Willow Creek

I sighed. “First and foremost, you’re going to need money for a place to stay. Eventually, you’ll have to get a car and that will be expensive.”

“I’ll take on another job,” she said firmly.

“Sure you can do that, but you’ll still need a place to stay and transportation to travel around.”

“Jessica has a cousin who she said I can stay with for a little while until I get my act together.”

I couldn’t help narrowing my eyes. “You already talked to that crazy driver about running away?”

Rebecca raised her chin. “I hardly call it running away when I’m eighteen years old. I’m an adult and can live on my own if I choose to.”

I licked my lips, feeling my face grow hot. I knew I had to be patient with Rebecca but she was making it very difficult.

“That woman has you thinking like an Englisher. Well, you’re not ‒ at least not yet.” I drew in a raspy breath and blew it out. “Rebecca, if you do this properly and with respect for Father and Mother, it will be better for you in the long run. You don’t want to rely on strangers to help and support you. I understand you’re fed up with all the rules that our people live by, and maybe you just don’t fit in. I get it, but don’t be naïve. It’s a cruel world out there. In our community, we’re always there for each other. Whether it’s raising a neighbor’s barn, delivering food after a new baby arrives, or when someone is recovering from illness. The Amish are never alone and from what I’ve seen, that’s not always the case for Englishers.”

“I don’t care about any of that. I’ll make a living as a painter. I’ll have my own studio and everything.”

“You can still sell your artwork as an Amish woman,” I argued.

She muffled her bark of laughter with her hand. “Sure. For a little while maybe, but then I’ll be pressured to marry and have babies.” When I began to protest, she raised her hand and rushed on. “You know it’s true, Rowan. If I don’t settle down, raise a family, and take care of the house, I won’t be accepted. I already have that problem. You don’t feel lonely because everyone loves you. You’re outgoing and like to talk to them about the same things that interest the other men, like farming and horses.” She pushed away from the desk and fell to her knees in front of me. “You like it here and I understand why it works for you. Why, oh why, can’t you see that being Amish just doesn’t work for me?” she pleaded.

“I do see that! I’m trying to guide you to leave in the right way.”

“Is there a right way?” Her hand pressed to her heart. “No matter how I do it, it’s going to be a nightmare.”

“That’s probably true, but you can make it a little easier.”

“How?”

“By being as respectful of our parents as you can be. Do the sessions with the bishop and the ministers. It won’t kill you, and at least then you can say to Ma that you really did try. She’ll see that you made an effort and that might help her better deal with your decision to leave. You never know, you might even change your mind.” The stubborn set of her jaw made me quickly add, “I’m training horses for the Porters. I should have enough money saved by December to set you up in your own apartment.”

“You would do that for me?” Her lips trembled and I stared out the window. Darkness had fallen and a cool breeze lifted the curtains.

“Father and Mother won’t be happy, but yes, if it’s your decision to leave the Amish, I’ll help you. As long as you promise to see a doctor about your problems.” She nodded briskly. “You’re a stubborn one, Rebecca, and I know that no amount of cajoling will keep you here if you don’t want to stay. I reckon it’s better if I assist you so you don’t make a complete mess of your life in the process of following your dreams.”

Rebecca folded her hands in her lap and smiled sweetly. “You’re a good brother ‒ better than I deserve.” She twiddled her thumbs like she was a distracted child again. “I’ll do as you say and slow things down a bit. I can survive the bishop’s lectures, I suppose.” She rolled her eyes. “But I can’t wait too long, Rowan. I’ll go nuts if I don’t get out of here soon.”

“You want to be away from us that bad?”

Abruptly, her eyes misted and she dropped her head. “Of course not. It’s just so hard for me sometimes. The other day Ma swatted me with the broom because I refused to go to Sarah’s baby shower on the only day I had off in over a week. Between working at the butcher shop and doing the household chores, I have no time to paint or even read a few pages of a book most days. I have no say about what happens in my own life at all. It’s not that I want to get away from you all, because I’ll miss you and Nathaniel desperately. I might even miss Da and Ma after a while. I just can’t live like this anymore. I can’t.”

“Won’t it be strange to wear trousers and have your hair down?”

She giggled. “Maybe at first. But you have no idea how uncomfortable these stupid caps are.” She adjusted hers with a sharp jerk to head.

“I can’t even imagine you driving a car.” I rubbed my chin, becoming wary with the conversation.

“It will be a grand adventure to learn so many new things,” she said wistfully.

For a moment, pink color flushed her cheeks and her eyes twinkled. Seeing her hopeful, after so many months of mood swings from melancholy depression to frightening anxiety, made all the trouble worth it. And it would definitely be a lot of trouble. In the end, I might find myself being lectured by the bishop. I certainly wouldn’t escape unscathed if I succeeded in spiriting my sister away. I would be punished for helping her.

Rebecca stood up. “I’ll heat up some dinner for us.”

I rose from the bed. “Father asked me to pick up a box of roofing nails today, but I didn’t have time. Thomas said he’d drive me into town this evening to get them to save time in the morning, if I wanted.” Rebecca stared at me with raised brows and eyes full of confusion. “Why don’t we go out for dinner tonight,” I suggested carefully.

Rebecca’s face lit up. “Truly? I can go to town with you?”

“Sure. I don’t think Father or Mother will have a problem with it. After all, I’ll pay the driver from my own money and Father needs those nails.”

“Where shall we eat?” Rebecca asked excitedly with a bounce.

“Billy’s Diner and Saloon.”

Rebecca’s eyes widened and her mouth exploded into a huge smile. “Ma and Da will be so angry if we eat there.”

“That’s why it’ll be our little secret. Are you all right with that?”

She drew nearer. “I’m more than okay ‒ and you know I can keep a secret.”

“Yes, I do.” My heart raced. “I’ll call Thomas, and then feed the horses and calves.” I glanced at the wall clock. “Be ready to leave in a half hour.”

Rebecca bobbed her head and ran out of the room. She had her own chores to finish before we could leave.

My gaze strayed to her sketchbook on the desktop. I had no doubt that it was best for Rebecca to leave, especially after the drawing I’d just spied. Her mind was too busy to ever be satisfied with the ways of an Amish woman. I only hoped that whatever darkness had touched her spirit would be permanently lifted once she got her freedom. Because if it followed her to the outside world, there would be no one there to save her.

Heaviness settled over my mind as I jogged down the steps and went out through the doorway. Was I doing the right thing? Only time would tell. There was one thing that put an extra spring to my step. I would see Katie Porter this very night. It was a foolish thing to do, I knew, but I felt reckless ‒ just like my little sister.