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Marianna stands in the corridor between the kitchen and the dining room, sees her reflection in the phone: eyes filled with life-giving force.
I wonder if Alex feels this too… Yes, it seems he looked strange in his Facebook[3 - Extremist organisation banned in the Russian Federation. hereinafter] photos, laughing his head off, and I thought there was madness in his eyes, and the same divine fire in his eyes. Probably, this force has struck both of us. And this feeling cannot be hidden, and it seems the whole of Semivetrinsk already knows that I am in love, that I walk around thin and pale; people might even be laughing at me…
Do You Hear?
I need just a little of your love,
Do you hear?
And allow me to be where your thoughts are,
Breathing!
I will forever be in your thoughts —
Different ones.
And in ordinary days, just for us,
Idle ones.
And as much as fate gives me —
This one,
I want to think of you —
In summer.
And in my thoughts, I’ll be with you
Forever!
And you don’t even know I am —
Somewhere…
Like a Fool
Marianna walks into Alex’s office.
“Oh, good day!” Alex beamed with a smile.
He pulled a new sports uniform for Nikolash from the closet and handed it to Marianna. Preparing for the meeting, she wore her new white blouse with colorful ruffles on the shoulders and front. He’s looking at me now, Marianna notes, I wonder how I look…
Alex squinted and looked at her, at her mouth as she spoke.
“Alright, thank you, I hope it fits him,” Marianna replied.
“Will Nikolash participate in the competition?” Alex asked, squinting his eyes.
“Yes, I hope… he will want to.” But Marianna’s thoughts were elsewhere, and she just gazed at Alex, spellbound, trying to guess what he felt. Alex smiled and lightly touched Marianna’s hand.
A golden fire touched Marianna, running through her body and bringing bliss. Only God could touch like that, with His touch. At least, that’s what Marianna thought. She was nervous and wanted to leave quickly, to run away, yet it was also so sweet to just be near Alex.
After saying goodbye, Marianna left Alex’s office and headed to the bus stop.
“Oh God, how ridiculous I am in these ruffles on my blouse… He looked at me so strangely… I looked silly…” Marianna blushed, remembering the meeting.
“I clenched a crumpled bill,
In my hand swiftly now,
I acted like a fool with you,
During our conversation – this time.
Seeing you – I forgot everything,
Tried to pick my words;
I spoke incoherently,
Not knowing what to say…
And you – my golden-haired prince,
A poet’s dream and poems,
And I acted like a fool,
About this meeting – all, without words…”
White Light
Alex opened the coach’s office door and appeared before Marianna in all his glory. Marianna stood up from the bench and looked at Alex, who was slightly to the side. His face was poorly lit due to the light in the room. Marianna seemed to barely breathe; she was thin, fragile, and defenseless in that tight blue blouse, which barely covered her soul and emaciated body. Her soul was open and exposed, it seemed like anyone could step on it and it would break, and the feeling was delicate and shameful, visible to all. Suddenly, from Alex’s direction, Marianna saw a white beam, a gentle white light connecting her with Alex, flowing from him towards her. Marianna subconsciously recognized it as divine light.
“How are you?” Alex took steps towards Marianna, looking at her and smiling.
Marianna rushed as if towards Alex and closer to the source of the light, but suddenly saw the Head Coach come out of the room on the left, catching her off guard, so to speak. His face looked sternly with judgment. This was the Apostle Peter. Marianna sat back down on the bench and no longer tried to approach Alex. She thought about that white light she saw today in the evening, reviewing an encyclopedia about the light spectrum. Scientific sources spoke of different colors, but for some reason, she saw white light, like a beam from a spotlight.
Eagle Nose
“I also want to do Jiu-Jitsu!” Albert said one day. “Mom, Nikolash goes, and he’s already brought home so many medals.”
“Son, it’s too late for you to start that now. Kids start there at five years old.”
“Well, maybe he can try…” Marianna thought. “I’ll talk to the coach, and you can go on weekends. It’s a paid activity anyway.”
Marianna brought Albert to the Jiu-Jitsu club. Alex came out of the coach’s office and approached Albert.
“Oh! Hi!” he said, shaking his hand.
Alex showed him where the locker room was and took Albert to the hall. Marianna sat in the corridor, waiting for the training to end.
Finally, tired of sitting in one position, she went down to the basement where the gym was located. I’m worried about Albert… Everyone there is experienced, and it’s his first time.
Marianna stood at the gym door and could see Albert doing exercises. And the white uniform came in handy – Marianna thought, looking at her son. Sparring began. Marianna saw the coach pair Albert with small but experienced fighters. Opposite Albert was a little girl, briskly delivering blows. Albert dodged. The girl attacked harder and struck Albert in the face. Albert covered his nose with his hand, and Marianna saw red blood flowing down Albert’s white uniform. The coach led Albert out of the hall, apologizing: “She’s a terminator, not just a girl! Put ice on it in the medical room. How did this happen…” Marianna fretted. Why did I bring Albert here? He’s unskilled, slow…
Marianna noticed Albert’s nose was crooked, now with a bump, resembling a beak. She started to realize that his nose was broken. But nothing could be done…
***
Soon, the story of Jiu-Jitsu was forgotten, only the crooked, bump-nosed Albert reminded of it. Albert became seriously interested in hockey and hurried to the ice rink almost every day. Marianna noticed how handsome Albert looked in that hockey uniform on the ice…
Baba Yaga
Marianna met Valya at the Ice Arena. Valya also brought her grandson to hockey. Although Valya was older than Marianna, she had a special energy, joking and cheering everyone up. When she spotted Marianna, she waved from afar. Marianna liked her too. Valya also visited Marianna in the hospital, sometimes to get a medical certificate for her grandson or for advice, especially if Valya had a backache.
Marianna’s first day back at work after returning from Egypt was tough. She had to wear a white coat and attend to patients even though she wasn’t feeling great. The door to the office slowly opened. Marianna saw a huge nose with a hairy wart and an old lady’s face poking through the door.
“Baba Yaga!” Marianna whispered to herself.
Then Valya’s whole body appeared in the doorway.
“Hello! So glad to see you, dear!”
Baba Yaga walked up to Marianna’s desk and kissed the top of her head. Then she talked about her problems, and Marianna helped her.
“Alright, I’ll be going now, Grandpa is waiting!”
“Is that Ivan, your grandpa?”
“Oh, come on, it’s Stepan! I have a new husband now!”
Baba Yaga creaked the door and left, hunched over with her nose forward.
Marianna pondered, “I wonder how many times Baba Yaga has been married? Probably three times, like Valya.”
***
In the evening, a post from Baba Yaga appeared on Marianna’s Facebook[4 - Extremist organisation banned in the Russian Federation. hereinafter] timeline with a picture and a caption.
Mariana read: “Read the Gospel!”
I’m sick
Leaves entwined in braids,
Why should I grieve?
It’s October now,
How long to wait indeed…
How I wait for you,
How I long – it’s true,
You – my dream so dear,
Long-awaited too.
I am sick – because of you,
I am sick.
You – my love and disease,
You – my betrothed.
October rustles leaves so dry,
Why feel dismay?
I am ill – because of you,
And I like it this way.
Headache grips, oh, so tight,
What more can I say?
I’ll call you right now,
Better than to write.
I’ll dial your number now,
As I’m unwell.
You – my love and vow,
With eyes so grey.
My Death
To write or not to write to Alex?
Why… I won’t. The phone lies nearby on the table. Marianna feels as if some force compels her hand to rise, overcoming resistance; her hand trembles as she picks up the phone. She nervously opens Viber and sends a smiley face to Alex. As if some higher power is controlling Marianna’s hand like a puppet on strings, making the doll do what Marianna does not want. In response, Alex sends a smiling emoji – a big moving finger.
Then a video arrives from Alex. Marianna opens YouTube. What the heck… Marianna continues to watch the video, where bottles are moving on a conveyor belt, with text explanations: this bottle – for this, this one – for that, and this one – for what? This is not necessary. What did he want to say by this? That I am not needed because he is married? He probably wanted to say that he has everything: a wife for sex, a job for money, and I… why does he need me…
I didn’t want to write to him…
Scrolling through Facebook[5 - Extremist organisation banned in the Russian Federation. hereinafter] feed, Marianna sees a response: “you are instruments.”
In other words, our bodies are used for something, both me and him, we are instruments.
Then some force wanted me to call Alex, and I was absolutely sure that I wanted this. I suggested meeting to Alex, maybe he wouldn’t have decided, but some unknown force made me cautiously offer first. I have a small private office in the center of town, we’ll meet there. We agreed on the time, and Alex promised to come. The meeting time has come. I am already waiting… the meeting is at fourteen o’clock, maybe he will break away between training sessions and come. As promised. There are my icons in the office that I brought from the Svyatogorsk Monastery, they will protect us. He will come.
It’s already 2:10 PM… I’ll wait a little longer, he’s delayed. If it didn’t work out, he would have called. It’s 2:35 on the clock… He’s not here. He won’t come… Marianna plunged into emptiness, not even despair, it’s death.
I’m dead… A strange feeling when you die. I was still walking down the street, doing something, but I’m dead. I’m gone now. He didn’t come, and it doesn’t matter why: “whether he had a horse, or didn’t know the way, mother wouldn’t let him…” – like in the Ukrainian song. It makes no sense to me now, he doesn’t need me. I came home, sat down on a chair, put my hands in my hair, and began to squeeze my head. Phone call. It’s him. Marianna grabbed the phone.
A busy silence on the line, sounds, – Marianna, sorry, it didn’t work out… – Alex mumbled – pause, – There was a meeting… – Alex justifies himself.
