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“Thank you...” Her eyes misted just thinking about them. She understood all too well the pain Stone was facing, losing his mother figure. “I miss them so much, especially lately.”
He ate silently, letting her find her way through. She wasn’t sure where her thoughts were taking her, but she felt the need to make him understand something she couldn’t quite define herself.
Johanna set her spoon aside. “I know your family is full of good people, open-minded and generous. A part of me didn’t want to show just how vulnerable I felt. Even growing up on the ranch, I was on the periphery as an employee’s child.”
She shook her head, her voice trailing off, and she ate a bite of ice cream to cover her silence. The maple flavor melted over her taste buds.
“Johanna...” He clasped her wrist. “Go ahead. I’m listening.”
Licking the spoon clean, ever aware of his eyes on her mouth, she gathered her words. “It’s strange how you said you felt you weren’t good enough for me.... Learning which fork to use for an occasional meal at the big house is a long way from walking in billionaire circles on a day-to-day basis. Keeping up appearances during our engagement and constantly worrying I would do something to embarrass you was exhausting.”
“You never let it show.” His frown turned to a scowl. “Don’t you think that’s something I would have cared to know? We were engaged to be married, for God’s sake. If we couldn’t tell each other even something basic like that, then what did we even have together?”
“You’re angry?”
“I’m frustrated, yes. All this time I’ve been thinking that I let you down.” He shoved aside his bowl and leaned on his elbows, closing the space between them. “Right now, I’m realizing we let each other down. Except you weren’t interested in shouldering your part of the blame.”
Anger sparked along her already raw nerves. “I open up to you, and now you’re pissed off? That isn’t very fair.”
He sidestepped around the island to stand in front of her. “Nothing about what has happened between us has been fair or we wouldn’t still be hurting this much.”
She swallowed hard, certain to her toes he was about to kiss her and she wouldn’t be able to tell him no. They would pour all those frustrated emotions into passion. It wouldn’t solve anything, but at least they would have an outlet, a release.
Except he turned and left.
Her jaw dropped.
What the hell? Stone had just walked away from her?
She almost leaped from her seat to charge after him and demand he finish the conversation. How dare he just leave? They had unfinished business....
But hadn’t she done the same thing to him? Not only had she run away from him after the picnic, scared she couldn’t resist the temptation to do more than kiss him. But she’d also walked out on their relationship and very publicly, at that. His words settled in her gut along with the sting of guilt. He was right. She’d let him shoulder all the blame for their breakup when she hadn’t given her all to him, either.
The realization echoed hollowly inside her. She gathered both bowls and rinsed them out carefully, wishing her confusion was as easily swirled down the drain. Or that she could just shake off her worries and go to sleep like the three dogs curled up on their beds, snoring. The thought of going to her room alone was more than she could bear tonight after watching all-day family bliss with the Donavans, not just as parents but as a couple.
She yanked a blanket from the back of the sofa and curled up on the couch to count stars instead of sheep.
* * *
Stone woke the next morning with a throbbing headache and an aching erection.
His shower took care of the visible sign of his arousal, but didn’t do much to cool the fire inside him. Walking away from Johanna the night before had been one of the most difficult things he’d ever done. But he’d been too angry, too on edge. He didn’t trust himself and damned if he would ever put her at risk.
So he’d left her alone. He’d worked for hours before falling into a fitful sleep just before sunup.
Tossing his shaving gear into his bag, he was still steamed over his conversation with Johanna last night. He’d spent most of the night reviewing their time together and he kept coming back to how she’d broken up with him at one of his grandmother’s major fund-raisers. That couldn’t be coincidental. If he’d known how she’d felt, he could have done things differently. Hell, he could have—
What? Given up his job and all the responsibilities that came with that? Dismissed his background and offered to give her the family she wanted? Last night he’d learned of yet another reason they weren’t meant to be together.
Who would he be if he didn’t run Diamonds in the Rough?
He tossed his bag on the thick four-poster bed beside a stack of discarded sketches for a new kids’ line with a horse logo. The images just wouldn’t come together on paper the way he saw them in his mind. Visions of a misty-eyed Johanna kept interfering, thoughts of her struggling to hold back tears when he’d held the baby.
Damn it.
He flipped open his suitcase, pulled out a pair of well-worn jeans and tugged them on. One day into this mandated week together and he was already losing his damn mind. He scratched his hands through his wet hair, needing to get his head together.
Barring that, he could at least let the dogs out.
He opened his bedroom door, wondering if Johanna was up yet. He didn’t hear her so he assumed not. The wide-open barn space sprawled in front of him. The dogs sat up, one, two, three—tails wagging, tongues lolling out. They launched off their beds behind the sofa in unison but thank God, not barking. He knelt, petting each to keep them quiet. Then he snapped his fingers to lead them to the door. Walking past the couch, he almost stopped short. Johanna slept on the sofa, wrapped in a quilt, still wearing her sundress from yesterday.
His gaze stayed on her even as he waved the dogs outside, then he turned to face her fully and enjoy a view that far exceeded anything outside. Many nights he’d watched her sleep, her face relaxed, her stubborn chin softened a bit. Her long lashes brushed her sun-kissed cheeks. His body went hard all over again, his jeans more and more uncomfortable. He needed to get himself under control before she woke.
Padding barefoot across the room, he quietly put together the coffeepot. A crystal cake plate and cover displayed a selection of pastries big enough to feed them twice over. He grabbed a bear claw, wishing his other hunger was as easy to satisfy.
As the coffee gurgled the scent of java into the air, he felt the weight of eyes studying him. He already knew. Johanna. The connection that threatened to drive him mad was alive and well.
He pulled two stoneware mugs off the hooks under the cabinets. “Sorry I woke you.”
A rustle from the sofa sounded, and her reflection came to life in the window pane over the sink.
“It’s okay. I was just catnapping anyway.” Johanna stretched her arms over her head. “It was tough to sleep after we argued.”
“That wasn’t an argument. I consider that a very revealing discussion we should have had a long time ago.” He poured coffee into both mugs. Black. They both drank it the same way, strong and undiluted by sugar or cream. The only thing it seemed they still had in common. He picked up both and walked toward her.
“What would talking about my insecurities have changed?” Her bare toes curled against the rustic braid rug. “Do you think our breakup would have hurt any less? I can’t imagine how.”
“True enough.” He passed her a mug, wishing he could find a way to be with her without tearing them both apart. “Truce?”
She took the mug, wrapping both hands around the mug, brushing his fingers. The ever-ready attraction crackled. He saw it echoed in her eyes, along with wariness.
“Truce,” she repeated, sipping the coffee carefully. “Where to next?”
“Travel day, actually. I’ve got work to catch up on this morning.” Not a total lie, since he always had work. “Then we’ll fly out this afternoon to take Sterling to his new family in South Carolina.”
“I’m almost afraid to ask who your grandmother lined up next. The president?”
“Just a former secretary of state.”
She coughed a mouthful of coffee. “I was joking.”
“I’m not.” His grandmother moved in influential circles. He hadn’t given a second thought to the families she had chosen. They were longtime friends. But he hadn’t thought of how visiting these high-profile people would go over with Johanna. How many times had he tossed her into the middle of unfamiliar, perhaps even intimidating gatherings with no warning? Hell, he hadn’t even given her any direction on how to pack, just offering to buy what she needed.
He’d hoped to use this time together to find peace for his grandmother—but also to find closure with Johanna. Okay, and also to have lots of sex with Johanna until they both were too exhausted to argue about the past. Then they could move on.
Clearly, his plan wasn’t working out because he was falling into an old pattern of charging ahead and expecting her to follow. She didn’t trust him and if she didn’t trust him, there wasn’t a chance in hell they could sleep together again.
He couldn’t change the past, and he’d accepted they couldn’t have a future together.
Although he could damn well do something about the present. For starters, he could share the details about their travel plans. But he would have to dig a lot deeper than that to fully regain her trust.
He sat beside her on the fat sectional sofa, trying to start right now, by including her in the plan for the week. “We’ll be visiting the Landis-Renshaw family in Hilton Head. They’ve vacationed at the ranch before. As a matter of fact, they rented the whole place once for a family reunion.”
“That would be quite a who’s who of family reunions.”
And he hadn’t even told her their third stop would be to meet with a deposed European king.
* * *
Johanna welcomed the bustle of their travel day to Hilton Head, South Carolina. Stone had arranged for accommodations in a pet-friendly beach cottage with plenty of space for the dogs to run. They would meet with the Landis-Renshaw family in the morning.
Other cottages dotted the shoreline, but with an exclusivity that brought privacy. One other couple and a small family played in the surf, but otherwise she and Stone were on their own. She’d sensed a change in him earlier as he’d shared his plans for the South Carolina portion of their trip. He was genuinely attempting to include her, rather than simply taking charge.
So far, the truce they’d declared had held, due in large part to how he’d included her. That helped her relax, taking away a layer of tension she hadn’t even realized existed. She’d been worrying about the unknown.
She sat cross-legged on the wooden deck, a dozen steps away from him. The dogs curled up around her and she checked over each of them, making sure they hadn’t picked up ticks in Vermont or sand spurs from their run along the beach earlier. She finished with Pearl, the search more extensive given the cairn terrier’s longer fur.
Stone walked out of the surf like Poseidon emerging from the depths of the ocean. Big. Powerful. The hazy glow of the ending day cast him in shadows, his dark hair even blacker slicked with water. She’d always known Stone the cowboy entranced her more than Stone the CEO.
But Stone nearly naked absolutely melted her.
She forced her attention back to Pearl to keep from drooling over Stone in swim trunks. Her skin prickled with awareness as he opened the porch gate and walked past her. She heard the rattle of ice as he poured a glass of sweet tea before he dropped into one of the Adirondack loungers.
“How was the water?” She released Pearl to play with the other two dogs on the fenced deck.
“Good, good.” He set his glass aside. “Everything okay with the dogs?”
They sounded like any other couple catching up at the end of the day, except there was this aching tension between them. “They all checked out fine. Just a couple of sandspurs on Pearl. I trimmed their nails, and I’ll want to bathe them all after they run on the beach again. Otherwise, they’re all set to meet their new families.”
He swung his feet around, elbows on his knees. “You’re a nurturer. It’s in your blood.”
Her hands clenched into fists to resist the urge to sweep sand from the hair on his legs. “Are you trying to needle me with the nurturer comment?”
“I’m just stating a fact. You’ll make a great mother someday.”
The humid night air grew thicker, her chest constricting. “You’re good with children. The natural way you held little T.J....I just don’t understand you.”
“I’m good with horses, too. That doesn’t mean I’m supposed to be a jockey,” he said wryly.
“I wasn’t insinuating you should be a father. You’ve been honest about your feelings on that subject. It just took me a while to stop thinking I could change your mind.” Hugging her knees, she studied him in the fading light.
“I’ve always tried to be careful that women didn’t get the wrong idea about me and wedding bells...until you.”
That should have meant something, but it only served to increase the ache. “You’re a playboy married to your work.” She exhaled hard. “I get that. Totally.”
Stone went quiet again for so long she thought they might be returning to the silent truce again. Awkward and painful.
Then Stone stood, walking to the rail and staring out at the ocean. “My father.”
Rising, she moved to stand beside him, wind pulling at the whispery cover-up over her bikini. “What do you mean?”
His father had been an off-limits topic for as long as she’d known him. Not even Mariah brought up the subject. Stone had always said that according to his mom, his paternity was a mystery. Was he opening up to her on a deeper level, including her in more than a few travel plans?
“I found out.” His voice came out hoarse and a little harsh as he continued to look out at the foaming waves.
She rested a hand on his arm tentatively, not sure how he would react but unable to deny him some comfort during what had to be a difficult revelation. “I wish you would have told me.”
“I’ve never told anyone.”
“I was supposed to be more than just ‘anyone’ to you,” she reminded him softly.
He glanced sideways at her. “Touché.”
“Did you hire a private investigator?”
“Don’t you think my grandmother already tried that hoping to find someone who actually wanted me around?”
His words snapped her upright in shock. “Your grandmother loves you.”
“I know that. I do,” he said with certainty. “But she’d already brought up her kids. She was supposed to be my grandmother. Not my parent.”
“Did she tell you that?” She knew full well Mariah never would have said anything of the sort to Stone. Johanna just wanted to remind him of how very much his grandmother loved him.
“She didn’t have to say it.” He went silent for the length of two rolling waves crashing to the shore. “When I was eleven, I found the private detective’s report of her search for my biological father.”
“Of course she would want to know everything about you. Perhaps she was worried that he might try to take you away. Did you ever consider that?” When he didn’t answer, she continued, “You said she didn’t find him. So how did you locate him?”
“The report uncovered a wealth of data about my mother’s activities then.” His face went darker. “Suffice it to say, my mother led quite an active party life.”
“That reflects on her.” She squeezed his arm. “Not on you.”
“I understand that.” He braced his shoulders, his eyes cold with an anger Johanna knew wasn’t directed at her. “I’m not a drug addict like my mother. And while I’m not a monk, I’m monogamous during a relationship. I am my own man. I control myself and my destiny.”
She rubbed soothing circles along his arm. Even if this conversation wouldn’t change things between them, she knew he needed to get these words out and for some reason she was the person he trusted most to tell.
She drew in a bracing breath of salty air before continuing, “How did you find out about your father?”
“My mother told me.”
“That simple?”
“Apparently so. She was high at the time and to this day doesn’t remember telling me.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I was twenty-five when she let it slip about the man who fathered me—Dale Banks.”
Johanna gasped in recognition. “The Dale Banks? The country music star?”
“My mom was a groupie back in the day.” He shrugged. “She hooked up with him and here I am.”
She studied his features with a new perspective. Wind whipped her hair over her face, and she scraped the locks aside. “You do look a little like him. I never noticed until now....”
