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And from the way she kept avoiding his gaze, she was equally conscious of him.
Two hours later parents started arriving to collect their children, and soon after it was just Fraziers and Jess and Ella.
Dan turned to Daisy. ‘Now that the party’s over would you like to rest for a bit, or are you busting to get into your chemistry set?’
Daisy gave him a considering look. ‘I’d like to read the books that came with it, first. And we don’t want to start anything with that set while Mary and Annapolly are around. I think we’ll need to use it after they’ve gone to bed at night, Dad.’
‘Oh, clever work, Daisy.’ Jess, who’d been tidying paper plates and plastic cups off the long trestle table, spoke softly beneath her breath so only Dan heard. ‘Care for your sisters and negotiation for a later bedtime, all rolled into one.’
She turned quickly aside, but not before Dan saw the smile that crept to her face.
Dan cleared his throat. ‘We’ll discuss that later, Daisy.’
Daisy went off to read, and Mary and Annapolly played with leftover wrapping paper and pieces of ribbon. Jess warned them not to stick anything into their noses but Annapolly had learned that lesson.
Ella was still in her walker and Jess and Dan started in again on the mess.
Dan said abruptly, ‘Daisy’s eleven now, and I let Rob have an extra hour at that age.’
‘Yes, of course. You know what you’re doing, Dan.’
Jess pursed her lips and nodded soberly, while her eyes danced and the big wooden hoop earrings danced and that damned necklace sat between her breasts and kept drawing Dan’s gaze.
‘Thanks for finding some girls her own age to come to her party.’ Dan all but growled the words, but he meant them, just the same.
‘I knew one of them already and she was more than happy to bring two of her friends.’ Jess’s face softened. ‘I’m glad they seemed to get along with Daisy.’
Dan shoved his hands in his pockets and glanced about the big yard at the party remnants. Even the tree cubby house was decorated in streamers. Jess had asked him to purchase them and then let the kids loose to make things festive.
‘If you need to work, Dan, I can keep going here.’ Jess glanced at the three little girls as she spoke. ‘They’re all content for the moment.’
She followed Dan’s gaze to the tree house. ‘This sure is a great home for children. I’d like to explore the rest of the property one day, though I guess they’d all need to be in the right mood.’
Dan could be in the right mood. In fact, Dan was in too much of a right mood at the moment. ‘I’ll help you clean up.’ He couldn’t just leave her with all of it, Dan justified.
They worked together to clear away the aftermath of the birthday party. Jess disappeared periodically to check on one or other of the children. She was being very vigilant in that respect and Dan suspected she still felt guilty over Annapolly’s episode with the tissue paper.
Dan took out the trash and glanced up from the task and there was Jess on the veranda, lifting her daughter into her arms while she said something to Luke who’d been about to ride past her on his bicycle.
Dan’s eldest gave Jess a sullen look and then cast one in his father’s direction as well, and rode away. Luke needed to mend that attitude because Dan didn’t want Jess leaving thanks to the boy being unreasonable.
I want to keep her working here so she’s always around.
The thought pushed into Dan’s mind, pushed past four years of defences and a lot of buried grief and just lobbed into his brain. Not his heart, though. This tightness that he had so often in his chest, that wasn’t about Jess. That had started long before Dan met her. If there were other responses inside his chest right now that did relate to Jess, well, they were because she was working out so well for the kids.
‘I just put Ella down for a nap. I think all the excitement today wore her out.’
Jess had joined him in the kitchen. He hadn’t even realised he’d gone inside and had been standing there, staring into space. Thinking about the past and thinking about Jess.
‘I don’t know about your life. Except that you’re raising your baby on your own, and you’re proving to be good for my children.’
‘I’m enjoying caring for them.’ Jess bit her lip. ‘Trying not to crowd them, but to keep a close enough eye on all of them at the same time. Trying to win Luke’s trust. He’s still angry over what happened to Annapolly, and…well, I’m not sure what else is bothering him. I think the birthday party came off well, anyway.’
‘It did, and Luke is just going to have to settle down.’ Dan didn’t want to think about the reasons for Luke’s attitude. If Luke thought he had the right to decide Dan couldn’t have a social life, he was wrong about that.
It wasn’t the issue, here, but…
Dan pushed the thoughts away. ‘Jess, will you tell me about your family? Where you grew up and what brought you here to Randurra?’ Maybe if he understood Jess better, that would help him to guide Luke as well.
Or simply make it more difficult for you to keep your interest in her on a professional footing.
For a moment she was silent and then she drew a big breath and turned to search his eyes. ‘I grew up in Wollongong, so not too far from Sydney, really. My parents died when I was small. I don’t remember them. An older aunt raised me and she passed away during my last year of high school. I worked in a few casual jobs after high school until I decided to become a certified daycare mum.’
She hesitated before she went on. ‘While I was expecting Ella, I came here to Randurra.’
A fierce expression came over her face. ‘I’m going to make sure my daughter has security and love for as long as she needs it in life. That she’s always got me and doesn’t feel abandoned.’
As Jess had felt alone because of her loss of family?
Dan had been telling himself they had nothing in common but there was this…
Had she chosen to be a daycare mum as a means of trying to fill that lack of family in her life? ‘Your vocation—’
‘Is something that I truly enjoy. I adore children, and I know there are plenty of parents who want to work while their children are small, or need to. That’s a personal choice. It’s just, for myself, I’d prefer to keep Ella close by.’
Jess turned the conversation to Dan. ‘What about you? You came here from Sydney, but what about your life before that? Do you have other family?’
‘There’s my sister and brother-in-law. Dad passed away ten years ago and Mum retired to Queensland. I see her about once a year.’
Jess nodded. ‘And the children’s mother…’
‘Her name was Rebecca.’ Dan drew a breath. It wasn’t as though it was difficult to talk about her. He’d done so with the kids so many times.
Yet his chest still hurt, unexpectedly so when he looked into Jess’s soft, understanding eyes. ‘I loved her from when we were teenagers. We were together for eighteen years. She…got cancer while she was pregnant with Annapolly and the specialist team believed there’d be time to treat it but I lost her a month after the birth. That was four years ago.’
The moment Dan said it, he wondered if he should regret it. He didn’t bare his soul to others, and the loss of Rebecca was something that was in his past now. He’d grieved and got on with his life, so why did it hurt so much to admit what Dan had known from the start? That Rebecca had been his chance at love and he. hadn’t had enough time with her?
Jess didn’t recoil. Instead, understanding and something that wasn’t envy but perhaps longing flashed across her face before she quickly dropped her gaze. When she looked up again, her expression was guarded. ‘I’m sorry for your loss, Dan. Thank you for telling me how she died. I don’t think I mentioned that I took the children back to the hospital. We just dropped off a small gift to the children’s ward. I think that was a good balancing experience for all of them.’
‘Daisy told me about it.’ Dan acknowledged her words with a dip of his chin, and wondered how his exploration into understanding Jess Baker had turned into an exposé of his own thoughts. ‘What I really want to know is if you’re okay, Jess? Sometimes I see worry in your eyes.’
She blinked, and blinked again and something in her face seemed to tighten before she threw back her shoulders and stuck out her chin. ‘I’m okay, Dan. Of course I am.’
But Jess wasn’t, not entirely. So what wasn’t she telling him?
Dan pondered that question again the next day as he dug out the box of family photos and started to put some on the walls. The urn with Rebecca’s ashes was still in its box.
The pictures felt somehow different. It must be the new house. And if Jess said she was fine, then he had to believe her. Didn’t he?
Dan buried himself in his work. Over the following days he was able to scale down the amount of time he was spending in Sydney, but the hours were still long. When he felt tired he ate packets of crisps. He barely even thought about Jess being around all the time, or listened for her voice while he was working, or enjoyed checking in with her when he stepped out of his den to see how the children were getting along.
Right, Dan. That’s exactly how it is.
Well, at least he seemed to have convinced Luke that he was only interested in how Jess cared for his family, and Jess seemed to be making progress whittling down the boy’s defences.
Days went past with Jess feeling way too conscious of Dan. Why did it have to be like this when he had told her how much he’d loved his wife? Surely she had nothing left inside her when it came to trusting a man, and it was clear she could never compete with Dan’s Rebecca, even if she wanted to.
‘I think I’m confused.’ Jess muttered the words at a pile of clothing as she shoved it into the machine in the laundry room.
Maybe she needed to believe that not every man was selfish and uncaring like Peter, Ella’s father. Maybe that was all.
Oh, yes? And that fact alone made her pulse race every time she thought of Dan, or looked at him?
‘Jess, I wanted to ask if you’d like—’
‘Oh. Dan. I didn’t realise you were there.’
He had his glasses on his nose, so he must have been working on the computer in his den. And he was so close. Jess could reach out and trace the grooves beside his mouth with her fingertips, or caress his ruffled dark hair.
And Dan could be totally resistant to all of the above, because she was his employee and not in his age bracket and he had been resistant to being aware of her, right from the start.
‘Oh. Um…’ Think, Jessica. About something other than how delectable he looks. ‘What—what did you want to ask me, Dan?’ Even saying his name sent a thrill through her.
They were in a house full of children. Anything else aside, no thrills were allowed!
Dan’s gaze shifted over her face, the bright pink bandanna tied through her hair, down over the loose cream cheesecloth blouse and darker pink skirt and back up to linger on her lips before it finally came back to meet her eyes.
‘We, ah, I’ve got a two-day gap where there won’t be much happening with the situation in Sydney. I want to take the family to the beach.’
Right. Dan wanted to go away to the beach with the children. Jess would lose two days of being around him.
You’ll lose two days’ work. Remember you still haven’t managed to get Lang Fielder to agree in writing to any extra time to make the repayments.
Jess had managed to see the man. He’d said she should go on making what payments she could out of her wages with that negotiation in mind. It wasn’t enough of a reassurance.
Well, Jess didn’t want Dan to see her fear. She had learned from being scammed and written out of his life by Peter Rosche that she had to stand by herself. For her sake and for Ella’s sake, too. Jess needed to remember that. ‘That sounds like a lot of fun. I’m sure they’ll all enjoy it. When were you planning to go?’
‘Tomorrow.’ Dan said the word in a low, deep tone.
‘Tomorrow.’ Jess repeated the word on a breath before she remembered she needed to comprehend it, not merely say it. ‘Right, well—’
‘Would you be available to come with us? You and Ella? I’ve picked days when you don’t have to mind other children.’ Dan backed out of the room as though he’d belatedly realised they were hovering in there, close, quiet, together.
Just as Jess had realised it.
He went on. ‘You don’t have to, but it’d make it easier for me. Two sets of adult eyes to watch them around the water.’
‘For the children’s sakes.’ That was easy. And Jess could let herself be relieved about the pay as well. ‘It’s always better to have two adults with that many children and water involved.’
Jess had never taken Ella to the beach. But with Dan, she could go.
And spend two days of sun, surf and sand with a gorgeous man.
Oh, for heaven’s sake. She’d just gone over this and they would be surrounded by children. There would be sand in shoes and hair and clothing, but there would certainly not be romance in the air.
‘I’ll be happy to make the trip with you, Dan.’ Jess stuck her chin out. Way out. So far out that even she couldn’t miss the fact that this was a statement about her work for Dan, not about wanting to laze on a beach with him.
Dan pushed his glasses up his nose, seemed to realise they were there, and whipped them off. ‘I’m glad. I’ll feel better about it.’
‘I will too, Dan.’ Maybe the couple of days away would help Jess think her way forward with the situation regarding her home.
If not, then she needed to start knocking on the other half of Randurra’s doors, and hope that a great deal of lucrative work came to light as a result. Work she could do around her current two jobs.
And really, who needed sleep or rest, anyway, provided she could make sure Ella was happy, and keep getting more money to pay off the debt? As Dan preceded her, Jess made her way out of the laundry room. ‘I’d better speak to everyone about packing for the trip.’
CHAPTER SIX
‘EVERYONE READY FOR this trip to the beach?’ Jess had supervised visits to the bathroom for the younger ones, and waited while various Fraziers ran around needing this item and that item that they simply couldn’t leave behind for their trip.
She’d packed for herself and packed for Ella and checked what had been packed for the children.
Rob had wanted to bring half the house for playing with on the beach. He’d settled on two soccer balls, and a whole tube of tennis balls.
The girls wanted to collect seashells, so buckets for them.
And Jess had packed the spades because once they got there she assumed at least one of them would want to make a sandcastle.
Just as well it was a big van. Jess strapped Ella into her travel seat and waited while Fraziers piled in all around her daughter. Watched bouncy bodies and an abundance of energy until she saw for herself that everyone had seat belts fastened. Luke was the only sober one, and that didn’t surprise Jess. She was doing what she could to befriend the boy, but he still treated her with suspicion and distrust half the time.
Then Luke dug Rob in the ribs with his elbow and challenged him to a race along the beach once they got there, Rob laughed and agreed and both boys smiled, and Jess really relaxed for the first time in ages.
Ella was kicking her legs and wiggling. Jess climbed in the front beside Dan, glanced at him and a big, silly grin spread across her face. She pushed her floppy hat off her head and let it dangle by its strings down her back. ‘We’re going to the beach.’
‘Right after we stop in town for the things I know they’ll all start asking for ten minutes up the road.’ Dan’s gaze took in the floppy hat, her face. He watched her strap herself in and his eyes came back up to briefly catch hers again.
How did he do that? Simply look at her and make her world shift? He probably meant absolutely nothing by it.
Jess took the hat completely off. ‘Stopping is good. For what the children might want.’
Jess needed to stop fixating over Dan, and how good he looked in a navy polo shirt that set off the tan of his arms and khaki knee-length cut-offs that accentuated his thigh muscles.
‘We’ll have to be careful with sun block and staying off the beach during the worst hours of the day.’ The words were primmer even than Mary Poppins could have been.
Jess didn’t have a beach umbrella, but Dan had three tossed into the back of the van.
The younger children started chattering, asking their father questions and firing a few at Jess as well. Jess answered, and she drew a deep breath, which didn’t help because Dan was wearing a really nice aftershave lotion.
‘Jess?’
