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‘Lucinda.’
It was his voice that did it. That incredible growl that made her toes curl and her stomach turn over. She closed her eyes and attempted to hold on to her dignity.
‘I need to see you.’
Heavens! Was he talking about what she hoped he was talking about? Had he, like her, spent sleepless nights wishing they were together again? Had he realised that he couldn’t live without her? That what they had was something special, far removed from a brief affair? Her heartbeats were loud and heavy in her breast and she put a hand to her throat.
‘I need you to help me look after Timothy.’
Lucinda’s spirits fell like a sledgehammer, slamming into her senses, making her realise how stupid she had been. Of course he wouldn’t want her for any other reason; he had made that perfectly clear. She had been stupid to even think it. ‘Why?’ she asked, hoping he couldn’t hear the sudden dryness in her throat. ‘Why me?’
‘Because he knows you, he likes you.’
‘I’m not a nanny any longer,’ she reminded him curtly, swallowing her disappointment. Lord knew what she had thought he would say but it certainly hadn’t been anything like that. ‘Besides, how can he remember me when it was so long ago?’
A brief silence, then, ‘You’re someone I know and can trust.’
Lucinda shook her head. He sounded brisk and businesslike, not a man whose bed she had shared night after night. ‘I’m very busy, Zane. I have a lot to catch up on.’
‘Tim’s grandmother’s very poorly. The poor boy has no one but me to look after him.’
‘And you’re naturally too busy.’ Lucinda couldn’t keep the sarcasm out of her voice. ‘And you also have a nerve thinking I’ll drop everything to do your work for you.’
‘I’m missing you, Lucinda.’ It was said quietly, almost regretfully, and she was aware how much it must have cost him to say that. She couldn’t curb a tiny smile. So he wasn’t entirely immune to her? Their brief affair had meant something! Quite what she couldn’t be sure, but it meant that he was possibly suffering the same as she was. Except that she loved him and his feelings were nothing more than lust.
Nevertheless, the thought of seeing him again was extremely tempting.
‘I could set you up an office here so that you won’t get behind with your work.’ And when she didn’t answer he added, ‘Whatever you need will be yours.’
I need you, she thought desperately. I need your love. Not an office. Not looking after your nephew. You! Would this be second best? If she moved into his house, would their affair rekindle itself? Would Zane realise what he was missing? Would he learn to love her the same as she loved him?
Lucinda found it hard to believe that she had fallen in love with Zane after vowing to herself never to trust another man. It just went to show that when the right man came along…
Was Zane the right man? She wouldn’t know unless she took up his challenge. It was the only chance she’d have of seeing him again.
‘Lucinda? Give me your answer.’
She threw her shoulders back, drew in a deep breath and said, ‘I don’t see why I should, but, yes, I suppose I will. Until you sort yourself out at least.’ Whether she’d regret it later she didn’t know, but for the moment she was being given a second chance and she knew that it was something she had to do.
She heard the soft whistle of his breath, knew that he’d been holding it while he waited for her answer. ‘Thank you, Lucinda. I’ll make sure you never regret it. I’ll send a car for you now.’
‘Oh, no, you won’t!’ declared Lucinda vehemently. ‘I have a day’s work to finish. Then I need to go home and pack. I’ll start in the morning.’
‘But—’
‘But nothing, Zane! I’ll come in the morning or not at all.’ And she put down the phone, guessing that he had never had anyone do that to him before. But she didn’t care. He couldn’t walk all over her; she wouldn’t let him. And even now, only seconds after agreeing to help him out, she was having doubts. Would she be making a fool of herself? Was it really only for Tim’s sake that he needed her? Nothing to do with his own feelings! Or was she walking into a trap? He wanted her to mind Tim, yes, but that could be an excuse because he also wanted her body.
For the rest of the day Lucinda found it difficult to concentrate and when she went home that evening and told her mother what she was doing Ruth was delighted. ‘Forget the nanny stuff,’ she declared. ‘He’s missing you. This is fantastic, Lucinda. He’s quite a catch.’
‘I’m not interested in his money, Mother, you know that.’
Ruth shrugged. ‘Whatever. I know he has a reputation, but I think he’s finally been hooked. I knew when you came back from St Lucia that something had happened between you; I could see it in your eyes. I’m happy for you, darling.’
Lucinda didn’t feel happy. She felt worried. And excited! It was an odd mixture of feelings—apprehension laced with anticipation.
When the car came to pick her up she was still feeling unsure. She’d had an almost sleepless night worrying whether she was doing the right thing. It was her heart leading her, not her head, and she feared that she might be on course for disaster. Nevertheless she had to go through with it. Some demon inside drove her on.
The last time she’d been here, recalled Lucinda as the car proceeded along a winding drive lined with plane trees, was when Tim was two. Zane had said that his nephew remembered her but Lucinda wasn’t so sure. Three years was a long time for a child. She had a feeling that Zane had used that as an excuse.
But when they got to the house—a huge red brick building with formal lawns at the front and a swimming pool at the back—she remembered the pool because she had always been fearful that Tim might wander out there and drown—the door opened and Timothy himself stood shyly on the step. She caught sight of an older woman in the background.
How he had grown! She hurried towards him and gave him a big hug. ‘I’ve missed you,’ she said with a warm smile. ‘What a big boy you are now.’
He smiled at her then. ‘I remember you,’ he said slowly. ‘I think. You looked after me.’
‘I certainly did and I’m going to look after you again. Where’s your uncle?’
‘At work,’ he announced importantly. ‘He’s a very busy man, that’s why he needs someone else to look after me while Nanna is in hospital. She’s very poorly.’
Lucinda nodded. ‘So I hear. Shall we go inside?’
Tim nodded and put his hand trustingly into hers.
Lucinda’s heart went out to him.
Her bags were carried up to the room she had used the last time she was here. It was next to Tim’s and the fact that she had been given this room told her in no uncertain manner that this was going to be her place, that Zane had no intention of asking her to share his bed. She ought to have known. And, for just a few seconds, she wished that she had never come. And then she looked at Tim and knew that she had done the right thing.
Zane had a housekeeper, Mrs Burton, and a maid and sometimes a butler if he was entertaining, but none of them were qualified to look after Tim. Had he left his nephew in their care these last few days? she wondered. Or had he taken time off himself? Somehow she doubted it; he’d been away from his affairs too long, the same as she had.
His staff had probably coped but he’d felt that he needed someone more professional. Though why he had asked her when he could have rung any agency he liked she didn’t know. If her sleeping arrangements had been any different she would have suspected that he wanted to carry on their affair—but his instructions told her very clearly that this was not the case.
It was late evening before Zane came home, which was very much what Lucinda had expected. There was not much about him that surprised her. She was curled up on a sofa in the sitting room watching TV. She had been tempted to go to her room, to make a point of telling him that she knew where her place was, but had decided against it at the last minute.
And she hadn’t really been watching TV. Her ears had been alerted to his return and she’d scarcely heard what the characters in the film were saying.
‘So you really came.’
Lucinda’s heart thumped so hard that she thought he must surely see it throbbing against her ribcage. Zane hadn’t changed at all. He was still magnificently handsome, still had the same gorgeous smoky blue eyes and still had the power to turn her world upside down.
Not surprising considering it was only a few days since she had last seen him. Yet it felt like a lifetime. And now she was here Lucinda wondered whether she had made a big mistake. There was nothing in Zane’s eyes to tell her that he was as delighted as she. They were matter of fact and considering, watching her gravely for a few seconds before he stepped further into the room.
‘How’s Tim?’
Not How are you? But How’s Tim? Not, I’ve missed you. Nothing like that! It felt like a slap in the face. ‘He’s fast asleep.’
‘Was he pleased to see you?’
Lucinda nodded. ‘I was surprised he remembered me.’
‘He couldn’t stop talking about the lady who was here before. He remembered you all right. As do I,’ he added sotto voce.
She almost didn’t catch those last words; perhaps she wasn’t intended to. But it made her look at him questioningly. Of course he remembered her. Was there some hidden meaning behind them? Perhaps he meant he was remembering their nights of passion?
They had been unforgettable nights. But they may as well never have happened if they meant so little to him. ‘How’s your health these days?’ she asked instead.
‘Back to normal,’ he acknowledged. ‘If you’ll excuse me I’ll take a shower and then I’ll join you.’
‘Fraternising with the hired help?’ The words slipped out without her intending them to. But he was making her feel like that. After all they’d gone through together, it would have been perfectly normal for him to stride across the room and take her into his arms. Instead he stood there in the doorway making no attempt to come any closer. He couldn’t have made it any clearer that that particular part of their life was over.
Zane’s lips tightened. ‘I’ll try to ignore that remark.’
‘It’s what you make me feel like.’
‘Nonsense!’
‘Is it?’ she asked pointedly. ‘You used me, Zane Alexander. And for that I will never forgive you.’
‘And yet you came here today?’ Sandy brows rose, blue eyes looked coolly into hers. ‘Doesn’t that tell you something? It certainly does me.’
Lucinda frowned. What did it tell him? That she was still his for the taking? Lord help her, it would be so easy. But she could see Zane clearly now for what he was and she stiffened her resolve. While she was living in Zane’s house she would never let him touch her, never let him kiss her.
She ought to walk out. It would be best all round. But young Tim had taken to her so willingly and completely that she couldn’t bear to let him down. It was bad enough that his beloved grandmother was so poorly. He didn’t need any more instability in his life. No, she would stay until the woman recovered. She would do what she had come here for, but that was all. Zane Alexander could go and take a running jump. She would never let him near her again.
Zane’s feelings were running high as he showered off his tiredness. He had been looking forward to coming home and finding Lucinda here. What he hadn’t expected was her animosity towards him. He’d given her a good time in St Lucia. He’d done nothing to hurt her. So what was it all about?
He had half wondered, when she’d agreed to look after Tim, if she would want to carry on their affair. He had been pleased and relieved that she’d accepted—of course he had—but nevertheless he couldn’t help speculating whether it might be because she wanted something more from him.
Clearly, though, nothing was further from her mind. He was shocked by how cool and distant she was towards him. Their brief affair might never have happened. But if that was the way she wanted to play it—then that was all right by him.
When he rejoined her Lucinda was deeply engrossed in the film showing on television and wasn’t aware of his presence, so he stood in the doorway watching her. She was even more stunning than he remembered. Her auburn hair was tied back in a ponytail but he knew how enticingly sexy it was when she left it loose around her shoulders. He had threaded his fingers through it so many times; he had used it to pull her face close to his; he had covered her naked breasts with it, enjoyed the intriguing little glimpses of her exciting nipples.
So many things they had done together and they all came rushing back in a brief moment of madness. Inhaling the sweet fragrance that was essentially Lucinda made him want to leap on her and make love until they were both senseless.
She was so gorgeously sexy. It had definitely been a big mistake to invite her into his house. When Tim had cried in his sleep and refused to be consoled he had been at his wits’ end. He’d taken time off work but even so he wasn’t used to young children and there had been times over the past few days when he had been at a complete loss.
That was when he had thought of Lucinda. He hadn’t dared hope she might agree to his request; indeed he had been shocked when she had. Shocked but pleased. Very pleased, because it meant that he would see her again.
It hadn’t occurred to him how much he had missed her until he’d heard her voice on the phone. Because he had thrown himself into his work, because he had Tim to look after as well, because he had fallen into bed each night dog-tired, Lucinda had not been on his mind. Now she was very much to the forefront and his male hormones began to take over.
Lucinda had shocked him when she’d stated that he had used her. How could that be when she had been a willing partner? And that comment about fraternising with the hired help. Where had that come from? Didn’t what they’d gone through together mean anything to her?
Zane felt both confused and not a little bit angry. She needn’t have come if this was the attitude she was going to take. He cleared his throat and she looked up and, for just a second, he thought he saw desire in her lovely green eyes. Gone in an instant; he might even have imagined it, because they were hard now, almost questioning his presence.
‘I didn’t see you there,’ she lied. In actual fact she had been aware of his presence the whole time; it would be impossible not to be. This house was full of him. Wherever she went Zane was there, whether in the flesh or not. But in the flesh, as now, she had sensed him, felt him, had never been more aware of him. And it made her realise what a big mistake she had made in coming here.
No doubt she would weather the storm, but it would be hard denying her feelings, pretending an immunity she did not feel. All she could hope was that he wouldn’t attempt to carry on their affair. It would be a bittersweet relationship, knowing it could end again once Tim’s grandmother was well enough to take him back. She couldn’t go through with it.
He came into the room. ‘A drink?’ he asked, walking over to a mini-bar in the far corner. The room was high-ceilinged and tall-windowed, with beautiful gold silk curtains against a wall of palest blue. The carpet had a blue and gold pattern and all of the furniture was antique. Money well spent, she thought. Not that it was to her taste; she preferred something more modern, but it suited Zane. The whole house suited him.
Even now, dressed down in black jeans and T-shirt, he didn’t look out of place. While she was all keyed up inside, he looked relaxed and perfectly at ease. And, while she didn’t really want a drink, Lucinda nodded, feeling it might help settle her uneasy stomach.
He poured her a gin and tonic without even asking what she would like and, with a tumbler of whisky for himself, he sat down on the settee opposite her.
The film finished and Lucinda hoped he wouldn’t ask her what it was about because she hadn’t the slightest idea.
‘So tell me,’ he said, ‘what’s been happening in your life since we got home?’
Lucinda shrugged. ‘I’ve been working hard, that’s all. I had a lot to catch up on.’
‘And how’s my project doing?’
She frowned. ‘You still want me to carry on with it?’ This was the last thing she had expected.
‘Why wouldn’t I? I didn’t go to all the trouble of flying you out there for nothing. Is that what you thought? That I took you out to have my evil way with you? Is that why you looked at me earlier as though I were the devil incarnate? Believe me, Lucinda, what happened was as much your choice as mine.’
Lucinda wasn’t sure she would agree with that. He was the one who had started the affair. If he hadn’t she would have got all her work done and she wouldn’t be feeling as though he had robbed her of a very precious part of her being.
‘You look as though you don’t agree.’
There was hardness in his eyes, turning them steel-blue instead of smoky blue and Lucinda felt everything inside her go tense. ‘You were the one who started it.’ Oh, Lord, how childish was that?
‘One of us had to,’ he declared pragmatically. ‘We couldn’t have got through our time there feeling as we did if we didn’t give in to our feelings. Don’t you agree?’
Lucinda shrugged. ‘It’s never happened to me before.’
‘And do you regret it?’ He paused, his glass poised before his lips.
‘Yes, actually,’ answered Lucinda. Honesty was the best policy here or she could see him attacking her defences yet again. And she would unfortunately let him. He was a man who could not be ignored.
Zane took a long swallow of his drink, put his glass down carefully on a side table and looked at her intently. ‘Are you saying to me that if I took you into my arms right now and kissed you, you wouldn’t respond? That your body wouldn’t melt and your arms wouldn’t go around my neck and you’d beg me for more? Are you saying that, Lucinda?’
She eyed him coolly. ‘Yes!’ And her voice crackled into the air like breaking ice.
Well-marked brows rose. ‘And I’m supposed to believe it?’
‘You can believe what you like,’ she threw at him even more crisply. ‘It happens to be the truth. You used me out there and you’re not going to do it again. Actually, I think the location seduced me more than you did.’
His eyes flickered but he said nothing.
‘And now that I’m back on home ground my head is level and I have no wish to carry on an affair with you.’ In fact he was the one who had put an end to it by his behaviour on the plane. But she didn’t tell him that; she didn’t tell him how much he had hurt her. She was glad now that it was finished because it would have hurt even more the longer it had gone on.
She was under no delusion that he would ever have turned their relationship into something more serious. That was way out of his agenda. All Zane was interested in was a good time.
And that was what they’d had. She couldn’t deny it. The only fly in the ointment had been Serafine. Lucinda had been excruciatingly jealous of her.
‘Who’s saying I want to?’
His callous statement took Lucinda’s breath away.
