Play for 6 people. Once two new year's eve…

ATTENTION! ALL COPYRIGHTS TO THE PLAY ARE PROTECTED BY THE LAWS OF RUSSIA AND INTERNATIONAL LAW, AND BELONG TO THE AUTHOR. IT IS FORBIDDEN ITS PUBLICATION AND REPUBLICATION, REPRODUCTION, PUBLIC PERFORMANCE, TRANSLATION INTO FOREIGN LANGUAGES, CHANGES IN THE TEXT OF THE PLAY IN THE FORMULATION WITHOUT THE WRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR. THE PRODUCTION OF THE PLAY IS POSSIBLE ONLY AFTER A DIRECT CONTRACT IS CONCLUDED BETWEEN THE AUTHOR AND THE THEATER.

Comedy play for 6 people.

Duration 1 hour 20 minutes!

The play is in one act, but with a large number of scenes, which implies a relatively frequent change of scenery.

ACTOR

LENYA is a cheerful guy, about 35 years old;

NORA is Leni's wife, about 35 years old.

SUSANNA-Leni's mistress, about 25 years old.

SEMYON is a friend of Leni, about 35 years old.

ALINA is Semyon's wife, about 35 years old.

KRISTINA is Semyon's mistress, about 25 years old.

December, New year's eve.

SCENE 1 RECREATION AREA AT THE SKI CLUB

With snowboards in hand, in full uniform, groaning, groaning, limping and writhing, two friends, Semyon and Lenya, enter the scene.

Lenya carries a snowboard in his hand, looks confident, professional, and Semyon crawls dragging the snowboard along the stage, as if pulling a sled on the floor with both hands, which indicates his very modest experience in this sport.

LENYA (with a sneer): Well, my friend, considering that you've been "scratching" your wife for three years about your system trips to snowboard training, you could at least learn to stand on it, for the sake of decency.

SEMYON (with shortness of breath): Oh, Lenka, don't RUB salt on my wound. I don't have a living place under my uniform. I'm even afraid to look in there, there's probably one solid bruise.

Lenya cheerfully takes off her ski goggles, helmet, and gloves with an experienced hand.

LENYA (optimistic): Don't worry, Senya. Say that you landed badly from the ski jump. The track was not prepared, weather conditions failed, visibility played a role. Well, in the end – sport is sport. There is no it anywhere!

Semyon sits on the "fifth point", takes off his ski goggles, helmet, gloves. It moves slowly, grunting.

SEMYON (with shortness of breath): Yes… I don't worry about telling lies at home. I'm worried about how I feel about Kristina now with all this… Whether functionality is broken! There are serious concerns, because you saw what I did the last time.

Lenya nods with a grin, takes off his jacket, takes a carbonated drink from the bar, pours it into a disposable Cup, which he finds there.

LENYA (optimistic): Everything will be fine. Although … Yes, you smacked pretty good.

Lenya SIPS a drink from a Cup.

SEMYON (plaintively): And in General, it is not easy for our brother to live! It's getting harder and harder to change… And what is most offensive, no one will appreciate all our sophistication, effort and guesswork. And yet, this is a full-fledged creative process!

LENYA (pathos): This is not just some kind of creativity, this is an Opera, what tricks we have to go to to change once again!

SEMYON (sympathetically, with understanding): Oh, Yes… What are the risks? The husband someone's face will fill, the children of others will be tied…

LENYA (in the senses): And how much do you have to spend on gifts and Souvenirs? This is a nightmare!!! I spend all my bonuses and side jobs on these guys… I mean this one… in General, dam.

SEMYON (sympathetically, with understanding): Yeah… This is not a gift to your wife, which costs three kopecks, and was bought from a lantern, just to somehow disown the birthday and other nonsense. Here you have to buy real gifts! Dear ones! High quality!

LENYA (annoyed): And these messages on the phone at an inconvenient moment? These calls from hysterical fools, in the middle of the night!!! And after all, you can not give your phone number, and it is not always profitable to send it far away… In General – solid puzzles…

SEMYON (sympathetically, with understanding): And when you first start this third-party relationship, what a risk to get infected! The statistical indicators of syphilis are simply appalling! How to live in such conditions… How many times have I stepped on this rake… this year.

LENYA (philosophically): Yeah… Problems of course… just a gesture. I sometimes wonder why I need all this. I'll throw it to the devil! I have a wife and a child studying abroad. What else do you need? But… Fortunately, I don't think about it for long. After all, are we men or what? Here you want, you don't want – but you have to!

SEMYON (cheerfully, with support): Exactly!

LENYA (thoughtfully): Listen, what about your wife?

SIMON (getting distracted from the sad thoughts): With Alina? Everything all right. Why the question?

LENYA (thoughtfully): Well… it's just that you were concerned about the functionality of the mistress, and the wife is also in this part of the relationship, which no one has.

Semyon heaves a sigh, gets up from the floor, unbuttons his jacket, goes to Lena, sniffs the drink in his hand, goes to the bar, performs the same procedure, pours, drinks.

SEMYON (having drunk enough): Wife… What about your wife? Don't you know how it is in the family? Complete idyll. She doesn't want to, and I don't need to.

LENYA (thoughtfully): Yes, that's the question…

SEMYON (not understanding): What do you mean?

LENYA (thoughtfully): I have the same thing. Well, that's what I think… What doesn't she want? Why shouldn't I, of course, but why shouldn't she? That is the question!

Semyon ponders. He takes out his phone and calls his wife with a suspicious attitude.

SEMYON (into the phone, with a hit-and-run): Hello? Alina? You? Never know. Why is the voice so strange? Well, how strange? I don't know… strange. Very cheerful or something. What are you doing there? Where are you? At home? Do you wash dishes? So what's so fun about it? TV? Comedy? On what channel? Yes? Clearly. All right, bye.

Semyon puts down the phone and looks around.

SEMYON (friend): There's no TV here, do you know?

LENYA (judiciously): Give up these checks, Semyon. Don't look for clues, or you'll find them. And then it will not be good for anyone!

SEMYON (nervously): Well, then why are you egging me on? I hadn't even thought about it before.

LEON (considered): That's right!

SEMYON (nervously): Now think.

LEON (considered): What about me? I'm just thinking out loud. You have a wife and a mistress, and I have a wife and a mistress… and you can see it over there… on the lift…

Lenya points towards the audience, and Semyon looks where his friend is pointing.

LEON (sensible): get Out… the men of the thirty-rises. All normal-looking guys, and therefore also have wives and mistresses.

SEMYON (trying to understand): So what? What are you driving at?

LEON (considered): And to the fact that none of the men thinks why their wives are so condescending to their (pausing, with sarcasm) "hobby".

Semyon looks suspiciously at his friend, takes out his phone again, and calls his wife with a dubious look.

SEMYON (into the phone, with a hit-and-run): Hello? Alina? You? Never know. Why is the voice so strange? Well, how strange? I don't know… strange. Very sad or something. What are you doing there? Where are you? At home? Cleaning up? Well, what's so sad about it? The song is sad? What song? Where does it play? Yes? Clearly. All right, bye.

He puts down the phone and looks irritated at his friend.

SEMYON (hysterically, on edge, to a friend): Lenya! Enough a! It's okay, don't strain it! Not yourself, not me, not the men. Our wives, unlike us, are decent people.

Lenya throws up his hands, his phone rings. He picks up the phone.

LEON (in a tube, well, mischievous): Yes, my love? I can, yeah. For you, I'm always free and always can.

Lenya smiles, mleet, talking on the phone. Semyon, looking at this shakes his head, understanding with whom his friend is talking there.

LEON (in a tube, well, mischievous): Did you miss me? Very much? You're my good girl. I missed you, too. Necessarily. I'll be at your place in about an hour, wait, get ready, when I get to you…

He hangs up, puts the phone away, still smiling, looks at his friend. Simon is skeptical look at Lenya.

SIMON (sarcastic tone): My joy, then? Well, well. Everything is clear, Susanna called. When Nora calls, the greeting is a little different. (Imitates friend, shouting) What are you calling for? I'm busy! Write a message, I've asked you a thousand times, don't call me while I'm working, you're distracting me. Inconvenient. Everything! That's all for now, I can't talk!

Lenya smiles maliciously.

SEMYON (complacently): Something like that.

LENYA (to a friend, with a sense of self-respect): Yes! Because I'm a man and I'm the boss of the family. And here you are, fawning over your own. (Parades with a trembling voice) Alinochka? Honey, I can't right now. I can't, I'm sorry. Let's do it later. Later, please. I'll call you back. I'll call you back… yeah… I Still can't… Later…

Semyon looks at his friend in confusion.

LENYA (complacently): Well? Recognize it?

SEMYON (reasonably, calmly): Yes. I respect my wife. I love it and appreciate it. And besides, I feel a certain guilt towards her for my own, so to speak… physiological weaknesses.

LENYA (biased): Come on. What are the weaknesses… You are a man, it is normal that you have a mistress. Every normal man has a mistress, or even two. There's nothing to be ashamed of. Mistresses there is no only have flawed, those which nafig no one need, but have such, as a rule, not the, that mistresses, have them and wives not case. For the same reason. So let's not blame ourselves for what is natural and natural.

SEMYON (judiciously, thoughtfully): Understand. Lence. I keep thinking about it. I love my wife very much. Very. I will not give Alina to anyone and will do everything not to lose her. And Kristina is very nice. I feel good with her, so nice, calm, comfortable, but… But internally, because of this whole situation, I somehow feel like a bit of an asshole.

Lenya waves her hand, pours more soda, and drinks.

SEMYON (judiciously, thoughtfully): So you say – naturally, all that. Yes, I myself know that this is the nature of men, they can not do otherwise. Maybe they would, but they can't… I feel a certain responsibility, as if to all of them. You know? Both responsibility and guilt!

LENYA (draining a glass of soda and exhaling loudly): I'll tell you what, old man! Go now to your Kristina, but don't try to drive her there this Blizzard. Pull back hard and everything will fall into place. The brain will fall into place, and life will continue as usual. And next weekend, you and I will meet here again and talk about it.

Lenya throws on, partially zips up the jacket, goes to a friend and holds out his hand, saying goodbye.

LENYA (summing up the meeting): Well, Susanna's waiting for me. We have her there… The event is scheduled, so… Come on, see you again, my friend!

SEMYON (holds his friend's hand in the lock, does not let go of the handshake): Tell me, could you just drop everything like that?

LENYA (trying to free her hand): You mean leave your wife for your mistress? Of course, I can, but I don't need it. Then the mistress will become a wife, and I will look for a new mistress. This is all a completed stage. A waste of time, effort, and nerves!

SEMYON (holds his friend's hand in the lock, does not let go of the handshake): Well no… I don't mean that. I'm just asking the opposite. Could you give up all your adventures and start living exclusively with your wife?

Lenya freezes with a strange expression on his face, as if something has happened to him.

SEMYON (holding his friend's hand in the lock, not letting go of the handshake): Hey, Lazy? Why aren't you talking? Everything okay?

LENYA (recovering from shock): What kind of fool is that? Why saw the branch you're sitting on? Does you that… don't spread your bad thoughts to society! You should be ready for this… it would be safe to go to a psychiatrist with your ideas. Nifiga itself asked.

Lenya tries hard to free his hand, but Semyon holds it quite firmly.

SEMYON (holding his friend's hand in the lock, not letting go of the handshake): Just wait. Laziness really? Well, is it true that no one, no one at all, can be faithful to their wives? Are we such weaklings as all of them (indicating with a nod somewhere vaguely)? Let's start with the New year to live as expected? Honestly, decently. Only with their wives to live with and no one else!

LENYA (nervously): Listen… You got me in these diagrams do not enter and do not take it poorly. If you want to break up with kristinka, it's up to you. I do not experience any psychological problems on this basis. If I want to, I will remain faithful to my wife… Then… by the age of seventy-five. Until then, I don't want to. All while, I have no time, let go.

Semyon lets go of his friend's hand.

Lenya hastily zips up the jacket to the end, corrects everything. Helmet, glasses on his head, picks up his snowboard and hurries to the exit.

Semyon goes sadly to the bar and, pouring himself a soda, gives his weighty word to the back of his friend.

SEMYON (without looking at his friend, succinctly, reproachfully): Weakling!

Drinks his own soda.

Lenya, who has almost left the room, suddenly stops when he hears a friend's phrase.

ZTM.

SCENE 2 RECREATION AREA AT THE SKI CLUB

At a small table, dressed in their ski suits, but unbuttoned to the rastopashku sit two, Semyon and Lenya. Lenya writes something, and Semyon attentively follows the text.

Lenya exhales, puts down the pen, lifts the sheet, and reads aloud, loud and clear.

LENYA (reads like a report): We, Senya and Lenya, hereby certify the date of entry into force of the dispute, to the extent that each of us undertakes not to go "left" for one year. In good faith and loyalty and to be faithful to their wives.

We provide for each other's control over the implementation of the agreement in any possible performance without any claims!

Loud Patriotic serious music is playing, appealing to masculinity.

Friends with eyes full of honor and self-denial lean back in their chairs and look somewhere in the distance, as if saying goodbye to their homeland, as if for the sake of the people go on their last journey.

The music stops.

Semyon takes a piece of paper, a pen, and signs it.

SEMYON (signing): Date, signature. I ask you, my colleague, to perform the same procedure!

Semyon passes the piece of paper to a friend, and Lenya also puts the date and her signature.

LENYA (with approval, with a catch): there you go. We'll make a couple of copies, just in case. So that each of us has a copy and one or two more in stock. We'll see… who of us is worth what in deeds, and not in words!

SIMON (quietly): I would like to note that initially, my offer was not limited to one year. In General, I was going to give up all third-party relationships and the rest of my life faithfully…

LENYA (interrupts): Yes … Yes … Yes! I remember this, and once again I want to note that this proposal was very short-sighted. Each event must have a specific time frame, otherwise it is all so… frivolous. Besides, no one knows how long your marriage or mine will last. Imagine if one of us gets divorced in a month, and the other one lives with his wife until retirement, and even longer. It would be a shame. The word will turn out that both hold, only one is having fun to the full, and the second like an idiot all in one hole!

SEMYON (after thinking it over): Well… I think I'll agree with that. Life is really a changeable thing. Anything can happen. And a man's word must remain a word, regardless of any changes!

LENYA (important): Golden words!

SEMEN (considered): But still… Why did you insist on a one-year term? Not two, not three, not five… That's really hard, isn't it? Do you really need someone on the side so badly and so important?

LEON (considered): You Understand, Semyon… I may be wrong… But it seems to me that it is much worse not to meet love in life at all than to meet it outside of marriage. Love is a beautiful thing. This is a very pure, very kind, very high "thing". Love is a necessary element of society and Yes… it happens that it is not one-sided. Love, brother. Another question is what to do for those who met her under the circumstances that they might have wanted.

Semyon heaves a sigh, fully evaluating what he has heard and trying it on for himself.

LEON (quietly): Do you love Alina?

SEMYON (surprised): of Course, very!

LENYA (calmly): And Kristina?

Semyon hesitates, delays with the answer.

LENYA (emotionally): Oh, you shifty! So you fell out of love with your mistress and started this argument with me under this bench? Well, sly! I underestimated you, you're not as simple as you seem…

SEMYON (excusing himself): no, no. I love Kristina, too. And I intend to part with it against my wishes. This is the Holy truth. Just, I say, the same… My conscience is bothering me.

LENYA (with a twist): Conscience? Or Kristinka?

SEMYON (excusing himself): No, no… Kristina is a beauty in this regard. Everything is top-notch, without headaches, hassle, unnecessary conversations and brain drain.

LENYA (admiring): Not even mine! Why did you clip your own wings, you fool? Oh, Yes… conscience. Internal conflicts and all that… Yes, Yes … I remember.

SEMYON (seriously): You shouldn't take it so lightly, Lenya. At a certain stage of life, you begin to understand that the main thing in life is not money, not social status, power or the number of sexual relationships…

LENYA (mockingly): Curious!

SEMYON (seriously): Well, we'll talk about it some other time. It's hot (fanning himself with the edges of his jacket), and there's no time…

The guys wave their jacket flaps, blowing themselves out.

LENYA (supporting): I agree. So we'll meet in… let's say a week. We report on the results and state of Affairs.

Lenya takes a piece of paper from the table, folds it, and puts it in the inside pocket of his jacket.

SEMYON (seriously): Officially-Yes, in a week…

Lenya freezes in a kind of incomprehension.

SEMYON (explaining): Well, in fact, we will certainly not once watch each other this week, and protect, so to speak, from under the floor, for compliance with the agreements!

Semyon pats the inside pocket of his jacket, where Lenya has just put the signed piece of paper.

Lenya gets up from the table, zips up, and is about to leave.

LENYA (moderately sad): Ah, Senya. You started it… Yes, and on the eve of the New year. At least I would give you a normal holiday off. Well, nothing is sacred!

SEMYON (moderated)): Norma-a-a-a-LNO. The sooner you sit down, the sooner you get out!

LENYA (moderately sad): Well, it happens!

They say goodbye by the hand. Lenya leaves first. Semyon also gets up from the table, zips up as he goes, and stealthily goes in the same direction that his friend has just left.

ZTM.

SCENE 3 BOUTIQUE

In a stylish jacket, boots, and an elegant scarf tied around the head and neck, Semyon's wife Alina enters the stage with a swagger. She looks at the Windows, something attracts her eyes, she looks for a product.

Leni's wife, Nora, comes out from the other side of the stage. She is dressed much more richly than Alina, although she looks quite good.

In the hands of the burrows of four large bag with clothes and food. She reaches the visitor's couch, puts the bags on the floor, and with a loud gasp, sits down on the couch.

Alina turns to "Ah", and recognizes a friend in the Hole.

ALINA (pleasantly surprised): Nora?

Nora doesn't immediately turn to Alina.

NORA (pleasantly surprised): Alina? What a meeting!

ALINA (openly, sincerely): I haven't seen you in a thousand years!

NORA (located): Yes at all! I didn't even recognize you right away. Sit down next to me and we'll chat!

Alina sits down next to Nora on the sofa, putting the product that interests her back on the shelf.

NORA :Well, tell me! What's up? How's life? Our husbands see each other all the time, and we hardly ever see each other at all, that's an omission!

ALINA (openly, sincerely): Don't tell me. My Senya only goes somewhere with Lenchik. I have already sinned to think that they have love there.

Laugh.

ALINA (kindly): Well, what to tell… Live. Normally. Home-work, home-work. Here. I broke out in a boutique, I haven't pampered myself with new rags for a long time. Why do you carry such heavy bags yourself? Where's yours? The day off is today.

NORA (with a wave of her hand, calmly): Yes where… Went snowboarding (makes a gesture of quotation marks, bending two outstretched fingers index and middle)

ALINA (not understanding): What does it mean?

Nora smiles modestly, but her smile is telling.

ALINA (carefully): Are you implying that he's got someone in there?

NORA (quietly): I'm sure of it one hundred percent. He has a mistress. I'll even say more. He doesn't have one, but at least three. One permanent and two temporary, updated periodically.

Alina is in shock.

ALINA (after a pause, extremely surprised): I Don't understand. But why do you need all this? You know everything and you're still with him?

NORA (calmly, even a little complacently): Yes!

ALINA (extremely surprised): But why?

NORA (calmly, even a little smug): Because I'd rather have twenty-five percent of a good deal than a hundred percent of a bad one.

Alina is stunned. She leans back on the sofa, thinking, and puts her fingers to her lips.

ALINA (in prostration): Curiously.

NORA (calmly): What's so curious about that? This is life. This is happening every step of the way. There, look (he waves his hand around the auditorium), how many such stories there are. Everything is here, everything is near. Just like everywhere else. So that… nothing new. You can say – gray days.

ALINA (in prostration): Do you think that all men cheat on their wives?

Nora makes a childlike face in response.

ALINA (doubtful): Well … no, I don't think so. Take my Senya, for example. (Sure) Your Lenya – I don't know, I won't speak for him, although theoretically… (carefully) Theoretically! Yes, he's a good-looking uncle, a lively little Sparrow. And for a word in the pocket will not go and … well… in short, such women love. But! Again. Love something let them love, no one is immune from this, but to reciprocate who does not get – this is a matter of consciousness. Here everyone makes their own decision. Well! Take my Senya for example! He is a thoroughly domestic man. Such a prototype of a loyal family man. I'll bet he'll never get mixed up with anyone, at least not while he's married. Yes, and after, if suddenly that…, too, not fact. I am… You know, you could say you forced him to marry you. He's always been a tight-ass. No, he's nothing like a man, but in the women's question-not an eagle at all.Well… not in that sense, in this sense, we are all good with him. And in the sense that with someone else… (Exhales) Shhh… Not ale at all. This is not the case. I have it at home.

Nora shakes her head skeptically as she listens to her friend, looks at her as if she's a fool, but doesn't try to convince her otherwise.

Alina speaks out, leaves the imposing form of arrangement on the sofa, sits down more modestly and somehow begins to analyze the latest events dubiously.

ALINA (doubtful): Although… you know, today he called me in a strange, all-out way. It's kind of twisted. He interrogated me on the phone. What I do there, what I watch… So strange. When I put the phone down, I did… In General, I do not understand why he has all these suspicions?

NORA (calmly): Well… that's right.

ALINA (not understanding): What is correct?

NORA (calmly): Well, you're a little girl, by God. Don't you know the nature of jealousy? Where does it come from? Yes, from the experience of personal adventures! Not from the TV series, I assure you.