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“Of course. Don’t sound so surprised. You know I’ve always been your biggest fan.”
News of her affair had left him angry and raw for twenty-four hours. It had taken him that long to process the abrupt end of his five-year marriage and to remember that his energy was better spent caring for his son.
“But I thought...” She looked baffled.
“That I hated you?” He shook his head. “We wanted different things. You, a career. Me, a family. I didn’t appreciate the way you ended things, but I’ve been told that I can be a bit difficult to say no to.” He snagged her gaze and let his lips drift into a conciliatory curve.
“That’s so reasonable of you.” Her tone reflected doubt.
“I told you fatherhood agrees with me.”
“I guess it does.”
“Drew’s terrific. Stop by the house anytime if you’d like to see him.” He made the offer knowing she’d never do that.
“I will.” She nodded. “I’m heading to Los Angeles next week. Maybe we could have lunch at the Saw Grass Grill before I leave?”
The restaurant where they’d agreed to start a family. Had she been honest in her agreement, or had it merely been a way to preserve their marriage? He’d never be sure whether what she’d told him was the truth or merely what she’d believed he wanted to hear. One thing he did know, he’d missed all the warning signs that Vicky wasn’t interested in being a mother.
He was saved from having to answer by the arrival of the housekeeper announcing dinner was ready. Blake lingered in the living room while the other three made their way into the dining room. Blake wasn’t surprised to see that Jeanne had placed him next to Victoria to suit her matchmaking scheme.
His sister wasn’t behaving as if she’d listened when he told her he intended to put his son’s needs first. Of course, he wasn’t exactly walking the walk either. Kissing Bella this afternoon had been a mistake. There was no denying he wanted her, but she was far too determined to remain childless. Getting involved with her was contrary to everything he wanted for Drew. Better to heed her warning. Pursuing her would complicate things between them and he needed their relationship to be trouble free, for Drew’s sake.
That decided, he returned his attention to the dinner conversation, ignoring the burn of disappointment in his gut.
* * *
Bella stared down at a sleeping Drew, unable to obey the logical side of her brain that told her to grab the baby monitor and go. She needed to remember that Drew was nothing more than a job. She was his nanny. This tightness in her chest would go away the instant she accepted that Drew belonged to Blake and only Blake. She had no claim on him. No reason to ache for all the firsts she’d already missed and all the ones still to come that she wouldn’t get to experience.
Damn Blake. It was all his fault. First he’d tracked her down. Then he’d offered her the financial means to help her sister and not feel guilty for spending money on a fabulous trip to the Caribbean. If not for him, she might be broke and resentful, but she’d be blissfully free of the emotional chaos churning in her gut. Free of the anxiety that came with being responsible for another human being.
Reaching down, she grazed her knuckles across Drew’s soft cheek. This afternoon when he’d been stung, she’d longed to take on his pain as her own. She hadn’t been able to separate herself from his hurt the way she did when something harmed her brothers and sisters. It was as if despite being apart for nine months, she and Drew shared a bond. He would always be hers no matter how many miles separated them.
It was a disquieting thought that she wished she could unthink.
Her phone buzzed in her back pocket, alerting her that a text had come in. She suspected that it was Blake checking in again, so relief surged through her when she saw Deidre’s name on the display. Bella exited the nursery, pulling the door closed behind her, and went to sit on the steps that descended toward the darkened first floor. She keyed up her friend’s message and grimaced at the video of Deidre dancing with three guys.
There’s too many gorgeous guys for me to keep happy all by myself.
That could be her. Young, single and ready to break hearts all over town. No responsibilities. No worries. Just fun.
Bella texted her friend back.
I’ve seen you in action and have faith that you can do it.
A minute later her phone rang.
“We miss you.” Deidre’s fervent voice sounded loud in the still house as she made it sound like Bella had been gone for weeks instead of hours.
“I miss you, too.”
“How are things there?” From the background noise, it sounded like Deidre was in the ladies’ room.
Bella waffled over how much to tell her friend and finally decided to ease into it. “A little weird.”
“Weird how?”
“You were right about Blake.”
“Aha!” Deidre crowed. A second later her voice quieted. Tension gathered in her tone. “What do you mean I was right?”
“He kissed me.” A stunned silence followed Bella’s declaration. With her nerves frayed by too much self-doubt, Bella wished her friend would say something. She could really use Deidre’s sensible council. “Did you hear me?”
“I did. I’m just trying to figure out how to respond.” Another pause. “Yippee?”
“No, not yippee,” Bella shot back. “Yikes.”
Deidre laughed. “Yikes, indeed. Boy, does he work fast. What sort of a kiss was it?”
“What do you mean, what sort of a kiss?”
“Friendly? Some people kiss on the lips to say hello or goodbye. Was it that sort of a kiss?”
Despite the hysteria bubbling up, Bella appreciated her roommate’s matter-of-fact way of assessing the situation.
“No. It was not a friendly kiss.”
“Juicy, then.” Deidre’s voice barely missed sounding like a triumphant whoop. “Did he rock your world?”
The question aroused an untimely urge to giggle. “He does that just by walking in the room.”
“You’ve got it worse than I thought.”
“So much worse.” Bella set her forehead on her knees and cradled the phone against her ear. “I keep telling myself it was just a one-time thing and it won’t happen again.”
“Is that what you believe?”
“No.” Hot flashes surged through Bella’s body. “What should I do?”
“You’re asking the wrong girl. I’d sleep with him in a New York minute. He’s gorgeous and sexy. Nothing wrong with two single people enjoying each other’s company. But that’s me. What do you want to do?”
Bella had never been able to cultivate Deidre’s casual attitude toward sex. As much as she’d love to be a sophisticated woman taking large bites out of the Big Apple, in truth, she was still a girl who’d grown up on a farm in Iowa. Granted, she didn’t want to get married and start a family, but that didn’t mean that she could see herself jumping into bed with someone where there was no possibility of a future.
“What I want to do goes against my nature.”
“Bella, you’ve been stuck on this guy way too long. Offer him a couple months of uncomplicated sex and get him out of your system.” Voices called Deidre’s name from somewhere close by. “I have to go. Call me tomorrow and we’ll talk more about this.”
“I will. Have fun tonight.”
Without Deidre’s vibrant voice filling her ear, Bella’s anxiety returned in spades. It was crazy to contemplate what could happen with Blake. She’d already decided against repeating this afternoon’s kiss. It would be easier on her heart that way.
Beside her Drew’s baby monitor picked up a soft cry. Blake had warned her that he’d been having trouble staying asleep lately and she wondered at the source of his restlessness. Was he cutting new teeth? The discomfort of that had kept her youngest sister up nights for two solid months.
Drew quieted before Bella could stand. Ears keyed to the tiniest noise, she heard the sound of approaching footsteps from below. Blake was back earlier than she expected. And he was humming. What had put him in such a good mood?
“How was your evening?” she asked as he rounded the landing.
His eyes lit up as he spied her sitting on the steps. “Waiting up for me?”
“No.” The last thing she needed was for him to think she’d spent the evening missing him. “I just got off the phone with my friend. She couldn’t wait to tell me how much fun she was having at this new club.”
Blake stretched out on the stair beside her. His knee bumped her thigh. The casual contact zinged through her body. Shifting away would betray her agitation. Holding still took all her concentration.
“Wish you were there?” A lazy smile appeared on his well-formed lips, but the eyes that surveyed her were keen and curious.
“A little.”
She tried to keep her eyes off him, but the dim stairwell offered little of interest to distract her. And there was a whole lot of wonderful occupying far too much of her personal space. In complete contrast to her tense muscles, he looked entirely at ease beside her. His elbow rested on the top step, fingers interlocked loosely. Beneath his navy blazer, a white shirt stretched across his broad chest, the top button undone to reveal the strong column of his throat.
He was strong, masculine, utterly confident in every situation, and Bella could feature him in a hundred fantasies without taxing her imagination. Deidre was right. She’d been hung up on Blake for too long. But was a brief, casual affair the best way to get him out of her system?
“Tomorrow night I’ll stay home with Drew,” he offered. “You can go out and have some fun of your own.”
“By myself?” She didn’t mean for the question to come out sounding as grim as it did, and Blake’s eyes brimmed with amusement. “What I mean is I don’t know anyone here. I’m not sure I want to go to a bar alone.”
“I’ll get Jeanne to watch Drew and I’ll take you.”
His offer made her pulse race. She imagined herself in a bar with Blake. A glass of wine to relax her. The throb of electronic music making her blood run hot. How long before she dragged him onto the crowded dance floor and gave in to the hunger he aroused?
“That’s nice of you to suggest, but I don’t think you and I going out is a good idea.”
Her repressive manner put him on instant alert. He regarded her through narrowed eyes for a long moment before asking, “Any reason why not?”
“I’ve been doing some thinking since earlier.”
“About what?”
“About what happened between us today.”
His lips arced in a predatory smile. “I’ve been thinking about it, as well.”
“Then you’ll agree that it was a mistake.”
“I can’t say that.”
His declaration gave Bella pause. This was not going as planned. “I’m your son’s nanny.”
“If you’re worried that things will become uncomfortable between us, I have no intention of letting that happen.”
She relaxed. “Good. I think it’s for the best if nothing further happens.”
“I truly wish I could make that promise.” Blake’s exhalation sounded weary. “Earlier tonight, I thought I could. But now I realize I can’t.”
“Why not?” Her voice pitched higher than normal as she asked the question.
“Because it’s not that easy to keep my hands off you.”
Six (#ua92daced-f5eb-51d0-bc5e-2f99ec7a4f36)
Sitting on the steps was not an ideal place to begin a seduction, but Blake wasn’t about to risk Bella bolting for the safety of her bedroom if he let her get to her feet. Her resistance amused him. It was as if all her arguing against an affair between them was aimed at convincing herself. He was confident she wanted him. He just needed her to admit it.
He cupped her neck to hold her still while he slid his lips into the hollow above her collarbone. The contact made her shiver. Her skin was warm silk. Softer than he’d expected. He pulled in a long, slow breath, taking in the scent of her. Vanilla and jasmine. Simple fragrances for an uncomplicated woman.
“Blake—” She whispered his name, objecting even as she leaned into his searching lips.
“Yes, Bella?” He sampled more of her skin, grazing his mouth up her neck. Her soft sigh made him smile in satisfaction.
“We really shouldn’t.”
“Are you telling me to stop?” Instead of waiting for her to answer, he let his fingertips slip from her neck to her shoulder, drawing her into his space. He wanted to overwhelm her with intent. Compel her understanding. He wanted her. Very much. “Just say stop. I’ll quit.”
His teeth grazed her throat. She moaned something, but the word that left her lips wasn’t stop. Her fingers bit into his shoulders. He felt their fierce hold through his blazer. For a woman who wanted him to believe she was opposed to letting the chemistry between them run its course, she was not resisting.
“Let’s go.” Suddenly impatient, he got to his feet and swept her into his arms.
She looked dazed for a moment, but as he strode toward his bedroom, her eyes cleared. “Go where?”
“I’m going to make love to you, Bella.”
Her big blue eyes regarded him in consternation. “I don’t want that.”
He set her on her feet in the doorway to his bedroom, but didn’t dare set her free. “Then we’ll only do as much as you do want.”
“You’ll stop?”
“Whenever you say.” His finger found her chin and elevated it until her face was at a perfect angle. He placed his lips on hers in a gentle kiss meant to reassure her. The tension humming in her muscles eased slightly, so he set his palm against her spine and drew her ever so slowly against him.
Her breath quickened as their hips came together. Restraint came at a price as her hands slid beneath his jacket. Fingers fanning over his rib cage, she took the kiss up a notch, parting her lips and flicking her tongue across his teeth. He let her in, captured her breath in his lungs and held it while she grew bolder.
Sliding one foot between hers, he backed her against the doorframe. Her surprised inhalation barely registered as he pressed his thigh against the heat of her core. They rocked together in a languid rhythm, matched by the dueling feint and retreat of their tongues. Keenly focused on her every sigh and the trembling of her body, he was rapidly losing faith that if she asked him to stop he could.
“Do you want to stop?” he questioned, sliding his fingers beneath her simple T-shirt. Her skin was impossibly hot, as if she was on fire for him.
The modest neckline had gaped when he’d lifted her into his arms, offering him a peek at her flesh-colored bra. So practical. Nothing seductive about it. Yet he couldn’t wait to see her in it.
She pushed him to arm’s length. “I think we should.”
Gusting out a sigh, Blake stepped back. As his hands fell to his side, she studied him.
