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“I don’t freak out.”
“Yeah, I know. And that’s really weird, Dad. Everyone freaks out every now and then.”
He couldn’t, not when he had the family and Rebel Ranch on his shoulders. He had to be level-headed and rational at all times.
“I’m almost at the edge so you better start talking.”
She ran her fingers over some papers on the desk. “Well, Dad, it was Brandon.”
“The boy with the tattoos, the earring and the motorcycle?”
“Yeah.”
Falcon bit his tongue because if he ever needed a clear head, he needed it now. “Why did he come this late at night?”
“Just listen, please.”
“I’ll try.”
“I like him and we talk a lot in school. Today he asked me to go out on Saturday and I said I couldn’t because I was going to be practicing with Dancer. Then I had a class with Kyle Weatherford and he said he had tickets to see Luke Bryan in Austin and wanted to know if I’d like to go with him. I said I would love to see Luke Bryan, and Brandon heard me and got his feelings hurt. But he didn’t hear the rest of what I said to Kyle. It was the same thing I told Brandon—I couldn’t go because I had other plans. I couldn’t find Brandon to explain.”
She sighed. “This is a long story. Are you sure you want to hear all of it?”
“Every word.”
“Brandon texted me about ten and wanted to know the real reason I wouldn’t go out with him and I explained what happened. He said he wanted to talk to me and I said we could do that tomorrow. Then he said he was at the cattle guard and wanted to talk now. So I put on my clothes and met him outside. It’s as simple as that.”
Falcon leaned forward, proud of himself for remaining calm. “From the looks of your hair and your blouse, I’d say things got a little heated.”
“Oh, Dad.” She came around the desk and sat on the edge and he noted she had on her bunny slippers. “I don’t want to talk about this with you. It’s boy stuff.”
“You’ll soon be eighteen years old, a woman, and I realize that. I just have one question. Are you having sex with Brandon?”
She hung her head. Her hair covered her face and he couldn’t see what she was thinking. “No. He wants to, but I’m nervous.”
At her pitiful voice, all this anger left him. Now he had to be a father, and this part of parenting scared the crap out of him. “Why?”
She flipped back her hair. “I don’t want to be like my mother and get pregnant in high school. I want to make better choices and I want to be in love.”
Damn. He must’ve done something right. She was saying everything he wanted to hear. “Your mother and I were in love. I want you to know that.”
“Then why did she leave?”
“I can’t speak for your mother, but the pregnancy was rough on her and she had problems afterward. Problems I should have been more aware of. I regret that now.”
“If she loved us, she would’ve come back.”
“Oh, baby.” He pulled her onto his lap as if she was three years old. “She did love us.”
“No, she didn’t.” Eden snuggled closer into him. “Do you ever wonder if she’s alive?”
“Yeah.” She is.How do I tell you that? He thought it best to change the subject for now.
“So, do you love this Brandon?”
“I don’t know. Sometimes I like it when he touches me and other times it makes me feel uncomfortable.”
“If it makes you uncomfortable—”
“It’s just... I like kissing him and all, but when it gets really heavy, I get nervous and scared and that’s when Brandon gets mad.”
“Don’t ever let a boy pressure you into sex.”
“Did you pressure my mother?”
It was on the tip of his tongue to lie, but since his daughter was being so honest he had to do the same. “Yes.”
“Why do boys do that?”
“It’s hard to explain, baby, especially to my own daughter. Why don’t I make an appointment with the pediatrician and you can ask her these difficult questions. I’m sure she would be happy to go over this with you.”
“The pediatrician? Dad, seriously? I’m seventeen years old and I know about the birds and the bees. Remember we talked about it when I got my period and you took me to see the pediatrician then so she could explain intimate stuff that made you sweat?”
He remembered it vividly and he had been sweating bullets.
“I know about sex. My friends and I talk about it all the time. Kelley and Michelle are on birth control, but I’m not ready for that. Sex...well, it just makes me nervous.”
“You can talk to Rachel or Lacey. They’re in the family now.”
“I don’t need to talk to anyone. It’s about me and the way I feel.”
“Grandma is always here if you need her.”
“Dad, Grandma would really freak out.”
Falcon smiled. “Grandma’s a little old-fashioned, but I’m sure she would answer any questions you have.”
“Forget I said anything,” she mumbled.
“When it comes to boys, I want you to be very sure of what you want. I know most girls your age are sexually active, but you have to understand, as your dad, I’d rather you waited until you’ve found someone special.”
“I’ll probably die a virgin.”
He squeezed her. “I doubt that.”
She rested her head in the crook of his shoulder. “Daddy, I don’t want to go away to college. I want to stay here with you, Grandma, Grandpa, the uncs and Zane.”
At that little-girl’s voice, Falcon knew he’d failed as a parent. He’d protected and sheltered Eden, as his mother and brothers had. Now she was afraid to leave the nest.
“Is this what barrel racing is about?”
“I don’t know. Maybe.”
“Baby, just about every kid wants to go to college. It’s lots of fun, I’m told. Parties, staying up as late as you want, being an adult and making your own decisions.”
“Kelley is going and so is Michelle. They can hardly wait.”
Besides her conflicting thoughts about sex, something else was holding Eden back, keeping her from enjoying these years.
“What is it, baby? Why can’t you enjoy this with your friends?”
“Because...because when I go, you’ll be all alone.”
“What are you talking about? My brothers, Mom, Grandpa and Zane are here and enough work to keep me busy for the rest of my life.”
“But it’s always been just you and me and when I graduate, I won’t be here anymore in case you need me.”
“Eden, baby, that’s what life is about—changes. Nothing stays the same. I want you to grow up, be independent, but most of all I want you to be happy. And maybe every now and then you can come visit dear ol’ dad.”
Eden giggled and then became silent. “Do you remember that book you bought me when I was a kid about a genie granting wishes? I wanted to find a genie in a bottle so she could grant me my wish, and my wish was that my mother would come home.”
A lump clogged Falcon’s throat. He should tell her about Leah. Eden needed her mother now more than ever. But he had to be sure of Leah’s motives.
“Wouldn’t it be great if we could pick a time in our lives that we were happy and we could live in that moment forever? Do you know what time I’d pick?” She twisted her head to look at him.
“I have no idea.”
“It would be when I was little and Papa was alive. I know some people say I can’t remember because I was too small, but I do. I can remember the sound of his boots on the tiled floor when he came home and him shouting, ‘Eden. Where’s my Eden?’ I can remember the excitement in my chest when I heard his big voice. I’d shout, ‘I’m here, Papa,’ and run to meet him. He’d grab me and throw me in the air and hold me up until I could almost touch the ceiling. Then he’d sit me on his shoulder and I felt on top of the world. I was happy and Grandma smiled a lot then and all the uncs were in good moods. But then he died and everything changed. No one seemed to be happy anymore. I don’t like change.”
She rested her head on his shoulder again and they didn’t speak for a moment. It was uncanny how she remembered that. It happened just the way she’d said. His father had so many people who loved him. Why hadn’t he fought to live instead of giving in to the liquor? Sometimes that angered Falcon. And saddened him, too.
His dad had been the strongest man Falcon had ever known. But he also had his weaknesses and Falcon became very aware of them after the shooting. His dad would work all day on the ranch and then after supper he would retire to his room with a bottle of Scotch. He would drink until he passed out. That was the only way he could sleep.
When Eden was born, his routine changed and Falcon had hoped for better things. John Rebel would spend time with his granddaughter, but as soon as she’d go to sleep, he’d go to his room with a bottle. One morning his mom had found him on their deck with an empty bottle in his lap. He had died sometime during the night. It was a shock to everyone. John’s sons had thought he was invincible and could beat anything. But they’d been wrong. Admitting that had taken more courage than any of them thought they’d had. Life after their father hadn’t been easy.
“What time would you choose to live in, Daddy?”
“Eden, that’s silly.”
“No, it isn’t. I told you mine and now you have to tell me yours.”
He didn’t have to think about it. “I’d choose that time when your mom and I were teenagers and it was just the two of us. The world ceased to exist. We lived just for each other.”
“See, that’s what makes me nervous. You and my mom were so in love, but it wasn’t real. It only lasted for a little while. How do you know if it’s real? I don’t want to get hurt like that—like she hurt you.”
“Oh, baby girl.” He hugged her. “There are no guarantees in this world. You just have to go with your heart. I don’t regret one moment I spent with your mom. She gave me you.”
“Ah, Daddy, you’re gonna make me cry.”
“One day you’re going to meet a guy, and you’re going to feel a special connection like you’ve never felt before. I can’t explain exactly what it is, but you’ll know when it happens. He’ll be all you ever think about and when he touches you, you won’t be uncomfortable. It’ll be natural and everything will fall into place. Love is something you have to work on. Both parties have to work on it, not just one. A lot of things can go wrong. If the relationship falls apart, it’s the way it was meant to be. You can’t beat yourself up. You have to live in the moment. Remember that genie thing and all. Very few people get it right, Eden, but we all play the game because it’s worth it.”
She kissed his cheek. “I have the best dad in the world. Sometimes he’s grouchy but I still love him.”
“Love you, too, baby girl. Now you better go to bed. You have school tomorrow.”
She got up from his lap and stood there in tight jeans and bunny slippers. A woman, but the little girl was hanging on with all her might. Falcon would miss that little girl. But he was looking forward to getting to know the woman. She had values and principles and he hoped he had something to do with that. He knew in his heart that whatever she had to face down the road, she had the strength to do it. Even meeting her mother for the first time.
“You know what, Dad?” she said walking toward the stairs. “I’m going to barrel race, go to college and have sex.”
“There’s no rush on the last part. Take your time and make your dad happy.”
She laughed and ran up the stairs. Falcon stood with a weary sigh and clicked off the lamp. He had a big decision to make, but he knew he’d already made it. Eden deserved to know her mother. Or at least to meet her. He wouldn’t keep that from her.
Falcon headed toward his mother’s room. She hadn’t gotten up with the noise or the light and that bothered him. Her door was slightly ajar and he peeped in. She was curled up in the bed. Evidently, she’d heard them and gone back to bed, not wanting to interrupt.
On the way to his room, the responsibilities of life hit him. He had to make right decisions for everyone, but most of all for Eden.
In his room, he sat on the bed and took his cell out of the pocket of his robe. It was after twelve and Leah was probably asleep. He’d call tomorrow. But something in him couldn’t wait.
It was answered almost immediately. “Falcon.”
“Yes. We need to talk.”
“When?”
“Tomorrow.”
“Have you told Eden?”
“No, I want to be sure of your motives and I want answers. I want to know where you’ve been all these years and why you couldn’t pick up the phone to call your family. I want every damn detail, Leah. You’re not seeing your daughter until you give me those answers.”
“I’m not asking anything of you. I just want to see my daughter for a few minutes. You don’t have to grill me for that.”
“A few minutes? That’s all your daughter means to you? A few minutes?”
“Don’t make this difficult.”
He gritted his teeth. “You have a whole new life planned and your daughter doesn’t fit in. Is that it?”
“It’s too late, Falcon. Can’t you see that?”
“No. All I see is a selfish woman thinking only of herself.”
There was complete silence on the other end.
“Leah?”
“I don’t know what you want me to say. Eden is seventeen years old and I can’t just suddenly become a mother. I’m sure she doesn’t want that and I’m sure she hates me by now. Just let me have a few minutes and I’ll disappear out of your lives.”
