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re… hooray!
I’m so pleased for Carla that she’s been offered the chance to work for David! She really, really deserves it and I hope she says yes. I think it’s brilliant that we work for a company that’s prepared to give second chances. That embarrassing thing with the Arabian Airways client wouldn’t have been treated nearly so sympathetically by a lot of agencies – Zoe
PS I know you swore her to secrecy, but I hope you don’t mind her telling me – I am her best, best friend in the world!!!!!!!!
pertti_vanhelden@millershanks-helsinki.co.fin
3/1/00, 4.13pm (6.13pm local)
to… david_crutton@millershanks-london.co.uk
cc…
re… FASCINATING FINLAND
Oh, how your last e-mail has ignited a debating! ‘The dullest country in Europe’? We are compiling a small list of ‘Finnish Delights’ to provide you with foodstuff for thinking.
• The noble reindeer.
• 397 different flavours of vodka.
• A thriving dancing scene inspired very much by your own Pan’s People.
• The Autumn Skate-a-thon in Räahe, which is lasting for four days and nights!
• Reindeer à la Grêcque, the speciality of the head chef at the Helsinki Holiday Inn.
• The annual clubbing of the pilot whales on Björkoby Island.
• The National Museum of the Herring in Väasa.
I will be making sure to send to you a copy of the Finnish Board of Tourism and Fisheries’ illuminating booklet, Finland: the Culture, the History and the Fish. I think you will be finding it most stimulatory!
Tally-ho! Pertti
PS: My own creativity boffins are now working out their first ‘well-wicked’ Coca-Cola concepts. You are baiting your breath, yes?
Daniel Westbrooke – 3/1/00, 4.16pm
to… Rachel Stevenson
cc…
re… Carla Browne
Carla tells me that she has been offered the job of Personal Assistant to David. Pardon my French, but I am getting really bloody hacked off with this place. Why am I the last person to find anything out? I would stand more chance of knowing what is going on here if I went to the Groucho and heard it from the chaps at Saatchi and Bartle Bogle.
This is bloody awful timing. I am in sole charge of the most important pitch in this agency’s history. How am I supposed to manage without adequate secretarial support?
I have been at Miller Shanks for fifteen years and it would be nice just for once to be treated with the respect due to the Head of Client Services.
Daniel Westbrooke – 3/1/00, 4.24pm
to… David Crutton
cc…
re… Carla Browne
I am so chuffed for Carla that she has decided to take you up on your fantastic offer. She is a cracking girl and her time in the exacting role of PA to Head of Client Services has prepared her well. Much as I will miss her, I am certain you will be brilliant for each other. If there is anything, anything at all, that I can do to help her make the transition to the seat outside the Big Office, please do not hesitate to ask. Superb choice!
Brett Topowlski – 3/1/00, 4.43pm
to… Liam O’Keefe
cc…
re… PHWOOOAR!
Seen that temp who’s in for Crutton? Vin picked up her pheromones in no time – I swear that boy’s dick is a divining rod when it comes to muff. Find an excuse to use the copier by her desk, then look at the bird on p46 of Razzle (36DD/aerosol of Anchor Cream/torque wrench). It’s her twin!
Zoe Clarke – 3/1/00, 4.59pm
to… Carla Browne
cc…
re… SLAPPER!!!!!!!!!!!!
Have you seen the Crettin’s temp yet? Talk about cheap!!!! Just saw Vince Douglas dribbling all over her cleavage!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you believe I used to think he was cute? Zxxx
Ken Perry – 3/1/00, 5.08pm
to… All Departments
cc…
re… carpeting
You may have noticed that new carpet tiles went down in reception during the Christmas break. To ensure even wear and tear across the full width of the carpeted area, could employees below the level of group account director please make the short journey from front door to lifts by stepping round the perimeter of the foyer? This will leave the all-important central tread zone for senior management, clients and other visitors.
Thank you for your co-operation.
Ken Perry
Office Administrator
Liam O’Keefe – 3/1/00, 5.36pm
to… Brett Topowlski
cc…
re… PHWOOOAR!
Just clocked her. Registered 9.6 on the Totty Scale. And when she opens her gob she sounds like a Boddington’s bird. Brace yourselves – I happened to get chatting to her – like you do – and she’s coming to BZ with us. Be there in fifteen. Her name’s Lorraine – Lol to her close mates.
David Crutton – 3/1/00, 6.09pm
to… Simon Horne
cc…
re… fucking ghost ship
I just walked our Freedom Catalogues client through our ‘energetic, buzzy creative department’ and it’s like the Mary Celeste down there. Even your hot-shot, Pinki, was rushing out – late for Zen aerobics apparently. I caught that dozy secretary, Zoë, putting on her eyelashes. She said they were all in a research debrief. Bullshit! More likely in Bar Zero researching the tits on my temp.
This is the first working day of a new century. If this carries on, I’ll be more than happy to live up to my trigger-happy reputation. I operate on the tried-and-trusted principle of ‘last in, first out’ (which would put you at number five on the list).
Simon Horne – 3/1/00, 6.42pm
to… David Crutton
cc…
re… fucking ghost ship
I have only this minute stepped out of a heavy meeting with Mako. You are right, this situation is quite untenable.
It is time to apply Timberlands à derrières. Leave it to me.
By the way, Mako is turning into the proverbial smelly one.
Apparently, they bombed our campaign out before Christmas, but even though she is supposed to be running the business, Harriet ‘forgot’ to mention it.
We have already booked Little and Large to appear in the TV spots.
We are up a creek by the name of merde.
Sans paddle.
As if trying to make a car assembled by the Filipino peasantry seem alluring is not sufficiently difficile in the first place.
Si
Simon Horne – 3/1/00, 6.44pm
to… Susi Judge-Davis
cc…
re… teams
Susi, darling, do me a teeny-weeny favourette: have a look-see round the department and tell me if any of my bloody teams are still here?
Harriet Greenbaum – 3/1/00, 6.48pm
to… David Crutton
cc…
re… Mako
Just to keep you in the loop, we’re running into trouble on Mako. Before Christmas, I made Simon aware that our clients would never approve Little and Large, but he remained committed to them. As Creative Director this is his right. However, at today’s meeting they were surprised and disappointed that we were representing the same work.
Time is not on our side. The launch date for their new model is fixed, and we have to present them with a new campaign on Friday.
Susi Judge-Davis – 3/1/00, 6.50pm
to… Simon Horne
cc…
re… teams
Not a soul in sight, I’m afraid, darling … Sx
Harriet Greenbaum – 3/1/00, 6.59pm
to… James Gregory
cc…
re… Mako
You were at the meeting so no need to tell you how deep we’re in it. I suggest you join me for a post-mortem. Grab Katie. She might as well be introduced to the unpleasant realities of advertising.
Simon Horne – 3/1/00, 7.28pm
to… Creative Department
cc…
bcc… David Crutton
re… your careers
A nightmare is developing on Mako.
