Play With a Tiger and Other Plays

CHAIRMAN: Quite so, oh quite so, Guardian, but perhaps I should deal with this? [GUARDIAN seats himself again] Secretary, have you file Number 7? [SECRETARY hands over file 7] Last week, our investigators found evidence of a new subversive cult and …

FIFTH PRECEPT: You mean, our spies.

CHAIRMAN: If you like. But there is unrest. Serious unrest.

[There is noise beyond the left opening. One of the ATTENDANTS comes running to the conference table.]

ATTENDANT: Some of them insist on coming in.

CHAIRMAN: You have forgotten something, I think?

ATTENDANT: Second Hereditary Attendant to the Gate to the First Level. Some of them insist on coming in.

CHAIRMAN: They can wait until tomorrow.

[A second ATTENDANT runs over.]

THIS ATTENDANT: First Hereditary Attendant. They’ve got hand-grenades.

CHAIRMAN: I knew it. [to a GUARD] Arrest the Fourth and Fifth Precepts.

FIFTH PRECEPT: You haven’t the authority.

CHAIRMAN: Haven’t I!

SECRETARY: Precepts cannot be arrested without a week’s full notice and then only after having posted …

CHAIRMAN: Oh never mind. Doctor – Precept Doctor?

[DOCTOR stands up.]

FIFTH PRECEPT: There’s no appeal against that.

CHAIRMAN: No.

[The DOCTOR takes FOURTH and FIFTH PRECEPTS over to right. He claps his hands. Two white-overalled MEDICAL ASSISTANTS come running from left with a rolled stretcher, bottles of pills, a syringe. All the DELEGATES are watching these arrangements. The two who supported FOURTH and FIFTH PRECEPTS rise and go over and join them.]

SECRETARY: Heroic!

CHAIRMAN: But futile.

FIRST HEREDITARY ATTENDANT: Exalted Chairman, they give us five minutes. They have the pins out of their grenades.

CHAIRMAN: We bow to force. Let them in.

[Two LOW-LEVELLERS come in. They are dressed in sweaters and jeans, have long hair, carry grenades.]

CHAIRMAN: Who are you?

FIRST LOW-LEVELLER: That doesn’t matter.

CHAIRMAN: We must know with whom we are dealing.

SECOND LOW-LEVELLER: We are from Level 56.

[Munnurs of shock and surprise from the DELEGATES.]

FIRST LOW-LEVELLER: Yes, this is the first time any one of you have set eyes on Level 56-ers, isn’t it?

CHAIRMAN: Your status?

SECOND LOW-LEVELLER: Oh tell them, if it keeps them happy.

FIRST LOW-LEVELLER: Officer First Class, Second Subsidiary Grade.

SECOND LOW-LEVELLER: Officer First Class, Second Subsidiary Grade.

FIRST LOW-LEVELLER: Elected officers.

CHAIRMAN: Impossible.

SECRETARY: Sir, there was that revolution last month in the Intermediate City.

CHAIRMAN [affable]: Ah, so you are the leaders of the successful coup in the Intermediate City?

FIRST LOW-LEVELLER: You can put it like that if you can’t, understand it any other way.

[From the left comes a muffled shout.]

We have no leaders!

[Some more LOW-LEVELLERS come into view, trying to force their way past the ATTENDANTS. FIRST and SECOND LOW-LEVELLERS turn so that they are able simultaneously to keep the DELEGATES controlled with their hand-grenades, and watch the entrance left. THIRD and FOURTH LOW-LEVELLERS burst in, with rifles. They are wearing a lot of leather, and have short hair.]

THIRD LOW-LEVELLER: It is no use trying to keep us out.

CHAIRMAN: Very well, I suppose there is nothing for it. I declare the conference reopened, for discussion on Item 99. Will you please all be seated?

FOURTH LOW-LEVELLER: A committee! Would you believe it!

FIRST LOW-LEVELLER: We might have known it.

SECOND LOW-LEVELLER: I’m not wasting my time talking.

THIRD LOW-LEVELLER: I’ll give you exactly three minutes.

FOURTH LOW-LEVELLER: And don’t imagine we wouldn’t use them.

CHAIRMAN: You don’t want to discuss Item 99?

FIRST LOW-LEVELLER: We don’t want to discuss anything.

GUARDIAN: What do you want then?

SECOND LOW-LEVELLER: To have full representation in the celebrations tomorrow.

THIRD LOW-LEVELLER: The Ceremony of the Garlanding of the Door.

CHAIRMAN: I’d almost forgotten about that. We have a rehearsal in a few minutes, haven’t we?

GUARDIAN: Do you mind repeating that? You have forced your way in here because you want representation for Level 56 in the Garlanding Ceremony?

THIRD LOW-LEVELLER: Not only 56. All the levels beyond that too.

CHAIRMAN: But it’s not physically possible to have representatives from all the hundred levels. That was why it was arranged by the First Ones that the levels from 1 to 50 should represent 50 to 100.

GUARDIAN: But after all, we haven’t been faced with fifty extra people, only four.

FOURTH LOW-LEVELLER: It was never anything but a disgustingly unfair arrangement.

CHAIRMAN: Yet I see that you and your friend are happy to represent all the levels beyond 56. Isn’t that so?

FIFTH PRECEPT: Exalted Chairman, may I remind you that we are placed here because you decided that we were part of this – demand?

A DELEGATE: Conspiracy!

ANOTHER DELEGATE: Undemocratic and violent overthrow of Constitutional Government!

CHAIRMAN: Well well, I don’t know. Perhaps we of the upper levels have got a bit stuffy. I see no reason at all why Level 56 shouldn’t be represented at the ceremony. And they may start by joining us in the rehearsal.

FIFTH PRECEPT: Just a minute. We were arrested because you believed us to be party to this demand, or conspiracy.

CHAIRMAN: You haven’t been arrested.

FIFTH PRECEPT: Thank you.

[He and the other three attempt to leave the group of DOCTOR and MEDICAL ATTENDANTS, but they are forcibly restrained.]

FOURTH PRECEPT: We are being wrongfully held. On two counts. One, we knew nothing about this conspiracy. Two, it is now apparently not considered a conspiracy.

CHAIRMAN: Precept Doctor, we have not yet had your report.

FOURTH PRECEPT: There is no need of any report. We are all perfectly well.

DOCTOR: Of course this is only a provisional diagnosis, but in my opinion these patients are not fit to leave medical care.

FIFTH PRECEPT: We aren’t patients.

DOCTOR: There. Come now. Relax. Take these pills. You are getting over-excited.

[The two PRECEPTS, then the other two refuse the pills, as the DOCTOR threatens force.]

FIRST LOW-LEVELLER: What’s wrong with them? Who are they?

CHAIRMAN: You mean you don’t even know your champions? Those are the famous Fighting Precepts.

FIRST LOW-LEVELLER: Champions!

SECOND LOW-LEVELLER: I think I’ve seen their pictures.

THIRD LOW-LEVELLER: Liberals!

FOURTH LOW-LEVELLER: Vacillating temporizers!

FIRST LOW-LEVELLER: Compromising timeservers!

CHAIRMAN: Well, well. And these are the people you have been fighting for.

FIRST LOW-LEVELLER: But what’s wrong with them?

FIFTH PRECEPT: We are under medical care because we insist on discussing Item 99. Tonight.

SECOND LOW-LEVELLER: Never heard of it.

FIFTH PRECEPT: The Door is going to open. It is going to open.

THIRD LOW-LEVELLER: Oh I see, they’re nuts.

GUARDIAN: I do so hope that you young people are not unbelievers. For while I deprecate the emotional extravagance and wrongheadedness of officers like the Fourth and Fifth Precepts, I find it in my heart to prefer that to total nullity.

FIFTH PRECEPT: But it is going to open.

FIRST LOW-LEVELLER: Well, of course it is. Who said it wasn’t?

SECOND LOW-LEVELLER: We’ve all been taught that in school.

THIRD LOW-LEVELLER: Whether we liked it or not.

FOURTH LOW-LEVELLER: I didn’t mind the Door lessons. I love those old myths.

GUARDIAN: Myths, indeed! Then why do you want to take part in the Door Ceremony?

FOURTH LOW-LEVELLER: It is a question of political equity.

FIRST LOW-LEVELLER: Justice.

SECOND LOW-LEVELLER: Liberty.

THIRD LOW-LEVELLER: Freedom.

FIFTH PRECEPT: But it will open. The Door will open. [shouting] Let me go. I must be free to tell everybody. I must …

[The MEDICAL ATTENDANTS grab him. The DOCTOR deftly injects him, an ATTENDANT crams pills into his mouth. He passes out, and is laid on the stretcher. The DOCTOR tries to inject the FOURTH PRECEPT, who mimes submission, contrition, humility. As this is seen to work, the DOCTOR becoming avuncular and bland, the other two copy the FOURTH PRECEPT. Meanwhile FOURTH PRECEPT goes forward a little way to examine the big Door. He is joined by the two who have now mollified the DOCTOR. Do we imagine it, or is this Door brighter than it was?]

THIRD LOW-LEVELLER: There have been a lot of pretty funny rumours down in the Levels recently.

CHAIRMAN: I would hardly describe a revolution as a rumour.

FIRST LOW-LEVELLER: No, about the Door. Rumours about the Door.

SECOND LOW-LEVELLER: More than rumours. There’s a new sect.

THIRD LOW-LEVELLER: The main one calls itself ‘The Door Will Open Soon’ Society.

GUARDIAN: Indeed?

SECOND LOW-LEVELLER: There’s been some rioting.

GUARDIAN: Very true. I had them arrested and imprisoned.

THIRD LOW-LEVELLER: I heard some escaped. We thought they might be here.

[FIRST and SECOND LOW-LEVELLERS look suspiciously at THIRD and FOURTH LOW-LEVELLERS, while moving closer together. THIRD and FOURTH do the same. At the same moment, the two couples aim their grenades and their rifles at each other.]

CHAIRMAN: Now, now. There’s no need for that.

[A fresh commotion outside left exit. ATTENDANT comes running over.]

ATTENDANT: Second Hereditary Attendant of the Gate to the …

CHAIRMAN: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

ATTENDANT: There’s another lot.

CHAIRMAN: Then let them in, by all means.

[This time there is a group of varying ages, and variously dressed. They are unarmed, and they walk quietly.]

CHAIRMAN: Delighted to see you all.

GUARDIAN: Do come in.

SECRETARY: You are more than welcome.

DELEGATES: Hear, hear. Yes. Of course. Welcome.

ONE OF THE GROUP: Oh, I’m so glad. We thought we might not believe it.

CHAIRMAN: No, no, we think every Level should be represented. Every one, mark you, including Levels 50 to 100. You will all be welcome at the Ceremony. And indeed, we were just about to start the rehearsal for tomorrow.

GUARDIAN: And it is time to start. Do join us.

[He stands facing the pile of machinery, as if heading a procession. The DELEGATES and officers start forming behind him.]

ONE OF THE GROUP: But why does there have to be a Ceremony? Aren’t we just going to walk right out?

[This person, then others of the group, look at the Door propped up on the altar, look at each other, shake their heads, then start looking around. One sees the big Door right, indicates it to the others. This group moves over towards it.]

CHAIRMAN: Doctor, you have some more patients.

FOURTH PRECEPT: I’m glad you made it. But be quiet. Don’t argue. Don’t fight.

[This new group, the FOURTH PRECEPT, his two allies, are now close to the big Door. It is hard now to doubt that it is brighter. And surely the humming sound is louder.]

FIRST LOW-LEVELLER: I’ve never seen any of that lot before.

THIRD LOW-LEVELLER: I wonder what Level they are from?

ONE OF THE NEW GROUP: We come from all the Levels. Not just from one.

FOURTH LOW-LEVELLER: Are you from ‘The Door Will Open Soon’ Society?

ANOTHER OF THE NEW GROUP: From all the societies.

ANOTHER: Or from none.

GUARDIAN: Shouldn’t we be getting on? Chairman?

CHAIRMAN: Of course. Assistant to the Guardian of the Door …

[One of the DELEGATES whose function this is starts shepherding members of the Conference, and the LOW-LEVELLERS, into a neater line behind the GUARDIAN. He hands them garlands of plastic and paper flower.]

GUARDIAN: I’ll just run through my opening lines. [as if delivering a sennon, but rather fast] Many thousands of years ago, no one knows how many, a natural disaster or a war sealed us in this Under Place. We understand from the old records that a few survivors, known to us as The First People, laid the basis of this our society, excavating the First Level of the Under City. Water supplies were discovered and ensured, and the cultivation of mushrooms, our staple food, begun. The Sacred Machines were placed here, at the gate of the Outside, for it was revealed to the First People that it will be the Sacred Machines which will announce to the Door the moment it must open … Etcetera and so on.

A DELEGATE: Lovely old stuff, isn’t it?

ANOTHER: I’ve done this so often I could do it in my sleep.

ANOTHER: If the Door did actually open some of us would get the shock of our lives.

ANOTHER: We take it for granted there is something outside.

ANOTHER: Speak for yourself. I, for my part, am quite sure there is not.

ANOTHER: My attitude is that since we don’t know, we should keep an open mind.

ANOTHER: Then why are you in this Ceremony at all? It is just hypocrisy.

CHAIRMAN: Nonsense, it is part of our ethic. Part of the fabric of our society.

DELEGATE: It does no harm and it may do some good.

SECRETARY: Refusing to take part in the Ceremony creates a disturbance. It is anti-social. It just draws attention to yourself, that’s all.

GUARDIAN: Your reasons for being here are not important. There are many paths to the Door. [to his ASSISTANT] The regalia?

ASSISTANT: Here. [He hands GUARDIAN the regalia, and assists him – a plastic smock with silver lightning flashes, a mitre, a small transistor radio in one hand, a telephone in the other. The latter is a child’s toy, in a bright colour.]

GUARDIAN: I think that’s all. Assistant?

ASSISTANT: Lights. Lights. Turn down the lights.

[A TECHNICIAN vainly clicks switches on the side of the computer.]

TECHNICIAN: Sorry, but they don’t seem to work. I’ve turned off the usual number of lights but it is no darker.

FOURTH PRECEPT: Look at the Door.

A MEDICAL ATTENDANT: It’s much brighter.

DOCTOR: It’s an optical illusion.

[But now there is no doubt that the Door is brighter.]

ONE OF THE NEW GROUP: It’s getting brighter all the time.

GUARDIAN: Well, never mind. I’m sure the technicians will get everything right in time.

ANOTHER OF THE NEW GROUP: ‘Wait and watch for the sudden time,

The song that’s bright,

The singing light.’

[ASSISTANT TO THE GUARDIAN tries to push FIRST and SECOND LOW-LEVELLERS to the back of the procession. They resist. He tries with the THIRD and FOURTH LOW-LEVELLERS.]

FIRST LOW-LEVELLER: You don’t seem to have got the point. Those days are over.

ASSISTANT: Everyone has to go where he is allocated.

FOURTH LOW-LEVELLER: No. Take your hands off.

CHAIRMAN: Move up here, behind me. We have got the point, I assure you.

[ASSISTANT pushes FIRST and SECOND LOW-LEVELLERS up to the head of the procession behind GUARDIAN.]

THIRD LOW-LEVELLER: Very nice.

ASSISTANT: You can’t all four be up at the front.

GUARDIAN: Of course they can. The youth are our most precious possession, the gold of our future. Let them come.

[ASSISTANT pushes THIRD and FOURTH into the procession behind FIRST and SECOND LOW-LEVELLERS.]

THIRD LOW-LEVELLER: I’m sorry, but our status is just as relevant as their status.

FOURTH LOW-LEVELLER: It’s not fair to those we represent.

ASSISTANT [to FIRST and SECOND LOW-LEVELLERS]: I am sure you are much too mature to mind. [He pushes THIRD and FOURTH in front of them.]

FIRST LOW-LEVELLER: No, I’m sorry. That won’t do.

SECOND LOW-LEVELLER: It’s the principle of the thing.

A DELEGATE: What is that noise?

[All now look at the big Door, now glowing brilliantly. But is it responsible for that soft deep note?]

THE SAME DELEGATE: Remember the old saying:

‘When the Door begins to sing,

That’s a sign of coming spring.’

GUARDIAN: We all know these old tales. But remember, there is no agreement about their origin.

ONE OF THE NEW GROUP: The First People left them for us as a signpost.

A DELEGATE: No. My father, and he was an expert in the field, said they were anonymous. They come spontaneously from the populace.

A DELEGATE: What is spring?

ANOTHER: They say that Outside it is beautiful in spring.

ANOTHER: What is beautiful? We all use the word, but what does it mean?

ANOTHER: Anything gets called beautiful.

ANOTHER: It was flowers and leaves. [holding up some paper flowers] Like this.

GUARDIAN: We have flowers and leaves.

THE DELEGATE WITH THE FATHER: My father said spring was a metaphor.

ANOTHER: My grandfather who was an expert said that flowers and leaves Outside are not like this, they are made of flesh.

THE DELEGATES, VARIOUSLY: Oh how disgusting. Revolting. Horrible. Repulsive. Ugh!

DELEGATE WITH THE GRANDFATHER: My grandfather had the theory that the word spring meant when Outside was covered all over with live tissue in different colours. You know, like our flesh, but different.

A DELEGATE [shuddering]: Like a sort of cancer.

DELEGATE: That would take a lot of getting used to for a start.

ANOTHER: That’s what I’ve always said. I mean, we take it for granted that Outside would be better than here. But, ugh, flowers and leaves made of flesh, living flowers and leaves, I mean to say. [He looks as if he is going to be sick.]

FIRST LOW-LEVELLER: My father spent all his life studying the old sayings. His version of the spring verse is quite different.

SECRETARY: You have scholarship down on the Lower Levels? Yes, yes of course you do …

[SECRETARY exchanges a tolerant grimace with the CHAIRMAN.]

FIRST LOW-LEVELLER: He said it should go:

‘The Door will sing,

Then through it spring.’

THIRD LOW-LEVELLER: I like the other one better.

FIRST LOW-LEVELLER: Here, you two can’t stay there. You can’t be in front of us. I don’t care for myself but it is an insult to the 56th Level.

FOURTH LOW-LEVELLER: We aren’t moving back and that’s final.

CHAIRMAN: I do hope you will forgive me intruding, but I have a suggestion. You can’t have been Hereditary Exalted Chairman all your life without learning something of the arts of compromise. [He whispers to ASSISTANT.]

ASSISTANT: You move there … [He pushes FIRST LOW-LEVELLER with FOURTH.] … and you there … [He pushes THIRD with SECOND.]

[There is violent scuffling and disorder.]

FIRST LOW-LEVELLER: I’m not going to be with him. Look at his hair, if there wasn’t anything else wrong.

THIRD LOW-LEVELLER: He makes me sick.

THE DELEGATE WHO COMPLAINED OF THE NOISE BEFORE: I’m sorry but I can’t stand it. I have always been sensitive to noise. [This one runs out, left, hands clapped to ears.]

[The Door, glowing brilliantly, is sending out a strong sweet sound.]

FOURTH PRECEPT: ‘The Door will sing.’

ONE OF THIS GROUP: ‘The Door is singing, chanting, ringing,

The Door is shining, burning clear,

Leave your prison, the time is here!’

DELEGATE WHOSE FATHER WAS AN EXPERT: That’s not the right version. I’m sorry.

ANOTHER FROM THE GROUP: ‘The Door will glow, It’s time to go.’

SAME DELEGATE: No, that’s wrong.

ANOTHER: No, it isn’t, I’ve heard that version often.

[A babble of quarrelling breaks out in the procession. At the same time, all the group near the door, including the DOCTOR and MEDICAL ATTENDANTS, press closer to it. The ATTENDANTS, at a sign from FOURTH PRECEPT, pick up the stretcher with FIFTH PRECEPT.]

GUARDIAN [taking command of the procession]: This is a procession of Peace. Peace, I tell you.

FIRST LOW-LEVELLER [grabbing SECOND LOW-LEVELLER and pulling him beside himself]: You belong here.

GUARDIAN: Arrest the Low-Levellers.

[GUARDS come forward to arrest them, but the four LOW-LEVELLERS spring out of the procession and stand in a group facing the GUARDS, weapons at ready.]

FIRST LOW-LEVELLER: We’ll blow the whole place up.

FOURTH LOW-LEVELLER: And don’t think we don’t mean it.

DOCTOR: This must be a mass hallucination. It’s hypnosis. It’s a trick.

[The Door is now a flood of brilliant light, while from it comes a beautiful deep note.]

ONE OF THIS GROUP: ‘The atoms dance,

The Door’s on fire,

The electrons sing,

Now seize your chance.’

ANOTHER: ‘Watch and wait,

Know the time,

A singing Door,

That’s the sign.’

FOURTH PRECEPT: Come on. [He signals the MEDICAL ATTENDANTS to the Door.]

DOCTOR: Stop.

[The MEDICAL ATTENDANTS stop with the stretcher at the Door. All this group press up close, almost touching the Door. The DOCTOR hangs back a little, but he is being drawn slowly forward.]

GUARDIAN: In the name of the Door I command you to disarm.

FIRST LOW-LEVELLER: Silly old fools. Scared. Like a lot of sheep.

SECRETARY: Not sheep. Ship. Scared like a lot of ship. Ship, plural of sheep.

SECOND LOW-LEVELLER: What’s a sheep anyway? What’s it matter?

SECRETARY: It matters very much. We must preserve standards. When we do eventually leave this Underplace and go out again, into Outside, then we’ll need to know these things.

FOURTH LOW-LEVELLER: We don’t even know what the Door is for. It’s just there.

[He rushes over and kicks the Door on the altar.]

THIRD LOW-LEVELLER: There, you see? Nothing happens. [He kicks the Door too. Stands defying it.] Go on, punish me then!

FOURTH PRECEPT: ‘A singing Door, That’s the time … ’

[He walks into the blaze of the Door and disappears. The others of that group follow, the MEDICAL ATTENDANTS taking the stretcher through last.]

DOCTOR: I must be mad!

[He goes into the Door like the others. A couple of people rush across from the left, ignoring the procession, going straight to the Door.]

THESE SHOUT: Are we too late?

[They jump into the light and vanish.]

FOURTH LOW-LEVELLER: Did you see that? Did you?

[He rushes across and jumps into the light. FIRST LOW-LEVELLER does the same. One of the GUARDS goes after him. But are we imagining it, or is the light slightly less, the deep note a little higher and fainter?]

GUARDIAN [he has noticed nothing]: As Guardian of the Door, I command you, finally, to submit to me.

CHAIRMAN: As Exalted Chairman I order you to give yourselves up.

GUARDIAN’S ASSISTANT: According to Regulation 37d you have no alternative but to disarm.