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‘Do your parents still live in New York?’
Caroline shook her head. ‘They were freelancing, covering a fire at a chemical plant in New Jersey, when they were killed in an explosion.’
‘How long ago was that?’
‘While I was in my final year at college.’
‘May I ask how old you are now?’
She hesitated, then answered, ‘Nearly twenty-six,’ and saw by his face that he’d put her down as considerably older.
‘And you’ve been a children’s nanny how long?’
‘Since leaving college.’ She felt guilty that it wasn’t the truth, but it might save him digging any deeper.
Matthew Carran’s green gaze probed her face. His eyes had always had the power to warm or freeze. Now, as though he had guessed she was lying, they could only be described as glacial.
After a moment he changed tack to ask, ‘Does your present employer insist on you wearing a uniform?’
‘No.’ Lois Amesbury had been happy to keep things informal.
‘Would you have any objection to wearing one?’
Disliking the idea, but aware that it would be unwise to say so, Caroline bit her lip before answering, ‘No.’
‘What made you decide to become a nanny?’
‘I like children.’ That was the truth. She had always had an affinity for children.
His tone silky, he suggested, ‘So perhaps you regard being a nanny as an easy way of earning a living?’
Stung, she retorted, ‘I’ve never thought of it like that... And being a nanny is not an easy way of earning a living. It just happens to be the work I prefer.’
After staring at her for what seemed an age, but could only have been seconds, he asked with a twist to his chiselled lips, ‘What qualifications have you, apart from “liking children”?’
Flushing, she said, ‘I’ve passed all the prescribed courses in child care and development, diet and first aid.’
‘What do you think are the two most important things in a young child’s life?’
She answered immediately. ‘Security and affection.’
For an instant he seemed to be gripped by some powerful emotion, then it was gone, leaving his lean, dark face devoid of expression.
Unwilling to meet his eyes, Caroline stared at his hands. He had good hands. Lean, well-shaped, masculine hands, with long fingers and neatly trimmed nails.
All at once, going off at a tangent, he queried, ‘Do you smoke?’
She blinked. ‘No.’
‘Drink?’
‘No.’
‘But no doubt there is...shall we say, a man in your life?’
It was almost as if he was taunting her, and suddenly she found herself wishing passionately that she hadn’t put herself through this ordeal.
‘No.’
The brilliant eyes narrowed. ‘Oh, come now...’
With a flash of spirit, she retorted, ‘I hadn’t realised that having a man in my life was compulsory.’
As soon as the imprudent words were out, Caroline cursed herself for a fool. Why was she antagonising Matthew Carran when she so desperately wanted this job?
‘I can do without the sarcasm, Miss Smith.’ His tone was repressive.
‘I’m sorry. But surely I’m entitled to a private life?’
‘Everyone is entitled to a private life. I just want to be sure yours won’t affect your charge. When Caitlin’s grandmother died...’
Caitlin, Caroline thought, her heart feeling as though it might burst. They’d called her Caitlin.
‘...and I had to engage a nanny, I made a bad mistake.’ His mouth a thin, hard line, Matthew added grimly, ‘I have no intention of making another.’
‘If there was a man in my life I wouldn’t dream of letting it affect any child in my care,’ Caroline said quietly. ‘But there is no one.’
Tension had dewed her face with a fine film of perspiration, and, feeling her spectacles slip, she pushed them further up the bridge of her nose.
‘Why are you wearing glasses?’
His question, coming with the speed of a striking rattlesnake, threw her. ‘I—I’m sorry?’
‘I asked why you’re wearing spectacles.’
‘Because I... I need them.’
Rising to his feet, he leaned across the desk and without so much as a by your leave lifted the glasses from her nose. For a long moment, while shock held her rigid, he looked deep into her clear aquamarine eyes.
Whatever he saw in them—anxiety, pain, loneliness, sadness—his own showed not the slightest sign of either pity or recognition.
Caroline gave thanks to whatever guardian angel was watching over her.
Prematurely, it seemed, as a moment later Matthew was raising the spectacles and squinting through the lenses.
He passed them back to her and, as she hurriedly replaced them, queried succinctly, ‘Why do you need spectacles that are just tinted glass?’
She stammered out the only answer she could think of, ‘I—I thought it would be better if I looked older.’
His voice icy, he remarked, ‘Looking older doesn’t necessarily make you more suitable.’
Strain had set her head throbbing dully, and, convinced now that he would never give her the job, she felt bleak and hopeless.
Wanting only to escape before those pitiless eyes noted her despair, she half rose. ‘Well, if you’ve decided I’m unsuitable...’
‘Please sit down,’ he instructed curtly. ‘I haven’t decided anything of the kind.’
When, the whole of her body shaking, she had obeyed, he informed her, ‘While you were on your way here this morning I had quite a long conversation with your present employer...’
He paused, as though deliberately prolonging the suspense, while the seconds ticked away and Caroline fancied she could hear the roar of the traffic far below on Fifth Avenue.
‘She told me that you had been with her for over two years, and spoke very highly of you.’
Caroline was just drawing a shaky breath of relief when he asked, ‘Who was your previous employer?’
‘Previous employer?’
‘I mean before Mrs Amesbury.’
Realising too late that. having told him she’d been a nanny since leaving college, she was in deep water, Caroline floundered. ‘Well, I...’
‘Surely you remember?’ He was giving her no quarter.
She hated to lie but could see no help for it. ‘A Mr Nagel,’ she improvised wildly as she recalled the plot of a book she’d been reading. ‘I took care of his little boy when his wife left him...’
‘And?’
‘Eventually she came back and they were reconciled, so I was no longer needed.’
Becoming aware that he was watching her hands, moving restlessly in her lap, she clasped them together to keep them still.
‘Have you got Mr Nagel’s references?’
‘I—I’m afraid I don’t know what became of them.’
His sceptical look seemed to make it plain that he didn’t believe her.
She could feel the guilty colour rising in her cheeks when he said, ‘Presumably they must have been satisfactory, or the Amesburys wouldn’t have employed you...’
Picking up the pen he’d been using, he began to tap the desk, each little explosion of sound like a hammer-blow, stretching her already overstretched nerves and making her wince.
‘Very well, with the proviso that Caitlin likes you, the position is yours, if you want it, for a trial period of one month.’
As she stared at him, pale lips a little parted, he went on, ‘Now to practicalities. I’m prepared to allow you the same time off as your previous employer, and if you stay on alter the trial period, you will receive two weeks’ annual holiday. The post carries a salary of...’ he named an exceedingly generous sum ‘...and there is a self-contained suite next to the nursery, which I think you’ll find comfortable.’
When she continued to gaze at him in silence, he observed brusquely, ‘You look surprised. Have you changed your mind about wanting the job?’
‘No... No, of course not... I just hadn’t expected to be offered it.’
‘Why not?’
‘I...I got the impression you didn’t like me.’
Sardonically, he said, ‘It hadn’t occurred to me that it was necessary to like the nanny I engaged.’
As her face began to burn he added flatly, ‘If Caitlin takes to you, that’s all that matters. She’s a sunny, good-natured little thing, and very forward for her age. At the moment Mrs Monaghan, my housekeeper, is looking after her, and according to that good lady the child isn’t one scrap of trouble.
‘Even so, it’s a lot for the poor woman to take on, so if everything goes well, and you decide to accept my offer, I’d want you here, ready to start, by tomorrow morning.’
‘Wearing a uniform?’ In spite of Caroline’s efforts to speak smoothly, there was a ragged edge to the question.
After a moment’s deliberation, Matthew answered coolly, ‘I think not’
His tawny eyes on her face, he went on, ‘Now, before we go any further, maybe you’d like to ask me some questions?’
When, wits scattered, she failed to respond, he suggested trenchantly, ‘Or possibly you already know everything you need to?’
Taking a deep, steadying breath, she managed, ‘I just know what Mrs Amesbury told me.’
‘And what did Mrs Amesbury tell you?’ He sounded annoyed, as though he suspected they’d been gossiping about him.
‘Only that you are either widowed or divorced, and your daughter is about three years old.’
‘Not terribly accurate, I’m afraid. I’m neither widowed nor divorced...’
So he must be still married... Married to Sara...
Watching Caroline’s eyes widen behind the tinted glasses, he continued, ‘And Caitlin isn’t my daughter. My own mother died shortly after I was born, and when I was nine years old my father married again. His second wife already had a three-year-old son. Caitlin is my stepbrother’s child.’
Quietly, he added, ‘In point of fact I’ve never been married.’
‘Oh, but I thought—’ Cursing her unruly tongue, Caroline stopped speaking abruptly.
‘What did you think, Miss Smith?’
She shook her head. ‘Nothing... Really...’
His thickly lashed eyes glinted, and she feared he was going to pursue the matter, but he let it go and said briskly, ‘Well, if there isn’t anything you want to ask me, perhaps you’d like to take a look at the accommodation and say hello to Caitlin?’
Taking a deep, uneven breath, doing her best to control an almost feverish rush of excitement, Caroline rose to her feet as Matthew left his chair and walked round the desk.
At five feet seven inches she was fairly tall for a woman, but, at an inch or so above six feet, he seemed to tower over her.
Suddenly she found herself trembling with a new and different kind of excitement, and, looking up into his dark face, she was shaken to the core by the depth of her feelings for him.
After all this time she had hoped, prayed, that she would be able to look at him and see only a man she had once known and loved. A man who no longer meant that much to her.
But the instinctive knowledge that he was the other half of herself, the part that made her whole and complete, was still there, as certain and inevitable as it had ever been.
