The Girl Wanted: A Book of Friendly Thoughts

The fine tonic effect of a bright, happy face smiling across the breakfast table is known to all the world. Better a feast of corn bread and a cheerful countenance than fruit cake and a sour temperament. People glorify all sorts of bravery, except the bravery they might show on behalf of their nearest neighbors. – George Eliot.

So I feel very sure that you, my dear young lady, for whom these lines are written, are never going to appear at the breakfast table with aught other than a bright cheery face and a pleasant word How active springs the mind that leaves the load of yesterday behind. – Pope. for all about you. Some one has said that the first hour of the day is the critical one. Happy is the person who can wake with a song, or who can at least hold back the fears and the grumbles until a thought of gladness has established One of the most charming things in girlhood is serenity. – Margaret E. Sangster. itself as the keynote of the day.

"Assume a virtue, if you have it not," says Shakespeare. While as a rule it is deemed wrong to assume to possess any virtue that we do not possess, we may and no doubt should, at times, appear to be happy even though we may feel more like indulging in lamentations. To come to the breakfast table enumerating a Every generous nature desires to make the earning of an honest living but a means to the higher end of adding to the sum total of human goodness and human happiness. – Frances E. Willard. list of real or imaginary ailments is a most ill-advised thing to do. We should endeavor to forget our troubles and above all we should be slow to give voice to them so that thereby they will be multiplied in the minds of others. It has been truly said that most people who are unhappy are really miserable and bring their misery to others because they allow the failures and discomforts to speak the first word in their souls. For misery is voluble and the little discomforts will turn us into their continual mouthpieces if we will give them a Attempt the end, and never stand in doubt; nothing’s so hard but search will find it out. – Richard Lovelace. chance. But the truly thoughtful and considerate person will have none of them. Instead of displaying the flag of distress and surrender, the wiser method is to pull our courage and determination together and don

THE BETTER ARMOR

If through thick and through thinThere is only one way to get ready for immortality, and that is to love this life and live it as bravely and cheerfully and faithfully as we can. – Henry Van Dyke.

You are eager to win,Don’t go shrouded in Fear and in Doubt,But with Hope and with TruthAnd the blue sky of YouthGo through life with the sunny side out.

So let us determine that we will cultivate the happy habit; for indeed even happiness is largely a habit. "As he thinketh in his heart, so is he." If he thinks trouble, he is very likely to find it. If he thinks sickness, he is He that composes himself is wiser than he that composes books. – Benjamin Franklin. likely to be ill. If he thinks unkind things, he is quite sure to put them into the deeds of his daily life. The thought is the architect’s plans which the hands are likely to set about to build. To the one who thinks the weather is Anxiety never yet successfully bridged over any chasm. – Ruffini. bad, it is sure to be disagreeable. To the one who seeks to find something pleasant about it, it is certain to offer some happy phases.

How poor are they that have not patience! What wound did ever heal but by degrees? – Shakespeare. We must all answer "yes" to this question asked by one of our fine writers on our social amenities: "Don’t you get awfully tired of people who are always croaking? A frog in a big, damp, malarial pond is expected to make all the fuss he can in protest of his surroundings. But a man! Destined for a crown, and born that he may be educated for the court of a king! Placed in an emerald world with a hither side of opaline shadow, and a fine dust of diamonds to set Duty determines destiny. Destiny which results from duty performed, may bring anxiety and perils, but never failure and dishonor. – William McKinley. it sparkling when winter days are flying; with ten million singing birds to make it musical, and twice ten million flowers to make it sweet; with countless stars to light it up with fiery splendor, and white, new moons to wrap it round with mystery; with other souls within it to love and make happy, and the hand of God to uphold it on its rushing way among the countless worlds that crowd its path; If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain. – Emily Dickinson. what right has man to find fault with such a world? When the woodtick shall gain a hearing, as he complains that the grand old century oak is unfit to shelter him, or the bluebird be harkened to when he murmurs that the horizon is off color, and does not match his wings, then, I think, it will be time for man to find fault with the appointments of the magnificent sphere in which he lives."

No book is worth anything which is not worth much; nor is it serviceable, until it has been read, and reread, and loved, and loved again. – Ruskin. Therefore let it be determined between us, right here and now, that come what may, we shall each of us endeavor to keep a merry heart and a pleasant face. As we love to see a happy expression on the faces of our parents, brothers, sisters and friends, so must they enjoy seeing a pleasant look overspreading our Wise, cultivated, genial conversation is the best flower of civilization. – Emerson. features. And with this good and kindly resolve in our minds it will never be difficult for us to decide whether we shall give to the good world about us the gladness or the gloom that is embodied in

SONG OR SIGHIf you were a bird and shut in a cage,Now what would you better do, —Would you grieve your throat with a sorry noteAnd mourn the whole day through;Or would you swing and chirp and sing,Though the world were warped with wrong,Till you filled one place with the perfect graceAnd gladness of your song?

It is so easy to perceive other people’s little absurdities, and so difficult to discover our own. – Ellen Thornycroft Fowler.

If you were a man and shut in a world,Now what would you better do, —On a gloomy day, when skies were gray,Would you be gloomy, too?When crossed with care would you let despairLife’s happy hope destroy,Or with a smile work on the whileYou found the path to joy?

CHAPTER VII

GOLDEN HABITS

We often hear I think that there is success in all honest endeavor, and that there is some victory gained in every gallant struggle that is made. – Dickens. persons speaking of "the force of habit" as though it were something to be regretted. "Habit is second nature," is a saying that is included among the classic epigrams of men. That habits do become very strong, all the world has learned, sometimes to its sorrow and sometimes to its advantage and delight.

For be it known that good habits are just as strong as bad habits and in that Every noble work is at first impossible. – Carlyle. we should all feel a common joy and a sense of deliverance from wrong doing.

The fact that a fixed habit is only a matter of long and gradual growth ought Truth is a strong thing, let man’s life be true. – Browning. to be very much to our advantage. This very fundamental principle of their construction should result in giving us very many more good habits than bad habits. This happy conclusion is based on the supposition that while many of Efforts to be permanently useful must be uniformly joyous – a spirit all sunshine, graceful from very gladness, beautiful because bright. – Carlyle. us are so constituted that it is possible we might, in some unguarded moment, do a wrong act, it is unlikely we could repeat the error so often and so long as to make the questionable action become a fixed habit.

The doing of a wrong thing should result in convincing us, on sober second Pass no day idly; youth does not return. – Chinese Proverb. thought, that it was a mistake on our part to have permitted ourselves to have been led into uncertain, unhappy paths and we would then and there reinforce our moral strength and our determination that the wrong should not occur again.

In doing right things, the conditions are quite reversed. Every good deed inspires us to still greater determination to do more of the same kind. Wrong If, instead of a gem, or even a flower, we could cast the gift of a lovely thought into the heart of a friend, that would be giving as the angels must give. – George MacDonald. deeds are, in most cases, committed in a moment of thoughtlessness when one’s conscience, one’s higher and better self, is momentarily off guard. Our good acts are performed with a full and proud realization of what we are doing and are followed by a grateful sense of retrospective pleasure, after they have been done.

"Could the young," says Henry Nothing can constitute good breeding that has not good manners for its foundation. – Bulwer Lytton. James, "but realize how soon they will become mere walking bundles of habits, they would give more heed to their conduct while in the plastic state. Nothing we ever do is, in strict scientific literateness, wiped out." One of our latter day philosophers tells us that "happiness is a matter of habit; and you had better gather it fresh every day or you will never get it at all."

In speaking of the success he had achieved in life, Charles Dickens said: "I have been very fortunate in worldly matters; many men have worked much harder The common earth is common only to those who are deaf to the voices and blind to the visions which wait on it and make its flight a music and its path a light. – H. W. Mabie. and not succeeded half so well; but I never could have done what I have done, without the habits of punctuality, order, and diligence, without the determination to concentrate myself on one object at a time, no matter how quickly its successor should come upon its heels."

When we come to study carefully the full meaning of the word "habit" we find it to be a very comprehensive term. In the sense in which it is here employed The truest lives are those that are cut rose-diamond-fashion, with many facets answering to the many-planed aspects of the world about them. – Oliver Wendell Holmes. the dictionary defines it as being "a tendency or inclination toward an action or condition, which by repetition has become easy, spontaneous or even unconscious." From this definition it is easy to deduce the conclusion that one’s habits are in fact one’s manners, one’s principles, one’s mode of conduct; and a careful consideration of the theme finally brings one to a clear realization of the secret of

TRUE GENTILITYOne cannot from the world concealThe current of his thought;A word or action will revealThe thing his brain hath wrought.

It seems to me there is no maxim for a noble life like this: Count always your highest moments your truest moments. – Phillips Brooks.

True goodness from within must comeAnd deeds, to be refined,Their outer grace must borrow fromPoliteness of the mind.

Our manners are ourselves. They constitute our personality and it is by our We only begin to realize the value of our possessions when we commence to do good to others with them. – Joseph Cook. personality that we are judged. If that is frank and pleasant and agreeable we shall not lack for friends.

A person may be deficient in the charm of form or face but if the manners are Believe me, girls, on the road of life you and I will find few things more worth while than comradeship. – Margaret E. Sangster. perfect they will call forth admiration as nothing else could do.

Our thoughts are the essential and impressive part of ourselves. "It is the spirit that maketh alive. The flesh profiteth nothing." We are told by Swedenborg that "every volition and thought of man is inscribed on his brain, Do noble things, not dream them, all day long, and so make life, death, and the vast forever, one grand, sweet song. – Charles Kingsley. for volition and thoughts have their beginnings in the brain, whence they are conveyed to the bodily members, wherein they terminate. Whatever, therefore, is in the mind is in the brain, and from the brain in the body, according to the order of its parts. Thus a man writes his life in his physique, and thus the angels discover his autobiography in his structure."

And to get peace, if you do want it, make for yourself nests of pleasant thoughts. – Ruskin. Since good habits and pleasing manners are such important aids in the making of character and personality we should leave nothing undone to strengthen the better side of our lives. And since we all are constantly being acted upon by When one is so dedicated to his mission, so full of a great purpose that he has no thought for self, his life is one of unalloyed joy – the joy of self-sacrifice. – Lyman Abbott. suggestion we should invite to our assistance anything that will tend to keep us in the most exemplary frame of mind.

In addition to the spoken word of admonition from parents, teachers, and others honestly interested in our welfare we should reinforce our good resolves by reading good books and in framing Morality is conformity to the highest standard of right and virtuous action, with the best intention founded on principle. – A. E. Winship. for our own benefit a code of rules for our better conduct.

It is considered to be a good plan to select a number of suitable quotations and display them in some manner where the eye must see them with frequency. A calendar with a daily quotation admirably serves this purpose. Oftentimes when a good thought is put into the mind in the early morning it tends to direct the To have a friend is to have one of the sweetest gifts that life can bring; to be a friend is to have a solemn and tender education of soul from day to day. – Anna Robertson Brown. course of our thinking throughout the day. The following quotations are offered only as suggestions. They can be added to indefinitely:

A man’s own good breeding is the best security against other people’s ill manners. – Chesterfield.

Good breeding shows itself most when to an ordinary eye it appears the When it comes to doing a thing in this world, I don’t ask myself whether I like it or not, but, what’s the best way to get it done. – Ellen Glasgow. least. – Addison.

Good manners is the art of making those people easy with whom we converse. Whoever makes the fewest people uneasy is the best bred in the company. – Swift.

Hail! ye small, sweet courtesies of life, for smooth do you make the road of it. – Sterne.

Civility costs nothing and buys everything. – Lady Montague.Do you ask to be the companion of nobles? Make yourself noble, and you shall be. Do you long for the conversation of the wise? Learn to understand it, and you shall hear it. – Ruskin.

Evil communications corrupt good manners. – Bible.

No pleasure is comparable to standing on the vantage ground of truth. – Lord Bacon.

They are never alone that are accompanied with noble thoughts. – Sidney.

Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt. – New Testament.

Sweet mercy is nobility’s true badge. – Shakespeare.There is no cosmetic for homely folks like character. Even the plainest face becomes beautiful in noble and radiant moods. – Newell Dwight Hillis.

Honest labor bears a lovely face. – Dekker.

The gods give nothing really beautiful without labor and diligence. – Xenophon.

The key to pleasure is honest work. All dishes taste good with that sauce. – H. R. Haweis.

Work is as necessary for peace of mind as for health of body. – Lord Avebury.

A single gentle rain makes the grass many shades greener. So our prospects brighten on the influx of better thoughts. – Thoreau. Sir John Lubbock has said: "I cannot, however, but think that the world would be better and brighter if our teachers would dwell on the duty of Happiness, as well as the happiness of Duty, for we ought to be as cheerful as we can, if only because to be happy ourselves is the most effectual contribution to the happiness of A good book is the precious life-blood of a master spirit embalmed and treasured up on purpose to a life beyond life. – Milton.others."

Surely we cannot include among good habits the habit of making those about us unhappy. Hence it is that they who are careless of the state of mind into which Happiness is the natural flower of duty. – Phillips Brooks. they throw those about them are not good mannered. While it is but simple kindness to allow our friends to sympathize in the great griefs that may overtake us, it is not kindness for us to be forever stirring them with all the real or fancied ills with which we can regale them. Either extreme is more or By wisdom wealth is won; but riches purchased wisdom yet for none. – Bayard Taylor. less absurd and unwarranted. Perhaps, as a rule, we thrust our troubles quite too willingly upon others. On the other hand, some of the peoples of the Orient we deem to be so ludicrously polite in matters of this nature as to almost arouse our mirth.

It is surely better to pardon too much than to condemn too much. – George Eliot. An English writer in speaking of the Japanese says: "There must really have been a double portion of politeness bestowed upon these people who in the deepest domestic grief would smile and smile, so that a guest in the home might not be burdened with their sorrow. The habit is in striking contrast with the weeping and wailing, the mourning streamers, the hatbands, plumes, palls, black To be a strong hand in the dark to another in the time of need, to be a cup of strength to a human soul in a crisis of weakness, is to know the glory of life. – Hugh Black. chargers, and funeral hearses with which we struggle to stir the envy, if not the hearts of all beholders!"

In Japan, so we are told, manners are included in the public teaching of morality. Among our western peoples our public school boys would deem it strange It is not the result of our acts that makes them brave and noble, but the acts themselves and the unselfish love that moved us to do them. – R. L. Stevenson. if a master gave them an hour’s instruction in the correct manner of behaving toward their father and mother or sisters. Yet such knowledge might be urgently needed and do good here as it does in Japan where it is counted the most vital instruction of all. Step by step the Japanese child is led along the course of behavior, learning how to stand up, sit down, bow, hang up its hat, and how to think of its parents, brothers and sisters, and of its country. Later on these lessons are repeated with illustrations from short stories, and still later by incidents from actual history and the lives of great men of all Use thy youth so that thou mayest have comfort to remember it when it hath forsaken thee. – Walter Raleigh. countries. Before the end of the course of instruction is reached all manner of virtues and points of behavior have been introduced, such as patriotism, cleanliness, and (especially in the case of girls) the proper way of advancing and retiring, offering and accepting things, sleeping and eating, visiting, congratulating and condoling, mourning and holding public meetings. So the school course continues It is easy to condemn; it is better to pity. – Abbott. from year to year, the elementary school course lasting four years and the secondary course four years more, and leading the boys and girls up to the study of benevolence, their duty to ancestors, to other people’s property, other people’s honor, other people’s freedom, and, finally, to self-discipline, modesty, dignity, dress, labor, the treatment of animals, and the due relations of men and women, both of whom are to be regarded equally as "lords" of creation. From end to end of the long course of training, behavior rather than knowledge is insisted upon, even down to the tiniest detail of what our good great-grandmothers valued as deportment.

To such scrupulous deportment and close attention to minuteness of habit, If you don’t scale the mountain, you can’t view the plain. – Chinese Proverb. some objection can be raised, perhaps. "Some men’s behavior," said Bacon, "is like a verse wherein every syllable is measured," and he warned us that manners must be like apparel, "not too strait or point-device, but free for exercise or For him who aspires, and for him who loves his fellow-beings, life may lead through the thorns, but it never stops in the desert. – Anonymous. motion." However, it is better to err on the side of too much attention to our manners rather than to be thought careless of our persons and our behavior.

Civilized peoples cannot help but be concerned with manners, refinement, good Be cheerful; wipe thine eyes; some falls are means the happier to arise. – William Shakespeare. breeding, and in a more minute sense, with the forms of etiquette. It is these things that distinguish civilization from savagery, and so unmistakably lift the cultured person above the one who does not see fit to cultivate the grace of gentility.

It has been truly said that we judge our neighbors severely by the breach of Be resolutely and faithfully what you are, be humbly what you aspire to be. – Thoreau. written or traditional laws, and choose our society, and even our friends, by the touchstone of courtesy. It is not an uncommon occurrence for a girl or a boy to win an advantageous position in life, not by superior mental or physical endowments but by a graciousness of manners that have smoothed for them the ways that lead to success.

For some quite unwarranted reason If people only knew their own brothers and sisters, the Kingdom of Heaven would not be far off. – George MacDonald. society seems to have taken the position that we have a right to expect more from our girls than from our boys in the matter of good manners. This, however, is not the view held by those who know the true meaning of good breeding. The The shadows of our own desires stand between us and our better angel. – Dickens. demand that every boy shall be a gentleman is as firm and binding as is that which says that every girl must be a gentle woman and a thorough lady.

Every girl knows what is expected of her. Her parents, brothers, sisters, If every day we can feel, if only for a moment, the realization of being our best selves, you may be sure that we are succeeding. – Bliss Carman. teachers, society and the world intend that she shall be good and gentle and gracious. They will be satisfied with nothing short of all that and it will be well for every girl to learn early in life to pursue only the paths that will lead into ways wherein these qualities of person and character may be found. So here and now it is timely to ask of the readers of these lines —

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?What are you going to do, girls,With the years that are hurrying on?Do you mean to begin life’s purpose to winIn the freshness and strength of the dawn?The builders who build in the morning,At even may joyfully rest,Their victories won, as they watch the glad sunSink down in the beautiful west.What are you going to do, girls,With time as it ceaselessly flows?Are you molding a heart that will pleasures impartAs perfume exhales from the rose?Let all that is purest and grandestIn duty’s fair wreath be entwined;There is no other grace can illumine the faceLike the charm of a beautiful mind.

If you know how to spend less than you get, you have the philosopher’s stone. – Benjamin Franklin.

He only is advancing in life, whose heart is getting softer, whose blood warmer, whose brain quicker, whose spirit is entering into living peace. – Ruskin. A student of the subject of ethics must understand that the true spirit of good manners is very closely allied to that of good morals. It has been pointed out that no stronger proof of this assertion is required than the fact that the Messiah himself, in his great moral teachings, so frequently touches upon the The fine art of living, indeed, is to draw from each person his best. – Lilian Whiting. subject of manners. He teaches that modesty is the true spirit of good behavior, and openly rebukes the forward manner of His followers in taking the upper seats at the banquet and the highest seats in the synagogues.

The philosophers whose names are recorded in history, although they were, Reflect upon your present blessings – of which every man has many – not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some. – Dickens. themselves, seldom distinguished for fine manners, did not fail to teach the importance of them to others. Socrates and Aristotle have left behind them a code of ethics that might easily be turned into a "Guide to the Complete Gentleman;" and Lord Bacon has written an essay on manners in which he reminds If the day and the night are such that you greet them with joy, and life emits a fragrance like flowers and sweet-scented herbs – is more elastic, more starry, more immortal – that is your success. – Thoreau. us that a stone must be of very high value to do without a setting.