Beaumont & Fletchers Works (2 of 10) – the Humourous Lieutenant

Dem. She was—O Heaven!

Ant. The Hell to all thy glories, Swallow'd thy youth, made shipwrack of thine honour: She was a Devil.

Dem. Ye are my father, Sir.

Ant. And since ye take a pride to shew your follies, I'le muster 'em, and all the world shall view 'em.

Leo. What heat is this? the Kings eyes speak his anger.

Ant. Thou hast abus'd thy youth, drawn to thy fellowship Instead of Arts and Arms, a Womans kisses, The subtilties, and soft heats of a Harlot.

Dem. Good Sir, mistake her not.Ant. A Witch, a Sorceress:I tell thee but the truth; and hear Demetrius,Which has so dealt upon thy bloud with charms,Devilish and dark; so lockt up all thy vertues;So pluckt thee back from what thou sprungst from, glorious.Dem. O Heaven, that any tongue but his durst say this!That any heart durst harbour it! Dread Father,If for the innocent the gods allow usTo bend our knees—

Ant. Away, thou art bewitch'd still; Though she be dead, her power still lives upon thee.

Dem. Dead? O sacred Sir: dead did you say?Ant. She is dead, fool.Dem. It is not possible: be not so angry,Say she is faln under your sad displeasure,Or any thing but dead, say she is banished,Invent a crime, and I'le believe it, Sir.Ant. Dead by the Law: we found her Hell, and her,I mean her Charms and Spells, for which she perish'd;And she confest she drew thee to thy ruine,And purpos'd it, purpos'd my Empires overthrow.

Dem. But is she dead? was there no pity Sir? If her youth err'd, was there no mercy shown her? Did ye look on her face, when ye condemn'd her?

Ant. I look'd into her heart, and there she was hideous.Dem. Can she be dead? can vertue fall untimely?Ant. She is dead, deservingly she died.Dem. I have done then.O matchless sweetness, whither art thou vanished?O thou fair soul of all thy Sex, what ParadiseHast thou inrich'd and blest? I am your son, Sir,And to all you shall command stand most obedient,Only a little time I must intreat youTo study to forget her; 'twill not be long, Sir,Nor I long after it: art thou dead Celia,Dead my poor wench? my joy, pluckt green with violence:O fair sweet flower, farewel; Come, thou destroyerSorrow, thou melter of the soul, dwell with me;Dwell with me solitary thoughts, tears, cryings,Nothing that loves the day, love me, or seek me,Nothing that loves his own life haunt about me:And Love, I charge thee, never charm mine eyes more,Nor ne're betray a beauty to my curses:For I shall curse all now, hate all, forswear all,And all the brood of fruitful nature vex at,For she is gone that was all, and I nothing— [Ex. & Gent.Ant. This opinion must be maintained.Men. It shall be, Sir.Ant. Let him go; I can at mine own pleasureDraw him to th' right again: wait your instructions,And see the souldier paid, Leontius:Once more ye are welcome home all.All. Health to your Majesty. [Ex. Antig. &c.Leo. Thou wentest along the journey, how canst thou tell?

Host. I did, but I am sure 'tis so: had I staid behind, I think this had not proved.

Leo. A Wench the reason?

Lieu. Who's that talks of a Wench there?

Leo. All this discontent About a Wench?

Lieu. Where is this Wench, good Colonel?

Leo. Prithee hold thy Peace: who calls thee to counsel?

Lieu. Why, if there be a Wench—

Leo. 'Tis fit thou know her:

Enter 2 Gentlemen.

That I'le say for thee, and as fit thou art for her,Let her be mewed or stopt: how is it Gentlemen?

1 Gent. He's wondrous discontent, he'l speak to no man.

2 Gent. H'as taken his Chamber close, admits no entrance; Tears in his eyes, and cryings out.

Host. 'Tis so, Sir, And now I wish myself half hang'd ere I went this journey.

Leo. What is this Woman?

Lieu. I.

Host. I cannot tell ye, But handsome as Heaven.

Lieu. She is not so high I hope, Sir.

Leo. Where is she?

Lieu. I, that would be known.

Leo. Why, Sirrah.

Host. I cannot show ye neither; The King has now dispos'd of her.

Leo. There lyes the matter: Will he admit none to come to comfort him?

1 Gent. Not any near, nor, let 'em knock their hearts out, Will never speak.

Lieu. 'Tis the best way if he have her; For look you, a man would be loth to be disturb'd in's pastime; 'Tis every good mans case.

Leo. 'Tis all thy living,We must not suffer this, we dare not suffer it:For when these tender souls meet deep afflictions,They are not strong enough to struggle with 'em,But drop away as Snow does, from a mountain,And in the torrent of their own sighs sink themselves:I will, and must speak to him.

Lieu. So must I too: He promised me a charge.

Leo. Of what? of Children Upon my Conscience, thou hast a double company, And all of thine own begetting already.

Lieu. That's all one,I'le raise 'em to a Regiment, and then command 'em,When they turn disobedient, unbeget 'em:Knock 'em o'th' head, and put in new.

Leo. A rare way; But for all this, thou art not valiant enough To dare to see the Prince now?

Lieu. Do ye think he's angry?

1 Gent. Extreamly vext.

2 Gent. To the endangering of any man comes near him.

1 Gent. Yet, if thou couldst but win him out, What e're thy suit were, Believe it granted presently.

Leo. Yet thou must think though, That in the doing he may break upon ye, And—

Lieu. If he do not kill me.

Leo. There's the question.

Lieu. For half a dozen hurts.

Leo. Art thou so valiant?

Lieu. Not absolutely so neither: no it cannot be, I want my impostumes, and my things about me, Yet I'le make danger, Colonel.

Leo. 'Twill be rare sport, Howe're it take; give me thy hand; if thou dost this, I'le raise thee up a horse Troop, take my word for't.

Lieu. What may be done by humane man.

Leo. Let's go then.

1 Gent. Away before he cool: he will relapse else. [Ex.

SCENA III

Enter Antigonus, Menippus, and Leucippe.

Ant. Will she not yield?

Leu. For all we can urge to her; I swore you would marry her, she laugh'd extreamly, And then she rail'd like thunder.

Ant. Call in the Magician. Enter Magician with a Bowl. I must, and will obtain her, I am ashes else. Are all the Philters in? Charms, Powders, Roots?

Mag. They are all in; and now I only stay The invocation of some helping Spirits.

Ant. To your work then, and dispatch.

Mag. Sit still, and fear not.

Leu. I shall ne'r endure these sights.

Ant. Away with the Woman: go wait without. [Exit.

Leu. When the Devil's gone, pray call me.

Ant. Be sure you make it powerful enough.

Mag. Pray doubt not— He Conjures.

A SONGRise from the Shades below,All you that proveThe helps of looser Love;Rise and bestowUpon this Cup, what ever may compelBy powerful Charm, and unresisted Spell,A Heart un-warm'd to melt in Loves desires.Distill into this Liquor all your fires:Heats, longings, tears,But keep back frozen fears;That she may know, that has all power defied,Art is a power that will not be denied.The ANSWERI Obey, I Obey,And am come to view the day,Brought along, all may compel,All the Earth has, and our Hell:Here's a little, little Flower,This will make her sweat an hour,Then unto such flames arise,A thousand joys will not suffice.Here's the powder of the Moon,With which she caught Endymion;The powerful tears that Venus cryed,When the Boy Adonis _dyed,Here's Medea's Charm, with whichJasons heart she did bewitch,Omphale this Spell put in,When she made the Libyan spin.This dull root pluckt from Lethe flood,Purges all pure thoughts, and good.  These I stir thus, round, round, round,  Whilst our light feet beat the ground.Mag. Now Sir, 'tis full, and whosoever drinks thisShall violently doat upon your person,And never sleep nor eat unsatisfied:So many hours 'twill work, and work with Violence;And those expired, 'tis done. You have my art, Sir.

Enter Leucippe.

Ant. See him rewarded liberally—Leucippe.Here, take this bowl, and when she calls for Wine next,Be sure you give her this, and see her drink it;Delay no time when she calls next.

Leu. I shall, Sir.

Ant. Let none else touch it on your life.

Leu. I am charg'd, Sir.

Ant. Now if she have an antidote art let her 'scape me. [Exeunt.

SCENA IV

Enter Leontius, Lieutenant, Gent.

1 Gent. There's the door, Lieutenant, if you dare do any thing.

Leo. Here's no man waits.

1 Gent. H' as given a charge that none shall, Nor none shall come within the hearing of him: Dare ye go forward?

Lieu. Let me put on my Skull first. My head's almost beaten into th' pap of an Apple. Are there no Guns i'th' door?

Leo. The Rogue will do it. And yet I know he has no Stomach to't.

Lieu. What loop-holes are there when I knock for stones, For those may pepper me? I can perceive none.

Leo. How he views the Fortification.

Lieu. Farewel Gentlemen, If I be kill'd—

Leo. We'll see thee buried bravely.

Lieu. Away, how should I know that then? I'll knock softly.Pray heaven he speak in a low voice now to comfort me:I feel I have no heart to't:—Is't well, Gentlemen?Colonel, my Troop—

Leo. A little louder.

Lieu. Stay, stay; Here is a window, I will see, stand wide. By – he's charging of a Gun.

Leo. There's no such matter. There's no body in this room.

Lieu. O 'twas a fire-shovel:Now I'll knock louder; if he say who's there?As sure he has so much manners, then will I answer himSo finely & demurely; my Troop Colonel— [knocks louder.

1 Gent. Knock louder, Fool, he hears not.

Lieu. You fool, do you. Do and you dare now.

1 Gent. I do not undertake it.

Lieu. Then hold your peace, and meddle with your own matters.

Leo. Now he will knock. [Knocks louder.

Lieu. Sir, Sir, will't please you hear Sir? Your Grace, I'll look again, what's that?

Leo. He's there now. Lord! How he stares! I ne'r yet saw him thus alter'd: Stand now, and take the Troop.

Lieu. Would I were in't,And a good horse under me: I must knock again,The Devil's at my fingers ends: he comes now.Now Colonel, if I live—

Leo. The Troop's thine own Boy.

Enter Demetrius, a Pistol.

Dem. What desperate fool, ambitious of his ruine?

Lieu. Your Father would desire ye, Sir, to come to dinner.

Dem. Thou art no more.

Lieu. Now, now, now, now.

Dem. Poor Coxcomb: Why do I aim at thee? [Exit.

Leo. His fear has kill'd him.

Enter Leucippe with a Bowl.

2 Gent. I protest he's almost stiff: bend him and rub him, Hold his Nose close, you, if you be a woman, Help us a little: here's a man near perish'd.

Leu. Alas alas, I have nothing here about me. Look to my Bowl; I'll run in presently And fetch some water: bend him, and set him upwards.

Leo. A goodly man— [Exit. Here's a brave heart: he's warm again: you shall not Leave us i'th' lurch so, Sirrah.

2 Gent. Now he breaths too.

Leo. If we had but any drink to raise his Spirits. What's that i'th' Bowl? upon my life, good Liquor, She would not own it else.

1 Gent. He sees.

Leo. Look up Boy. And take this Cup, and drink it off; I'll pledge thee. Guide it to his mouth, he swallows heartily.

2 Gent. Oh! fear and sorrow's dry; 'tis off—

Leo. Stand up man.

Lieu. Am I not shot?

Leo. Away with him, and chear him: Thou hast won thy Troop.

Lieu. I think I won it bravely.

Leo. Go, I must see the Prince, he must not live thus; And let me hear an hour hence from ye. Well, Sir— [Exeunt Gent. and Lieu.

Enter Leucippe with water.

Leu. Here, here: where's the sick Gentleman?

Leo. He's up, and gone, Lady.

Leu. Alas, that I came so late.

Leo. He must still thank ye; Ye left that in a Cup here did him comfort.

Leu. That in the Bowl?

Leo. Yes truly, very much comfort, He drank it off, and after it spoke lustily.

Leu. Did he drink it all?

Leo. All off.

Leu. The Devil choak him; I am undone: h'as twenty Devils in him; Undone for ever, left he none?

Leo. I think not.

Leu. No, not a drop: what shall become of me now?Had he no where else to swound? a vengeance swound him:Undone, undone, undone: stay, I can lye yetAnd swear too at a pinch, that's all my comfort.Look to him; I say look to him, & but mark what follows. [Ex.

Enter Demetrius.

Leo. What a Devil ails the Woman? here comes the Prince again,With such a sadness on his face, as sorrow,Sorrow her self but poorly imitates.Sorrow of Sorrows on that heart that caus'd it.Dem. Why might she not be false and treacherous to me?And found so by my Father? she was a Woman,And many a one of that Sex, young and fair,As full of faith as she, have fallen, and foully.Leo. It is a Wench! O that I knew the circumstance.Dem. Why might not, to preserve me from this ruine,She having lost her honour, and abused me,My father change the forms o'th' coins, and executeHis anger on a fault she ne'r committed,Only to keep me safe? why should I think so?She never was to me, but all obedience,Sweetness, and love.Leo. How heartily he weeps now!I have not wept this thirty years, and upward;But now, if I should be hang'd I cannot hold from'tIt grieves me to the heart.Dem. Who's that that mocks me?Leo. A plague of him that mocks ye: I grieve truly,Truly, and heartily to see you thus, Sir:And if it lay in my power, gods are my witness,Who e'r he be that took your sweet peace from you;I am not so old yet, nor want I spirit—

Dem.No more of that, no more Leontius, Revenges are the gods: our part is sufferance: Farewell, I shall not see thee long.

Leo. Good Sir, tell me the cause, I know there is a woman in't; Do you hold me faithful? dare you trust your Souldier? Sweet Prince, the cause?

Dem. I must not, dare not tell it, And as thou art an honest man, enquire not.

Leo. Will ye be merry then?

Dem. I am wondrous merry.

Leo. 'Tis wondrous well: you think now this becomes ye.Shame on't, it does not, Sir, it shews not handsomely;If I were thus; you would swear I were an Ass straight;A wooden ass; whine for a Wench?

Dem. Prithee leave me.

Leo. I will not leave ye for a tit.

Dem. Leontius?

Leo. For that you may have any where for six pence, And a dear penny-worth too.

Dem. Nay, then you are troublesome.Leo. Not half so troublesom as you are to your self, Sir;Was that brave Heart made to pant for a placket:And now i'th' dog-days too, when nothing dare love!That noble Mind to melt away and moulderFor a hey nonny, nonny! Would I had a Glass here,To shew ye what a pretty toy ye are turn'd to.Dem. My wretched Fortune.Leo. Will ye but let me know her?I'll once turn Bawd: go to, they are good mens offices,And not so contemptible as we take 'em for:And if she be above ground, and a Woman;I ask no more; I'll bring her o' my back, Sir,By this hand I will, and I had as lieve bring the Devil,I care not who she be, nor where I have her;And in your arms, or the next Bed deliver her,Which you think fittest, and when you have danc'd your galliard.

Dem. Away, and fool to them are so affected: O thou art gone, and all my comfort with thee! Wilt thou do one thing for me?

Leo. All things i'th' World, Sir, Of all dangers.

Dem. Swear.

Leo. I will.

Dem. Come near me no more then.

Leo. How?

Dem. Come no more near me: Thou art a plague-sore to me. [Exit.

Leo. Give you good ev'n Sir; If you be suffer'd thus, we shall have fine sport. I will be sorry yet.

Enter 2 Gentlemen.

1 Gent. How now, how does he?

Leo. Nay, if I tell ye, hang me, or any man else That hath his nineteen wits; he has the bots I think, He groans, and roars, and kicks.

2 Gent. Will he speak yet?Leo. Not willingly:Shortly he will not see a man; if everI look'd upon a Prince so metamorphos'd,So juggl'd into I know not what, shame take me;This 'tis to be in love.1 Gent. Is that the cause on't?Leo. What is it not the cause of but bear-baitings?And yet it stinks much like it: out upon't;What giants, and what dwarffs, what owls and apes,What dogs, and cats it makes us? men that are possest with it,Live as if they had a Legion of Devils in 'em,And every Devil of a several nature;Nothing but Hey-pass, re-pass: where's the Lieutenant?Has he gather'd up the end on's wits again?

1 Gent. He is alive: but you that talk of wonders, Shew me but such a wonder as he is now.

Leo. Why? he was ever at the worst a wonder.

2 Gent. He is now most wonderful; a Blazer now, Sir.

Leo. What ails the Fool? and what Star reigns now Gentlemen We have such Prodigies?

2 Gent. 'Twill pose your heaven-hunters;He talks now of the King, no other language,And with the King as he imagines, hourly.Courts the King, drinks to the King, dies for the King,Buys all the Pictures of the King, wears the Kings colours.Leo. Does he not lye i'th' King street too?1 Gent. He's going thither,Makes prayers for the King, in sundry languages,Turns all his Proclamations into metre;Is really in love with the King, most dotingly,And swears Adonis was a Devil to him:A sweet King, a most comely King, and such a King—2 Gent. Then down on's marrow-bones; O excellent KingThus he begins, Thou Light, and Life of Creatures,Angel-ey'd King, vouchsafe at length thy favour;And so proceeds to incision: what think ye of this sorrow?

1 Gent. Will as familiarly kiss the King['s] horses As they pass by him: ready to ravish his footman.

Leo. Why, this is above Ela? But how comes this?

1 Gent. Nay that's to understand yet, But thus it is, and this part but the poorest, 'Twould make a man leap over the Moon to see him act these.

2 Gent. With sighs as though his heart would break: Cry like a breech'd boy, not eat a bit.

Leo. I must go see him presently, For this is such a gig, for certain, Gentlemen, The Fiend rides on a Fiddle-stick.

2 Gent. I think so.

Leo. Can ye guide me to him for half an hour? I am his To see the miracle.

1 Gent. We sure shall start him. [Exeunt.

SCENA V

Enter Antigonus and Leucippe.

Ant. Are you sure she drank it?

Leu. Now must I lye most confidently. Yes Sir, she has drunk it off.

Ant. How works it with her?

Leu. I see no alteration yet.

Ant. There will be, For he is the greatest Artist living made it. Where is she now?

Leu. She is ready to walk out, Sir.

Ant. Stark mad, I know she will be.

Leu. So I hope, Sir.

Ant. She knows not of the Prince?

Leu. Of no man living—

Ant. How do I look? how do my cloaths become me? I am not very grey.

Leu. A very youth, Sir,Upon my maiden-head as smug as April:Heaven bless that sweet face, 'twill undo a thousand;Many a soft heart must sob yet, e'r that wither,Your Grace can give content enough.

Enter Celia with a Book.

Ant. I think so.

Leu. Here she comes, Sir.

Ant. How shall I keep her off me? Go, & perfume the room: make all things ready. [Ex. Leu.

Cel. No hope yet of the Prince! no comfort of him!They keep me mew'd up here, as they mew mad folks,No company but my afflictions.This royal Devil again! strange, how he haunts me!How like a poyson'd potion his eyes fright me!Has made himself handsome too.

Ant. Do you look now, Lady? You will leap anon.

Cel. Curl'd and perfum'd? I smell him; He looks on's legs too, sure he will cut a caper; God-a-mercy, dear December.

Ant. O do you smile now; I knew it would work with you; come hither pretty one.

Cel. Sir.

Ant. I like those courtesies well; come hither and kiss me.

Cel. I am reading, Sir, of a short Treatise here,That's call'd the Vanity of Lust: has your Grace seen it?He says here, that an Old Mans loose desireIs like the Glow-worms light, the Apes so wonder'd at:Which when they gather'd sticks, and laid upon't,And blew, and blew, turn'd tail, and went out presently:And in another place he calls their loves,Faint Smells of dying Flowers, carry no comforts;They're doting, stinking foggs, so thick and muddy,Reason with all his beams cannot beat through 'em.

Ant. How's this? is this the potion? you but fool still; I know you love me.

Cel. As you are just and honest; I know I love and honour you: admire you.

Ant. This makes against me, fearfully against me.

Cel. But as you bring your power to persecute me,Your traps to catch mine innocence to rob me,As you lay out your lusts to overwhelm me,Hell never hated good, as I hate you, Sir;And I dare tell it to your face: What gloryNow after all your Conquests got, your Titles,The ever-living memories rais'd to you,Can my defeat be? my poor wrack, what triumph?And when you crown your swelling Cups to fortune,What honourable tongue can sing my story?Be as your Emblem is, a g[l]orious LampSet on the top of all, to light all perfectly:Be as your office is, a god-like Justice,Into all shedding equally your Vertues.

Ant. She has drencht me now; now I admire her goodness; So young, so nobly strong, I never tasted: Can nothing in the power of Kings perswade ye?

Cel. No, nor that power command me.

Ant. Say I should force ye? I have it in my will.

Cel. Your will's a poor one;And though it be a King's Will, a despised one.Weaker than Infants legs, your will's in swadling Clouts,A thousand ways my will has found to check ye;A thousand doors to 'scape ye, I dare dye, Sir;As suddenly I dare dye, as you can offer:Nay, say you had your Will, say you had ravish'd me,Perform'd your lust, what had you purchas'd by it?What Honour won? do you know who dwells above, Sir,And what they have prepar'd for men turn'd Devils?Did you never hear their thunder? start and tremble,Death sitting on your bloud, when their fires visit us.Will nothing wring you then do you think? sit hard here,And like a Snail curl round about your Conscience,Biting and stinging: will you not roar too late then?Then when you shake in horrour of this Villainy,Then will I rise a Star in Heaven, and scorn ye.

Ant. Lust, how I hate thee now! and love this sweetness! Will you be my Queen? can that price purchase ye?

Cel. Not all the World, I am a Queen already,Crown'd by his Love, I must not lose for Fortune;I can give none away, sell none away, Sir,Can lend no love, am not mine own Exchequer;For in anothers heart my hope and peace lies.

Ant. Your fair hands, Lady? for yet I am not pure enough To touch these Lips, in that sweet Peace ye spoke of. Live now for ever, and I to serve your Vertues—

Cel. Why now you show a god! now I kneel to ye;This Sacrifice of Virgins Joy send to ye:Thus I hold up my hands to Heaven that touch'd ye,And pray eternal Blessings dwell about ye.

Ant. Vertue commands the Stars: rise more than Vertue; Your present comfort shall be now my business.