Beaumont & Fletchers Works (2 of 10) – the Humourous Lieutenant

Cel. All my obedient service wait upon ye. [Ex. severally.

SCENA VI

Enter Leontius, Gentlemen, and Lieutenant.

Leo. Hast thou clean forgot the Wars?

Lieu. Prithee hold thy peace.

1 Gent. His mind's much elevated now.

Leo. It seems so. Sirrah.

Lieu. I am so troubled with this Fellow.

Leo. He will call me Rogue anon.

1 Gent. 'Tis ten to one else.

Lieu. O King that thou knew'st I lov'd thee, how I lov'd thee. And where O King, I barrel up thy beauty.

Leo. He cannot leave his Sutlers trade, he woos in't.

Lieu. O never, King.

Leo. By this hand, when I consider—

Lieu. My honest friend, you are a little sawcy.

1 Gent. I told you you would have it.

Lieu. When mine own worth—

Leo. Is flung into the ballance, and found nothing.

Lieu. And yet a Soldier.

Leo. And yet a sawcy one.

Lieu. One that has followed thee.

Leo. Fair and far off.

Lieu. Fought for thy grace.

Leo. 'Twas for some grief, you lye Sir.

Lieu. He's the son of a whore denies this: will that satisfie ye?

Leo. Yes, very well.

Lieu. Shall then that thing that honours thee? How miserable a thing soever, yet a thing still; And though a thing of nothing, thy thing ever.

Leo. Here's a new thing.

2 Gent. He's in a deep dump now.

Leo. I'le fetch him out on't. When's the King's birth-day?

Lieu. When e're it be, that day I'le dye with ringing. And there's the resolution of a Lover. [Exit.

Leo. A goodly resolution sure I take it.He is bewitch'd, or moop'd, or his brains melted,Could he find no body to fall in love with; but the King,The good old King, to doat upon him too?Stay, now I remember, what the fat woman warn'd me,Bid me remember, and look to him too:I'le hang if she have not a hand in this: he's conjured,Goe after him, I pity the poor Rascal,In the mean time I'le wait occasionTo work upon the Prince.

2 Gent. Pray doe that seriously. [Ex. severally.

SCENA VII

Enter Antigonus, Menippus, Lords.

Lord. He's very ill.

Ant. I am very sorry for't, And much ashamed I have wronged her innocence, Menippus, guide her to the Princes lodgings, There leave her to his love again.

Men. I am glad Sir.

Lord. He will speak to none.

Ant. O I shall break that silence; Be quick, take fair attendance.

Men. Yes Sir presently. [Exit.

Ant. He will find his tongue, I warrant ye; his health too; I send a physick will not fail.

Lord. Fair work it.

Ant. We hear the Princes mean to visit us In way of truce.

Lord. 'Tis thought so.

Ant. Come: let's in then, And think upon the noblest wayes to meet 'em. [Exeunt.

SCENA VIII

Enter Leontius.

Leo. There's no way now to get in: all the light stopt too;Nor can I hear a sound of him, pray HeavenHe use no violence: I think he has more Soul,Stronger, and I hope nobler: would I could but see once,This beauty he groans under, or come to knowBut any circumstance. What noise is that there?I think I heard him groan: here are some coming;A woman too, I'le stand aloof, and view 'em.

Enter Menippus, Celia, Lords.

Cel. Well, some of ye have been to blame in this point, But I forgive ye: The King might have pickt out too Some fitter woman to have tri'd his valour.

Men. 'Twas all to the best meant, Lady.

Cel. I must think so, For how to mend it now: he's here you tell me?

Men. He's Madam, and the joy to see you only Will draw him out.

Leo. I know that womans tongue,I think I have seen her face too: I'le goe nearer:If this be she, he has some cause of sorrow:'Tis the same face; the same, most excellent woman.Cel. This should be Lord Leontius: I remember him.Leo. Lady, I think ye know me.Cel. Speak soft, good Souldier:I do, and know ye worthy, know ye noble;Know not me yet openly, as you love me;But let me see ye again, I'le satisfie ye:I am wondrous glad to see those eyes.Leo. You have charged me.Cel. You shall know where I am.Leo. I will not off yet:She goes to knock at's door: This must be sheThe fellow told me of: right glad I am on't,He will bolt now for certain.

Cel. Are ye within Sir? I'le trouble you no more: I thank your courtesie, Pray leave me now.

All. Me. We rest your humble servants. [Ex. Me. &c.

Cel. So now my jives are off: pray Heaven he be here! Master, my royal Sir: do you hear who calls ye? Love, my Demetrius.

Leo. These are pretty quail-pipes, The Cock will Crow anon.

Cel. Can ye be drowsie, When I call at your Window?

Leo. I hear him stirring: Now he comes wondring out.

Enter Demetrius.

Dem. 'Tis Celias sound sure: The sweetness of that tongue draws all hearts to it; There stands the shape too.

Le[o]. How he stares upon her!

Dem. Ha? do mine eyes abuse me? 'Tis she, the living Celia: your hand Lady?

Cel. What should this mean?

Dem. The very self same Celia.

Cel. How do ye Sir?

Dem. Only turn'd brave. I heard you were dead my dear one, compleat, She is wondrous brave, a wondrous gallant Courtier.

Cel. How he surveyes me round? here has been foul play.

Dem. How came she thus?

Cel. It was a kind of death Sir, I suffered in your absence, mew'd up here, And kept conceal'd I know not how.

Dem. 'Tis likely: How came you hither Celia? wondrous gallant: Did my Father send for ye?

Cel. So they told me Sir, And on command too.

Dem. I hope you were obedient?

Cel. I was so ever.

Dem. And ye were bravely us'd?

Cel. I wanted nothing:My maiden-head to a mote i'th' Sun, he's jealous:I must now play the knave with him, though I dye for't,'Tis in my nature.

Dem. Her very eyes are alter'd: Jewels, and rich ones too, I never saw yet— And what were those came for ye?

Cel. Monstrous jealous: Have I liv'd at the rate of these scorn'd questions? They seem'd of good sort, Gentlemen.

Dem. Kind men?

Cel. They were wondrous kind: I was much beholding to 'em; There was one Menippus Sir.

Dem. Ha?

Cel. One Menippus, A notable merry Lord, and a good companion.

Dem. And one Charinthus too?

Cel. Yes, there was such a one.

Dem. And Timon?

Cel. 'Tis most true.

Dem. And thou most treacherous: My Fathers bawds by–they never miss course; And were these daily with ye?

Cel. Every hour Sir.

Dem. And was there not a Lady, a fat Lady?

Cel. O yes; a notable good wench.

Dem. The Devil fetch her.

Cel. 'Tis ev'n the merriest wench—

Dem. Did she keep with ye too?

Cel. She was all in all; my bed-fellow, eat with me, Brought me acquainted.

Dem. You are well know[n] here then?

Cel. There is no living here a stranger I think.

Dem. How came ye by this brave gown?

Cel. This is a poor one:Alas, I have twenty richer: do you see these jewels?Why, they are the poorest things, to those are sent me,And sent me hourly too.

Dem. Is there no modestie? No faith in this fair Sex?

Leo. What will this prove too? For yet with all my wits, I understand not.

Dem. Come hither; thou art dead indeed, lost, tainted;All that I left thee fair, and innocent,Sweet as thy youth, and carrying comfort in't;All that I hoped for vertuous, is fled from thee,Turn'd black, and bankrupt.Leo. 'By'r Lady, this cuts shrewdly.Dem. Thou art dead, for ever dead; sins surfeit slew thee;The ambition of those wanton eyes betrai'd thee;Go from me, grave of honour; go thou foul one,Thou glory of thy sin; go thou despis'd one,And where there is no vertue, nor no virgin;Where Chastity was never known, nor heard of;Where nothing reigns but impious lust, and looser faces.Go thither, child of bloud, and sing my doating.

Cel. You do not speak this seriously I hope Sir; I did but jest with you.

Dem. Look not upon me, There is more hell in those eyes, than hell harbours; And when they flame, more torments.

Cel. Dare ye trust me? You durst once even with all you had: your love Sir? By this fair light I am honest.

Dem. Thou subtle Circe, Cast not upon the maiden light eclipses: Curse not the day.

Cel. Come, come, you shall not do this:How fain you would seem angry now, to fright me;You are not in the field among your Enemies;Come, I must cool this courage.Dem. Out thou impudence,Thou ulcer of thy Sex; when I first saw thee,I drew into mine eyes mine own destruction,I pull'd into my heart that sudden poyson,That now consumes my dear content to cinders:I am not now Demetrius, thou hast chang'd me;Thou, woman, with thy thousand wiles hast chang'd me;Thou Serpent with thy angel-eyes hast slain me;And where, before I touch'd on this fair ruine,I was a man, and reason made, and mov'd me,Now one great lump of grief, I grow and wander.Cel. And as you are noble, do you think I did this?Dem. Put all the Devils wings on, and flie from me.Cel. I will go from ye, never more to see ye:I will flie from ye, as a plague hangs o're me;And through the progress of my life hereafter;Where ever I shall find a fool, a false man,One that ne're knew the worth of polish'd vertue;A base suspecter of a virgins honour,A child that flings away the wealth he cri'd for,Him will I call Demetrius: that fool Demetrius,That mad man a Demetrius; and that false man,The Prince of broken faiths, even Prince Demetrius.You think now, I should cry, and kneel down to ye,Petition for my peace; let those that feel hereThe weight of evil, wait for such a favour,I am above your hate, as far above it,In all the actions of an innocent life,As the pure Stars are from the muddy meteors,Cry when you know your folly: howl and curse then,Beat that unmanly breast, that holds a false heartWhen ye shall come to know, whom ye have flung from ye.Dem. Pray ye stay a little.Cel. Not your hopes can alter me.Then let a thousand black thoughts muster in ye,And with those enter in a thousand doatings;Those eyes be never shut, but drop to nothing:My innocence for ever haunt and fright ye:Those arms together grow in folds; that tongue,That bold bad tongue that barks out these disgraces.When you shall come to know how nobly vertuousI have preserv'd my life, rot, rot within ye.Dem. What shall I doe?Cel. Live a lost man for ever.Go ask your Fathers conscience what I suffered,And through what seas of hazards I sayl'd through:Mine honour still advanced in spight of tempests,Then take your leave of love; and confess freely,You were never worthy of this heart that serv'd ye,And so farewel ungratefull— [Exit.

Dem. Is she gone?

Leo. I'le follow her, and will find out this matter.– [Exit.

Enter Antigonus, and Lords.

Ant. Are ye pleas'd now? have you got your heart again? Have I restor'd ye that?

Dem. Sir even for Heaven sake, And sacred truth sake, tell me how ye found her.

Ant. I will, and in few words. Before I tri'd her,'Tis true, I thought her most unfit your fellowship,And fear'd her too: which fear begot that storyI told ye first: but since, like gold I toucht her.Dem. And how dear Sir?Ant. Heavens holy light's not purer:The constancy and goodness of all womenThat ever liv'd, to win the names of worthy,This noble Maid has doubled in her: honour,All promises of wealth, all art to win her,And by all tongues imploy'd, wrought as much on herAs one may doe upon the Sun at noon dayBy lighting Candles up: her shape is heavenly,And to that heavenly shape her thoughts are angels.Dem. Why did you tell me Sir?Ant. 'Tis true, I err'd in't:But since I made a full proof of her vertue,I find a King too poor a servant for her.Love her, and honour her; in all observe her.She must be something more than time yet tells her:And certain I believe him b[l]est, enjoyes her:I would not lose the hope of such a Daughter,To adde another Empire to my honour.– [Exit.Dem. O wretched state! to what end shall I turn me?And where begins my penance? now, what serviceWill win her love again? my death must doe it:And if that sacrifice can purge my follies,Be pleas'd, O mightie Love, I dye thy servant— [Exit.

ACTUS QUINTUS. SCENA PRIMA

Enter Leontius, and Celia.

Leo. I know he do's not deserve ye; h'as us'd you poorly: And to redeem himself—

Cel. Redeem?

Leo. I know it— There's no way left.

Cel. For Heavens sake do not name him, Do not think on him Sir, he's so far from me In all my thoughts now, methinks I never knew him.

Leo. But yet I would see him again.

Cel. No, never, never.

Leo. I do not mean to lend him any comfort;But to afflict him, so to torture him;That even his very Soul may shake within him:To make him know, though he be great and powerfull,'Tis not within his aim to deal dishonourably,And carry it off; and with a maid of your sort.Cel. I must confess, I could most spightfully afflict him;Now, now, I could whet my anger at him;Now arm'd with bitterness, I could shoot through him;I long to vex him.Leo. And doe it home, and bravely.Cel. Were I a man!Leo. I'le help that weakness in ye: I honour ye, and serve ye.Cel. Not only to disclaim me,When he had seal'd his vowes in Heaven, sworn to me,And poor believing I became his servant:But most maliciously to brand my credit,Stain my pure name.

Leo. I would not suffer it: See him I would again, and to his teeth too: Od's precious, I would ring him such a lesson—

Cel. I have done that already.

Leo. Nothing, nothing:It was too poor a purge; besides, by this timeHe has found his fault, and feels the hells that follow it.That, and your urg'd on anger to the highest,Why, 'twill be such a stroak—Cel. Say he repent then,And seek with tears to soften, I am a woman;A woman that have lov'd him, Sir, have honour'd him:I am no more.

Leo. Why, you may deal thereafter.

Cel. If I forgive him, I am lost.

Leo. Hold there then, The sport will be to what a poor submission— But keep you strong.

Cel. I would not see him.

Leo. Yes, You shall Ring his knell.

Cel. How if I kill him?

Leo. Kill him? why, let him dye.

Cel. I know 'tis fit so. But why should I that lov'd him once, destroy him? O had he scap't this sin, what a brave Gentleman—

Leo. I must confess, had this not faln, a nobler, A handsomer, the whole world had not show'd ye: And to his making such a mind—

Cel. 'Tis certain: But all this I must now forget.

Leo. You shall not If I have any art: goe up sweet Lady, And trust my truth.

Cel. But good Sir bring him not.

Leo. I would not for the honour ye are born to, But you shall see him, and neglect him too, and scorn him.

Cel. You will be near me then.

Leo. I will be with ye; Yet there's some hope to stop this gap, I'le work hard. [Ex.

SCENA II

Enter Antigonus, Menip. two Gent. Lieutenant, and Lords.

Ant. But is it possible this fellow took it?

2 Gent. It seems so by the violence it wrought with, Yet now the fits ev'n off.

Men. I beseech your Grace.

Ant. Nay, I forgive thy wife with all my heart,And am right glad she drank it not her self,And more glad that the vertuous maid escap't it,I would not for the world 'thad hit: but that this Souldier,Lord how he looks, that he should take this vomit;Can he make rimes too?

2 Gent. H'as made a thousand Sir, And plaies the burthen to 'em on a Jews-trump,

Ant. He looks as though he were bepist: do you love me Sir?

Lieu. Yes surely even with all my heart.

Ant. I thank ye;I am glad I have so good a subject: but pray ye tell me,How much did ye love me, before ye drank this matter?

Lieu. Even as much as a sober man might; and a Souldier That your grace owes just half a years pay to.

Ant. Well remembred; And did I seem so young and amiable to ye?

Lieu. Methought you were the sweetest youth—

Ant. That's excellent.

Lieu. I truly Sir: and ever as I thought on ye, I wished, and wished—

Ant. What didst thou wish prethee?

Lieu. Ev'n, that I had been a wench of fifteen for ye, A handsom wench Sir.

Ant. Why? God a Mercy Souldier: I seem not so now to thee.

Lieu. Not all out: And yet I have a grudging to your grace still.

Ant. Thou wast never in love before?

Lieu. Not with a King,And hope I shall never be again: Truly Sir,I have had such plunges, and such bickrings,And as it were such runnings atilt within me,For whatsoever it was provok't me toward ye.

Ant. God a-mercy still.

Lieu. I had it with a vengeance, It plaid his prize.

Ant. I would not have been a wench then, Though of this age.

Lieu. No sure, I should have spoil'd ye.

Ant. Well, goe thy waies, of all the lusty lovers That e're I saw—wilt have another potion?

Lieu. If you will be another thing, have at ye.

Ant. Ha, ha, ha: give me thy hand, from henceforth thou art my souldier, Do bravely, I'le love thee as much.

Lieu. I thank ye; But if you were mine enemy, I would not wish it ye: I beseech your Grace, pay me my charge.

2 Gent. That's certain Sir;Ha's bought up all that e're he found was like ye,Or any thing you have lov'd, that he could purchase;Old horses, that your Grace has ridden blind, and foundr'd;Dogs, rotten hawks, and which is more than all this,Has worn your Grace's Gauntlet in his Bonnet.

Ant. Bring in your Bills: mine own love shall be satisfi'd; And sirrah, for this potion you have taken, I'le point ye out a portion ye shall live on.

Men. 'Twas the best draught that e're ye drunk.

Lieu. I hope so.

Ant. Are the Princes come to th' Court?

Men. They are all, and lodg'd Sir.

Ant. Come then, make ready for their entertainment, Which presently we'l give: wait you on me Sir.

Lieu. I shall love drink the better whilst I live boyes. [Exeunt.

SCENA III

_Enter Demetrius, and Leontius.

Dem. Let me but see her, dear Leontius; Let me but dye before her.

Leo. Would that would doe it:If I knew where she lay now, with what honestie,You having flung so main a mischief on her,And on so innocent and sweet a Beauty,Dare I present your visit?

Dem. I'le repent all: And with the greatest sacrifice of sorrow, That ever Lover made.

Leo. 'Twill be too late Sir: I know not what will become of you.

Dem. You can help me.

Leo. It may be to her sight: what are you nearer?She has sworn she will not speak to ye, look upon ye,And to love ye again, O she cries out, and thunders,She had rather love—there is no hope—Dem. Yes Leontius,There is a hope, which though it draw no love to it,At least will draw her to lament my fortune,And that hope shall relieve me.

Leo. Hark ye Sir, hark ye: Say I should bring ye—

Dem. Do [not] trifle with me?

Leo. I will not trifle; both together bring ye, You know the wrongs ye' done.

Dem. I do confess 'em.

Leo. And if you should then jump into your fury, And have another querk in your head.

Dem. I'le dye first.

Leo. You must say nothing to her; for 'tis certain, The nature of your crime will admit [no] excuse.

Dem. I will not speak, mine eyes shall tell my penance.

Leo. You must look wondrous sad too.

Dem. I need not look so, I am truly sadness self.

Leo. That look will do it:Stay here, I'le bring her to you instantly:But take heed how you bear your self: sit down there,The more humble you are, the more she'l take compassion.Women are per'lous thing[s] to deal upon. [Exit.Dem. What shall become of me? to curse my fortune,Were but to curse my Father; that's too impious;But under whatsoever fate I suffer,Bless I beseech thee heaven her harmless goodness.

Enter Leontius, and Celia.

Leo. Now arm your self.

Cel. You have not brought him?

Leo. Yes faith, And there he is: you see in what poor plight too, Now you may doe your will, kill him, or save him.

Cel. I will goe back.

Leo. I will be hang'd then Lady, Are ye a coward now?

Cel. I cannot speak to him.

Dem. O me.

Leo. There was a sigh to blow a Church down; So, now their eyes are fixt, the small shot playes, They will come to th' batterie anon.

Cel. He weeps extreamly.

Leo. Rail at him now.

Cel. I dare not.

Leo. I am glad on't.

Cel. Nor dare believe his tears.

Dem. You may, blest beauty, For those thick streams that troubled my repentance, Are crept out long agoe.

Leo. You see how he looks.

Cel. What have I to doe how he looks? how lookt he then, When with a poisoned tooth he bit mine honour? It was your counsel too, to scorn and slight him.

Leo. I, if ye saw fit cause; and you confest too,Except this sin, he was the bravest Gentleman,The sweetest, noblest: I take nothing from ye,Nor from your anger; use him as you please:For to say truth, he has deserved your justice;But still consider what he has been to you.Cel. Pray do not blind me thus.Dem. O Gentle Mistris,If there were any way to expiateA sin so great as mine, by intercession,By prayers, by daily tears, by dying for ye:O what a joy would close these eyes that love ye.

Leo. They say women have tender hearts, I know not, I am sure mine melts.

Cel. Sir, I forgive ye heartily,And all your wrong to me I cast behind me,And wish ye a fit beauty to your vertues:Mine is too poor, in peace I part thus from you;I must look back: gods keep your grace: he's here still. [Ex.Dem. She has forgiven me.Leo. She has directed ye:Up, up, and follow like a man: away Sir,She lookt behind her twice: her heart dwells here Sir,Ye drew tears from her too: she cannot freeze thus;The door's set open too, are ye a man?Are ye alive? do ye understand her meaning?Have ye bloud and spirit in ye?Dem. I dare not trouble her.Leo. Nay, and you will be nip't i'th' head with nothing,Walk whining up and down; I dare not, I cannot:Strike now or never: faint heart, you know what Sir—Be govern'd by your fear, and quench your fire out.A Devil on't, stands this door ope for nothing?So get ye together, and be naught: now to secure all,Will I go fetch out a more soveraign plaister. [Exeunt.

SCENA IV

Enter Antigonus, Seleucus, Lysimachus, Ptolomy, Lieutenant, Gentlemen, Lords.

Ant. This peace is fairly made.

Seleu. Would your Grace wish usTo put in more: take what you please, we yield it;The honour done us by your son constrains it,Your noble son.

Ant. It is sufficient, Princes; And now we are one again, one mind, one body, And one sword shall strike for us.