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Cullen stopped, cursing under his breath. He needed to help Sarah. But the last thing he wanted was to touch her, to hold her. What if he didn’t want to let go?
With a calming breath, he glanced over his shoulder. “Yes, but not on your own. I’ll grab a nurse and be right back.”
Cullen exited the room. He could have hit the button to call the nurse, but he needed some distance, if only for as long as it took him to reach the nurses’ station.
He would let the nurse determine the best way to get Sarah on her feet. If he was pressed into service, so be it. But he hoped the nurse was one of the practical types who would handle things herself.
The less he had to do with Sarah until her release, the better.
Sarah washed her hands in the bathroom sink.
A blond nurse named Natalie hovered nearby. The woman wore blue scrubs, and never stopped talking or smiling. “After surgery and pain meds, it takes a while for your system to get back to normal. But you’re doing great already!”
Heat rose in Sarah’s cheeks. She wasn’t used to being congratulated for using the toilet. Maybe when she was a kid, but knowing her parents, she doubted it. At least Natalie had given her some privacy. And it sure beat having Cullen help her, even though he was stationed outside the door.
Don’t think about him.
She dried her hands, wishing every movement didn’t take so much effort or hurt so much. “Um, thanks. I’m not used to going to the bathroom being a community event.”
“Don’t be embarrassed. This is nothing compared to labor and delivery,” Natalie said. “There’s no room for modesty there.”
Sarah couldn’t imagine. Nor did she want to. Given she had no desire to marry again, she doubted she would ever set foot into labor and delivery. Unlike Cullen. If ever a man was meant to be a father…
An ache deep in her belly grabbed hold of her, like a red-tailed hawk’s talons around his prey, and wouldn’t let go. She struggled to breathe.
Her incision. Maybe her ribs. She leaned against the sink to allow the pain to pass.
Natalie placed a hand on Sarah’s shoulder. “Sit on the toilet.”
A knock sounded. “Need help?”
Cullen’s voice stopped whatever had been hurting. Sarah straightened. “I’m fine.”
Natalie adjusted the back of the gown. “Let’s get you back before Dr. Gray gets on me for keeping you away too long. Doctor hubbies are the worst, since they’re sure they know what’s best for their wives.”
Maybe some doctors, not Cullen. He’d looked as if he wanted to bolt earlier. She didn’t blame him. This was the height of awkwardness for both of them.
Natalie opened the bathroom door. “Here she is, Dr. Gray.”
Sarah shuffled out of the bathroom. She felt each step. An ache. A pain. A squeezing sensation. Nausea, too.
Cullen held his arms out slightly, but he wasn’t spotting her as closely as before. Dark circles under his eyes and stubble on his face made her wonder how much sleep he’d been getting. Not much, by the looks of it. But he was still the most handsome man she’d ever seen. That bothered her. She shouldn’t be thinking about her future ex-husband that way. Maybe it was the pain medication.
“You’re walking better.” He sounded pleased.
A burst of pride shot through her. “Just needed to find my legs.”
“It’s awful when they go missing,” Natalie joked. “The two of you should take a short walk down the hall and back. Sarah needs exercise.”
Excitement spurted through Sarah. She would love to get out of this room.
Cullen’s lips narrowed. He didn’t look as if he wanted to go anywhere with her.
Disappointment shot straight to the tips of her toes, even though she knew he had every right to feel that way. Why would he want to spend more time with her than he absolutely had to? She’d hurt his pride by bringing up a divorce. As if shutting her out of every part of his life outside the bedroom hadn’t hurt her. But she’d had to do something. It was only a matter of time before he left her. She’d saved them from suffering more hurt in the future.
“You should be walking a few times each day,” Cullen said.
Of course he had to say that. He was a doctor. But he’d done enough. She wasn’t about to force him into escorting her.
Sarah padded toward the window. “I’ll parade around the room. This gown isn’t made for walking in public unless I want to flash the entire floor.”
“I doubt anyone would complain.” Cullen’s lighthearted tone surprised her. “Especially not Elmer, the eighty-four-year-old patient two doors down.”
Natalie laughed. “Elmer would appreciate it. He’s such a dirty old man. But I’m sure you wouldn’t mind too much yourself, Dr. Gray.”
Cullen winked at the nurse. “Well, Sarah is my wife.”
Sarah stared at him dumbfounded. Legally she was his wife. But he wanted the divorce as much as she did. Why was he joking around as though they were still together?
He strode to the cupboard resembling a built-in armoire with a drawer on the bottom. “And since I’d rather not have any men leering at her, it’s a good thing I bought this.”
Sarah had no idea what he was talking about. “What?”
Cullen opened one of the cupboard doors and pulled out something orange and fuzzy. “This is for you.”
She stared in disbelief at a robe. “I…”
“I hope orange is still your favorite color,” he said.
She was touched he remembered. “It is.”
Natalie clapped her hands together. “How sweet!”
His gesture sent a burst of warmth rushing through Sarah. This was so…unexpected. She cleared her throat. “Th-thanks.”
“Now your backside will be covered, and I won’t have to get into any territorial pissing matches.” He held up the robe so she could stick her left arm through the sleeve. “Let’s drape this over your right shoulder and not bother your cast.”
Sarah nodded, not trusting her voice. She appreciated Cullen staying with her at the hospital, but his company was enough. She didn’t want him buying her anything, especially something as lovely and as thoughtful as this robe.
He tied the belt around her waist. “Now you’re set.”
She didn’t feel set. She felt light-headed. Chills ran up and down her arms. Neither had anything to do with her injuries, but everything to do with the man standing next to her.
“Ready?” he asked.
No, she wasn’t.
“Go on,” Natalie encouraged. “You can do this.”
No, Sarah didn’t think she could.
Cullen extended his arm toward her. She reached for his hand, unsure if touching him would hurt or not.
He laced his fingers with hers, sending tingles shooting up her arm. “It’ll be okay.”
Chills and tingles were not okay.
“I won’t let you fall,” he said confidently.
Sarah had no doubt he would catch her if her body gave out and gravity took over. But who would stop her heart from falling for him? Or catch her if it did?
CHAPTER THREE (#u23a456c9-8bc2-5521-9534-a49e67643ba3)
THE LAST THING Cullen had expected to become was Sarah’s walking buddy, but that was what happened over the next three days. His reluctance gave way to anticipation for the after-meal strolls through the hospital corridors. He’d wanted to be here and help her. This offered him the perfect opportunity to do both.
They didn’t discuss the past. They barely mentioned the future unless it related to her recovery. Sometimes they didn’t say much at all. It was enough to be with her, supporting her. Enough, he realized, for now.
As they walked through the hospital’s atrium full of tall trees and flowering plants, Cullen held Sarah’s hand. A satisfied smile settled on his lips. “You did have the energy to make it down here.”
“Told you so. This is much better than walking the hallways upstairs.” Sarah glanced up at the skylights. The ends of her long chestnut hair swung like a pendulum. Her bruises were fading, more yellow and brown than blue. “I can’t wait until I can go outside.”
“It won’t be long.” Sarah looked better, healthier. He squeezed her hand. “You’re getting stronger every day.”
Her green eyes sparkled. “It’s all this exercise.”
He wished it was because of him.
Yeah, right. He wasn’t foolish enough to think this time together meant anything. These walks were about her health, nothing else. “Exercise can be as important as medication in a patient’s recovery. So can laughter.”
She grinned wryly. “That’s why you wanted to watch the comedy show last night.”
“You laughed.”
“I did. And I’m smiling now.”
“You have a very nice smile.”
“Thanks.” She glanced at their linked hands. “Do you think I could try walking on my own?”
Cullen had gotten so used to being her living, breathing walker, holding her hand had become second nature. But it wasn’t something he should get used to, even if it was…nice. He released her hand. “Go ahead.”
Sarah took a careful, measured step. And another.
He flexed his fingers, missing the feel of her warm skin against his. “Tomorrow you’ll want to hop on a bike instead.”
Her lips curved downward in a half frown, half pout. “I like our walks.”
“Me, too.”
Her smile, as bright as a summer day at Smith Rock, took his breath away. He rubbed his face. Stubble pricked his hand. He’d been in a rush to get to the hospital and forgotten to shave again.
“But I have to be honest.” She looked around, as if seeing who might be listening. “I’m ready to escape this joint.”
“I don’t blame you.” Except once she left, everything would go back to the way it had been. They would live separate lives, in separate states. The realization unsettled him. “You should be released soon.”
“Has Dr. Marshall mentioned a discharge date?”
The anticipation in her voice made Cullen feel foolish for enjoying this time together. She wanted a divorce. He wanted one, too. “No. But given your progress, Dr. Marshall might have one in mind. Ask him when he makes his rounds.”
Hope danced in her eyes. “I will.”
Sarah took another step, swaying. She stumbled forward.
“Whoa.” Cullen wrapped his right arm around her waist and grabbed her left hand. “Careful.”
She clutched his hand. “I lost my balance.”
If that was the case, why was she leaning against him with her fingers digging into his hand? But he liked the way she clung to him. “This is the longest walk we’ve taken. Let’s head back to your room.”
He expected an argument. Instead she nodded.
Sarah loosened her grip and flexed her hand. “I can make it on my own.”
He laced his fingers with hers. “I know, but humor me anyway.”
She held on to his hand. “I suppose that’s the least I can do after all you’ve done for me.”
A list of what he’d done for her the past two years scrolled through his mind. “I suppose it is.”
Sarah owed him, and he would gladly take this as payback. He wasn’t about to let go of her. And that had nothing to do with how good having her close felt. He caught a whiff of her floral-scented shampoo. Or how good she smelled. Nothing at all.
That afternoon, Sarah gripped the edge of the hospital blanket. She stared at Dr. Marshall, wondering if she’d misunderstood him. She sure hoped so. “Don’t you mean an independent discharge?”
“An independent discharge is not going to happen.” Dr. Marshall looked like a grandfather, rather than one of Seattle’s top surgeons, with his silver-wire-frame glasses and thinning gray hair, but the man was turning out to be the devil in disguise. “You are unable to care for yourself. Your discharge planner and orthopedist agree.”
She hadn’t been waiting all afternoon full of hope only to hear this. “That’s…silly.”
Cullen, who leaned against the far wall near the window, gave a blink-and-you’d-miss-it shake of his head.
Her fingers tightened on the fabric, nearly poking through the thin material. She didn’t like being so aware of Cullen’s every movement. Her senses had become heightened where he was concerned. She’d wondered if he felt the same way. Now she knew.
No!
Frustration tensed her muscles, making her abdomen hurt more. Disappointment ping-ponged through her. They’d shared lovely walks though the hospital, holding hands like high-school sweethearts. She’d assumed Cullen would support her independent-discharge request, but he hadn’t. He didn’t want her returning to her apartment in Bellingham to stay by herself.
“Nothing about this is silly,” Dr. Marshall said. “You are lucky to be alive.”
“Damn lucky,” Cullen murmured.
