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‘Yes. Make sure you dress smartly for pick-ups and drop-offs. I paid a personal visit to the headmaster this morning. To impress upon him what a good family we are.’
I laugh. ‘You didn’t think to ask me first?’
My mother ignores this comment. ‘The headmaster was charming. Very presentable too. He tells me Tom is lucky to have a place there. Make sure you put a good face on.’
‘Social services got us that place. I’d feel luckier not to have a social worker.’
‘Elizabeth.’ Mum’s voice is tight. She hates it when I mention social workers. ‘Don’t be ungrateful.’
‘You really shouldn’t have visited the school, Mum,’ I say. ‘Teachers are busy enough.’
‘Nonsense,’ says Mum. ‘You need to make a good impression and for that you need my help. You never could do that on your own.’
‘I appreciate you trying to help. I really do. But can you ask in future? Before you do things like visiting Tom’s school? It feels a bit … I don’t know, intrusive.’
I feel Mum’s annoyance in the silence that follows. And I become that needy little girl again, doing anything to win back her favour.
‘Sorry,’ I say. ‘Forget I said that. It’s wonderful you visited Tom’s headmaster. Look, come and visit whenever you like.’
When I hang up, I think about Olly.
You miss him sometimes. Admit it.
The voice comes out of nowhere and I try to squash it down.
Of course there were good times. But if I want to remember the good times, I have to remember the bad ones.
Do you remember him screaming at you? Calling you every name under the sun? And worse, so much worse … Saying things too shameful to think about.
How I could fall in love with someone who wanted to tear me apart?
Lizzie (#ulink_0465f7a0-f98c-5ac5-994e-c53d16126703)
‘So why the blindfold?’ I ask, as Olly leads me over crunching snow.
‘Because you like surprises.’
Did I say that?
This has all been such a whirlwind. I’m insecure, certain our romance will be over when Olly finds out he’s too good for me.
‘This way,’ says Olly, and I hear a chalet door creak. ‘Welcome home.’
‘Home?’
‘My chalet.’ Olly unties my blindfold. ‘Where you’ll be sleeping for the rest of the ski season.’
I laugh. ‘You’ll be lucky.’
As my eyes adjust to the light, I see a cosy sofa area and Chardonnay, a bowl of Pringles and glittering tealights laid on a chunky, wooden dining table.
‘I’m calling this evening “Lizzie’s favourites”,’ says Olly, plugging his phone into a speaker. ‘Your favourite food. Favourite music. Favourite everything. I’ve got sea bass.’ He goes to the fridge and slaps a wax-paper packet of fish on the kitchen counter. ‘New potatoes in the oven. Lots of tomato ketchup in the fridge, because we’re both philistines.’ He winks. ‘Sour-cream Pringles to start. And Joni Mitchell on the stereo. Oh – and black forest gateaux for dessert. The one you like from the café.’
I smile, shaking my head in disbelief. ‘You did all this for me?’
‘Just for you. Right this way, madam.’ He hesitates when he sees my face. ‘Hey. Lizzie? Are you okay?’
‘Yes. Really, I’m fine.’
‘Lizzie.’ Olly pulls me close. ‘What’s the matter? Did I do something wrong?’
I shake my head against his chest, tears pressing into his shirt. ‘No. Not at all. The opposite.’
‘The opposite?’
‘All this for me. I don’t deserve it.’
Olly laughs then, his big, cheery, confident laugh. ‘You deserve this and much, much more.’ He kisses my head and hugs me for a long time. ‘Okay?’
I nod. ‘Okay.’
‘Let the evening commence!’ He leads me to the table, snatching up a purple napkin. ‘Your favourite colour.’ He grins, opening the napkin with a flourish.
Purple isn’t really my favourite colour. It’s just the colour of the coat I wear. But I don’t tell Olly that.
We eat Pringles, sea bass and new potatoes, drink Chardonnay and listen to Joni Mitchell. Then Olly lights a fire.
‘I borrowed a Monopoly board,’ says Olly, leading me to the sofa area. ‘Your favourite game, right? And mine too, actually. Come on. You can thrash me.’
‘Love to,’ I say.
‘Of course, we could play strip poker instead,’ says Olly, flashing his lovely white teeth.
I’m hit by an uneasy feeling that this evening might be too traditional for Olly. The wine, the fire, the board game. What if he thinks I’m boring?
‘I have an idea,’ I say. ‘How about strip Monopoly?’
‘Strip Monopoly?’ says Olly. ‘You’re on!’
We make up a few rules, deciding to lose an item of clothing every time we land on the other person’s property. Then we start playing.
It doesn’t take long before I’m down to my underwear.
‘Are you cheating?’ I accuse, taking off my bra.
Olly watches me, mesmerised. Then he says, ‘You’re beautiful, do you know that? Hurry up and roll again.’
‘It’s your turn,’ I protest.
Olly struggles out of his clothes, revealing a beautiful toned body and crazy orange tan lines at his wrists and collarbone. Then he stands to remove his underwear.
‘Turn taken,’ he announces, standing naked. ‘Now roll again.’
‘That’s definitely cheating,’ I laugh, shy now. ‘You can’t take all your clothes off at once.’
‘How dare you!’ Olly protests. ‘I am a serious rules-body. Well, if you think the game has been compromised, we’ll just have to abandon it.’
He lifts me into his arms.
‘But you were winning,’ I laugh, as Olly carries me outside to the hot tub.
‘I declare it a draw.’
Olly lowers me carefully into the bubbling water. Then he climbs into the tub himself and slides me onto his lap, arranging my legs so I’m kneeling around his hips.
‘I need to learn more of your favourites,’ he says, kissing me fiercely, hand moving up and down between my thighs.
Snow falls on the warm water and our bare shoulders.
I moan, but suddenly Olly pulls back.
‘Wait.’ He’s breathless. ‘I don’t want to move too fast.’
‘It’s fine.’
‘You’re sure? Listen, really I can wait. I don’t want this to be some quick thing. You’re more than that to me.’
I must look upset, because Olly says: ‘Hey. It’s okay. Really. I’ll get you a towel and you can have my bed, okay? I’ll take the sofa.’
‘No,’ I insist, gripping his arms. ‘I want this. Honestly, I want this. It’s just … I’ve never felt this way either. I’ve never been … special.’
‘You are special,’ says Olly. ‘The most special girl I’ve ever met.’
He kisses me again and I’m lost.
We make love in the hot tub and then again on Olly’s bed. He’s gentle at times, firm at others. He’s considerate, but sometimes teeters on the brink of losing control.
In the morning, Olly makes me waffles covered in syrup and a sugary hot chocolate. Then we have sex again before I sneak back to my chalet to prepare breakfast for my host family.
While I’m whisking up scrambled eggs, my phone bleeps. It’s a message from Olly: I miss you already.
I feel soft warmth in my chest, but also anxiety.
This is amazing. The most amazing thing that’s ever happened to me. But how can something like this last? Half the things Olly thinks we both ‘love’, I only like a little bit. Like sea bass, tomato ketchup and syrup-covered waffles with sweet hot chocolate. I’ve exaggerated so he’ll think we have things in common, scared that boring little me isn’t good enough.
Oh, what does it matter?
I’m probably just a sexual conquest and Olly will forget all about me in a few days.
This can’t last.
It’s too good to be true.
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