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– I understand… it’s okay, these things happen, – Marianna said in a dull voice.
The conversation ended.
I understand he lied, just didn’t want to come, but he called, felt that I was “tearing my hair out.” It doesn’t matter anymore… already… I’m dead.
“Turquoise sky – blue sky,
Love froze with white frost.
And when love left – the colors of red,
Our rose faded – all withered…”
Like Smoke
Forgive him – for his lack of love,
For all the torment and pain,
His eyes and fair hands —
You’ll remember them in winter time.
Forgive him – for his simplicity,
Of the human soul, so immature;
And for lacking bold impulses —
Like the forceful flow of a man.
Forgive him – for his lack of love,
For his indifference and neglect,
And for your nights’ suffocation,
From your tears, “broken” into blood.
Forgive him – you release him…
Let him be happy and healthy,
And his lack of love – you’ll recognize;
Towards you it will return – as love.
***
He doesn’t give you flowers,
And doesn’t drink in brotherhood;
Without him you’re worn out,
He doesn’t come, doesn’t appear in dreams.
I’ll howl like a wolf,
I’ll pine and drown
In tears, I’ll shatter my sleep,
Like a tightly strung string.
I’ll forget and curse,
All the flowers not given,
That stranger, like the moon’s dream,
And mine, like a dog’s life…
At dawn – dawn burns,
Boundless – without embrace,
Living without him is in vain,
What do you breathe, what do you eat?
He won’t give you flowers,
Won’t come and won’t be here,
In the glowing sky – to freeze,
And disappear, like smoke fades away…
Tourist Agency
It was the best tourist agency in our small town of Semivetrinsk. Everything here was top-notch for her. Marianna, in her fox fur coat, was already sitting in a leather chair across from the agency’s director. Incidentally, the director was also the agency’s only employee.
Bella Alexandrovna, wearing glasses, was like a fairy who would now choose a tour for Marianna, and magic would happen.
“Where are we flying?” asked Bella Alexandrovna.
“Let’s go for a five-star, Egypt, the best one, check the last-minute deals.”
With enthusiasm and inspiration, Bella Alexandrovna searched.
“Got it! Hotel ‘Royal Grand Sharm,’ seven days. Departure on January 7th, for Christmas.”
“Perfect, the sooner, the better.”
“I’m preparing the document package.”
I Choose Hopelessness
I choose hopelessness…
Like sailing without an anchor in the dark;
There is a place on Earth for death,
And there is a place for life on Earth.
My careless choice
Fell on the heavier fate;
With a painful, anxious tear,
With a mad trace that is more important.
I choose the path of separation…
Anxiety, tugging at a lock of hair;
Cold days, with chilled hands,
And faith, to bring back the past.
I choose without excess…
And somewhere a golden dome;
And outside the window, a wreath of cherries,
And a table in a simple room.
I choose a quiet evening…
Instead of pompous bustle,
And a night of freedom, where there are candles,
And the day’s gaping crowd…
At the Airport
The first people Marianna saw upon arriving in Sharm were two girls from Ukraine. One was plump with strange big lips, probably surgically enhanced. The other was a skinny brunette, lively. The girls had clearly come to have fun; they were already flirting and smiling at the Arabs in the airport. They would soon find the nearest bar and start enjoying themselves. It turned out they were staying at the same hotel as Marianna.
First Day in Sharm
Sharm El Sheikh. Evening. The first people I met were a lovely couple: a young girl and a guy. It was strange that they clicked with me, considering I was older than them.
“Let’s go for a walk around the streets of Sharm,” the girl suggested to me.
It was already getting dark, but the streetlights were on, and it didn’t feel scary at all. The evening was wonderful, with a gentle breeze carrying the scent of Egypt with its Arabian spices, perfumes, and the colorful atmosphere of the East.
We stopped at a street café, sat on soft couches at a table. The guy ordered a hookah, and I got coffee. The purple outfit Marianna was wearing reflected a special shade under the lights, adding to the mood. I looked good today.
Eastern music was playing, and a dark-skinned waiter approached the tables, serving food. There was a special tenderness between the girl and the guy, I noticed, and it was pleasant to watch this couple. After a while, they went to dance a slow dance, entwining like two lilies illuminated by the dim, shimmering lights of the café. Marianna admired them. Then the hookah was brought. The guy took a drag and blew out some smoke.
“Try it,” he said to me.
“I’ve never smoked this,” Marianna replied.
“It’s apple-flavored, it’s nice.”
Marianna took a sip of the hookah and coughed.
The young couple laughed. The evening was wonderful. My thoughts were still at home; I had just arrived today and already found myself in a cozy café.
The Guide
There were two guides, she remembered clearly.
One guide met us right away and held a meeting about the excursions. Everyone gathered in a large hall. Marianna remembered that guides often try to sell excursions, and you shouldn’t agree to unnecessary ones.
The guide gestured actively while speaking and spoke Russian well. He said that today you could go to Jerusalem. The trip takes only two days, and you can see the Dead Sea, the Church of the Holy Sepulchre, and the holy places. The journey is very tough, he warned immediately.
At that moment, her phone rang. It was Nikolash calling.
Marianna stepped aside to talk on the phone, no longer listening to the guide.
“Mom, how are you?” Nikolash’s voice asked.
“Son! I’m at the hotel, everything is fine.”
“Did you eat? I left some food in the fridge.”
The connection was poor, and it was hard to hear.
“Son, I’ll call you back, I’m at a meeting with the guide right now.”
Marianna sat down on a chair. Should she go to Jerusalem? But it costs a hundred dollars…
