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“Don’t do it,” she repeated. “Don’t take her back.”
“What?”
She blinked.
Right. He hadn’t actually said anything about Olivia. He hadn’t said anything about anything. It was just that all of those scenarios had seemed so possible, and she had latched on to that one so tightly, and turned it over about fifty different times on the drive over.
“Never mind. What’s happening?”
He stepped outside, closing the door softly behind him. “I don’t know how to explain this to you,” he said, his words rough.
“What?” He looked... He didn’t look good at all. His eyes looked like they’d been punched, dark shadows spreading beneath them. “Bennett, you are freaking me out.”
He shook his head and walked down the front steps past her, his boots making a hollow sound on the wood, then crunching on the gravel.
He sighed slowly, heavily, looking upward. She followed his gaze, staring at the inky sky, with the stars bursting through like a candle in punched tin.
“You’re the first person I called,” he said, sounding as if the realization of that was dawning over him slowly. “I’m going to have to talk to Wyatt. And Grant. Jamie. My dad. I’m going to have to explain some things to a lot of people.”
“What? Do you have some kind of terrible disease? Do you have gambling debt? Have you lost the ranch?” She frowned. “Did you lose our business?”
He shook his head. “No. Kaylee... You remember Marnie Claire?”
“Yes,” Kaylee said, and an instant spike of loathing burst hot and insistent through her chest. Yes, she knew Marnie Claire. Bennett’s first girlfriend. Kaylee hadn’t liked her, not at all. Not because there was anything wrong with her specifically, but because Bennett had been so obsessed with her. She’d seen less of him over the months he’d dated Marnie than she ever had since they’d become friends.
He’d told Kaylee before they’d had sex for the first time, a shy grin on his face as he’d confessed it was going to happen that night. And Kaylee had wanted to die. It was the moment that had forced her to realize that she was...jealous. That she wished it were her.
She’d decided very quickly after, sometime during his very messy breakup with Marnie, in fact, that she didn’t want that. She didn’t want to be his girlfriend for a little while. She wanted to be his friend forever. To become veterinarians like they’d promised each other, and work together.
To be something more, better, than a husband and wife. Her parents’ marriage hadn’t made the institution seem all that aspirational.
“There’s something you don’t know,” he said.
“What?” He sounded so very, very grave. Grave enough she was starting to wonder if she was going to have to prove that she was a friend who’d help hide the body.
He lowered his head. “When we were sixteen Marnie got pregnant.”
Kaylee felt like the ground tilted underneath her feet. “What?”
“Marnie was pregnant in high school.”
“Whose baby was it?” The words felt numb and ridiculous. But they fell out of her mouth naturally. Because if it were Bennett’s... It couldn’t have been.
“Mine.”
She was...stunned. She couldn’t even process it. Because there had never been a baby. So how could Marnie have been pregnant?
“Marnie left. She moved away,” Kaylee said.
“Yes,” he said slowly. “After she lost the baby.”
Kaylee’s breath rushed from her body, like it was trying to flee the scene of this very difficult conversation. “Bennett, how did you never tell me any of this?”
“I didn’t tell anyone,” he said. He closed his eyes. “I told one person. I told Cole Logan.”
“Olivia’s dad. He’s the one that knew.” There were implications to that, and she knew it. But she couldn’t sort them out, not right then.
“I was scared,” Bennett said. “I was stupid and I didn’t want my dad to know that I made such a big mistake. I didn’t want him to be disappointed in me. At that point Wyatt was gone, off riding in the rodeo. Grant was getting married, and Dad really wished he wouldn’t. He was still coping with Jamie being a little kid, being a single dad. I wanted him to be proud of me. I wanted to be something easy for him. Not something hard. So I talked to Cole.”
“And not me?” she asked.
How weird that a secret kept from that many years ago could hurt. But they’d talked about everything back then. He’d told her when he’d gotten a note from a girl in math class asking him if he liked her, and to check Yes or No. She’d told him about the time she’d taken a cigarette some older kids had offered her, and she’d hated it.
She hadn’t talked about her family, but that was different. The day-to-day things. School, friends, growing up. Hopes, dreams, fears. First kisses and first times. They’d shared that stuff. The parts of her life she cared about, she’d shared with him.
She’d thought he’d shared it all with her.
“I was scared, Kay. Scared of what you’d think of me. I went to Cole because he was the closest thing to an uncle I had. And I was terrified of telling my dad.”
“But wait, why...” It was like the other shoe had dropped straight out of that starry sky and crash-landed between them. “What’s happening now?”
“She didn’t lose the baby,” Bennett said, his voice raw. “She didn’t lose the baby. She lied to me.”
“Why?” She blinked. “How do you know that?”
“Because the baby is a damned fifteen-year-old boy and he is in my guest room.”
Kaylee exhaled. “Dammit to hell.”
“That’s what I said. Well, that’s what I thought.”
“How do you know he’s yours?”
“He looks just like me. He’s the right age. She would have had to go and get pregnant again pretty damn quick for all to match up like this. And with someone who resembled me.”
“Possible,” Kaylee said, “I mean, if she had a type.”
“She lied to me,” Bennett said. “She lied to me, and she lost custody of our son at some point because of drug addiction.”
“Bennett... I don’t even know...”
“Me either. You were the first person that I called. Kaylee, I need you.”
And there he was, standing out under a romantic, expansive Oregon sky, professing to need her, his dark eyes illuminated by the moon, the sincerity in them deep enough to steal her breath. He needed her. But not for what she had always hoped he might. He needed her because his life was falling apart. He needed her because everything was falling apart and he knew that she would help pick up the pieces, no matter how big or heavy they were. Because it was what she did. It was what they did.
He had called her. He needed her.
And yes, she’d just been in the process of trying to fix her narrowed, Bennett-focused world, but she didn’t know how she could turn away from him now. How she could possibly spend less time with him when this was happening.
Dates with nice men who had nicer dogs were important. She needed to go on them because she needed to figure out a way to find some healthier balance inside of herself.
But not now.
Her best friend had just found out that he was a father. A father to a fifteen-year-old, and that child was sitting in his house.
The very fact was like a slap.
Bennett had just found out he was a father.
He was her friend. She needed to get over herself for just a few minutes and deal with the reality of that.
“Where is he now?” she asked, feeling numb.
“He’s in his room. Asleep I think. Or maybe plotting my death, I don’t know. It’s tough to say.”
“Are you okay?” It was a stupid question. She wasn’t okay, how could he be okay?
“I’m not okay,” he said, shaking his head. “I don’t know what to do. I feel like I would be hard-pressed to find a paternal bone in my body if you handed off a baby to me. Much less handing me a fifteen-year-old and telling me he’s my kid.” He let out a long, heavy breath. “I don’t know what to feel. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I don’t know what to do with the kid. Much less a kid that’s half a man and all trouble. I don’t know... I don’t know what to do.”
“You don’t have to know right this second,” she said.
She knew he felt like he did. Like he needed to regroup and come up with a plan of attack in five minutes flat without taking more than a second to panic.
It hit her then that his version of that had been calling her.
That she was the one person he’d been able to call when he’d been mired in the feeling of not knowing what the hell was happening in his life.
That mattered to her. That she could be that person for him.
That she was important.
“I kind of do,” he said. “He’s in there. And I have to...parent.”
What would Bennett’s son look like? Her heart stuck then, a dull ache spreading out through her throat. She would know the answer to that question soon.
But Bennett had said that the kid was asleep. Still, suddenly, she was overwhelmed by curiosity. Kind of a morbid curiosity because the idea of seeing a child that Bennett had made with somebody else walking around felt like it would be painful in many ways. But also...amazing in others.
Her throat tightened, emotion expanding in her chest. “I doubt he expects you to just...magically be perfect. He doesn’t know how to be your son any more than you know how to be his father. You’re going to have to...feel it out together.”
“I told him he was staying,” Bennett said. “He’s staying. I don’t know much of anything except that. I know that I want to...fix things somehow. But I don’t know how. I’ve never felt more like I needed to do something and less certain of what that something was ever in my whole life.”
She had no idea what to say to that. “Well, I don’t know what the hell to do with a kid either. But I know that we can figure this out together. I’ll help you with your family. I’ll help you with him.” She didn’t know the kid’s name. He hadn’t said. “What’s his name?”
“Dallas,” Bennett said.
The name was very not Bennett. Not traditional enough. And Bennett had never been to Texas so there was no personal connection to it at all. “I guess it’s too late to change it now.”
He laughed. “Just a little bit.”
Kaylee wanted to be what he needed. But she didn’t know how to be. So she would just be there with him. That she could do. “Can I...can I come in for a little while?”
“For a little while.” Bennett turned away from her and she went after him, following him toward the house on unsteady legs, her heart throbbing at the base of her neck.
Bennett pushed the door open and she followed him in, looking around the clean, well-organized home, which didn’t look at all as if it had been disturbed today, much less like it had taken on a new occupant. Everything was in order, everything in its place, just as Bennett always kept it. Bennett liked to be in control of his world, and she’d always understood the compulsion. Her own home life had been chaotic, and her method of coping had been to close the door on it and pretend it wasn’t happening. Bennett had lost his mother when he was a little boy, and she imagined his carefully ordered life was designed to give him control after feeling so powerless then.
They’d both gotten into veterinary medicine because they wanted to fix. To heal. To help. A small bit of control in a world that offered very little, in reality.
A teenager showing up and moving in was...anything but controlled and orderly.
“I’ll take a drink.”
“Well, I want about ten. Can you drink when there’s a minor in the house?” he asked.
“Pretty sure you can. If not, my parents would have lost custody of me at some point.” She hadn’t meant to make that comment. She purposefully avoided mentions of her parents. Bennett had asked a few times why she didn’t go visit them at holidays, after they’d moved out of town. She’d always been vague. That they drank too much. That they just didn’t get along.
He’d pushed a few times, but she’d always shut down the conversation, and he’d backed off.
“Bring on the alcohol, then,” Bennett said, jerking the fridge open and getting a bottle. He handed one to Kaylee, then took one for himself. Then he frowned. “I’m probably going to have to hide this,” he said.
“You think?”
“Trust me,” Bennett said, “he seems like the type to steal beer out of the fridge.”
“Oh, really?”
“He’s here because he’s been in trouble with the law. Because nobody can handle him. I think underage drinking is probably in his repertoire.”
“So is eavesdropping,” came a rather sullen-sounding voice from the hallway.
Kaylee looked up, and her heart choked before tumbling down into her stomach. He looked just like Bennett. His build was more slight, his hair a bit lighter, but he had the same eyes. And, having known Bennett since he was about that age, it was just like looking at him. Like a carbon copy. She didn’t see any of Marnie in him, and she really didn’t want to, so that felt like a strange and selfish blessing. But he was Bennett’s son. She would be more shocked to find out he wasn’t. If she had passed him on the street she would have thought the same thing.
“Dallas,” Bennett said, keeping his tone even. “This is my friend, Kaylee.”
“Friend?” He looked her up and down. “Just so you know, I’m not in the market for a new mommy.”
Kaylee felt the sting of those words like the crack of an open palm across her face. “Well, no danger of that,” she said, her tone stiff. “I’m just his friend.”
“She friend-zoned you?” the kid asked, directing the question at Bennett.
Kaylee wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it. Of course, in spite of her feelings, she kind of had. The only scenario where she could imagine her and Bennett becoming more than friends involved him confessing undying love for her and a desire to get married immediately. The alternative was way too risky.
Well, the real gut punch was that even that insane fantasy felt too risky.
“She’s someone you’ll see around,” Bennett said, choosing to ignore the dig. “Kaylee and I run a veterinary practice together.”
“Okay,” Dallas said, feigning disinterest.
“Nice to meet you too,” Kaylee said.
