly to each other.”
She nodded. “Especially when divorce is what we both want.”
The knife dug a little deeper into his heart. “It is.”
A cheery love song played on the radio. The upbeat tempo was the antithesis of how he felt. He fought the urge to press the power switch so the music would stop.
“I’m glad you found the place you belong,” Sarah said.
“Hood Hamlet is the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time.” He remembered the list he’d put together of places they could live after he finished his residency. Portland had been near the top because of the Cascades Volcano Observatory in nearby Vancouver, Washington, but he’d never considered Mount Hood. And wouldn’t have if they’d stayed together. “The only drawback is everyone wants to know everybody’s business.”
She clucked her tongue. “Typical small town.”
“I sometimes forget how small.”
“Does that mean people are going to be talking about us?” He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “They already are.”
“Why is that?”
Cullen shouldn’t have said anything. His stomach roiled.
“Why?” Her voice rose.
His palms sweated. He wiped one on his jeans. “No one in Hood Hamlet knew I was married until your accident.”
Her mouth gaped. She closed it. “Why didn’t you tell them?”
He didn’t want to admit he’d been nursing a wound so deep when he arrived in town he wasn’t sure he would recover. But he had. And he was doing fine until she’d crashed back into his world. “You were no longer a part of my life. I could start over in Hood Hamlet with a clean slate once the divorce was finalized.”
The color drained from her face. Hurt clouded her eyes. “You pretended to be single.”
Her tone and stiff posture put him on the defensive. “Not intentionally.”
She turned toward the window.
“Hey, I’m not the bad guy here.” He lowered his voice. “Don’t forget you’re the one who brought up a divorce.”
“True, but you agreed,” she countered. “And I didn’t move to a new town and act like I was single.”
“I didn’t act that way, either,” he explained.
She stared at her cast with a downtrodden gaze. “Sure you didn’t.”
“I didn’t.” Her reaction surprised him. They’d been separated and hadn’t seen each other for almost a year. Divorce was a mere formality. “What were people supposed to think? I moved to Hood Hamlet alone. I wasn’t wearing a wedding band. No one asked if I’d been married, so I saw no a reason to tell them.”
Sarah had grasped her milk shake so hard she’d put a dent in the cup. “If they had asked?”
Not carrying around the baggage of a failed marriage had helped him move on. He’d never expected anyone, including Sarah, to find out. But by trying to make things easier on himself over this past year, he’d made them harder now. For Sarah, too. “I would have told the truth.”
She bit her lower lip. “No wonder people are talking.”
“Friends were with me when you were in ICU. They had questions.”
She lifted her chin. “What do your friends know about our situation?”
“Not much.”
“Cullen…”
She sounded more annoyed than hurt. But he wouldn’t call that progress. “They know we’ve been separated for almost a year but are together now.”
She drew back with alarm. “Together?”
“For now.”
Her mouth twisted.
“While you recover,” he clarified.
“Well, I hope it won’t take me long to get better so you can make your fresh start in Hood Hamlet and I can get back to Mount Baker.”
At least they agreed on something. “Me, too. Except you can’t rush through your recovery. If you focus on one day at a time, you’ll get to where you’re supposed to be.”
And so would he.
Then they could both get on with their lives separately.
Cullen couldn’t wait for that to happen.
Sarah couldn’t wait to arrive in Hood Hamlet. The drive had been uncomfortable and painful to her injuries, but also to her heart. She couldn’t change what had happened with Cullen. She could only learn from her mistakes and move forward with her life. That was what she needed to do. He already seemed to have done that. She hated that knowing he’d moved on twisted up her insides.
She stared out the truck’s window. The highway snaked up Mount Hood, giving panoramic views of the tree-covered mountainside. The dark green of the pines contrasted with the cornflower-blue sky. Breathtaking. She couldn’t get Cullen’s image out of her head.
He’d shaved, removing the sexy stubble from his face. But he still looked totally hot, with the strong profile she knew by heart, warm blue eyes fringed by thick dark lashes that danced with laughter and lush lips perfect for kisses.
Had been perfect. Past tense.
A ballad played on the radio. The lyrics spoke of heartbreak and loneliness, two things she was familiar with.
But Sarah knew she and Cullen were better off apart. He’d found the place he belonged—Hood Hamlet. She’d never had that, not even when they’d lived together. Once she finished her postdoc she would keep looking until she found the haven she’d been searching for her whole life.
After a childhood of being shuttled between parents and stepparents as if she were a smelly dog no one wanted, she didn’t need much. Nothing big and fancy, just a place where she belonged and mattered. Where she was loved.
She’d thought she found that with Cullen, but she’d been wrong. After a few months of marriage she’d seen the familiar signs. But she was older and wiser and knew what was going to happen. Only, this time she didn’t have to wait to be shuffled off and abandoned. She could be the one to leave before that happened.
Cullen touched her forearm. “Sarah…”
She jumped. The seat belt kept her in place, but her cast hit the door with a thud.
“You okay?” he asked.
Anxiety rose like the pressure building inside Yellowstone’s Old Faithful. But Sarah couldn’t afford to erupt. She swallowed around the caldera-size lump in her throat. The stronger she appeared, the more in control, the sooner she could return to Bellingham and work. She nodded, afraid her voice might quiver like her insides.
“We’re coming into Hood Hamlet,” he said.
He flicked on the left-hand blinker. The traffic heading west slowed. He turned onto a wide street. A gas station and convenience store sat on one corner, and trees lined the left side of the road, the treetops glistening in the sun. A short distance away she saw the peaks of roofs.
She didn’t believe in magic, but anticipation built over seeing this town Cullen called home.
The truck rounded a curve. Hood Hamlet came into view. Surprise washed over her. It was lovely. Picture-book perfect. Sarah could almost imagine herself in the Swiss Alps, not the Cascades, due to the architecture of the buildings.
“Welcome to Hood Hamlet.” Cullen’s voice held a note of reverence she understood now. No wonder he wanted to live here.
An Alpine-looking inn resembled a life-size four-story gingerbread house. A vacancy sign out front swayed from a wood post. Flowers bloomed in planters hung beneath each of the wood-framed windows and from baskets fastened on wood rafters. “It’s so quaint.”
They approached a busier part of the street. He slowed down. “This is Main Street.”
A row of shops and restaurants had a covered wooden sidewalk. People popped in and out of stores. A woman with three children waved at Cullen.
He returned the gesture with a smile. “That’s Hannah Willingham with her kids, Kendall, Austin and Tyler. Her husband, Garrett, is a CPA and OMSAR’s treasurer.”
A feeling of warmth settled at the center of Sarah’s chest. “Charming is the perfect way to describe Hood Hamlet.”
“You should see the place at Christmastime. The town goes all out.”
Hood Hamlet was made for Christmas, with its mountain setting, ample snow and pine trees. She would love to see it in person. Too bad she would be long gone by then. “It must be wonderful.”
“A winter wonderland.” His eyes brightened. “There’s an annual tree-lighting ceremony after Thanksgiving. The entire town turns out no matter the weather. Wreaths and garland are hung across Main Street. Every streetlight is strung with red and white lights to look like candy canes.”
It sounded so inviting and special. Her Christmases had never been like that. No holiday had been. “Is Easter a big deal in Hood Hamlet, too?”
“The town holds an annual egg hunt. It’s pretty low-key. Nothing like the shindig my mom and sisters put on. They could teach the Easter Bunny a thing or two,” he joked.
She’d found nothing humorous about it. Her hands balled. “Easter at your parents’ house was like stepping into the middle of a magazine spread or home-decorating show.”
“Holidays are big deals to my family.”
No kidding. “Your mom and sisters put Martha Stewart to shame. It was exhausting watching them do so much.” Easter with Cullen and his family had shown Sarah how different their childhoods and lives had been. Her parents didn’t do much for the holidays. Meals, special occasion or not, were eaten in front of the television or in the car, or they were skipped. She’d planned a wedding that had never happened, but she didn’t know how to cook for a huge crowd or be a proper hostess. No way could she be the kind of wife Cullen and his family expected. “I tried to help, but I only slowed them down.”
“Yeah, they go all out,” he agreed. “I love it.”
Cullen’s words confirmed what Sarah had realized back then. She would never be able to pass muster with the Grays. Her shoulders sagged. The pain shooting down her right arm matched the hurt in her heart. She forced herself to sit straight.
“Holidays are more down-to-earth in Hood Hamlet, but nice, too. Lots of town traditions,” he continued. “Santa and the Easter Bunny have been known to show up on Main Street to have their picture taken with kids and pets.”
Pets? He’d never talked about animals before. “Do you have a pet?”
“No, but if I wasn’t gone for so long when I work, I might consider getting one.”
“I thought you didn’t like dogs and cats.”
“I like them, but my mom’s allergic,” he said. “One of the guys on the rescue unit has a Siberian husky named Denali. She’s a cool dog.”
“Get a cat. They’re independent. A good pet for someone who is away a lot. Especially if you have two. That’s what my boss Tucker says.”
“I don’t know if I’m a cat person. I’d like to know a pet cares if I’m around or not.”
She knew the feeling. “Cats care, but they don’t show it.”
“Then what’s the use of having one?”
Sarah could have asked him the same question about having a husband. His serious nature and stability had appealed to her when they’d first met. He’d been the exact opposite of the other men in her life, the same men who had disappointed and hurt her. But after they’d married she realized the traits that initially appealed to her kept him from being spontaneous or showing a lot of emotion, leaving her feeling isolated and alone, like when she’d been a kid.
The one emotion he’d had no difficulty expressing was desire. No issues in that department. A heated flush rushed through her, along with more memories she’d rather forget. “You’re better off without a pet.”
Cullen made a left-hand turn onto a narrow street that wound its way through trees. Homes and cabins were interspersed among the pines.
“This is convenient to Main Street,” she said.
“Especially to the brewpub.”
