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Wags whined in protest.
“You can ride with Mike and I’ll be home tonight.”
With Wags barking loudly, Jake climbed into his truck and within minutes he was on the highway to Houston.
He didn’t know what he’d find when he arrived, but as he’d told Beau, he was preparing for the worst. Ms. Woods hadn’t said Ben was mentally challenged. He was just slow. Did that mean the same thing? He wasn’t sure and it didn’t matter. Ben was his son and he’d love him no matter what.
Sherry crossed his mind and Jake wondered again how she could have abandoned her own son. He grunted. What was he thinking? Women abandoned children all the time—children who didn’t have anything wrong with them—like his mother had abandoned him. He still felt a queasiness in his belly from just seeing her. Beau had said there were two sides to every story, but he was wrong. His father had been a hardworking man who loved his family, and his mother had had an affair and become pregnant. She had destroyed a home and a family and Jake couldn’t see any other side than that.
Gently rolling hills, dense woods, farms and ranches flashed by as he drove through Hearne to College Station to Navasota and hit Highway 290 into Houston. The highway merged with Loop 610 South, and as he negotiated heavy traffic, that sense of excitement returned. He couldn’t stop thinking how much more thrilled he’d be if Elise was with him, but she wasn’t.
He wondered how she was. He’d purposefully tried not to think about her, which was impossible because she was always there at the back of his mind. Had she seen an attorney yet? Probably, he decided. What they’d shared was something basic to her. To him, it had developed into something much more.
He had been so shocked when she’d called and asked him out. He didn’t date women like Elise Weber—beautiful, educated and with an air of being untouchable. He preferred women who were soft and natural. Not that Elise wasn’t those things. She just seemed way out of his reach. That was his first impression, but then he got to know her and she was a completely different person. He responded to her warmth and vitality. They seemed to be able to talk forever. He wasn’t a guy who liked to talk, but with her it came easy.
He shifted uncomfortably as he realized Elise had been in control from the start. She knew what she wanted and she didn’t have any problem getting him. Hell, after that first date, he wanted her like crazy. Elise had been a big surprise in the bedroom. Her cool professorial facade disappeared into a warm, inviting woman, and that sensuality blinded him to the problems in their marriage. Her dead husband’s picture on the nightstand was a big example. So many times he’d resisted the urge to knock the damn thing to the floor, but he respected her enough not to do that. He kept waiting for her to remove it. That never happened. And it hurt. His feelings didn’t matter to her.
He didn’t have to worry about Elise, though. She’d be fine because her emotions weren’t involved—not the ones that counted, anyway. It bothered him that he’d hurt her, and it would be a while before he’d lose the feelings he had for her…if ever. She loved someone else and she’d told him that up front. That didn’t keep him from falling for her. But it kept him locked in a pain of his own choosing.
IT WAS TEN AFTER THREE by the time Jake found the office. This office was basically the same as the other, only much larger and there were people in the waiting area. He told the woman at the desk who he was and took a seat. In a few minutes Ms. Woods came out and he followed her into an inner office where an older, gray-haired woman sat at a desk. She stood and shook Jake’s hand.
“It’s nice to meet you, Mr. McCain,” she said. “I’m Gail Turner and I worked with Carmen on Ben’s case when his mother left him at the hospital.”
“Then you know Ben very well?” he asked, taking a chair by the desk.
Mrs. Turner resumed her seat and Jake had a feeling he was in for some cold, hard truths.
“Yes. After Mrs. Carr was granted custody, we checked on Ben for several months and saw that she was very capable of caring for him. We didn’t become involved again until Mrs. Carr called us two months ago. She knew she was dying and she asked us to locate Ben’s father.” She paused. “We weren’t aware until this morning that the Fosters want to adopt Ben. They knew we were searching for the father and they never gave us any indication that adoption was a possibility. But in all fairness I have to admit that they know Ben and his routine and they care for him deeply.”
Jake frowned. “Are you saying the Fosters would be better for Ben than me?”
“A judge will make that decision,” she replied coolly.
Same old line. “On your recommendation.”
“Well, yes, our recommendation will weigh heavily in the decision.”
Jake chose his words carefully. “So, Mrs. Turner, what you’re trying to tell me in not-so-subtle terms is that Ben would be better off living with the Fosters.”
Mrs. Turner clasped her hands on the desk. “Dr. Howard Ruskin, Ben’s doctor, a developmental pediatrician, feels very strongly that it would be detrimental for Ben to be moved out of his familiar surroundings at this time. After several visits with Ben, I have to agree with him. Ben’s taken a step backward because of Mrs. Carr’s death. I’m not sure how much he understands. All he knows is that his grandmother’s gone and he’s retreated into himself. The Fosters are working with him and I’m hoping to see some signs of improvement.”
“But you haven’t?”
“No. He was walking everywhere. Now he stumbles and falls. Mrs. Carr had him talking, but now he won’t say a word.”
“What does Dr. Ruskin say about Ben’s falling and refusal to talk?”
“That he’s grieving and needs some time.”
Jake’s stomach curled into a knot. “You mentioned you didn’t know how much Ben understood. What I’m asking is whether he’s mentally challenged.”
“At first the doctors thought so, but Mrs. Carr refused to believe that. The doctors also thought Ben would be a vegetable and Mrs. Carr proved them wrong. Ben was working on his ABCs and numbers and he was able to repeat them. Mrs. Carr felt he had the ability to learn. He just has to try harder, and I must admit I agree with her. The bottom line, Mr. McCain, is that we want Ben’s progress to continue.”
“I do, too.”
“That’s good.”
Something in her voice alerted Jake. His eyes narrowed.
“You’re not going to try to keep me from seeing Ben, are you?”
“Of course not,” she said. “You’re his father. You have every right to see him, and our goal, whenever possible, is to unite child and parent. But Ben’s case is very different.”
That told Jake more than he wanted to hear. They were pressing him to relinquish his claim on Ben. She hadn’t come out and said it, but it was there in her voice. He stood. “I understand the situation, Mrs. Turner, and now I’d like to see my son.”
“Sure,” she nodded. “Carmen will take you to the Fosters’.”
“One more thing,” he added before leaving. “I want Ben to know that I’m his father.”
Mrs. Turner glanced at Ms. Woods. “As I said, we’re not sure how much Ben understands.”
“I still want him to know—to feel that he’s not alone anymore.”
She seemed to hesitate, then nodded again. “It’s probably best.”
“Thank you,” he said, and left the room.
In the hall Ms. Woods said, “You can follow me over there if you like. I’ll bring my car around.”
Jake did as she asked and tailed her white Corolla through the busy Houston traffic. They made several stops for lights and finally turned into a residential area with brick homes and small landscaped yards. How did people live so close together? He’d grown up with lots of fresh air and space and he wanted Ben to grow up the same way, but it might not be a possibility. He had to prepare himself.
Carmen pulled into a driveway and he parked behind her. Jake glanced at the house. Very neat and clean, he thought, then realized she was waiting so he quickly made his way to the front door.
“Mr. McCain,” she said before ringing the bell. “I need to tell you that the Fosters are not pleased by this visit.”
“I’m not pleased that they have my son, but I’m trying to make the best of a bad situation. I hope they’ll do the same.”
She seemed to want to say more then changed her mind. She pushed the doorbell.
A slim, gray-haired man opened the door. Jake guessed he was somewhere in his fifties.
“Oh, it’s you,” he said gruffly.
“Yes, Mr. Foster, we’re here to see Ben,” Ms. Woods replied.
He opened the door wider and they stepped into the foyer. “This is Jake McCain. Carl Foster.” Carmen made the introductions.
“We know who he is, Ms. Woods,” a woman said as she joined them. She was also thin with graying blond hair. The expression on her face was unfriendly. Jake received that message loud and clear.
“This is Peggy Foster,” Ms. Woods murmured as if nothing had been said, then quickly asked, “Where’s Ben?”
“He’s in the den, but I won’t have him upset,” Mrs. Foster answered.
“We’re not here to upset Ben,” Carmen told her. “We talked about this and I thought you understood.”
“I don’t understand how he can have any rights where Ben is concerned,” Mrs. Foster snapped angrily.
Carl put an arm around his wife and led her to the kitchen. Ms. Woods didn’t say anything and Jake followed her into a large den. His eyes froze on a little boy sitting on a sofa with a pile of Lego blocks in his lap and a tattered teddy bear by his side. He held two pieces in his hands and was trying to fit them together. He looks normal was Jake’s first thought. He wore jeans, a T-shirt and sneakers like other kids. He was small for his age, though. And so thin.
Jake didn’t know what he was expecting, but at the sight of his son he felt as if the sun had burst open inside him, filling him with so much warmth that for a moment all he could do was absorb the wonderful feeling.
Ms. Woods sat beside the boy. “Hi, Ben.”
Ben didn’t answer. He kept fiddling with the plastic pieces.
“I brought someone to see you.”
Still no response.
“Ben, do you hear me?”
Nothing.
“I brought your daddy to see you.”
Ben slowly raised his head and stared at Jake. Jake’s stomach tensed at the sight of that precious face. Ben looked so much like the boy in Jake’s baby pictures, with his sandy brown hair and brown eyes. This was his son. The pain in his stomach shot straight to his heart. His son was waiting, but he couldn’t seem to move.
Finally, he took several leaden steps to sit by Ben. He tried to ignore the pain in his chest and concentrate on the pleasure.
Ben’s eyes followed him.
“Hi, Ben,” he said, his voice rusty.
Ben just stared at him.
Jake glanced down at the Lego blocks. “What are you building?”
No answer.
“It’s been a while since I played with these. Are you making a house? A car?”
Still nothing, but Ben’s eyes never wavered from Jake’s face.
“How about a tractor? I know a lot about tractors. I have several on my farm. Would you like to build a tractor?”
Ben held out a green Lego.
At the unexpected gesture, Jake felt exquisite joy. Ben was responding to him. He took the block, so desperately wanting to touch his son, to hold him. Instead he picked up several more and started working on a tractor. Ben continued to hand him pieces and Jake thought maybe Ben should help. “Okay.” He smiled. “Your turn.”
Ben tried to snap two green ones together, but couldn’t because he didn’t have them lined up correctly. Jake resisted the urge to help. In deep concentration, Ben worked until finally he’d figured out how to join the pieces.
“That’s great!” Jake gushed, feeling as if Ben had split the atom or something equally important.
After that, they continued fitting pieces together until they had a strange-looking tractor. “I don’t know, son, but I think I’ve forgotten the finer points of building a tractor.”
Ben held the model against his chest, his eyes huge.
“Next time I come to see you, I’ll bring you a toy tractor. Would you like that?”
Ben nodded.
Jake’s pulse accelerated. Ben understood what he was saying.
“Mr. McCain, it’s time to go,” Ms. Woods spoke up.
No. He couldn’t leave his son, but he knew he had no choice. He wanted to take Ben in his arms and hold him, but he was afraid it might frighten the child. It took all the strength he had to resist.
Jake got to his feet. “I’ll be back, Ben,” he said, and he noticed the look on Ms. Woods’s face. Surely she wouldn’t try to keep him away from Ben.
The Fosters came into the room and Jake and Ms. Woods left. Outside, Ms. Woods said, “I wish you hadn’t told Ben you were coming back.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s a very sticky situation.”
“And it will get stickier if you deny me access to my son.”
“I’m not doing that,” she insisted.
Jake raked a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry. I’m a bit overwhelmed at the moment, but I want to spend as much time as I can with my son. I realize, though, that I have to clear that with you.”
Carmen relaxed. “Yes, and I appreciate your cooperation.”
He drew a hard breath, trying to be patient, accommodating, anything to gain time with Ben. “I don’t understand what the Fosters have against me. Why wouldn’t they encourage a connection to Ben’s father?”
“They’re still dealing with Mrs. Carr’s death, so please try to be understanding and respect their privacy.”
Jake tilted his head up toward the smoky blue sky. It was the middle of October and fall was in the air with a robust feeling of cooler temperatures. They wanted him to understand. Did they realize what it was like for him? To have his whole world torn apart? Then be expected to let strangers raise his boy—his own flesh and blood. “When’s the hearing?”
“A date hasn’t been set, but since you’ve been located, we’re expecting it to be soon.”
“Then CPS will tell a judge who should raise Ben?”
“Yes.”
“How can you do that when you’re hesitating to give me time with Ben?” He held his hand up when she started to speak. “You don’t know if I can take care of my son or love him or nurture him. You can’t write an honest report unless you give me a chance.”
“This would be so much easier if you and your wife weren’t separated.”
