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‘Thank you. I’m sorry if I’ve disappointed you, Justin.’
‘Nonsense. I am at fault. I am thoughtless and too demanding. There is plenty of time for you to learn your duties.’
He nodded to her and strode away. As soon as she was certain he had left, Lucinda ran upstairs and fetched her cloak. She had not been able to visit her daughter since her husband’s return. Angela would be upset and she must make the most of what time she had.
It was mid-afternoon when Lucinda left the cottage and began to walk home as fast as she could. Her daughter had wept when she saw her, clinging to her all day. Leaving her was very hard and Lucinda had delayed until the last moment, knowing that she would not have time to visit the next day.
‘Stay with me,’ Angela begged her. ‘Do not leave me, Mama. I promise to be good if you take me with you.’
‘I cannot take you yet,’ Lucinda said and kissed her, putting her into her nurse’s arms. ‘Be a good girl and I shall come as often as I can.’
‘Angela is always good,’ Nanny said. ‘She is learning her numbers and her letters—and to speak as she ought. She will do well enough when you have gone, Lucinda.’
Lucinda knew that her friend spoke wisely. Children always clung to their mothers. Had she been able to have her at Avonlea she could not have spent more than an hour or so with her each day, for she had many duties. The child must learn to be a young lady and with that came discipline. It was because she had to leave her in the cottage that she felt so guilty, she supposed, but there was nothing more she could do for the moment. She was finding it hard enough to do all the things that Justin seemed to expect of her.
Justin ought to have known when he asked her to marry him that she would not be accustomed to so many servants or the way things should be run in such a large house. If he wanted her to behave as his mother had, he should have married someone who had been taught these things—or at least shown her what to do and given her time to learn.
‘We meet again, Duchess.’
‘Lord Lanchester…’ Lucinda laughed as she jumped. ‘You startled me. I was lost in thought and did not see you there. I was in a hurry to get home for tea.’
‘If you do not mind, I shall walk with you,’ he said. ‘I was hoping to catch Avonlea for a few minutes.’
‘You must take tea with us,’ Lucinda said. ‘You and Jane will come to the ball, I hope?’
‘I should not miss it for the world,’ he said and smiled at her. ‘You will save the first waltz for me, Duchess?’
‘Yes, of course. I should like it if you would call me Lucinda, sir.’
‘I am honoured to be your friend,’ he replied and was rewarded by her shy smile. ‘Jane is helping with the village fête next month. Your ball will be over by then and she thought you might like to open the occasion for them. I did it last year and your husband the year previously.’
‘Oh, yes, that would be pleasant. Perhaps Jane will tell me what I should say?’
‘You need only say how happy you are to be there and that you wish everyone a good afternoon,’ he said. ‘You might make a little presentation of some small gifts for the children—sweets or tin whistles, something of the sort.’
‘Yes, I believe Mama did something of the kind when we had a fête for the church in our gardens,’ Lucinda said and laughed. ‘I remember how good it was to be given such treats when I was a child.’
‘You are still young and innocent yourself,’ her companion said. ‘You deserve all the treats I am sure Avonlea gives you.’
‘Yes, perhaps,’ she said, but turned away and did not meet his look. They had left the wood behind and were walking on Avonlea land now. Hearing hoofbeats behind them, she glanced round and saw that her husband was riding towards them, having come from the direction of the park. ‘Here he is now…’
‘Ah, yes, just in time for tea as you expected,’ Andrew said and stopped walking as Justin pulled his horse to a halt and looked down at them. ‘Justin, I was on my way to see you when I met your enchanting duchess, who has kindly invited me to tea.’
‘Yes, of course, good to see you,’ Justin said and dismounted, leading his horse as he walked beside them. ‘Lucinda, my love, you look beautiful. Walking in the fresh air suits you. I must try it myself.’
‘Thank you.’ Lucinda glanced at him. His eyes were intent, not angry but thoughtful and certainly not remote. ‘We were speaking of the fête next month, after the ball has taken place. Jane wondered if I might open it and I have said I will. I trust that pleases you, Avonlea?’
‘Jane thought everyone would like to get a better look at your duchess,’ Andrew said and grinned. ‘You’ve kept her pretty close, Justin—and the locals want their share of her. I’ve told her all she needs to do is smile and look pretty—and perhaps bribe the children with some sweets.’
‘Oh…’ Lucinda laughed softly. ‘That is not quite what you said, sir. I believe I can find something appropriate to say that may please.’
‘I am certain of it, Lucinda.’
His smile was so warm that she blushed.
‘I dare say Lucinda will grow accustomed to these things in time. I shall give her some pointers once she decides to take up her duties.’
‘Oh, no one expects too much just yet, old fellow,’ Andrew said. ‘You are hardly wed and with Lucinda being called to the bedside of a cousin as she lay dying, well, you are still on your honeymoon. I am surprised that you did not whisk her away to Paris as soon as she returned.’
‘Her cousin…is that what people are saying?’ Justin’s gaze narrowed. ‘Yes, it was unfortunate, of course, but we have plenty of time for visiting Paris. I thought Lucinda should get to know everyone and that is why I arranged the ball.’
‘Everyone always loves your balls. What is the theme this time?’
‘I’ve left that to Lucinda,’ Justin replied. ‘We have had several themes in the past: eastern palaces, knights and dragons. What had you in mind, Lucinda?’
He had not mentioned that the ball needed a theme! Lucinda felt a spurt of anger, but controlled it. How was she supposed to know that there was always a theme for the ball? Yet her fertile mind soon supplied an answer.
‘I thought we might have witches, elves and trolls,’ she said and smiled. ‘Unless that has already been used?’
‘Witches and wizards,’ Andrew said before Justin could reply. ‘I don’t think I recall that one—sounds like great fun to me. You must remember to put it on the invitation, Lucinda, give everyone a chance to prepare a costume.’
‘I dare say we could provide a tall hat for everyone and a mask,’ she said, warming to her theme. ‘A dark flowing gown for the ladies and a domino for the men and there you have your disguise—of course, anyone brave enough to come as an elf or a troll would need something more daring.’
‘Are you putting us on our mettle, Duchess?’ Andrew looked much amused. ‘I reserve the right to prepare my own costume and so will Jane. I think we shall surprise you.’
Lucinda’s eyes lit up with mischief. ‘Oh, yes, that sounds so much fun. I think we shall all enjoy seeing each other’s costumes—do you not think so, Justin?’
She turned to look at him and saw that his expression had changed again, not distant but distinctly colder.
‘If it pleases you both, who am I to cavil?’ he asked. ‘I also shall endeavour to come up with my own costume and surprise you.’
‘I had no idea a ball could be so amusing,’ Lucinda said. ‘It was good of you to suggest it, Justin. I shall enjoy it so much.’
‘It is my mission in life to make you happy, my dear Duchess,’ he replied gallantly, but she caught an inflection in his voice that told her he was controlling himself with some difficulty.
After tea, Lucinda left the men to talk and went up to her rooms on the pretext of a rest before changing for the evening. In fact, she had a sentence to add to the pile of invitations she had already completed. She could only be thankful that she had not put them out for posting that morning. Had Lord Lanchester not mentioned the theme, she would have disappointed those who were expecting the ball to have its own theme.
It was neglectful of Justin not to tell her. There was so much she needed to know if she was to follow in the footsteps of those who had come before her at Avonlea. She had already disappointed Justin in the matter of her innocence; she must try very hard to be a good hostess for his friends.
That evening at dinner Justin was polite, but distant once more. After they had dined he did not linger over his port, but accompanied her to the small parlour that he preferred in the evenings when they had no guests.
‘How did you happen to meet Lanchester this afternoon?’ he enquired as he stood by the fireplace and sipped the glass of port he had carried with him.
‘I had been for a walk and we met by chance. As he wished to see you, we walked back to the house together.’
‘Have you consulted with Mrs Mann about the food for the ball?’
‘Yes, Justin. I asked her to show me some menus that might be suitable for supper and approved the one I thought best. Did you wish to approve it yourself?’
‘No, I trust you to have made the proper decision with Mrs Mann’s help. She has been here many years and my mother said she was a treasure.’
‘Yes, I am certain she is very capable.’ Lucinda hesitated, wondering whether she ought to ask about the attic rooms, then decided to leave it for the moment. ‘I should be grateful for your mother’s diaries if you would give them to me, Avonlea. I had no idea that a theme was needed for the ball until Andrew mentioned it.’
‘You are on first-name terms with Lanchester?’
‘Oh, yes. Jane and I are such good friends. I do not use his name often, but since you and he are such close friends and neighbours it would seem foolish to stand on ceremony.’
‘Neighbours, yes. We were not always friends. We fought a duel over a woman once, but we both fired in the air and made it up afterwards. In truth, she wasn’t worth wasting the shot.’
‘That is rather unkind, Avonlea.’
‘She was an opera singer—which is a polite name for her true trade, if you must know.’
‘I see…I suppose she was your mistress.’
‘Andrew’s actually until I cut him out.’
‘Then you were at fault.’
‘It was for a bet. Some of the fellows wagered that I could not do it—so of course I had to prove them wrong. I’m not sure he has forgiven me.’
‘Would you have forgiven him, had it been the other way round?’
‘Lord, yes, he hardly cared for her.’
‘I think Lord Lanchester would not have fought over a woman he did not care for.’
‘He is no white knight, Lucinda. I should be careful of walking in woods alone with him.’
‘Avonlea! You are not suggesting that he—or I—would think of…’ She gave him a reproachful look. ‘I am not a lightskirt, whatever you may think of me.’
‘No, of course. Forgive me.’ He looked conscious. ‘I did not mean it that way, Lucinda. Andrew is a normal man and he likes you. Alone in the woods he might be tempted to take advantage.’
‘He is my friend, but he is also yours. Excuse me, I think I shall go to bed.’
He was on his feet and caught her arm as she got up to leave. ‘No, Lucinda, forgive me. I did not mean to offend you. It was a careless remark, nothing more.’
‘What happened—the rape—I did nothing to encourage him. I give you my word.’
‘I believe you. I am a fool,’ Justin apologised. ‘I do not mean to quarrel with you, Lucinda. It is just my pride. Of course I do not think you of easy virtue.’
She sighed, her throat tight with emotion. ‘I think I have killed your affection for me. I fear this marriage will not work.’
‘We shall not let it fail.’ The pressure of his fingers was almost painful as he looked down at her. For a moment passion blazed in his eyes and then he bent his head, brushing his mouth softly over hers. Her lips parted on a sigh and his tongue entered her mouth as he deepened the kiss. Lucinda’s fingers moved at his nape as she relished his caress, a little shiver running through her. Her body had begun to heat and she wanted to cling to him, but held back for fear of displeasing him. His eyes darkened and he frowned as he withdrew. ‘Go to bed, Lucinda. I shall not disturb you.’
Her disappointment was sharp. For a moment she’d thought he had forgiven her, but then she’d sensed his withdrawal. What had she done wrong?
‘Very well, good night, Justin.’
Walking away from him, she felt the sting of tears, but fought against them. She must learn not to be hurt by his moods and his harsh words. If this was to be her life, she had to learn to cope with her secret grief and show a smiling face to the world.
Lucinda walked swiftly, wanting to be home before Justin came to look for her. Their quarrel of the previous evening was still sharp in her mind and she had no wish to cause a breach between them.
It was as she was walking across the smooth lawns that she saw her husband coming towards her and knew that she had been discovered.
‘You are up early, Lucinda?’
‘You know that I enjoy a walk early in the morning,’ she said with a smile that covered her trepidation. ‘Do you not recall the morning that you took me to see the swans?’
‘The swans…?’ Justin was puzzled, then he smiled. ‘Yes, of course. You were staying with Jane Lanchester and expressed a wish to see the new cygnets on the lake. I came for you early and we had breakfast here.’
Lucinda nodded. ‘It was that day you proposed to me, Justin. We had such a lovely time. We went for a long walk and you arranged a picnic by the lake. I fed croissants to the swans and you said they would do much better on the special pellets you keep for them—but you did not scold me.’
‘It is not my wish to scold you, Lucinda.’ Justin looked rueful as he offered her his arm. ‘I shall try to do better, my love—if you will forgive me for my shocking temper.’
‘Of course I forgive you. You are my husband.’
‘Perhaps you would like to go for a drive later?’
‘Yes, thank you. I should enjoy that very much.’
‘Then it will be my pleasure to take you.’
Lucinda’s hand trembled slightly on his arm. His manner was charming and he was once more the man she had married—but his mood would turn to anger again if he guessed where she had been that morning.
How much longer could she keep her guilty secret?
For the next ten days Lucinda had coped by getting up very early. She was at the cottage by seven each morning and returned by nine-thirty, giving her maid instructions that she would breakfast alone in her room at a quarter to ten. Since most ladies did not leave their rooms much before noon, she was able to see her beloved daughter and attend to her duties in the house without occasioning notice.
On the day of the ball she returned at nine-thirty as usual to discover Justin sitting in a chair in her boudoir. He rose as she entered, his eyes taking note of the plainness of her gown and her hair hanging loose about her face.
‘Is it your habit to rise so early on the day of an important ball? I should have thought you would take the opportunity to rest, Lucinda.’
‘You know I like to walk,’ she replied with quiet dignity. ‘Since it is necessary for me to fulfil my duties here, I have found it convenient to walk before breakfast. The business of the day is done before nuncheon and I am free to spend my afternoon with you should you wish for company—or to receive friends.’
‘I like to ride before breaking my fast,’ he said. ‘It would be pleasant if you could accompany me sometimes.’
‘Yes, of course if you wish it—if you let me know in time.’
‘Very well. In future I shall mention my preference before we part for the evening. I did not think I should need to make an appointment with my own wife, but since you are so busy I must make it a rule.’
It seemed that nothing she did was right for her husband and her eyes stung with the tears she would not shed. These past few days had been pleasant enough on the surface; for a moment as he’d kissed her, she’d believed the old Justin was back—but his resentment was still there, eating at him. At times she saw passion in his eyes and believed he was close to making love to her, but each time he drew back, retreating behind that cool reserve.
‘If you wish, I can change into a suitable gown now.’
‘I think not,’ he said and moved towards the door, glancing back at her. ‘Did you happen to meet anyone on your walk this morning?’
‘I glimpsed one of your keepers in the wood, but other than that saw no one. Should I have seen someone or something?’
