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“Maybe. Tell you what. The next time I bring you up here, you guys can check all the calves’ eyes. I’ll give you a prize if you can find a blue pair.”
“Hooray!” the children cried.
On that exciting note, he lifted them into the truck and shut the tailgate without reaching for Tracy.
Perhaps he wasn’t thinking when he did it, but it meant she’d be riding in the cab with him. He must have been reading her mind because he said, “Riding on top of a hay bale might work one way, but you’ve got more horseback riding to do and deserve a break.” Flashing her a quick smile, he turned to the kids.
“That basket in the corner has water and fruit for you guys. How about handing your mom a bottle, Johnny?”
“Okay. Do you want one, too?”
“I sure do. Thanks. Your mom’s going to ride in front with me. That means everyone sits down the whole time and holds on tight to the side.”
“We will,” they said in unison.
“That’s good. We don’t want any accidents.”
“Please be careful,” Tracy urged the kids.
“Mom—we’re not babies!”
Carson’s chuckle turned into a coughing spell as he helped her into the passenger side of the truck. Their fingers brushed when he handed her the bottle of water. This awareness of him was ridiculous, but all she could do was pretend otherwise.
He shut the door and went around to the driver’s side. She could still smell residual smoke from yesterday’s forest fire. Carson should have been spared that.
Before he got in, he drank from his bottle. She watched the muscles working in his bronzed throat. He must have been thirsty, because he drained it. After tossing it in the basket in back, he slid behind the wheel.
She drank half of hers, not so much from thirst but because she needed to occupy herself with some activity. “What do you call the color of that calf the children were petting?”
“Slate dun.”
“I knew it couldn’t be beige.”
In her peripheral vision, she noticed him grin. “In a herd of Longhorns you’ll see about every color of the rainbow represented, including stripes and spots.”
“Thank you for giving us this experience.” She took a deep breath of mountain air. “There’s so much to learn. Johnny’s going to go home loaded with information and impress his relatives. That’s saying a lot since they always sound like they know everything about everything and don’t hold back expressing it.”
His chuckle filled the cab. “Is he homesick yet?”
“I thought he would be. When we were flying into Jackson, I was afraid he would want to turn right around and go back. But nothing could be further from the truth. The second he caught sight of the tall dude who told him he’d take him shopping for some duds like his, he’s been a changed child. For your information, tall doesn’t run in the Baretta family. Neither does a Western twang.”
He darted her a quick glance. “Johnny wasn’t outgoing before?”
“He was...until Tony died. Since then he’s been in a reclusive state. The psychologist has been working with me to try to bring him out of his shell. When I get back to Ohio, I’m going to give him your business card and tell him to send all his trauma patients to the Teton Valley Dude Ranch. It’s already doing wonders for his psyche.”
“That’s gratifying to hear, but let’s not talk about your going home yet. You just barely got here. I’m glad we’re alone so you can tell me what kinds of things he wants to do the most. I don’t want him to be frightened of anything.”
“Well, I can tell you right now he’s crazy about Goldie and would probably spend all his days riding, pretending he’s a cowboy.”
“He seems to be a natural around her.”
“That’s because of the way you introduced him to horseback riding. You’ve given him back some of the confidence he’s lost this last year. That was a masterful stroke when you handed him the reins and suggested he walk the pony around first so she would get used to him. In your subtle way, you sent the hint that Goldie was nervous, thereby taking the fear from Johnny.
“I held my breath waiting for him to drop the reins and run over to me. To my shock, he carried on like a trouper. When he was riding her around, he wore the biggest smile I’ve seen in over a year. That’s your doing, Carson. You have no idea the wonders you’ve accomplished with him already. I’m afraid you’re going to get tired of my thanking you all the time.”
“That’s not going to happen. If my grandpa could hear our conversation, he’d be gratified by your compliment since he was the one who taught me everything I know about horses and kids.”
She bit her lip. “You miss him terribly, don’t you?”
“Yes. He and my grandmother were kind, wonderful people. They didn’t deserve to be burdened with a headstrong, selfish grandson so early in life.”
Tracy took another drink of water. “There’s that word deserve again. Don’t you know every child is selfish? The whole world revolves around them until they grow up and hopefully learn what life’s really about.”
His hands tightened on the steering wheel. “Except I grew up too late. I should never have left him alone.”
“Did he try to keep you from going into the Marines?”
“No. Just the opposite in fact,” he said before another coughing spell ensued.
“He sounds like a wise man who knew you had to find your own path. Tony’s two brothers who wanted to be police officers instead of firemen got a lot of flack from the rest of the family, especially from their father. He thought there was no other way to live, but two of his sons had other ideas. It has left resentments that seem to deepen.”
“That’s too bad. How did he handle Tony going into the Marines?”
“He didn’t like it. But by then Tony was a firefighter and planned to come back to it when he got out of the service. As long as his sons fell in line, he was happy. To this day, he’s still angry with the other two. He needed to take lessons from your grandfather.”
“Unfortunately nothing removes my guilt. I was his only family left.”
“It sounds like he wanted you to be happy. That was more important to him. He took on a sacred trust when he took over your upbringing. I feel the same way now that Tony’s gone. It’s up to me to guide my son. I’m terrified I’ll make mistakes. What worries me is the struggle Johnny’s going to have later on.”
“In what way?”
“His grandfather will expect him to grow up and take his place among the Baretta firefighters. Imagine his shock when we go home and Johnny announces he’s going to be a cowboy like his friend Carson when he grows up.”
Her comment seemed to remove some of the stress lines around his mouth that could grow hard or soft depending on his emotions. “These are early days, Tracy. Your son’s going to go through a dozen different stages before he becomes a man.”
She moaned. “Let’s hope he doesn’t end up suffering from your problem.”
His brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”
Tracy looked through the back window to make sure the children were all right.
“I’ve been keeping an eye on them,” he murmured, reading her mind again. Of course he had. He had a handle on everything, inspiring confidence in everyone, old or young.
“I don’t want Johnny to be afraid to reach out for his dreams for fear of leaving me on my own. He’s especially aware of it since learning I lost my parents at eighteen. Sometimes he shows signs of being overly protective. A few months ago he told me he would never leave me and planned to take care of me all my life.”
“There’s a sweetness in that boy.”
“Don’t I know it, but I refuse to exploit it. That’s one of the main reasons why I decided to accept your invitation to come to the ranch. If I don’t help him to live life the way he should, then I’m failing as a mother. You and your friends have done a greater service for our family than you can possibly imagine. I know I said this before. You were inspired, and I—I’m indebted to you.” Her voice caught.
He sat back in the seat. “After so much heartache, do you have any idea how much I admire you for carrying on? Tell me something. How did you continue to function after your parents were killed? I can’t imagine losing them both at the same time.”
“We had fantastic neighbors and friends at our church. Between them and my close friends, they became my support group and helped me while I was in college. Then I met Tony and was swept into his family.”
He cast her a glance. “Swept off your feet, too?”
She nodded. “Natalie, my sister-in-law who’s married to Joe, one of the out-of-favor police officers in the family, has become my closest friend. They have an eight-year-old son, Cory, who gets along famously with Johnny. I’ve been very blessed, so I can’t complain.”
After a silence Carson said, “What’s the other reason you decided to accept our offer?”
“To be honest, I was becoming as much of a recluse as Johnny.” She told him about the Mother’s Day flower. “Your letter jerked me out of the limbo I’d been wallowing in. Once I caught sight of the Tetons in the brochure, I lost my breath. Like your stomach that flew around in the air for a week after your first flight with your grandpa, I haven’t been able to get my breath back since.”
“After a visit to the Tetons, some people remain in that state.”
“Especially you, who came home from war struggling for yours. You and your friends have paid a heavy price. I admire you more than you know.”
She’d been struggling, too, but it was from trying to keep her distance from him, which was turning out to be impossible. Tracy didn’t understand everything going on inside him, but she realized that keeping her distance from him would be the wrong thing to do at the moment. Johnny was beginning to thrive. In a strange way she recognized they were all emotionally crippled because of the war and needed each other to get stronger.
“Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?”
“Go ahead.”
“Why isn’t there a Mrs. Lundgren?”
“You wouldn’t like to hear the truth.”
“Try me.”
“The psychiatrist at the hospital did an evaluation on all of us. That was his first question to me. When I told him I preferred new adventures to being tied down, he told me I was an angry man.”
“Angry—you?”
Carson laughed. “That was my response, too. He told me that was a crock. He said I’d been angry all my life because my parents died. That anger took the form of flight, whether it was sports, travel, the military. He said I was too angry to settle down. But with this illness that cramped my style, it was time I came to grips with it and let it go, or I’d self-destruct.”
“And have you let it go?”
“I’m trying, but when I think of what I did to my grandfather, I can’t forgive myself. There’s so much I’ve wanted to say to him.”
“Don’t you think he knew why you were struggling? Did he ever try to talk to you about it?”
“Thousands of times, but I always told him we’d talk later. Of course that never happened. Then the opportunity was gone.”
“As my in-laws used to tell me when I wallowed in grief over my parents’ death, ‘You’ll be together in heaven and can talk everything over then, Tracy.’ I’ve come to believe that. One day you’ll have that talk with your grandfather.”
“I’d like to believe it, but you’ve got more faith than I have.”
Tracy sat there, pained for him and unable to do anything about it. Quiet reigned inside the cab as they drove through the sage. The children, on the other hand, were whooping it up, firing their cap guns. Johnny was becoming her exuberant child again. She had to pray it wasn’t solely because of Carson.
The Harris family couldn’t have come to the ranch at a better time. Tracy would involve them in as many activities as possible, because every new distraction helped.
As they drove around to the front of the ranch house, a cowboy with an impressive physique whom she hadn’t seen before stood talking to some guests. He had to be the third ex-marine.
The moment he saw Carson, he left them and walked over to the truck. He removed his hat and peered in his friend’s open window, allowing his green eyes to take her in. He wore his curly light-brown hair longer than the other two men and was every bit as attractive.
“Welcome to the ranch, Mrs. Baretta. We’ve been looking forward to your visit.” His remark ended with the usual cough. The sound of it wounded Tracy because she knew at what cost they’d served their country.
“Tracy? This is Buck Summerhays. Now you’ve met all three amigos.”
“It’s a privilege, Mr. Summerhays. Johnny and I can’t thank you enough for making us so welcome.”
“The honor of meeting Tony Baretta’s family is ours. Call me Buck.”
Carson opened the door. “Come on. I want you to meet Johnny and the other two children.”
While he got out, Tracy hurriedly opened her door and jumped down, not wanting any assistance. Everyone congregated at the rear of the truck. The men helped the children down, and Carson made the introductions.
Buck shut the tailgate before turning to everyone. “Where have you dudes been?”
“To see the cows,” Sam spoke up.
Rachel nodded. “Next time we’re going to look for calves with blue eyes. Carson’s going to give us a prize if we find one.”
His lips twitched. “Is that so.” His gaze fell on Johnny. “Now that you’ve been to the pasture, what do you want to do this afternoon after lunch?”
“I’d like to ride Goldie some more.”
“Who’s that?”
“My pony.”
“Ah.” His twinkling eyes sent Carson a silent message. “I was thinking I’d take you guys on a float trip down the river.”
“That sounds exciting,” Tracy intervened. “How about we all do that with Buck? After dinner you can have another horseback ride before bed.”
“Yeah!”
Johnny wasn’t quite as enthusiastic as the other two, but he didn’t put up an argument for which she was thankful. “Then come on. Let’s go in and wash our hands really well. After that we’ll find your parents and eat.” She herded the children inside the ranch house so the men could talk in private.
* * *
CARSON NOTICED BUCK’S eyes linger on Tracy as she disappeared inside the doors. He knew what his buddy was going to say before he said it.
“You’re a cool one.” He switched his gaze to Carson with a secretive smile. “Nice has to be the understatement of all time.”
“Her son’s nice, too.”
“I can see that.” Suddenly his expression sobered. “Tony Baretta shouldn’t have had to die.”
His throat swelled with emotion for their suffering. “Amen.” After more coughing he said, “I’ll park the truck around back.”
