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“Can Albert and I go in the small sleigh?”
“Maybe another time, Philippe. I need a chance to talk to your mother, and this would be a good time to do it.”
Crystal shivered. She couldn’t imagine they had anything to talk about now. But remembering her plan to fight fire with fire, she didn’t try to accommodate her son’s wishes.
“Okay.” To her shock, he went along with it. Except for when Raoul had to be gone on that emergency, her son had changed a lot and was so much more settled down, she hardly knew him.
Raoul pulled to a stop at the side of the road and got out. With Bernard’s help they attached the bells to the horses’ trappings on the big sleigh, delighting the boys. The children climbed in with Vivige and Bernard, divvying up blankets for everyone who sat where they wanted.
“Hi, Mommy!” Philippe waved to her. She waved back, but her attention was drawn to Raoul, who walked back to the smaller sleigh where she was sitting. His dark hair was partially covered by his navy ski hat. With the bite of the air, his warm complexion brought out his striking features. He was so alive and heartbreakingly handsome, it hurt to look at him.
She quickly focused on their moustached driver in his old mountain hat who turned around to make sure they were settled. Then he shook the reins. Once the horses received that signal, they moved forward behind the other sleigh. She could hear the children whooping it up in the distance.
As the horses paced along in rhythm, the sleigh bells made their distinctive sounds while the sleigh swished and glided across the snow. The outing was one of sheer enchantment, carrying her back to the other magical morning on the ski slopes with Raoul.
The scene right now was too surreal for Crystal. She closed her eyes for a little while and just listened while she dreamed about what it would be like if he had any deeper feelings for her.
Finally, today, the kiss of a lover full of hot-blooded passion had brought her own feelings closer to the surface to be acknowledged. But Raoul wasn’t her lover. He was a man who’d been with other women since Suzanne and enjoyed them. She knew he did, especially when he’d gone on climbing trips with Des.
The kiss he’d given her in the bedroom was something he’d done in the nature of an experiment in order to wake her up to the possibilities of life, but it hadn’t been prompted by the earthshaking desire she had for him. When she’d told him she couldn’t accept his offer to run a ski school here, he’d left it alone. His calm acceptance gave her the proof he could compartmentalize his feelings for the good of the moment.
To belong to him was a pipe dream on her part. Just entertaining the thought terrified her because she had to remember that the only person who truly mattered was Philippe.
Even if Raoul did feel something for her, if the world were to hear they were a couple, the press would make it into a scandal that would follow her son for the rest of his life. There’d be questions as to whether Philippe was the son of France’s great sporting hero, or the son of Raoul Broussard—Eric’s brother and a celebrity in his own right among the mountaineers of Europe.
She couldn’t do that to her precious boy. He was an innocent child who didn’t deserve to grow up under an ugly cloud of vicious lies and rumors.
No … it was a dream she had to bury. The big question now was how to rein in her emotions until she left France with her son.
“You’re so immersed in thought, I was afraid you’d forgotten I was here.” His deep voice insinuated itself inside her skin.
Raoul, Raoul.
Her eyes opened to a sky that had deepened into darkness. He’d leaned closer to her, bringing the familiar male scent she loved. Their breath curled in the night air and mingled. “To be honest, I was enjoying the silence. It’s heavenly out here, like we’re being pulled across a fantastic moonscape.”
“You sound happy. Shades of the old Crystal are coming out in you more and more.”
“The old Crystal?” she questioned in surprise.
“Oui, ma belle. The first time I met you, you were this happy, sunny girl whose spirit pervaded our entire household. But slowly I saw a difference come over you and we both know why. Eric or no Eric, Philippe is the luckiest boy in the world to have a mother like you.”
That’s what he’d brought Crystal out here to tell her? He wanted to compliment her for being a good mom? He didn’t want to …
Crystal had to stop what she was thinking. “Thank you,” she said in a shaky whisper.
“He’s inherited your naturally sunny disposition. When he’s around, he’s like a breath of fresh air.”
His emotion when he talked about her son shook her to the depths. There was a sudden tension-filled silence brought on because she didn’t know what to say and shouldn’t have come on this sleigh ride with him.
“As long as you were so honest with me at Chez Pierre the other day,” he continued, “there’s something I should have told you while we were talking. It’s something I should have told the whole family after Suzanne died.”
Her body went taut. She was almost afraid to hear what he was about to tell her. Her gaze shot to his. She noticed a nerve throbbing at the corner of his mouth. “What is it?”
“When the results of the autopsy came through, it was confirmed she was pregnant, but neither of us knew it at the time.”
Crystal tried to smother her horrified gasp.
“For a long time I was angry at the world for such a senseless tragedy,” he rasped. “But mostly I couldn’t forgive myself for not being with her when she needed me. I wasn’t able to save her. Me—the great mountaineer!”
“Raoul—” she cried in anguish for him and grasped his hand. He and Suzanne were going to have a baby…. Crystal knew all about guilt and suffered fresh pain for him. “No wonder you shut off your feelings for such a long time.”
“I’m afraid I did more than that!” His eyes flashed. “I resented Eric for his cavalier treatment of you. Here he had a wife and son, and he didn’t value either of you the way he should have.”
Crystal had no idea all this had gone on inside over the last few years.
“When he died, I was in even more despair over the guilt I felt for having judged him when it wasn’t my place.”
“You don’t need to tell me about guilt,” she murmured.
“There’s more,” he groaned out. “There were even times when I resented you.”
She swallowed hard. “Why?”
“Because you had your son and it was a reminder to me of everything I’d lost. Perhaps now you understand why Philippe is doubly precious to me.”
She nodded. Oh, yes.
It explained why he’d sounded accusatory when he’d first arrived in Breckenridge. She now understood why the monthly phone calls from Raoul had been so terse and unsatisfactory over the last year. He’d kept their conversations short before asking to speak to Philippe.
She’d been hurt by his manner and feared more of the same if she decided to phone him. So she hadn’t done it, but it had cost her son so much unhappiness.
Besides losing his wife, Raoul had lost his unborn child. Philippe had lost his father. On some deeper lever the two of them had sensed each other’s loss and had reached out for comfort. The bond between them ran fathoms deep.
Raoul’s confession had cleared up so many questions, she realized.
“I’m sorry for being so hard on you, Crystal,” he said against the tips of her fingers before kissing them.
“You think I don’t understand?”
He raised his head. His eyes were dark blue pools of light. “That’s the point. I know you do, and I’m humbled by it.” This time when he kissed her lips, it was a kiss of gratitude that couldn’t be mistaken for anything else. It explained his other kiss with all its pent-up frustration and pain.
Oh, yes, she understood it all.
When he quickly relinquished her mouth, she realized the sleigh had stopped. She looked around. All she could see was Raoul’s car. “I didn’t realize we were back. The others have already gone home.”
A quiet smile broke out on his handsome face. “We’re due at Vivige’s for a party.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“This is their surprise for the children. A celebration slumber party. Let’s go, shall we?”
In a few minutes they’d driven to the cousins’ roomy chalet for hot chocolate and Vivige’s special Christmas plum cake.
Philippe was so happy he looked like he would burst. “I wish we could take a sleigh ride every day. Don’t you, Mommy?”
She kissed his frozen cheeks, avoiding Raoul’s gaze that seemed to follow her everywhere she turned. “It was wonderful, but if we did it every day, it wouldn’t seem so special.”
“Come on, Philippe,” Albert called to him. “We’re going to play table tennis. Papa says it’s the men against the women.”
“Goody!”
Their playroom on the second floor was a child’s dream. Bernard had everything set up. “Albert? You’ll play against Lise. Philippe against Fleur. I’ll beat your mother.” Everyone laughed hard. “Raoul against Crystal. Then we’ll rotate partners three more times. May the best men win.”
“Papa—” the girls cried out in protest before giggling.
For the next hour it was a battle to the death with more wins for the men of the house.
“I don’t think it’s fair,” Fleur pouted.
Crystal gave her a big hug. “It isn’t.” She bent down and whispered, “Where’s your game of Escargot? We’ll show up the men.”
Her face lit up. “It’s right there on the shelf.” She ran to get it.
It was kind of like the game of hopscotch, requiring lots of hopping to get to the center of a large snail, with lots of contortions and accidents as spaces were claimed and initialed by each player so you couldn’t step on them without receiving a penalty.
As it turned out, their uncle Raoul lost the competition for the men when he tried to do the impossible and landed in the middle of the game on his back. It sent the girls into squeals of laughter and pretty soon everyone joined in.
Crystal was still laughing hard when her eyes accidentally met Raoul’s as he got to his feet. The look he shot her sent a private message that bespoke pleasure. They’d shared so much over the last few days, she’d felt a change in their relationship. As if they were friends like they’d been when Suzanne was alive, and yet it felt so different now.
Reaching for Philippe, she pulled him aside. “It’s late and I need to get back to your grandparents in case they need me for any reason. Give me a kiss good-night and I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Good night, Mommy.” He hugged and kissed her hard. This was her happy child, the one she never wanted to see disappear again.
She made the rounds hugging the children, then thanked Vivige and Bernard for a wonderful time. “I’ll pick the children up tomorrow and take them skiing.”
Philippe darted over to her and whispered in her ear. “You’re going to take us skiing?”
“Yes,” she whispered back.
“But I thought you didn’t like to ski anymore.”
“I love it, honey.”
His eyes rounded. “So do I!”
“You do? I thought maybe you didn’t like it because you didn’t want to go with Grandpa.”
He stared at her with those innocent blue eyes. “I wanted you to take me.”
“Oh, darling.” She clutched him to her. So many misunderstandings. Over her shoulder she saw Raoul watching them and wondered if his eyes were glistening, or maybe it was a trick of the light.
After letting him go, she left the house and walked out to Raoul’s car. He was only a few steps behind her. Soon they were on their way back to Les Pecles. With Christmas so close, the decorated streets were filled with locals and tourists enjoying an atmosphere like nowhere else in the world.
Today there’d been moments when she’d experienced every emotion—from fear, to sadness, to excitement and incomparable joy that Raoul had returned safely from his rescue expedition. He was the reason for all of those feelings. For hours she’d had a legitimate excuse to be in his company. There was no one like him and never would be.
When they reached the house, Jules and Arlette were still up. While Raoul stored the sleigh bells, she told them about the sleigh ride and the party at Vivige’s house.
Her father-in-law sat there with tears in his eyes. “You’ve got that smile back.”
“It was a perfect day, Jules. You look wonderful. Are you really feeling better?”
“Mais oui, ma fille.”
Arlette smiled at her. “He’s looking more like his old self every day. It’s because we have our whole family around us. We’ve been talking about having a family picture professionally done after Christmas right here by the tree. What do you think?”
“It will make a wonderful souvenir for Philippe.”
“Who’s talking souvenirs?” Raoul had just entered the salon. His eyes impaled her. “You just got here.” Though he’d said it in a light tone, she knew it had upset him. Now she understood why. He would miss Philippe horribly when they left.
His father chuckled. “Come in and sit, mon fils. That is, if you can. Crystal told us about your accident.”
To her surprise a low chuckle came out of Raoul, changing his mood. She felt it resonate to her insides. “It was Crystal’s fault. She put Fleur up to getting out that blasted game.”
Jules hooted. “It’s a good thing your clients didn’t see it happen or they’d take their business elsewhere.”
“I think it was worth it. Don’t you, Crystal?” That question said in his deep male voice haunted her. His eyes forced her to look at him. “Have you ever seen Philippe have more fun?”
She knew what he was really asking. “Thanks to you, I think today topped everything in his world.”
And mine.
Though he still smiled, she got the feeling her answer didn’t seem to please him.
His father looked at him. “Was anyone injured in that climbing party you rescued?”
“Two of them got hypothermia, but they’re doing fine now.”
“What happened?”
“One of the climbers didn’t throw his ax hard enough. The ice didn’t hold and he fell. It took the guide time to get down to him on the ropes. By then it was dark and they decided to wait it out until daylight.”
“What chute was it?”
“The ‘épingle.’”
His father nodded. “That’s too difficult a place for inexperienced climbers.”
“I agree and told the guide.”
