скачать книгу бесплатно
‘Damn you, Lucinda. Damn you for leaving me to this hell on earth.’
Seeing the beautiful things scattered over the floor, he felt some remorse for his temper and bent to retrieve a lovely pearl necklace from beneath the dressing table. Something white caught at the back took his eye. It was a piece of folded paper that had fallen behind the dressing table somehow and lodged halfway down.
He reached up to retrieve it and saw that it was a note addressed to him in Lucinda’s hand. She had written to him! He began to read eagerly.
My dearest Avonlea,
Forgive me, but something has happened—something so shocking and disturbing that I must leave at once. I shall return to explain all to you as soon as I have solved this problem. I know that my absence will cause you unease and distress, but you may tell everyone that my mother is ill and say that I have gone to nurse her. It is not the truth, but I cannot explain now. I must hurry. I love you. Lucinda.
Why had he not had the room searched properly? If this letter had been found, it might have saved him hours of heart searching and distress. His throat caught with emotion. Lucinda did not hate him. She had not fled because she feared to be his wife. In fact, though they’d never spoken deeply about their feelings, it seemed his beautiful young wife loved him! All the nightmares that had haunted him since her disappearance had vanished, leaving just two questions.
Why had she gone so suddenly and what was so shocking that she could not tell him and ask for his help?
Chapter Two (#ulink_343e3cd8-2fb2-582a-8c01-64e57b8bb369)
Lucinda hesitated in the shrubbery. She could see Jane Lanchester working in her beloved garden. Kneeling on a cushion, Jane was planting a seedling, which would flower later in the year, and intent on her work. It was foolish to be nervous. Taking a deep breath, Lucinda lifted her head and walked towards her friend.
‘Jane. Forgive me. I had to see you.’
Jane’s head came up in surprise. For a moment she stared at her and then jumped to her feet and ran the short distance between them, her arms open in welcome.
‘Lucinda! I have been in such torment, wondering if you were captive or dead. You naughty girl. Why did you not write to anyone?’
‘It was difficult.’ Lucinda looked at her awkwardly. ‘Do you hate me for what I did?’
‘Why should I?’ Jane removed the gloves she wore for gardening. ‘Come in and have some tea and tell me what has been happening. I am perfectly sure you had a good reason for what you did, as I told Avonlea. Does he know you are back?’ Lucinda shook her head. ‘He has been in great distress, you know. He couldn’t understand your disappearance and thought you might have been abducted.’
‘Surely not? I left a note promising to explain when I returned. It was on top of my jewel case.’
‘I do not know what happened, but it was not found,’ Jane told her. ‘I think the poor man thought you were afraid of him—you weren’t, I hope? I have wondered if I was wrong to advise you to marry him.’
‘I love Justin very much.’ A little sob left Lucinda’s lips. ‘I feel so awful for what I did that day, but I was in such a state I could not think. Afterwards, I wished I had waited and asked Avonlea’s advice, but at the time all I could think about was—’ She broke off, shaking her head.
‘Come in and tell me all about it,’ Jane said and then frowned as she saw a man striding towards them. ‘Here is my brother. Do you remember Andrew? I think you met him once when he was in the army.’
‘Perhaps I should go…the scandal…’ Lucinda hesitated, but Jane grabbed her arm. ‘Your brother might not wish you to know me after what I did.’
‘Nonsense. You will not run away now, Lucinda. You must at least talk to Avonlea. It is the right and proper thing to do.’
‘Yes, I shall.’
Lucinda swallowed hard. Lord Lanchester was a tall, strong man with dark hair and eyes and at that moment he looked stern.
‘Duchess,’ he said without a hint of surprise in his voice, ‘I told Avonlea that you would return. I hope you have been to see him to explain?’
‘Lucinda wanted to talk to me first,’ Jane said. ‘I am about to send for tea. You may go away for half an hour, if you please, while we talk in private.’
‘Please, it is not necessary,’ Lucinda said. ‘I shall tell you both that I left in such a hurry because I was being blackmailed. I know that I should have spoken to Avonlea and asked his advice, but I thought he might be angry—and if I am to be disgraced, he will be better off without me. It should be easy enough to annul the marriage.’
‘Blackmail?’ He frowned. ‘Do you have the letter?’
‘No…’ Lucinda swallowed hard, because she did not wish to lie, but the blackmail note held too much information—information she did not wish to share with Jane’s brother. Had he not arrived, she might have told Jane that she had stolen her daughter back, but it was too difficult to tell this stern stranger. ‘I think I shall not stay for refreshments, Jane. Do you know if Avonlea is at home, sir?’
‘I have come from him this moment. Do you know we have agents out looking for you, young lady? Your husband has been scouring the countryside for you, searching everywhere himself, day after day and even at night. He is at his wit’s end.’
Lucinda’s eyes filled with tears and she gave a little sob. ‘He will be so angry with me. I should have written to him. He will not wish to see me.’
‘You’ve upset her,’ Jane said and put an arm about her shoulders. ‘Andrew, you are a bully and I am quite cross with you.’
‘Forgive me.’ Andrew was suddenly contrite. ‘I dare say you had your reasons, Duchess. I think you may find that Avonlea is more concerned than angry.’
‘I do not think I can face him…’
‘Of course you can.’ Andrew produced a large white kerchief and handed it to her. ‘If you will permit me, I shall take you to him and I will protect you. If he is angry, I shall bring you back to Jane—there, will that make it easier for you?’
‘Yes, you must certainly return to us if Avonlea is unkind, but I do not think that the case. He cares for you dearly, Lucinda, and I know he is waiting anxiously for news,’ said Jane and her brother took up the persuasion.
‘He asked me to call because he had just found your letter. It had fallen down behind the dressing table and become lodged there. Avonlea discovered it by chance just yesterday and sent word to me because I’d been helping in the search for you.’
‘Where did you go?’ Jane asked, as Lucinda hesitated. ‘I know Avonlea sent a messenger to your mama, but she said she had not seen you.’
‘It took me a long time to reach her home…’ Lucinda faltered. ‘I walked much of the way. I dare say Avonlea’s messenger reached her before I did.’
‘Why did she not write later?’ Jane looked puzzled.
‘Mama was upset with me. We parted in anger.’
‘So you have not been staying with her all this time?’
Lucinda shook her head. ‘Only for a few days. It is a long story, Jane. Perhaps another time. I think I should go to Avonlea now. I owe my husband an explanation.’
‘Promise me you will come to me if you need help?’ Jane said and reached for her hand. ‘I am your friend and remain so always. If you are in difficulty, I shall do my best to help you.’
‘I could bring shame on you,’ Lucinda said. ‘If you knew all…’ She saw the question in her friend’s eyes. ‘No, at least not for the moment, Jane. I must speak with Avonlea first. I should have gone there immediately.’
She had wanted reassurance from her friend, but it was impossible to tell Jane her secret with Lord Lanchester standing there waiting for her.
‘There is no need for you to accompany me, sir,’ she said to him. ‘I can quite well walk to the estate from here.’
‘You will do no such thing. I shall drive you in my chaise. Jane, I shall come back immediately. Please have your refreshments and then we’ll talk. I have to leave for London after nuncheon.’
‘You will visit me soon, Lucinda?’
‘Yes.’ Lucinda gave her a wan smile. ‘I shall come soon—perhaps sooner than you think.’
Jane squeezed her arm. ‘Chin up, my dear friend. I am sure Avonlea will be kinder than you imagine.’
Following Lord Lanchester to the stables, Lucinda thought that it was all very well for Jane to say that Avonlea cared for her, but she did not yet know the whole story.
Her husband might forgive her reckless flight. He might even forgive her for not telling him that she had borne a child, but she was certain that he would not allow her to keep her newly discovered daughter. If it became known that she had an illegitimate child, people would gossip. Many would cut her and her shame would reflect on Avonlea and on her friends.
Jane had offered her a place to stay, but she would not wish to take in Lucinda’s daughter. Even if she were willing to accept the child, her brother would forbid her. Jane was the kindest and wisest friend anyone could have. When they were at school together, she had confided to Lucinda that she did not want to marry.
‘I dare say I shall be an old maid and help care for my brother’s children when he marries,’ she’d said and laughed. ‘Or I may go and live in Harrogate and hold lots of card parties and poetry readings.’
Jane might dare to know her despite her brother’s censure for she was possessed of her own fortune, but Lucinda would not wish to disoblige her. She had already made up her mind that she must make her own living and the impulse to visit Jane had come from a moment of weakness.
‘I wish you will forgive me if I was harsh to you,’ Lord Lanchester said as he handed her into the chaise a few minutes later. ‘I do not know your story or why you were being blackmailed, though I think Jane does—but if you are in trouble and wish to confide in me I will help you if I can.’
‘You are kind, sir. I do not think anyone can help me, for it would bring shame on your family if this became open knowledge.’
He smiled at her. ‘I scarcely think you have done anything so very terrible, Duchess. It may be that a problem shared would be halved, as they say.’
‘I thank you for your kindness, but I do not wish to trouble you, sir.’
Lucinda sat primly in the chaise, hands curled in her lap as she was driven through the narrow leafy lanes of Sussex that led to Avonlea’s estate. As they crossed onto the duke’s land, her heart began to race. She knew that some of his people had seen her and saw their heads turn as they watched the chaise drive by. She felt hot all over, knowing that she had already caused so much trouble and scandal. If her secret were known, it would be terrible for everyone she cared about.
‘Believe me, nothing you could do or say would be a trouble to me, Duchess.’
‘Please…call me Lucinda,’ she whispered, her cheeks hot. ‘I think Avonlea may wish to annul the marriage very soon and I shall be Miss Seymour again.’
‘I doubt he would be such a fool,’ Lord Lanchester said and smiled at her. ‘If I am to call you Lucinda, then you must call me Andrew, as my sister and close friends do.’
Lucinda blushed and gave a little shake of her head. ‘You are so kind, sir, but I assure you, I do not deserve such consideration.’
He was bringing his horses to a halt and did not immediately reply, but as he assisted her down, his smile was warm.
‘I wish to be your friend, Lucinda. Jane loves you dearly and she is not normally wrong in her choice of friends. When you are ready to talk I shall be there for you. I am certain Avonlea will not turn you away, but if he did I would open my doors to you.’
Lucinda thanked him shyly. ‘I think I shall go in al—’ She could not finish the sentence for her husband was coming towards them. Her heart caught with pain as she saw the distress in his face and realised that he had been under a great strain. There were dark shadows beneath his eyes and she thought he had lost weight. Had she done that to him? Her heart caught with remorse. She turned to meet him. ‘Avonlea, forgive me…’
‘Lucinda, my dearest. You are safe. Thank God! I thought you lost or dead.’ Avonlea turned to Lord Lanchester. ‘You found her and brought her back to me. How can I ever thank you, my best of friend?’
‘You owe me no thanks, sir. Your duchess visited my sister and I brought her to you. She was a little anxious, but I assured her you would not scold her too much. I believe she has something important to tell you.’
‘Of course I shall not be unkind,’ Justin said and looked at Lucinda. ‘Come inside, my love. You look tired and pale. I would hear what you have to say. Lanchester, you have my thanks. I shall speak to you later.’
‘When it suits you,’ Andrew replied with a slight smile. ‘My heartfelt thanks for your safe return, Duchess. Your friends are glad of it. Please call on Jane whenever you wish.’
‘You are very kind, sir.’
Lucinda could not look at him or her husband. She walked towards the house, Justin at her side. Several servants had gathered in the hall and were looking at her curiously. The housekeeper bobbed a curtsy and asked if she could do anything.
‘You may bring some tea when we ring,’ Justin said. ‘My wife has had a long journey and she is tired. We shall have nuncheon in an hour.’
Lucinda allowed him to make the arrangements. She was thirsty and hungry, and she knew that someone she trusted was caring for her daughter. Angela would be safe until she could return to her.
‘Mama will be gone for a while,’ she’d told Angela and kissed her before she left. ‘I have to find somewhere nice for us to live, but then I shall come and fetch you.’
‘You won’t leave me?’ Angela had clung to her. ‘You won’t let them take me back?’
‘Never,’ Lucinda vowed and held her tight. ‘Mama loves you and she wants to look after you, but she cannot be with you all the time. She has to work and earn money to buy our food.’
Inside the small parlour at the back of the house, Justin shut the door firmly and then turned to look at her. His hands worked at his sides and she thought that she had never seen him display such emotion. Always when he courted her he had been the polite gentleman, teasing, flirting gently, courteous and considerate. If he had a temper, she’d not seen or felt it; even his kiss when she’d at last accepted his offer had been sweet, but passionless—which was perhaps why she had dared to say yes. Avonlea had seemed kind, but capable of expressing only warm affection; this stranger with his tight mouth and tortured eyes was someone she did not recognise.
‘What was so terrible that you could not tell me, Lucinda? I took a vow to become your husband. Whatever trouble you were in I would have helped you.’
‘Yes, I know,’ she said and gave him a little smile. ‘Afterwards, I wished I’d had the courage to tell you. I panicked, Justin. Please let me explain if I may. When I returned to my rooms after the church I discovered a letter. It was a blackmail letter and the sender demanded ten thousand pounds. He—or perhaps she—threatened to expose my secret and shame your good name. I ran away rather than allow it to happen. My first thought was for you—because I had wronged you.’
‘A blackmail letter here in your room?’ Justin looked shocked. ‘I have considered all manner of reasons why you should leave, but I must admit that was not high on my list. May I enquire as to the reason for the blackmail?’
Lucinda drew a shuddering breath. ‘I fear you will be angry and hate me.’
‘I could never hate you.’
He had not denied that he might be angry, but she must find the courage to continue. Her words came out in a rush, tumbling over each other.
‘It…happened one Christmas Eve. I was home from school and my father had friends staying. I was asleep when Father’s friend fell on me and, though I woke instantly, I could not fight him off. He had been drinking and the stench of his breath sickened me. I tried to scream, but he covered my mouth with his hand. Beneath his weight I was helpless. He was my father’s best friend, but he…he raped me and then told me that he would ruin Papa if I told anyone what he’d done.’
‘Raped you? My God!’ Justin looked as if someone had punched him hard. He recoiled and seemed stunned, turning away from her and then sitting down heavily in one of the comfortable wing chairs placed in pairs about the salon. ‘Forgive me, this is a shock. It must have been a terrible experience for you, Lucinda.’
Lucinda went to him and knelt on the floor by his side. ‘I think even that was not the worst of it, Justin. I was distressed, but could tell no one—and then, at Easter, my mother discovered that I was with child.’
Justin looked down into her face, concern in his eyes. The thought of her suffering wrenched at his heart. She was so innocent and sweet—how could any man treat her so vilely? Anger raged through him, but for the monster that had violated her. He did not doubt her word for an instant. He reached down and touched her cheek as she gazed earnestly up at him.
‘Your father covered the scandal, of course. Most fathers would do the same. What happened next?’
‘I was sent to live with Grandmama. She was very unkind to me and caned my hands whenever it pleased her. When my child was born I was told it had died…but still my father would not allow me to go home or to enter society. Only after his death was I allowed the visit to Harrogate with my aunt.’
‘Was that why you kept your distance from me at first?’
‘My father told me I was dirty, a thing of shame, and that no decent man would want me. Both he and my mother said I should never marry. I defied her to wed you—and I meant to tell you the truth that night and beg you to forgive me, but then the note arrived and—’
‘You were frightened and ran away.’
Justin stood up. He reached down, drawing her to her feet so that they looked into each other’s eyes.
‘Do you have the letter?’
Lucinda hesitated. She hated to lie to him, but if she told him the whole truth he would want to know if she had found her daughter and he would force her to give her up, because to do anything else would cause a scandal.
‘No…I am sorry, Justin. I destroyed it. I should never have married you. I know you must hate me now. I shall go away and you may have the marriage annulled. All I ask is a small sum of money so that I may live quietly until I can find some respectable work.’
She would not have asked so much if it were not for her child. Until she could find a home of her own and a nursemaid to live in, Lucinda must pay for lodgings and the care of her daughter. Surely he would allow her something?
For a moment he studied her in silence, then, ‘No, I shall not have the marriage annulled,’ Justin said, his tone suddenly harsh and cold. The sound of it sent shivers down her spine and she looked at him, startled by his change of mood. ‘I’ve had enough of gossip and of being laughed at behind my back, Lucinda. You are my wife and you will accept your duties as a wife.’
‘Justin…’ She faltered, her throat tight with emotion. Tears gathered in her eyes, but she held them back. ‘I know how angry you must feel…’
