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‘Well, no.’ Jess cleared her throat as Dan lifted his cup to his mouth. She didn’t bring up Luke. Jess would rather try to win the boy over, give it some time and see how things went. Instead, she broached the other potentially awkward topic. ‘Daisy asked about how babies are made.’
Dan’s cup shifted in a slight, involuntary movement before he carefully put it down. ‘I see. Perhaps you’d better tell me.’
‘Well, she’s an inquisitive girl. It goes with her kind of intelligence, I think?’ No need to blush over something that was as simple as pelicans versus storks. ‘It’s just, if you haven’t already given her that talk, I think it might be a good idea if you did it quite soon. I know she’s only ten, but schools are fairly forward about those issues these days, and Daisy’s very curious. Today it was why other children believe in the stork and cabbages. A week later it could be asking for an explanation about stem cell research or something equally tricky. I have a suspicion she might already know the, well, at least some of the mechanics about all that, so, you know—’ Jess waved a hand ‘—maybe a father’s perspective to help keep her comfortable as a child her age should be about the whole topic?’
Dan gave Jess one brief, trapped look. ‘I can’t ask you—’
To tell his daughter about it in a way that should come from a loving parent that Daisy trusted? Jess didn’t want to even think about the topic while she was in the room with Dan and her heart was doing silly things in her chest.
But for Daisy…
‘I could.’ She bit her lip and rushed on. ‘Talk to her, I mean.’ The man was quivering in his boots at the thought of talking birds and bees with his daughter, not thinking about trying to investigate birds and bees with Jess.
Shut up, Jess. No, talk up. About Daisy. ‘I could talk to her, but I really think this is something that needs to come from her dad.’ She sought Dan’s gaze and quickly looked away again. ‘I think she might feel awkward talking with me about it.’
Jess drew a breath. ‘Maybe once you’ve talked to her, you could get her a few books to read that explore related topics. Growing or waning numbers of children per family in various countries might be one area that could interest her. All sorts of things tie in with that. Politics, economics, religion.’
‘Thanks.’ Dan finally caught her gaze and held it. ‘Aside from my daughter throwing you in the deep end, was everything else okay?’
‘I think we all had a reasonable day, really.’ Jess delved into another couple of issues with Dan, asked if he’d mind if she took them all into town tomorrow. It wasn’t that far to walk and if they left early…
‘That’d be fine provided you’re comfortable the traffic won’t be an issue if you’re all on foot?’
He’d lived in a city.
Jess had, too, before she moved here. ‘There’s a pedestrian walk all the way from here into town. We’ll stay on it, but traffic is always quite light anyway.’
He nodded. ‘I’ll be leaving for Sydney again early, but I’ll have the weekend at home. Thank you, Jess, for taking this on to help me.’
Dan wasn’t comfortable with needing her help, and his care for his children shone through in every word he spoke. Jess…well, she found that attractive about him. Probably not surprising when she’d been hurt by a man who had not only wanted nothing to do with recognising his baby, but had insisted on writing an agreement to silence Jess on the topic for ever.
She’d signed. By then she’d realised how little Peter Rosche had truly ever cared about her and that she couldn’t expose Ella to how much her father didn’t want her. Dan loving his children to pieces, yes, Jess did find that appealing, but she needed to admire it from afar, not want to acknowledge it on any kind of personal level.
‘Do you know how to drive a van the size of mine, Jess? I’ll fit the baby seat back into it tonight, for Ella. I still have ours from when Annapolly needed it.’ Dan’s gaze shifted over her, perhaps to assess whether he thought she could manage the larger vehicle.
Perhaps because, like Jess, he struggled not to notice her? To be aware?
In your dreams, Jessica Baker.
‘I haven’t driven a van like yours, but I’ve driven a four-wheel-drive.’ Peter had owned one, and let Jess drive it now and then.
‘I took the van today, but I’ve a second car in the shed here that I got shifted down with us.’ Dan shook his head. ‘I should have thought of that before I went to Sydney. You need the van here in case you have to drive anywhere with the children. You don’t have to walk if you don’t want to.’
‘Thanks. That sounds sensible.’ Jess got to her feet. ‘I’d better get Ella and head home.’
‘Luke woke up when I checked on him. He said you let them have a watermelon-seed-spitting contest.’
Had the boy been accusatory about that? Jess paused a few steps away from the couch. ‘Boys need to be a little bit gross, otherwise they don’t know how to turn into men.’
Her eyes widened as she realised the way the words had come out. ‘That is, I didn’t mean it to sound as though men are gross. What I meant was—’
‘Building strength by not having to act like girls all the time is important for the males of the race?’ A smile twitched at the corners of his mouth.
This teasing style of grin was also a thing of beauty on Dan, Jess discovered, and she got caught in the headlights of it. Maybe that was because the smile reached all the way to the depths of his eyes even as it curved his lips in the most enticing way.
Home.
Now.
Before one more thought like that leaks from the one brain cell you have left, apparently, that’s even trying to remain in control at the moment!
‘I’ll carry the baby for you.’ Dan’s smile had faded, too.
Jess nodded and forced her feet to take her forward, into the room where Ella slept, bum in the air, in the travel cot. Jess scooped her daughter up and set her into Dan’s arms in a smooth motion. Their hands barely touched and yet it was a touch that Jess had secretly craved.
Ella snuggled her sleepy head into Dan’s neck and softness came over his face.
Jess swallowed hard. She walked ahead of Dan out to her car, opened it up and took over to settle Ella into her car restraint. ‘Thanks for carrying her. I’ll see you in the morning, bright and early.’ Sleep well, Dan.
‘Goodnight, Jess.’ Dan rubbed his hand across his jaw as though uncertain what to do with it.
Reach for her?
In your dreams, Jess.
Jess started the car’s engine and was grateful that it was a small, economic one that went a long way on its tank of petrol.
‘You’ll be all right going home at this hour?’ Dan frowned. ‘I want you to text me from your mobile phone when you get home. That way I can store the number to check on you the next time, and I’ll know you got there okay.’
‘Thanks.’ It was the silliest thing, but Jess had to turn her head away for a moment. She made a production of checking her blind spot and then she just rolled the car forward and drove away.
She had to do better at keeping her distance tomorrow, from Dan. Investing in his children was one thing. It was a part of the job, and that hadn’t been completely easy so far. Luke had made sure of that.
Investing her feelings in Dan when he didn’t want that and she couldn’t afford to was a whole other matter.
‘Not only can’t afford it,’ Jess muttered aloud as she turned the car into the cottage’s driveway, ‘I must not do such a thing. It’s Jess and Ella and that’s all. That’s how it has to be.’
But Dan had been kind. Thoughtful. So much the opposite of the treatment Jess had received at the hands of Ella’s father.
How was Jess supposed to deal with it? By realising he’d been kind and thoughtful from an employer’s perspective. That was how!
CHAPTER FOUR
‘AND MY BIRTHDAY’S the eleventh of June.’ Robert Frazier chattered beside Jess as she and all the children made their way back out of the council building in town the next morning.
They’d walked. It was a pleasant distance to the town centre from Dan’s home; the morning was cool and fresh and the children had plenty of energy. Luke had wanted to stay home by himself but Jess had vetoed that.
At times Jess felt Luke was testing her. All she could do was try to be reasonable in return.
Jess had gained Luke’s cooperation on this occasion and she had gone to the council to make her payment.
She just hadn’t been able to get any better answers about the future of her home. She’d been given the run-around through three different people. She’d left Luke in charge while she did that, hoping the boy would soften if he realised she wasn’t trying to treat him like a baby. Jess hadn’t been able to tell whether her efforts with him had been successful or not.
Her efforts hadn’t been particularly successful at the council. Well, she’d just have to go back when she only had Ella in tow and stick around until she got results. ‘When we get home, Rob, we might make a chart of all the birthdays.’
Rob had already told Jess that Daisy’s birthday was coming up. That was one to speak to Dan about when he got home later.
Jess shouldn’t be viewing that discussion as the beginnings of a ritual, hoping for time with Dan regularly. ‘Come on, kids. We’d better get back before the sun warms up too much and we don’t feel like walking.’
After lunch Dan phoned and said he was coming home early and should see her mid-afternoon.
Jess got off the phone and found all the children in the living room.
‘The laundry’s all out on the line and I think I can get away with not doing too much else in the way of house cleaning for the day. Would anyone like to help make cookies?’ Dan might like some home baking. Jess figured the kids wouldn’t say no. While Luke and Rob opted to ride their bikes outside, she got the others involved and set to work.
Soon there were cookies cooling on trays and Jess had handed some out to each of the children. The boys had come in for their share and life wasn’t bad. Luke wasn’t glaring right now. Jess had a job to do that she was enjoying. The children had cookies, and she wasn’t totally out of money yet.
‘Annapolly’s taking a bit of time to use the loo.’ Jess frowned. The little girl had gone to the bathroom just a few short minutes ago, but even so. ‘Luke, would you take everyone out on the veranda to eat the cookies, please? I’ll be there in a minute. I just want to check on your sister.’
Luke frowned, but wordlessly herded the others outside, and Jess turned her attention to seeking out Dan’s youngest.
Independent loo visits for four-year-olds were important for feelings of pride and independence. Jess realised this and she didn’t want to encroach on Annapolly’s privacy. She didn’t want to make unreasonable demands of Luke, either, and that was a whole other balancing act.
Jess strode towards the bathroom. Annapolly came out as Jess approached.
‘There you are. I was wondering—’ Jess broke off.
The little girl’s face was red and there were tears running down her cheeks.
‘Oh, Annapolly, what’s the matter?’ Jess hurried forward.
It was then that she spotted the wadded bits of white in Annapolly’s nose. Annapolly drew a breath through her mouth, a prelude to screaming, Jess suspected, and possibly to choking because her nose was blocked. ‘Did you shove tissue paper in there? ‘
What if she inhaled it and choked herself? How far in had she pushed the paper?
Annapolly nodded miserably.
Jess had to fix this. Now. She took Annapolly gently by the shoulder, whipped a tissue out of her own pocket, held it out and said firmly, ‘Blow that nose out, Annapolly. A good big blow until you’ve got nothing left.’
Annapolly blew. There were more tears, but there was also lots and lots of tissue paper. As Annapolly let out the first cry Jess scooped the little girl into her arms. Had it all come out? Had she damaged her nasal passages? Brought on the risk of infection, bleeding in there?
Jess hurried to the front door of the house. ‘Everyone to the van, please. Luke, will you take Annapolly while I get Ella and her stroller? We’re going to the hospital.’
‘What did you let happen to her?’ Luke asked the question fiercely.
‘She filled her nose with tissue paper and may have harmed her sinuses.’ Jess hurried away to get her daughter. The boy didn’t need to accuse Jess of anything. Jess was already accusing herself.
The other children asked questions as Jess drove the van towards the hospital. Jess explained, and felt even guiltier as they all fell silent.
‘I want to phone Dad.’ Luke bit the words out. ‘He has a right to know about this.’
‘I was about to ask you if you’d do that. He phoned earlier and said he was on his way home. It would be good if he could meet us at the hospital.’ Jess dug her mobile phone out of her pocket and passed it to the boy.
Luke tried but after a few minutes he’d had no luck.
‘Will you text him, please, Luke, and ask him to come to the hospital? He might be in a low reception area but he should be close to home by now.’ Jess didn’t have time to wait for the luxury of Dan’s opinion, or Luke’s approval. She had to get Annapolly checked now. ‘At least we’re almost there.’
‘She’s all right, though.’ Rob said it as though he needed to believe it. ‘We won’t be leaving her there or anything.’
‘No, we’re not leaving her there.’ Luke said this. ‘She’s coming home with us straight after, Rob. Don’t be stupid.’
Jess might have chided the boy for the ‘stupid’ comment, but, if anything, Robert appeared reassured by his brother’s harsh words, and Jess had enough to worry about right now so she left it alone.
The whole family fell silent as they stepped through the doors of the hospital’s emergency entrance. Jess searched each face; saw their fear, Luke’s fury and accusation. Behind his surly expression she saw Luke’s fear, too.
Oh, Dan, what else have I added to your family’s stress?
Why hadn’t she just watched everyone more closely?
It was three minutes, Jessica, and you knew Annapolly had gone to use the loo. Filling her nose with tissue paper while she was there wasn’t something you could have anticipated.
Maybe not, but it was Jess’s job to anticipate, wasn’t it?
Jess had Ella in the stroller. Luke had taken Annapolly into his arms. Jess eased the little girl from his hold and asked him to please watch his siblings while she spoke to the nurse. ‘I may need to go into the examination room with her.’
‘Dad had better get here soon.’ With the brief words, Luke led the others to seats against the wall.
The lack of trust inherent in his statement didn’t escape Jess.
‘What have we here?’ A friendly woman in her forties gestured Jess over.
Soon Annapolly was being examined. Her nose was declared to be sore, but the tissue paper was all out. No permanent harm had been done. The necessary germ-and-infection-repelling steps were taken. A few more tears were shed.
Jess could see the waiting room through the glass section of the doors and she saw when Dan arrived. There was a low-voiced conversation with Luke. The boy looked furious and was gesturing wildly. Dan also looked upset.
And the other children were all chattering at once.
They were probably telling Dan what a bad caregiver Jess had turned out to be, and they were right.
‘You can go now, love.’ The nurse looked at Annapolly. ‘No more sticking things up your nose. Do you understand?’
‘Yes.’ Tears welled in Annapolly’s eyes and she held her arms out to Jess.
Jess cuddled the little girl and would rather have liked to join in with the weepies, at least for a moment.
Instead, Jess thanked the nurse and took Annapolly, and Ella in the stroller, out to the waiting room where Dan was in the process of trying to break away from his children, no doubt so he could come and find out about his daughter.
‘Dan. I’m so sorry.’ Jess handed Annapolly over. The little girl was already reaching for him. ‘The nurse says there’s no permanent damage. The others have probably told you what happened.’ Jess explained what the nurse had done.
