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‘STEPH,’ I said.
‘What’s up?’
‘I retweeted a picture of Anika Khatri’s grandfather.’
‘I…you what?!’
‘I retweeted a picture of her grandfather. Help! What do I do?’
I heard Andy’s voice in the background.
‘It’s Emma,’ Steph said. ‘She retweeted a picture of some girl’s grandfather.’
‘Oh great, let’s involve more people in this,’ I said.
‘Why?’ I heard him say.
‘Yeah, why?’ repeated Steph.
‘It was an accident, OBVIOUSLY.’
‘Why were you on Anika’s profile?’ Steph sounded baffled.
‘She’s number one on the New Friend List.’
‘Hang on, I’m just having a look…’
There was a silence.
‘Oh my GOD.’ Steph burst out laughing again. ‘You total WEIRDO.’
‘Steph, this is not helpful. Any advice on where to go from here would be much appreciated.’
I heard mumbling.
‘Andy says un-retweet immediately.’
‘What about you?’
She thought for a second. ‘I say…style it out.’
‘Style it out?’
‘Yeah. I mean, she’s already seen it. There’s nothing you can do now. Maybe if you just act like it’s totally normal, she’ll think it’s totally normal.’
‘Really?’
‘Yeah. Ooh ooh, I know, you should retweet some more random stuff. Make her think you’re one of those people who just retweets EVERYTHING. You know, like Desperate Paul?’
‘You think that will work?’
‘Definitely.’
posted by EditingEmma 19.01
Right, I’ve just retweeted eleven other things on Anika’s account and I’ve been COMPLETELY indiscriminate. I’ve retweeted everything from old relatives to dance school stuff to how we should all be using Tesco bags for life.
Should I keep on going? 15.59
The more the better I think. S x 15.59
Feeling a bit calmer now. Hopefully, by the end of the day, I will have salvaged this potential relationship.
posted by EditingEmma 19.45
Emma’s New Friend, Part 1: Mission Failed
I don’t believe this!!!! Anika’s blocked me!! She BLOCKED me!!!
Rang Steph again.
‘Steph, she BLOCKED me!’
‘What?!’
‘She’s actually blocked me!’
‘How do you know?!’
‘It says to follow her, and I never unfollowed! That’s a textbook blocking!’
Steph started laughing again.
‘Steph! This is no laughing matter! Does she not know we’ve got a lifelong, rock-solid friendship ahead of us?!’
‘I guess not.’
‘I feel so deflated. I thought she was fun!’
‘Maybe you mistook loud for fun,’ Steph answered.
‘Or maybe I should never have followed your terrible advice,’ I scoffed.
‘Hey, you’re the one who RTed a picture of her granddad. I was trying to be supportive earlier but…there was really nowhere to go from there.’
She has zero regard for my humiliation. Oh my God, I don’t believe this. This is so embarrassing. Blocked by my new best friend. I thought this was going to be a breeze!
Evidence: Meeting new friends online is not necessarily easier than online dating.
Thursday, 6 November (#ulink_15e77b01-0e58-53b3-867a-ac18db9d7fbe)
posted by EditingEmma 11.09
New Friend Making: On Hiatus
I’ve decided that, today, maybe I should give ‘making a new friend’ a rest. Clearly I was unprepared for the potential threats that come with any kind of human interactions, not just the ones with kissing involved. I’m also trying not to bother Steph again today, because in ‘giving her space’ yesterday by not physically being with her, all I did was keep on ringing her instead.
Mum came into the kitchen.
‘Why have you got a face like a slapped arse?’ she asked.
‘I’m bored,’ I said. ‘Because I’m giving Steph space.’
I refrained from adding it was also because I got blocked for hounding some random girl at school with a well-intentioned but ultimately scary amount of notifications.
‘What about your other friends?’ asked Mum.
‘Faith’s on holiday.’ I shrugged.
‘Anyone else?’ she nudged. ‘Beginning with a G…?’
‘Gracie?’
Interesting…
‘I don’t know.’ I frowned.
Me and Gracie are definitely getting along better now, but still, I don’t remember the last time I hung out with her on my own…
‘If you’re really going to focus on your friendships,’ said Mum, all knowing, ‘wouldn’t that be the best place to start?’
I suppose I could message Gracie… In theory. Although, there are a lot of things one could do in theory. In theory I could climb a mountain. In theory I could watch something new, instead of starting Gilmore Girls yet again from the beginning. And we all know that’s never going to happen.
posted by EditingEmma 16.09
I Can Do This
Gave in when I started considering tidying my room as an actual possibility. Right… I can do this. I mean, last term I started conversations with boys I’d only ever seen around school. This term I plan on making friends with people I’ve never said a word to before (bar Anika Khatri, who we’ll put down as the inevitable ‘fist pancake’). Phoning Gracie, who I already speak to every day, should be a piece of cake… right?!
Right?!
Ughhh. Why am I so nervous?! This is ridiculous. I CAN DO THIS.
posted by EditingEmma 16.15
I Can’t Do This
When Gracie picked up the phone she sounded really, really baffled.
‘Emma?’ she asked as if recalling a distant memory, like when the old woman at the end of Titanic is looking at her belongings from the wreckage.
‘Yes, hello.’
Then I heard her dad say ‘Who is it?’ in the background.
‘It’s Emma,’ she said.
‘Emma?’ he replied.
‘Emma,’ she said again.
‘Yes, for God’s sake, it’s me, EMMA,’ I shouted. ‘It’s not like Willie Thomas is calling you.’
(Willie Thomas is a boy who stands really close to girls at school so he can loom over their breasts. He also mouth breathes.)
‘Ew, why would he?’
‘Well, that’s exactly my point.’
‘You rang to tell me that you’re not Willie Thomas?’
‘I… Forget it. What are you doing?’
‘Nothing much,’ she said. ‘Why?’
‘No reason. God! Why are you so suspicious?’
‘… I’m playing a board game with my dad,’ she said.
‘Cool. Can I come over?’
‘You want to play a board game? With my dad?’
‘Yes.’
‘Why?’
‘FOR GOD’S SAKE. I’M NOT WILLIE THOMAS.’
We got there eventually, but that was painful. We’ve arranged to hang out later… Oh God. What if it’s awful?! What if we have absolutely nothing to say to each other without Steph and Faith?! I must keep reminding myself… it can’t be any worse than some of the awful dates I went on last term. Right?!
RIGHT?!
posted by EditingEmma 17.45
Lingering on Gracie’s Front Path
I am not Willie Thomas. I am not Willie Thomas. I am not Willie Thomas. I am not Willie Thomas.
