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Alarmed, she sat forward. “Is there something wrong?”
“I don’t know. You tell me.” Between narrowed lids his eyes burned a hot blue, searing her insides.
“I don’t understand.”
He stopped munching. “I think you do. You need to be honest with me. Are you uncomfortable around me?”
She swallowed with difficulty, looking everywhere except at him. “If I’ve made you feel that way, then it’s purely unintentional. I’m so sorry.”
“So you do admit there’s a problem.”
Tracy got to her feet. “Not with you,” she murmured.
“Johnny, then?”
Her eyes widened. “How can you even ask me that?”
The question seemed to please him because the muscles in his face relaxed. “Does your family wish you hadn’t come?”
“I know my in-laws were astounded you and your friends had made such an opportunity available in honor of their son. They were really touched, but I believe they thought Johnny would want to turn right around and come home.”
One brow dipped. “Is that what you thought, too?”
“When I first told Johnny about the letter, he said he didn’t want to go. I knew why. Wyoming sounded too far away.”
“What did you do to change his mind?”
“I asked him if he at least wanted to see the brochure you sent. He agreed to take a look. The second he saw that photo of the Tetons, he was blown away.”
Their gazes fused. “Those mountains have a profound effect on everyone.”
“Then he wanted to know about white water. But something extraordinary happened when he saw that gigantic elk with the huge horns...” Carson chuckled. “He looked at me and I felt his soul peer into mine before he asked me if I wanted to go. He always asks me first how I feel when he wants something but is afraid to tell me.
“I still wasn’t sure how he’d feel after he got here. In retrospect, even if he’d wanted to turn right around, that airplane trip from Salt Lake would have put him off flying for a while.”
Carson’s smile widened, giving her heart another workout.
“My sister-in-law Natalie thought it was a fantastic opportunity and urged me to accept the invitation, but I don’t know how my in-laws really felt about my taking their grandson to another part of the continent.”
The tension grew. “Now that you’ve ruled out all of that, we’re back to my original question, the one you still haven’t answered.”
Naturally he hadn’t forgotten where this conversation had been headed and wouldn’t leave the cabin while he waited for the truth. “As you’ve probably divined, I’m the problem.”
“Why?”
He had a side to him that could be blunt and direct when the occasion demanded. It caught her off guard. “I guess there was one thing I hadn’t thought about before we left. After we arrived here, it took me by surprise.”
“Explain what you mean.” He wasn’t going to let this go.
She took a fortifying breath. “I assumed we’d be coming to a vacation spot with all the activities mentioned, but it has turned out to be...more.”
“In what regard?”
“I—I didn’t expect the one-on-one treatment,” her voice faltered.
“From me and my buddies?”
“Yes.”
He got to his feet. “But that was the whole point.”
Tracy nodded. “I realize that now. But for some reason, I didn’t think your business enterprise meant it would be a hands-on experience involving you so personally.”
His brows met in a frown. “A dude ranch is meant to cater to the individual. If the three of us weren’t here, there’d be others giving you the same attention. After losing your husband, does it bother you to be around other males again? Is that what this is about? I’ve half suspected as much.”
She felt her face growing red as an apple.
“Have you even been out with a man since he died?”
“I’ve been to faculty functions with men, but they’ve always been in groups.”
“In other words, no, you haven’t.”
“No,” she whispered.
“And now you’re suddenly thrown together with three bachelors practically 24/7.” He put his hands on his hips in a totally male stance. “I get it. And I’ll tell you something.”
At this juncture, she felt like too much of a fool to know what to say, so she let him talk.
“I haven’t been out with a woman since I was transported from the Middle East to Walter Reed Medical Center. When we were discharged, I felt like I was going home to die. The only thing that kept me going was this plan I dreamed up with Ross and Buck to bring a little happiness to the families who were suffering the loss of a husband and father.
“Lady—when I saw you walk through the airport terminal, I was as unprepared as you were. It was one thing to visualize Anthony Baretta’s widow and his son in my mind, but quite another to be confronted with the sight of you in the flesh.”
Tracy lowered her head. “After thinking of you in the abstract, the sight of you was pretty overwhelming, too,” she confessed. “I guess we’d been picturing three marines in uniform whom we’d get to meet at some point during our stay so we could thank you. Instead, we were greeted by the king of the cowboys, as Johnny refers to you in private. He wasn’t prepared, either, and clung to me for a long moment.”
“I remember,” he said in a husky-sounding voice before another cough came on. “From a distance, he was your husband’s replica. That is, until I saw both your faces close up.”
She eyed him covertly. Close up or at a distance, Carson Lundgren was no man’s replica. He was an original with a stature to match the mountains outside the cabin door. “I’m glad we had this conversation. I feel much better about everything.”
“So do I. From now on we each understand where the other is coming from. It’ll make everything easier.”
Not necessarily. Not while her pulse was racing too hard.
“Pardon the expression, but you and Johnny are our guinea pigs in this venture. The next family we’ve invited will be arriving next month. Because of you, we’ll be much better prepared for the emotional upheaval created by war, whatever it is. Thank you for being honest with me. It means more than you know.”
“Thank you for a wonderful day.”
His eyes deepened in color. “There’s more to come tomorrow, if you’re up for it. But after Johnny’s experience flying into Jackson, maybe not.”
She took an extra breath. “You’re talking about a hot-air-balloon ride? The kind mentioned in your brochure?”
“It’s an unprecedented way to experience the Teton Valley. Buck will be taking some groups up.”
“I’d love to go, but I’ll have to feel out Johnny in the morning before breakfast. If it’s mentioned at the table and the other children want to g—”
“I hear you,” he broke in. “Johnny might be afraid, but will be too scared to admit it. I don’t want to put him under any pressure. When you know how he feels, call the front desk. They’ll put you through to me. If necessary, I’ll give Buck a heads-up.”
“Thank you. You have unusual understanding of children.”
“I was a child once and had my share of fears to deal with. Peer pressure was a killer. I’m thinking that if he doesn’t like the balloon idea, then we’ll take a longer horseback ride tomorrow and enjoy an overnight campout on the property.” He put his hat back on, ready to leave. For once she wasn’t ready to let him go, but she had to.
“I can tell you right now he’ll be in ecstasy over that option.”
“Good. If it turns out to be successful, then he’ll probably be ready to do another one in Teton Park. We’ll take the horses up to String Lake. It’s a great place to swim and hike around.”
“Sounds heavenly.”
She had to remember that he was working out the rest of their vacation agenda rather than making a date with her. Yet that’s what it felt like. Her reaction was ridiculous considering she was a mother of twenty-seven instead of some vulnerable nineteen-year-old.
The only time she’d ever felt like this before was when she’d driven to Cleveland with some of her girlfriends from college. They were having a picnic at Lakefront State Park when a crew of firefighters had pulled up to eat their lunch and toss a football around. The cutest guy in the group started flirting with her. Mr. Personality. He could talk his way in or out of anything. Tony was a mover who told her after one date that he was going to marry her.
When she thought of Carson, there was no point of comparison because he wasn’t pursuing her. That was why she was a fool trying to make one.
“All we’ve talked about is Johnny’s pleasure. Since this vacation is for you, too, why don’t you tell me something you’d like to do while you’re here?”
She laughed gently. “If he’s happy, then that’s what makes me happy, but I have to admit I enjoy riding. I had no idea I’d like it this much. You’re a great teacher.”
“That’s nice to hear.”
“It’s true.” After a brief pause because she suddenly felt tongue-tied, she wished him goodnight. He tipped his hat and left.
Tracy closed the door behind him and locked it. Though he’d walked away as if he was glad the air had been cleared, she was afraid she’d offended him. It was humiliating to realize he’d figured out her lame hang-up about being around a man again before she’d articulated it.
To make certain she didn’t get the wrong idea about him, Carson had revealed his own surprise at meeting her. Then, in the nicest way possible, he’d let her have it by spelling it out she wasn’t the only one suffering emotional fallout from the war.
When she finally got into bed, she felt worse than a fool.
* * *
WHEN TRACY STEPPED out of the shower, she could hear Johnny talking to someone. Throwing on a robe, she walked into the bedroom just as he put her cell phone on the bedside table.
“Who was that, honey?”
“Grandma and Grandpa.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because you were in the bathroom. They said they’d call back tomorrow morning ’cos they were in a hurry.”
“How are they?”
“Fine. They want to see me ride Goldie. I told them Carson’s been teaching me and took us to get my cowboy outfit and cap gun.” He ran over and gave her an exuberant hug. “I’m having the best time of my whole life!”
“I’m so glad.”
“When are we going home?”
Uh-oh. “Next Saturday morning. Why? Are you missing them too much?”
“No. What’s today?”
“Monday.” Time was flying.
She could hear him counting in his head. “So we have five more days?”
“Yes.”
“Goody! I don’t want to go home. I can’t leave Goldie.”
Tracy knew he’d said it in the heat of the moment, and she was happy about it, but the implication for what it might portend for the future stole some of her happiness.
Though home would be wonderfully familiar to her son after they got back, he would suffer his first attack of culture shock, because nothing in Sandusky or Cleveland compared remotely to Wyoming’s Teton Valley.
“Mom? Do you like it here?”
That was one of his trick questions. He needed to find out what she really thought before he expressed exactly what he thought. No doubt her in-laws had asked him the same question.
She ruffled his hair. “What do you think? I got on a horse, didn’t I?”
“Yes,” he answered in a quiet tone.
Something else was definitely on his mind, but she didn’t know if he was ready to broach it yet, so she asked him a question. “How would you like to go up in a hot-air balloon today and see the whole area?”
Tracy had to wait a long time for the answer she knew was coming. “Do you?” That lackluster question told her everything.
“I don’t know. There are so many things to do here, it’s hard to pick. We could fish or swim, or go on a hike.”
No response.
“Maybe we ought to have a break and drive into town to do some sightseeing. I’ll buy you some more caps.”
“I don’t want to do that,” he muttered.
“Or...we could go horseback riding. I like it.”
He shot up in her bed. His dark brown eyes had ignited. “I love it.”
His reaction was no surprise, but the intensity of it had come from some part deep inside of him. “Then it’s settled. Hurry and have your bath. After we’re dressed we’ll have breakfast and walk over to the corral.”
