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re… hippie dipstick
Leave it to me. I’ll have a word in her shell-like.
Simon Horne – 3/1/00, 11.33am
to… Pinki Fallon
cc… Liam O’Keefe
bcc… David Crutton
re… Coke
Pinki, I respect your principles, but we really need you and Liam playing ball with l’equipe ‘A’ on this one. Can I say a couple of things before you make up your mind?
Naturellement, we share your concerns vis-à-vis the Coke/Mammon scenario. It is a vexing state of affairs.
David promises to register forcefully our feelings when next he meets their people.
Secondly, if we do not win it, people will lose their jobs.
I am certain you would not want additions to the unemployment statistics to prey on your mind.
I hope we will see you at the 12.00.
Si
Pinki Fallon – 3/1/00, 11.39am
to… Simon Horne
cc… Liam O’Keefe; David Crutton
re… Coke
I phoned Master Shenkar and he’s cool. I know this account is worth more than the GNP of Guatemala, but David won’t accept the business unless we can present them with a more holistic alternative to capitalist imperialism, will he?
David Crutton – 3/1/00, 11.41am
to… Pinki Fallon
cc…
re… Coke
Trust me, I’m an adman. See you at the meeting.
Susi Judge-Davis – 3/1/00, 11.56am
to… Creative Department
cc…
re… Coke
Please make your way to the Coke briefing in the boardroom. Simon asks you to bring pads and not to be late.
Zoë Clarke – 3/1/00, 12.30pm
to… Carla Browne
cc…
re… that bastard!!!
Un-fucking-believable!!!!! Have you heard what the bastard, Crettin, did to Fi? She’s gone!!!!! He made her clear her desk that minute. She didn’t even have time to meet me in the loo for a good cry!!!!!! Can’t believe he fired her on a bank holiday!!!!! We shouldn’t even be here!!!!! The story is he did it ’cos she couldn’t make his stupid e-mail work!! Incredible!!!! I’ve been trying to get her on her mobile all morning. She must be able to do him for wrongful something or other. Let’s talk at lunch!!!!!!! See you in Bar Zero? Zxxx
Carla Browne – 3/1/00, 12.35pm
to… Zoë Clarke
cc…
re… that bastard!!!
I heard, poor cow!! Doesn’t that shit know this is a bad time for her – did you see how much she put on over Christmas? And, apart from her weight, she was a fucking brilliant PA. Anyway, no chance of me coming to lunch. I’ve still got the hangover from hell – glad these bloody millennium thingys only come once every ten years. And I’ve got to start Desperate Dan’s Coke presentation. God, you should see this document. Bloody sodding pie charts everywhere!!!!!!!! Who reads this bollocks? Looks like I’ll be in all night – bang goes step. If you get hold of Fi, e me back with details!!!! I feel so sorry for her!! Cxxx
Liam O’Keefe – 3/1/00, 12.42pm
to… Brett Topowlski
cc…
re… tossers
Is the Coke brief the biggest wank-off yet, or what? Do Crutton and Westbrooke really think we can write decent ads on a strategy like that? ‘Coke: lifeblood’ – what the fuck does it mean? And what’s a ‘carbonated lifestyle delivery system’ when it’s at home? Even Pinki says it stinks. Major worry – I rely on her magic touch with shit briefs. See you in BZ in fifteen and we’ll talk tits: i.e. how the fuck I can get Joanne Guest’s award winning baps into a Kimbelle Super Dri ad without Pinki having me up for Grievous Political Incorrectness.
Simon Horne – 3/1/00, 12.45pm
to… Creative Department
cc… David Crutton; Daniel Westbrooke
re… arses in gear 2
I am sure you will join me in thanking David and Daniel for a staggeringly inspirational briefing.
‘Coke: lifeblood’ is a truly incisive strategy – one that gives you the chance to do some really famous work.
No doubt your creative juices will be flowing like the Ganges in flood.
I would like to see first thoughts early next week.
Let us get out there and grab the advertising Rottweiler by its hairy testes.
Si
Brett Topowlski – 3/1/00, 12.49pm
to… Liam O’Keefe
cc…
re… tossers
BZ at 1.00. By the way, you got any idea what creative juices look like? Vin just blew his nose and I think his are now in a Kleenex.
David Crutton – 3/1/00, 12.59pm
to… Chandra Kapoor
cc…
re… e-mail
When the Microsoft ads ask me, ‘Where do you want to go today?’, I do not reply with ‘Finland’ – after Latvia, the dullest country in Europe.
As Head of IT, surely you can answer this simple question. Why is it that every time I send a bloody internal e-mail it ends up in Helsinki? One member of staff has already lost her job today because of this. Sort it out now.
NB: do not blame this on the Millennium Bug. This is the sorriest excuse since ‘the dog ate my homework’.
Zoë Clarke – 3/1/00, 2.10pm
to… Carla Browne
cc…
re… the dirt!!!
Boy, oh boy!!!! Finally got Fi on her mobile and we went for a quick one at Bar Zero. Just got back!! Un-fucking-believable!!!!! She’s in such a state, poor thing!!!!! Gotta go. Stupid Pinki’s yelling at me to book her shiatsu and that bitch, Susi, won’t lift a finger!! Who the fuck does she think she is, stuck up cow?!!!! Zxxx
Carla Browne – 3/1/00, 3.00pm
to… Zoe Clarke
cc…
re… the dirt!!!
God, poor Fi!!!! But what about me?!!!! Don’t tell a soul, but Rachel whatsit called me down and says the bloody Crettin wants me to work for him!!!! No one lasts five minutes with him (Fi broke the record at four months!) and ’cos I’ve been here the longest, they think I stand a chance of sticking it out. Bloody hell! !!! What do I do now!!!!? Desperate Dan will have a fit if he loses me, but Rachel did a good sell on it. It’s 5k more!!!!! Cxxx
Zoë Clarke – 3/1/00, 3.03pm
to… Carla Browne
cc…
re… the dirt!!!
Can’t believe it! Fi was on 5k more than us? That bitch. She was shit anyway and she’s got a right mouth on her. She deserved everything she got!!! Do you know she told me about you and Brett T. at the Christmas party? Wasn’t going to say, but you deserve some honesty! Anyway, do you really want to work for the Crettin? Money isn’t everything!!!!!!!!! Zxxx
Carla Browne – 3/1/00, 3.07pm
to… Rachel Stevenson
cc…
re… our meeting
Rachel, thanks everso for the offer. I’m thrilled that Mr Crutton suggested me for the job. Obviously it involves a huge amount of responsibility, with plenty of room for personal growth, so it’s not a hard decision to make. I’d love to accept – Carla
james_f_weissmuller@millershanks-ny.co.usa
3/1/00, 3.15pm (10.15am local)
to… all_departments@millershanks-london.co.uk
cc…
re… NEW MILLENNIUM – NEW HEIGHTS
I write to endorse wholeheartedly the sentiments contained in David Crutton’s stirring all-staff note earlier in your day.
The Executive Board in New York are unanimous in their delight at the efforts you put in last year to push the peanut forward and keep us on our toes in the Big Apple.
Under David’s outstanding leadership, Miller Shanks London is well on the way to reclaiming its rightful place as lead office in our European network. I look forward to seeing the evidence with my own eyes when I visit to lend my support to the Coca-Cola pitch.
Winning that one really would be a feather in our caps. Keep up the tremendous work!
Jim Weissmuller
President, Miller Shanks Worldwide
Zoë Clarke – 3/1/00, 3.21pm
to… Rachel Stevenson
cc…
