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“Not anymore,” Bennett said. “We don’t have to talk about this now. But eventually we’re going to have to figure out how to get you caught up in school. Because you’re going to have options. I know you’re not used to that. But I’m going to make sure you have them.”
Dallas didn’t say anything after that. He occupied himself by studying the case full of pastries, and Bennett did the same. At this point in the day eating healthy seemed overrated. He needed something that paired nicely with the emotional turmoil that came with discovering you had a secret son.
He had no idea what the hell that was, but he imagined it contained a lot of butter.
“Good morning.” Kelly, the usual morning shift worker at Sugar Cup, who never gave any indication that she felt like the morning was good at all, addressed Bennett and Dallas. “What can I get for you?”
“Coffee for me,” Bennett said. “And a cinnamon roll.”
He turned to Dallas and waited. “You’re just going to buy me something?” he asked.
“Yes,” Bennett said.
“A mocha. And a chocolate doughnut.”
“Okay.” Kelly gave them the total, and Bennett handed her his card.
They walked over to the part of the counter where the drinks came out, waited for a few moments and then were presented with their pastries and drinks.
While they waited in line he shot a text to Kaylee to check if she was in the clinic today and if she’d mind if Dallas hung out in the break room, in case he didn’t want to drive around with Bennett all day while he saw to his appointments.
She shot back an affirmative text. “Let’s sit for a minute,” Bennett said, gesturing to the tables. They took their breakfast over to a table by the wall. “I have a couple of scheduled appointments today. I have to go out to some of the ranches and vaccinate some baby animals. Horses, mostly. But if you want to you can hang out at the clinic.”
“What clinic?” Dallas asked around a mouthful of doughnut.
“Valley Veterinary. That’s the name of the practice I run with Kaylee, the woman you met last night.”
“Yeah, I remember the one other person besides you I was introduced to yesterday.”
Bennett pressed on as if Dallas hadn’t spoken. “I do a lot of work outside of town. My truck has all my equipment, so it’s easy to travel around. If you want the chance to see some of the area, we can do that. Otherwise, there’s a break room at the clinic. If you want to hang out there Kaylee will be around if you have an emergency.”
“An emergency? Like blood or fire?”
“Is that...a serious concern?”
Dallas shrugged, which was clearly a favored gesture of his. “Maybe. I’m a problem after all.”
“The kind that sets things on fire?” he asked. “No judgment, but I feel like I should know that.”
“I haven’t set anything on fire.”
“Okay. Good.”
“All right.”
“All right to which?” Bennett leaned back in his chair.
“I guess I’ll go sit in the break room. Not really interested in driving around. We just drove all the way here yesterday from Portland.”
“Right.” Bennett couldn’t decide if he was relieved or disappointed that his kid was opting to not spend the day with him. But they’d only been together for about a half hour this morning and Bennett already felt...taxed. Full of emotion he didn’t know how to sort through and weighted down by the idea he had to be something he didn’t know how to be for this kid. “Okay. And then after that we’re going to go over to my brother’s place. Well, it’s actually my brother’s and my other brother’s and my sister’s place.”
Dallas looked stunned by that. “You have all that family?”
“Yeah,” Bennett said. “And they don’t know about you either. Since I didn’t know about you. But they’re your uncles. And your aunt. I’m going to have to call your grandfather.”
His dad was going to have something to say about being a grandfather.
“I have...a grandfather?”
“Yeah, and he’s married. Not to my mom. My mom is dead. But he remarried a great lady a couple of years ago. They’re down in New Mexico with her family right now. But you’ll meet her. Then, for holidays and things like that. He’ll probably want to make a trip up to meet you.”
Dallas looked surprised by that. “They would?”
“Of course. You’re family.”
“That’s never mattered before. My mom never talked to her family. I don’t even know where they are. I just know they aren’t here anymore. She told me that much.”
“That’s true. Her parents moved away after she left. She left home when she was sixteen.”
Dallas nodded. “I know that much. She didn’t want to be trapped in a small town anymore. She said she hated it here.” He took another bite of doughnut. “She wanted to go somewhere more exciting.”
“I didn’t know she hated it here,” Bennett said.
“That’s what she told me. But I don’t know how much of anything she said is true. And it’s not because I trust you,” he clarified quickly. “It’s just because she’s a liar. She always has been. At least, as far back as I can remember. Because that’s how addicts are. She’s not the only addict I know. Every guy she ever dated was one. They’re all liars.”
A sobering thought occurred to him then. “Are you... Do you have any problems with that? I mean, addiction stuff.”
“Hell, no,” Dallas said, taking another bite of doughnut. “I mean, I drink. Not all the time. But I have. I’ve had some weed. But I’m not messing with meth and shit. I get why it’s tempting. Because it makes you forget. But then you forget everything. Including where the hell you left your kid. I just don’t want that. I don’t want to forget who I am. I mean, who I am isn’t anything all that impressive. And it’s not like I have much of anything. But I’m not going to be a meth zombie.”
Bennett swallowed hard. “She wasn’t always like that.”
“Yeah. She wasn’t like that until me, I guess.”
“I don’t know,” Bennett said. “I figured that I screwed up her life.”
“Yeah, she thought you did too. I mean, you definitely got your share of the blame. But I was part of it. When she would get mad and scream and stuff, she blamed both of us.”
“I’m sorry,” Bennett said. “I’m sorry she treated you like that. And I have to believe that in the beginning that isn’t what she wanted. For some reason, she didn’t want to be here with me. Probably because I wanted to marry her. And if she really did hate it here, if she really did want to get out, she probably figured she was going to have to do it without me. She probably thought that her only hope of escaping this life, and being a rancher’s wife, or at least having to share custody with me, was to leave without telling me. Making me think that she lost the baby. I have to believe that she did it for what she thought was a better life. It’s just that she probably got into the other things that come with finding freedom. And she was too young to have that kind of responsibility.”
“Yeah, maybe.” Dallas shifted in his seat, looking a little uncomfortable. “Either way, I’ve seen too much of it to want it,” Dallas said. “There’s not much mystery in drug use. She would have given it to me if I wanted it. I didn’t want to let her poison me. Didn’t want to let her make me as bad she was.”
Those words burned. They hurt, all the way down. The stuff that kid had been through wasn’t fair. It was all new to Bennett, and he was having trouble processing it. But it was Dallas’s life. And he spoke about it in a matter-of-fact way. Way too matter-of-fact for someone his age. The effects of meth shouldn’t be something a fifteen-year-old was so familiar with.
“I’m glad I don’t have to worry about you and drugs anyway,” Bennett said, his voice sounding like gravel.
“Would you really worry?”
The question was presented as something of a challenge.
“Yes,” Bennett said. “I’m not taking responsibility for you because I don’t care. I do care. If I didn’t, why the hell would it matter to me where you were?”
“I can’t answer that question. I don’t know what it’s like to have a parent care what I do.”
“You will,” Bennett said, the words a promise that came from deep inside of him. He wouldn’t be perfect. He was going to make so many mistakes he felt stupid in advance. But he could be there. “You will.”
* * *
WHEN BENNETT SHOWED up with Dallas in tow, the kid went straight into the break room and shut the door.
“Thank you,” Bennett said.
Kaylee cast a worried look at Bennett. “Does he have a phone or anything?”
“Yes,” Bennett said.
At least he’d have something to stay entertained on.
“I don’t know what to do with a teenager all day.”
She sounded petulant, but it was true. She had agreed to let him hang out, but now that he was here she felt a sense of responsibility she wasn’t sure she could live up to. And if she did something stupid with Bennett’s son and he...ran off or something she’d never forgive herself.
Bennett shrugged. “Put him to work. Give him cages to clean out or something.”
“I only have two animals in kennels right now.”
“Maybe Beatrix will bring you a box of orphaned weasels.”
Kaylee snorted. “There are no weasels around here.”
“I feel like that wouldn’t stop Beatrix from finding some.”
“He’s going to be bored,” Kaylee said, ignoring the weasel absurdity.
Bennett shrugged. “He might be. But he’s the one who said he wanted to hang out here. You don’t have to do anything with him. I’m going to come by lunchtime with something for him to eat. Don’t worry about that. I’ll check in.”
He looked stressed, and she wanted to reach up and smooth the lines by his eyes. Wanted to do something to erase the concern on his handsome face. It made her palms feel sweaty. Made her stomach feel like it was tied up in knots.
Her date could not come soon enough.
She was at that critical point in her Bennett cycle. And yes, sadly, she had a very definitive cycle.
Things would begin to build up. Her attraction would begin to become unmanageable. Her feelings so sharp and intense she couldn’t handle them. And she already knew why she couldn’t act on those feelings. She’d made her decisions. So when she reached that point, she knew it was time to find a guy to date. And so she would.
Depending on how long they dated, it could lead to a real relationship. Which meant that there was someone else to focus some of those feelings on. A man that she could go to bed with at night and be physically close to.
But as she had made the silly mistake of admitting to Bennett last night, they were not men who necessarily lit her body on fire. Still, putting effort into a physical relationship with another man did something to help take the edge off the Bennett situation. It gave her a relief from that hyperfocus she began to feel. From that intense edginess she experienced whenever he was around.
But then, invariably, the newness of the relationship would begin to wear off. The general disappointment of the sex would begin to overshadow the fact that there was sex at all, and the buildup to her Bennett feelings would start again.
Then something would happen. Bennett would brush his fingers against hers, lean in especially close to brush a piece of dirt from her cheek, and her body would nearly combust.
That’s when it would all tumble down on her. That feeling of how pointless and ridiculous it was to sleep with a man who made her feel less with his entire body than Bennett Dodge made her feel with the smallest brush of a fingertip against her face.
She’d have to end the relationship at that point. And the cycle would begin anew.
She had been...somewhat frozen in the terrible part of the cycle for the last year and a half. Because there hadn’t been anyone the whole time that Bennett was with Olivia. And at the same time work at the clinic had gotten more intense, which meant they were together more, and her social life—never all that booming outside the Dodge family—had shrunk down.
Rather than going out on fifty-mile endurance rides with Jamie like she often enjoyed doing on weekends, she’d been melting into her couch, keeping her rides on Flicka short and in general reducing her activities to work and an occasional night out drinking with Bennett and his family or Bennett by himself.
And all during that time she had done nothing but fixate. Nothing but marinate. Trying to force herself to accept that he was going to marry this other woman. Trying to figure out how her life would reshape when that happened.
And then the breakup happened, and it had hit her that she needed to do something to get herself out of the loop.
So here she was, trying to deal. Trying to get that separation that she so desperately needed. To get another man in her life so she could focus on him.
She really needed it to work. She needed Michael to be more than a nice guy. Maybe he would finally be a guy who managed to give her an actual orgasm during sex.
Heat swept over her body, and she did her very best not to think about that too much. Because then it forced her to think about the only ways she’d ever been able to have an orgasm. By herself. With her mind inevitably wandering to places it shouldn’t. To fantasies it shouldn’t.
She needed to get a grip. Preferably on Michael.
And she could give Bennett emotional support in the meantime. Could help him out with Dallas.
There was no other option. She had to do that.
Because she was a true friend. Not helping him out because of her regrettable between-the-thighs feelings would only prove that she wasn’t actually a very good friend. And she wasn’t going to do that.
“Fine. I’ll see you at lunch.”
“Okay.”
He seemed relieved to be getting a break, and she really couldn’t blame him. She sighed heavily and looked around the empty office.
Technically, they weren’t open yet. Though, if somebody came to the door she would obviously let them in. But she liked to use the early morning hours to catch up on paperwork and get everything in order for the day.
She sighed heavily, and then charged toward the break room before she could think it through. He’d said she could leave Dallas alone, but she wasn’t going to do that.
She was going to give this kid a task. He was not sitting back there on his phone the whole day. Why she felt that way, she really didn’t know. But it definitely had something to do with that strange sense of connection she had felt toward him when they had first met.
“Good morning,” she said, smiling a little bit when she was treated to a surprised expression from him.
“Why does everyone keep saying that?” Dallas asked.
“Because it’s morning.”
“Too early to be good,” he pointed out.
“And yet, here you are. Awake. And Bennett...” She redirected. “Your dad...” Bennett as a dad. Good grief. “Is that weird?”
