Вера, Надежда, неЛюбовь…

В ответ хотел улыбку получить,

Чтоб выслушал хоть кто-нибудь что на душе;

Но понавешали ярлык с готовеньким клише…

(ярлык сумасшедшего)

Его лишь просто надо было полюбить!..

Он разозлился на всё общество вокруг,

Он с детства был ведь никому не нужен;

Когда же поздно стало изливать всем душу,

Тогда-то, друг мой, и замкнулся круг…

Не смотря ни на что, Его не осуждаю:

Имеет право Джокер на отмщение,

И не нужно´ Ему просить прощение;

Волк вынужден был – и оставил стаю…

Непонятый лишь, просто человек,

Отверженный, непринятый и одинокий,

Настолько эмоционально всё ж глубокий…

Таков наш мир и современный век!..

Ну так давайте менять реальность!

Я не хочу, чтобы кто-то страдал,

Чтобы, смеясь, ночами рыдал…

Давайте сохранять сердечную кристальность!..

Я не считаю себя гуманистом.

В чём-то с Ним я точно похожа:

Тусклый взгляд, бледная кожа,

Хочу, но не могу стать юмористом…

В конечном итоге я всех призываю

Не проходить мимо и не сторониться:

Уйти всегда просто, потом не стыдиться…

Любовь сестрой Боли всегда называю.

Ну так давайте помогать друг другу

И не чураться чужой беды,

Оставляя доброты следы,

Протягивая руку тем, кто напуган!..

Из-за Него опечалилась, расстроилась;

Стих написала – не могла больше думать.

Не понявший Его – просто полный придурок…

Не могу снова улыбаться, ещё не настроилась…

(18:25-18:45; 07.10.19.)

______________________________________________________

joker

Love – is the sister of Pain…

It is the reality of our life…

Remember it. It is the main;

Though it hurts, like a blunt knife…

__________________________________________

We all like to be desperately sad, always,

To be sad about the opportunity we have lost.

Sadness must be forgotten like the past’s ghosts!

There are certain difficulties, anyway.

You know, everything will be fine!

We'll laugh at our melancholy later.

We don't order life – we don’t have a waiter!

Our life – is a series of black and white…

Give me all your weakness and pain;

I'll wipe your tears away with love and slow…

I'll never judge You! Dear, do You know!..

Live – still long remained; clear up your sane!..

His mouth, however, curled into a smile;

Yes, it's scary to watch – so twisted.

He was only abused and insisted,

He was so affronted, He wanted to die…

The “grime” can't be on "clean" hands,

And nothing can wash it away – so, just breathe…

However, you know, abusers haven’t a peace…

They can’t sympathize with the torments…

As if caught by the hand of a thief,

With conscience – “in share”, with the devil – collusion,

We’re ready to tear our dears: It’s a human “pollution”…

We're just a pack of dogs!.. How do we it achieve?

An offended person is capable of anything.

But He was guilty? Answer me! Answer me!..

I know the right answer – He talked to me;

Why are you silent – trembling with fear?..

A messenger of sorrow, coming out of nowhere,

He was in this world – no, not crazy:

He was trying to survive – He was meeting his basic!..

Not a line of my poem will offend Him! No, not there!..

He was a man, who could smile,

(Despite He laughed hysterically

And danced madly, but rhythmically)

He (always) remembered: keep on your smile!..

I felt sorry for Him. When he laughed,

I wept with Him and for Him:

I saw his face – haggard and thin,

He was looking for support, and more nothing!..

I don't blame Him, no matter what:

The Joker had the right to revenge!

Please, don’t tell me that He was “strange” –

The Black sheep was forced and left the flock…

Misunderstood, just a man, He had a rage;

Rejected, alone, He was full of rage!

He always was on a back stage!..

It is our world and our modern age…

Well, let's change reality!

I don't want anyone to be suffered,

To, laughing, at night be sobbed…

Let's keep the heart crystality!..

I don't consider myself a humanist.

In something with Him I accurately resembles:

Dull eyes, pale skin, our suffering’s endless,

I want to (but I can't) become a humorist…

Because of Him I’m saddened, upset;

I wrote a poem – I couldn't think anymore.

Some1 who didn’t understand Him – is just a complete moron…

I can't smile again, I haven't tuned in it yet…

(18:05-18:45; 22.10.19.)

__________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

Heaven with U

Heaven with you, I believe I can fly,

And just want to say that I love you.

Heaven with you, and black cloud turns to light,

You know, I come here only for you.

Heaven with you, I should make up my mind,

Oh dear, I’m turning into you!

Heaven with you, and what else can I find?

The sense of my life I feel in you.

Heaven with you, and your nightmares will hide, -

Don’t fear them, because I will save you!

Heaven with you, and, you know, diamond sky,

My darling, for you turns to blue.

Heaven with you, and when all is inside, -

Don’t keep on pretending and open your eyes!

Heaven with you, and your dreams come alive.

Which one of these dreams do you like?

Heaven – with you, lifes – without the sin!

Imagine this dream: U and I…

28.10.18; 21:30-22:00. Иллюстрация авторская: 2017 год.

Примечания от автора: данное стихотворение – моё самое первое, написанное на английском языке.

С этой работы и далее слово «грех» – в оригинале на языке «sin», читается не по правилам произношения, т.е. не как «син», а как «сайн» для обеспечения рифмы.

The Slave

The night is full of horror,

But you are looking forward.

The evil is inside -

You have nowhere to hide!

And you don’t have to mind,

How you should live your life…

You think that you are fearless,

But, all the same, it’s illness;

You know you’re in the chains,

So live without an aims.

And you create your world,

That’s plated with the gold;

And you can’t leave your cage.

What’s happened at back stage?

You feel yourself so strange

To realize your rage…

What you see in the mirror?-

The person, but not hero!

Awake and don’t afraid -

Do what you should’ve been made!..

You’re running after thrill,

That you will never feel.

And you so love to serve –

Your back become a curve!..

This night is innocent -

And you are confident.

You know you’ve got a force,

But feel yourself “Dark Horse”;

And you’ve got the “dark gift”,

So you’re trying to lift…

You want to get the glory,

But getting amatory,

You understand your “fame”

is burning on the flame…

You may be what you want to be,

But tonight belongs to me!..

01.11.2018, 21:00-21:40. Иллюстрация авторская: 2015 год.

Talking about the Night (the 2nd Part of the “Slave”)

…the Spirit follows on -

Your sane secretes poison…

The souls/thoughts are poisoned by a venom -

What would you do with them all?..

It sounds as a rave:

“You won’t have the stone’s grave!”

Don’t wait for the God’s Grace -

You feel the death embrace…

You live in Pandemonium,

You’re poisoned with an ammonium,

And feel the thanatomorphose -

Life is not a bed of rose!..

You’re acting like the living dead,

So on this way just go ahead!..

The Tales aren’t believed by adults -

It’s the sault in your wounds…

___________________________________

Your vampire’s empire

I see on the fire;

And it’s my blame -

You can deny me…

…

All the Hell’s creatures

Lost in their features;

So you become their Slave,

And you can’t go away…

You’re serving obsessed with,

Cos I’m a little witch…

These ghosts you haunted by,

Can’t let you fly so high,-

So you become MY Slave -

That is the price you pay…

Will you surrender my will,

Cos I can do anything?

01.11.18; 21:40-22:00. Иллюстрация авторская: 2015 год.

Without U

You know this world is colored grey;

And all my thoughts are far away;

I’m drowning in your ocean’s wave;

But I can’t let you step away…

I see the light behind your eyes,

It’s so bright for a thousand miles!

I would trade this world for you,

Cos I can’t live without you…

We would make the ring of hands;

Our souls are strings of base.

In my dreams – there’s only you;

I love my life because of you…

But I heard your world’s – a mess;

You should live with no regrets;

Misery loves a little company -

You can take your pain off me…

P.S.We are what we want to be;

And your love belongs to me -

Anymore I’m not without you,

But I always think about you…

06.11.18; 18:20-18:40. Иллюстрация авторская: 2013 год.

My Paradise

You may hide me within you:

All the same, I see through you.

Do you know, I’d live for you?

And, of course, I’d die for you…

I just want to hold you tight,

That makes me see your eyes’ light…

And I always feel your pain -

We will make it fade away…

You don’t have to say those words:

All the same, you feel – I’m yours…

You were like my brother, friend,

We were kids that innocent…

I see Heaven in your eyes -

You can make me go to rise.

And I don’t want to give in -

I must go ahead to win!

I steal the stars for you from sky,

Cos it makes me feel my life.

I would trade the world for you,

Cos I always think of you.

I think about you, anyway:

Whole my night, and whole my day.

And I hope we’ll be together,

I’ll be loving you forever…

We can sing and dance all night:

This is our sense of life.

Can you hear this melody,

that your heart plays for me?

All we have – is ourselves;

Our love’s – the greatest sense!

Just imagine: U and I -

It’s my gates of Paradise!..

07.11.18; 23:30-0:10. Иллюстрация авторская: 2017 год.

Crazy Town

On your palm can see the line;

With your hands you hold me tight;

And this line is tying us,

Oh, you know – we win our hearts!..

We create our Crazy Town

With the biggest city’s tower.

In this town we’re alone,

With our dreams live in common.

In our Kingdom you’re my king -

Bring a gift to me this ring;

Cos I am your crystal queen,

And I know your tragic in

aftermath of our charge -

No one has the right to judge;

We must love that we want it,

Because Love – is the God’s Gift!

Let us not wallow in lies,

And nights will be full of lights!

We’ll kneel non-believers down:

Welcome to our “Crazy” Town!..

(P.S.I’ll be with you from Dusk till Dawn!..)

08.11.18; 18:00-18:30. Иллюстрация авторская: 2016 год.

my Church

Dedicated to my lovely sister, Valery…

I can’t waste my time –

I must cross the line.

Trade my luck for the dime,

Like Tooth Fairy trades the tine.

You may extinguish my torch,

But you’ll never burn my Church;

And you’ll never take my light,

Because it is very bright!

I will never miss my chance;

If I hear a song – I dance.

You will always see my smile:

All the sadness I deny!

You should no give in to fear,

Because you should know, I’m here;

And you know I don’t go back –

You may be behind my back.

We have to go through the occasions –

I control the situations.

Wherever you go, whatever you do –

I will be right here helping you.

In your shadow I can shine,

There I see the violet’s bine.

And on any cloudy day –

We’ll be dancing in the rain.

So forget about your sorrow:

We’re not an actors of the Horror;

Every day’s – as the last day,

Day by day, and Day by day!..

12.11.18; 20:00-20:30. Иллюстрация авторская: май, 2018 год (автопортрет).

Inclined to Run… (Maestro of Blame)

I hate my life…

Do you know, why? -

Cos you’re the Maestro of Lie;

Cos it poisoned my life…

____________________________

You’re forever in my mind,

All my thoughts are so wide.

I always keep on trying,

But my hands are “tying”…

Do you know I’m so tired,

So my pain can’t be denied…

But you won’t see me cry:

“Pillow-talk” – that’s what I like!..

Crying – is the helpless feeling.

Don’t you think so? Don’t you, really?..

Oh, you’ve never felt my heart,

That was suffering so hard…

You may kill me with a gun -

I’m not inclined to run;

You’ll invade me with an army -

Just blame anything on me…

But I know, I should escape,

To my soul will not be raped!

So forget about your gun -

I am inclined to run!..

15.11.18; 21:10-21:30. Иллюстрация авторская: 2015 год.

Seven

Please, just don’t forget my name -

Yours 4ever in my sane;

And for now you see me cry -

I’ll tell you about the Sin…

If you never feel the sun -

It’s the sin of number one;

And the sin of number two -

It’s the dark what’s going through;

When you prefer the dream to real -

It’s the sin of number three;

In your soul can see a fog -

It’s the sin of number four;

When you run on blade of a knife -

It’s the sin of number five;

And the sin of number six -

It’s due to the insane risk;

When you hear the Cry of Raven -

It’s the sin of number seven!

The Despondency’s – the Sin;

Oh, my dear, it is Mine!

Just look at the road snow,

That’s like the desolation row;

The black spots are on the Sun -

So forget about your sin…

______________________________

If you ever felt confused,

By someone you were abused,

Or, perhaps, you could be used –

Don’t regret about your loss!

We will name it as a Life,

And you know, life’s full of Sin.

So forget about this -

You will feel the Catharsis…

______________

And you don’t have to repent –

We won’t be the saints, at the end.

Do not ask for the forgiveness –

We are strong, cos’ know our weakness!..

25.11.18; 14:00-14:20. Иллюстрация авторская: 2016 год.

I’m a Dreamer!..

I’m addicted to this life.

If we could, then would – we’ll fly.

I just want to live “Here-Now”,

But I don’t know, Why and How?

And I just want to live free,

I need the power like a young tree.

I’ll be your Beauty for the Beast,

We should be happy, at the least!

I want to see the shine of stars -

Let’s follow my footsteps to Mars!

Do you know I’m the endless dreamer?

Of course, I will make us believers!

Let’s feel this dream from head to toe,

And turn your fear down low!

Oh, I don’t want you to leave me,

Just like the sane, abandoned me…

You find me down of my knees -

Oh, blow me one your last kiss, please!

If you break your big pink glasses,

What would you do in these cases?..

Our life has magic alternative -

Live in harmony with our native!..

And just surrender your great fate:

May you should be a famous saint?

Remember our talk about the sins -

Will you cross the one line of these lines?

Or you will live your life more calm

to be a non-unusual some?

So just make up your insane mind:

You want to live or you will hide?

You know you can’t hide from yourself,-

We should choose it, by ourselves!..

26.11.18; 16:00-16:30. Иллюстрация авторская: 2016 год.

The confession…

What do you feel in the word “families”?

You know, I feel the “group of enemies”…

You taste this pain within my heart,

But you don’t want to say: “Enough!”

This pain is double, it’s a fact;

Oh, I just want to be apart!

I always hope – you will support,

But you were always doing spot!..

You’ll understand that I was here,

When you can’t take me hug and hear!..

______________________________________

It will be late to say: “Goodbye!” –

I will be the “catcher in the rye”!

You’ll understand you weren’t right,

But I will close my eyes at night…

_______________________________________

And, all the same, I really love you;

In spite the dark, I’m coming through…

Y’r rage should be a part of a dust!..

So also you should know – you must

Keep on trying to exchange things,

That your demons want to exist…

You should be someone another –

Don’t let your evil get too rather!..

I’ll give you your one last chance –

And you must feel the family sense;

You will not be a “dirty dancer”,

Cos you will know: Love – is the Answer!!!

26.11.18; 23:10-23:25. Иллюстрация авторская: 2017 год.

My madness World!

You know there’s nothing left to hide,

When you are here and on my side.

And we will keep on fighting

With enemies and with dark blinding!

We’ll survive the hurricane,

But we’ll never be the same.

Oh, I have the one last shell -

I should cure all viral cells!..

You feel the animal reflex,

That’s one of a million side-effects;

You feel that you should to protect

The defenseless, which you reject…

Oh, do you know, it’s not your fault,

That you came to the Heaven’s Vault?

So don’t remember your great fall -

And don’t regret, but just hold on!..

Within me there is the only empty,

I won’t be the one of the saintly;

All I want to do – is weep.

Do you feel, how strong my grieve?

You’ll be crying with me now, -

I will bow my head so low;

But I won’t down of my knees,

And my weakness won’t be vis…

The helpless crying is invisible;

I must be for you invincible.

Oh, you know, my world’s – my kingdom,

I will try to come back home…

I will go through the hardship, -

You won’t see my sunken ship!

Cos I’ll recreate it all:

Welcome to my Madness World!..

27.11.18; 11:30-12:00. Иллюстрация авторская: 2014 год.

Pure…

I’m alone in empty room,

And I wallow in my gloom;

So I wallow in this grime,

But you know, there is no crime…

On the Edge of Universe

We can make our Multiverse.

And I will raise from the ash;

Can you, darling, feel my rush?..

Inside me I feel the split; -

What do you think about it?

In my soul feel the abyss -

But by whom I was abused?..

You know, I woke my mister Hide,

That’s why I feel I lost my mind…

Doctor Jekyl, give me cure

To I again feel myself pure;

You can give me your great poison,

And my black soul will be frozen;

But because of all my sin, -

Do you know, I’ll never die?..

I’m – one more face in the crowd,

And I’m thinking out loud:

“Do you want to be my angel,

Cos you aren’t for me a stranger?..”

Oh, my dear, you’re so pure,

That your words for me like a cure;

You lifted me for the light -

I’m not inclined to fight!..

And I know, I wasn’t right,

When I felt the need to Hide -

Whispering to our God

to we will not be apart…

And it’s perfect, when you’re here;

When I can see you and hear;

Cos your words for me – like cure;

Cos I feel myself so pure…

02.12.18; 0:00-0:40. Иллюстрация авторская: 2015 год.

Примечания от автора: 1.Mr. Hide – специально написано с опечаткой (“ошибкой”), т.к. правильно, по Стивенсону – mr. Hyde, и для того, чтобы показать необходимость в двусмысленном понимании состояния лирического героя, поскольку глагол “hide” – с англ. «прятаться», поэтому отсюда – и производная для фамилии.

2.Также в строчке “when I felt the need to Hide” – глагол написан с большой (заглавной) буквы, чтобы снова показать (усилить) двойное значение: нужда лирического героя 1) в мистере Хайде и 2) в том, чтобы спрятаться. Выбор делает каждый для себя сам.

3.Джекил и Хайд, являясь антиподами друг другу (+буквально, раздвоение), ясно (чётко) показывают и то противостояние, этот разлад (“split”) в душе ГГ.

4.(Переходя к небольшому анализу) Но нужно пояснить и концепцию стиха, поскольку оно может показаться странным, если не знать (понимать), на что оно направлено: лиричное, и главная идея заключена не в Джекиле и Хайде, которые являются вспомогательными образами, а в следующем – создав Хайда, доктор Джекил вначале пытался найти лекарство (“cure”), с помощью которого он бы избавился от мистера Хайда, но в итоге ему ничего другого не осталось, как принять яд (“poison”), т.е. убить, таким образом освободив, обоих; поэтому в начале стихотворения и присутствует эта антитеза с лекарством и ядом, которая позволяет перейти к основному замыслу: лирическому герою не нужно принимать яд, ведь для него лекарством (также освобождающим душу) выступают слова возлюбленной(ого), делающими его снова "чистым" (“pure”), таким же, как и он(а) (возлюбленный/ая) сам(а); а эта чистота приводится как антитеза к порокам мистера Хайда…