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So having fun with his son, and with a woman like Jessica, was something he could enjoy before he had to go back to work. As hard as it would be to return this time, he was looking forward to being with the guys again, and now that he’d decided it would be his last tour, he had to make the most of being back with his unit.
Ryan pulled onto her street.
He didn’t know what exactly it was about her, but something about spending time with Jessica felt so right. After his wife had died, he’d never wanted to be close to another woman again. Never wanted to feel so helpless again, so weak. And until recently he’d thought he’d feel like that for the rest of his life.
But Jessica was quickly changing his feelings. He didn’t know what she wanted, if she felt the same way as he did, but this was starting to feel real. Part of him wanted to take it slow, to stay as friends yet something more, but then he also wanted to make things happen more quickly. To make the most of his time back home and see if something special could happen between them.
Because in the span of a week, Jessica had gone from pen pal and good friend, to meaning a whole lot more to him than any other woman had since his wife.
And he liked it. Liked the way she made him feel, the effect she had on him. Whether she felt the same was another matter entirely, but from the way she’d kissed him the other night, he liked to think he could hope.
More than hope.
He liked to think he was in with a real chance.
If he was going to be coming back for good soon, then maybe that meant a chance at a future together.
Jessica fluffed around in the kitchen, knowing she had no purpose, yet not being able to stop herself from moving. It was just a casual dinner at her place, not exactly some grand dinner party, but she was like a ball of wool writhing to untangle. On edge.
She’d put together a simple pasta dish, lots of fresh ingredients tossed with olive oil and lemon juice in a pan, so there was hardly anything culinary to worry about. And dessert was a cake she’d made earlier in the day, but she still felt panicky.
The knock at the door came while she was eyeing up her glass of wine and deciding whether or not to drain it for courage. She was leaning on the counter, staring at it.
Jessica turned away from the glass. She didn’t ever drink more than a couple of glasses, and the last thing she needed was to make a fool of herself.
“Come in!” she called, hoping Ryan would hear her.
Hercules went bounding down the hall and a second later the door clicked.
Jess took a deep breath, ran her hands down her jeans, then stepped out to greet him. This was ridiculous. She’d seen Ryan a handful of times now. First-time nerves were one thing, but there was nothing to panic about tonight.
“Hi, Ryan.”
He was crouched down giving Herc a scratch. When he looked up she temporarily lost the ability to move. His eyes locked on hers, bright blue, serious yet laughing, drawing her in as if she’d never be let back out again.
“Hi.” He stood and they both watched as Hercules took off down the hall again. “You look great.”
Jess looked down and felt awkward. She was only wearing jeans, an embellished T-shirt that dressed her outfit up and a pair of heels. Her cheeks were flushed, she could feel the heat in them—and her hands could have been shaking. She was so off balance she wasn’t even sure.
She went to turn down the hall, but he stopped her with a hand to her wrist.
“Hey.”
When she turned Ryan took a step forward and pressed a kiss to her cheek before putting space between them again.
“You act like no one ever gave you a compliment before.”
His voice was low, almost a whisper, and it made a shiver lick its way down her spine. She swallowed, hard.
“I’m not.”
The last compliments she’d had had been from a man who told her what he thought she wanted to hear, but there’d never been any substance to his words. The reason she was embarrassed now was because from the look on his face, Ryan meant what he said.
“I don’t say what I don’t mean,” he assured her.
She didn’t doubt that. “I know, it’s just …”
“Jess?”
She felt uncomfortable being scrutinized.
“I find you not receiving compliments by the bucket-load hard to swallow,” he said. Ryan tucked his fingers beneath her chin and smiled down at her, his eyes locked on hers, body so close. “You look beautiful tonight and you need to believe it.”
Jessica fought against the urge to pull away from him. Instead of giving in to her instincts she made herself smile, forced herself to behave like the grown-up woman she was. “Thanks,” she whispered.
He grinned and let his fingers fall from her skin. “Much better.”
She turned before he had the chance to do anything else. She was nervous, scared.
Exhilarated.
So much for telling herself this was going to be a casual dinner with a friend, that there was no need to panic. She doubted there was much friend left in the equation between her and Ryan anymore. Part of her had hoped he would want more, and the other part told her that friend was as good as it got. Even after their kisses.
Now she wasn’t so sure she was ready for the something more.
Ryan was a hot-blooded male who had suddenly, just from looking at her, from touching her, made his intent very clear.
The way her body was reacting told her she felt the same, no matter how much she wanted to deny it.
Maybe that glass of wine hadn’t been such a bad idea after all.
Jessica didn’t taste a mouthful of her food. She opened her mouth, forked spaghetti in delicate twirls and forced herself to swallow. But the only sense she had was of the man sitting across from her.
She’d forgotten everything else. Had no control over her other senses. Or maybe she did and they were too overloaded on Ryan. She was drunk on the sight of him, the feel of him, the look of him.
The taste of him.
She remembered only too well what his lips felt like on hers, how her body had felt when she was tucked against him, wrapped in his embrace. And after the way he’d touched her in the hall before, the way he felt had been the only thing she’d thought about since.
“This is great.”
At least Ryan seemed to be enjoying the food.
Jessica took another sip of wine. She was going to tell him not to be silly but she remembered only too well what he’d said earlier about taking a compliment.
“Thanks.”
She wished she could say more, could come up with something more savvy and chic, but her brain just wasn’t cooperating. Her tongue was swollen like it was bee-stung, not letting her communicate properly.
It was stupid. She was a confident, capable woman and there was no excuse. She had to get a grip. Jessica cleared her throat and set down her fork. “So tell me about George. You two looked like you were having a good time yesterday?”
Ryan’s entire face seemed to light up.
“We had a fantastic time. It’s like we’ve really connected.”
She smiled. It was good to hear.
“But I have to thank you, you know.”
Jess gulped. Her? “Why me?”
Ryan put his own fork down and reached for her hand across the table. “Because you gave me the confidence to make it happen. I don’t think I could have done it without you.”
Jessica forced herself to look up and meet his gaze. His hand over hers was doing something to her, making her body feel hot all over, every inch of it.
“I don’t think I did anything, Ryan. I was just honest with you.”
He squeezed her hand, his eyes never leaving hers. She could gaze into them all night, lose herself in the ocean-blue depths of them, become mesmerized. She wondered if anything had ever looked so beautiful before. The way he was looking at her, the softness she saw there.
The honesty.
All this time, she’d thought it would be impossible to ever truly trust a man again. Told herself it couldn’t happen.
But the way Ryan was watching her, the genuine feeling he conveyed through his gaze, the way the skin around his eyes crinkled ever so lightly in the corners when he watched her, his smile upturned to match his expression: all of these things told her that trust and honesty was possible with a man.
She’d just chosen the wrong one before. And let herself believe that he represented the entire male population.
“I went to him, Jess. I went to him because you told me to, because you told me I had to confront the past and be honest with him.”
She looked down, unable to match his stare any longer. “I told you what anyone else would have.”
Ryan shook his head. “That’s the problem.” He dropped the contact with her hand and raised it to her cheek instead, his fingers resting against her skin.
Jess pushed in, lightly, toward his touch. Fought the urge to close her eyes and sigh into his caress.
“I’ve never told anyone else what I told you in my letters. You’re the first person I’ve been honest with in a long while.”
She glanced up at him again, her breath catching in silent hiccups in her throat.
“It started because I trusted you on paper, and now I know I can trust you in real life, too.”
She didn’t know what to say. But when Ryan kept the contact with her face and raised his body, leaning over the table toward her, she knew exactly what to do.
Jessica raised her face to meet his, parted her mouth for his kiss. For the brush of his lips that she knew were coming.
Ryan took her mouth, gently at first and then with a hunger that scared her. She was barely conscious of him standing, of the way he had moved closer, until he pulled away and left her lips tender and alone.
She stifled the moan that fought to be heard deep within her throat.
But Ryan didn’t leave her alone for long. He stalked around the table like a big game animal on the hunt. His large frame towered above her, then he dropped to his knees in front of her. She parted her own knees slightly so he could move closer to her. He was so tall that even with her sitting on the chair he wasn’t much lower than her.
Jess just watched him—the rise and fall of his chest, and the way his eyes fell to her lips. She tried not to think about the what-ifs. Fought against the voice in her head that told her to take things slow, to stop now before it went too far.
Because Jessica knew they had already crossed that line. They’d already gone too far and she was powerless to do anything about it.
“Ryan.”
He circled his arms around her waist, making her feel safe. Wanted. She slowly raised her hands and let them flutter to his shoulders, not sure where to touch him, and then they found his hair. Jess ran her fingers through the soft strands then stopped, fingertips on the back of his head as she bravely urged him forward.
He waited for her. Hardly let out a breath as he watched her and waited. Like he was leaving it up to her, wanted her to tell him it was okay.
And she didn’t disappoint him, was powerless to do anything but make the next move. Jessica kissed him like she’d never kissed a man before. Kept her hands on him, drawing him to her, pressing herself closer to him as their lips danced, his arms still wrapped around her.
She only dropped her hold when she knew he wasn’t going to pull away, to run her hands down his arms, drawing in a sharp inhale as she found bare skin.
His lips became more insistent on hers. Teasing her. Showing her how much he wanted her. And oh, did she want him, too. More than she’d ever wanted to be close to a man before.
“Ryan,” she said his name again. “Are you sure …”
He just kissed her more deeply, ignoring her words. She took his lack of reply as a yes.
Jessica let her fingers keep exploring, reached the hem of his T-shirt and pushed it up, letting one hand discover the contours of his hard stomach, muscles firm against her touch.
His belly quivered, but he didn’t move. Only moaned against her mouth.
She took it as encouragement.
Jess tugged, breaking their kiss to pull his T-shirt over his head, and Ryan didn’t resist.
He shrugged out of it in a second and had his arms back around her before she could properly drink in the sight of him.
But she pushed him back, lightly.
“You have a tattoo,” she whispered.
Wow.
“Yeah.” He shrugged.
If the sun-kissed golden skin and hard muscles weren’t enough, hadn’t already taken her breath away, the tattoo came as even more of a shock.
She’d never dated a guy with a tattoo before. Had always thought they were for bad boys, and she’d never gone for that type. But on Ryan? It looked incredible.
“You’re staring.” His voice was low, husky.
Jess gave him a sideways look and smiled. Shyly. “Does it mean anything special?”
The black ink carved out a beautiful eagle, wings open, covering his entire shoulder and down his upper biceps. She’d never liked the idea of a tattoo, but this was something else. Made him look even stronger, tougher. Exciting.
