Emily's Daughter

Her mother had a heart murmur and the birth had further weakened her heart. The months of June and July were rough for Emily because she didn’t know what was going on at home, but her father said not to worry. Everything would be fine.

Emily’s baby was due at the end of August, but due to stress the baby came early. She lay in a hospital bed in excruciating pain, giving birth—alone. They told her she’d had a girl and Emily begged to hold her, just to see her, but the nurse said it was best if she didn’t. The baby was given to a couple who was waiting to love her and to raise her as their own. The nurse told her she’d done the right thing and in time she would see that, but she never did. Not a day had gone by that she hadn’t thought about her daughter in some way or other.

When her father arrived, he found her in a fetal position, crying. He, too, told her she’d done the right thing. All she could think about was going home—to forget and to be with her family. Again her father refused, saying her mother wasn’t well and she had her hands full caring for the new baby. Emily said she could help, but her father said she needed to regain her strength and make plans for college. That was what her mother wanted for her. She felt as if her parents had washed their hands of her and she cried and cried…for herself…for her baby…for so many things.

In September, her father took her to the University of Texas, where she was enrolled. Again there was no talk of going home. Her mother had sent her some pictures of her new sister and she clung to those like a lifeline. During Thanksgiving break, she was finally able to go home and see her sister for the first time. She was tiny and precious and Emily spent most of the week just holding her, talking to her, trying not to think about her own baby. Those memories came at night when sleep would elude her and she’d ache for a glimpse of her daughter’s face. Would she look anything like her? Or would she favor Jackson? On and on it went over the years and still she had no answers. But she prayed her daughter was healthy and happy and with people who loved her.

She hadn’t known, when she left to have her child, that she’d never be home for any length of time again. She only went home to see her sister, and she was grateful they had a good relationship. Her mother said she spoiled Rebecca and that was another bone of contention between them, but if she could afford to give Rebecca the things she wanted, then she intended to. The arguments with her mother that followed were never pleasant.

Emily slid lower in her chair, sighing deeply. Memories seemed to be weighing her down, smothering her. After all this time, she should be past the pain, but she wasn’t—that was why seeing Jackson so unexpectedly had thrown her. God, she’d made a fool of herself. Now what? Forget about him, she told herself. She was good at forgetting Jackson. She’d spent years doing it.

IT TOOK JACKSON TALBERT about ten seconds to recover, then he made an excuse about getting something from his briefcase and turned away. Emily Ann Cooper. He couldn’t believe it. She was half woman, half child when he’d known her, but today he could see she was all woman and there was not a glimmer of recognition on her pretty face. Could she have forgotten him? Or did she just prefer not to acknowledge him?

He didn’t like either of those possibilities. He had felt they’d shared something out of the ordinary once and he’d always regretted not going back to the coast to see her, but his world had been turned upside down with an aspect of life he was ill-equipped to deal with. And later his life had gone in so many different directions that Emily Cooper became merely a pleasant memory.

She looked great, he thought, and she’d become a doctor just as she’d wished. He was glad for her and he wondered if she was married. Her name was still Cooper, but that didn’t mean anything. It might just be her professional name. Anyone as intelligent and beautiful as Emily had to have someone in her life.

He kept thinking of the young Emily with her warm, bubbly laugh and seductive dark eyes. She’d been a breath of fresh air after the experienced college girls he had dated. He grew warm just remembering their nights on the beach that long-ago winter….

He closed his briefcase and tried to recall what she’d said. Something about busy, patients, had to go. He didn’t catch much else because he was in a state of shock and too preoccupied with staring into her eyes, which were somber and professional. There was no laughter or mischief in their depths. They were serious—maybe a little too serious.

What did he expect? he asked himself. A giggling teenager? He was sure he had changed, too. There was gray in his hair, lines around his eyes and a whole lot of living on his face. But still, she should’ve recognized him. Why hadn’t she said something or, for that matter, why hadn’t he? Well, he planned to rectify that. She worked here, so it should be no problem finding her. And this time they would talk.

THE RINGING OF THE TELEPHONE startled Emily back to reality. It was her private line, so it had to be family.

She picked up the receiver. “Hello.”

“Em, she’s driving me crazy!” The frantic words of her sister resounded in her ear.

Emily took a deep breath, not certain she was in any shape to handle another argument between Becca and their mother. “What is it, Becca? What’s Mother done now?”

“She said I have to be home by ten o’clock from the prom and I have to wear one of my old dresses. Tommy and I had been nominated for prom king and queen, and I have to have something nice and I’m not leaving at ten o’clock. Everyone’ll laugh at me. I can’t take it anymore! If you don’t come home, I’ll run away.”

Emily took another breath. “I told you I’d buy you a dress for the prom, and I’ll talk to Mom about the ten o’clock business.”

“Mom said you can’t buy me anything else.”

“I’ll talk to her.”

“In person, okay? She always lightens up when you’re here.”

“I can’t. I’m too busy.”

“Yeah, yeah, I get the message. You’re always too busy for your own family.”

“Becca, that’s not fair.”

“You haven’t been home for ages. Admit it, you can’t get along with her any better than I can, but I’m stuck here.”

“It’s not that bad, and you know it. You can’t get your way so you’re angry right now, but I’ll talk to Mom and we’ll work this out.”

“You promise?”

“Yes, I promise.”

“Please come home. Just for a little while,” her sister begged.

Emily closed her eyes, Becca’s plea was getting to her. She didn’t go home much; it was too stressful. She and her mother couldn’t get through a visit without Rose making some reference to the past. Becca had never been told about any of it, so she didn’t understand. But Emily knew that her mother was making Becca pay for Emily’s mistake. Becca didn’t deserve that.

“Okay, I will, and we’ll go buy you a dress for the prom.” Emily heard herself giving in.

“Great, Em! I knew you wouldn’t let me down.”

“Just let me handle Mom.”

“Don’t worry.” Becca laughed, then more solemnly she added, “She hasn’t been feeling well lately. Maybe that’s why she’s so grouchy. Dad even leased the cottages to the Hudsons next door for the season because Mom can’t take care of them anymore.”

Emily straightened. “What’s wrong?” she asked, knowing that if her mother had given up the cottages, it had something to do with her health.

“She gets out of breath so easily, and last night she had trouble breathing. Dad was up with her most of the night.”

“Did she have her oxygen?”

“Of course. She says it was my fault because I upset her so much.”

“It’s not your fault,” Emily told her. “Mom had a heart condition long before you were born and any upsets she brings on herself.”

There was a long pause, then Becca asked, “She’s not going to die, is she?”

“Don’t say things like that. As soon as I can clear my schedule, I’ll come and check Mom over.”

“Thanks, Em. I can always count on you. Love you.”

“Love you, too,” she replied, but before she could say anything else the phone went dead.

Emily hung up and ran both hands through her hair, loosening the clasp. God, she didn’t need this today. The past seemed to be looming over her and she couldn’t escape it. First, the dream, then Jackson, and now the old problem with her mother. What else could happen?

CHAPTER TWO

THE AFTERNOON WAS JUST as rushed as the morning, and at six o’clock Emily said goodbye to her last patient and headed into her office. Jean followed.

“That’s it, thank God,” she sighed. “I’ll file the charts and finish up for the day.”

“Okay,” Emily said absently, leafing through some notes on her desk.

Jean made to leave, then turned back. “Did you meet the computer guy?”

Emily blinked. “What?”

“The computer guy,” Jean repeated. “All the women are talking about how fine-looking he is.”

Emily glanced back at her notes, trying to remain detached, trying not to react. “I didn’t notice.”

“What?” Jean shrieked. “You’re hopeless. Absolutely hopeless. If it’s not an old man, you’re not interested.” Realizing how the words sounded, Jean quickly back-pedaled. “That came out wrong. I meant—”

Emily stopped her. “Don’t worry about it. I know what you meant.”

“Thank God.” Jean rolled her eyes. “I’d better go before I get my foot completely stuck in my mouth.” At the door, she couldn’t resist adding, “I just think you need to get out more, have some fun.”

“I appreciate your concern, but most likely the computer guy’s married.”

“Oh, no.” She walked back. “He’s divorced.”

Emily’s eyes widened. “Really? How would you know that?”

Emily was sure Jackson was married and had a family by now. He probably had another daughter…a daughter who—

“I talked to Dr. Benson’s secretary who talked to Dr. Benson’s nurse, who had all the juicy details.”

“The grapevine,” Emily groaned.

“Yeah, it comes in handy sometimes.”

“And sometimes it’s totally inaccurate,” Emily pointed out.

There was a pause, then Jean asked, “Are you interested in him?”

“Heavens, no,” Emily was quick to deny. “I’m just curious.”

“That’s how it starts,” Jean said with a laugh.

Emily ignored that remark. “I’m not on call this weekend, am I?”

“No,” Jean answered. “Why?”

“I’m thinking about visiting my family.”

“Okay.” Jean nodded, and left, returning to the filing area.

Emily went back to her notes, blocking out Jackson Talbert’s face, blocking out the past and everything else—everything but her work. She had to get over to the hospital, to check on Mrs. Williams. She flexed her shoulders and stood up. It had been a long, exhausting day, not to mention humiliating, and now she needed a hot bath and some sleep. She removed her white coat and hung it on a peg.

She massaged the back of her neck, trying to ease the ache starting at the base of her skull.

“Had a hard day?” a familiar voice asked.

She swung around, her eyes huge in her pale face. “Jackson,” she whispered.

He was leaning against the doorframe, hands shoved in the pockets of his gray slacks. He had lost his tie and several buttons on his lighter gray shirt were open, revealing the beginning of dark blond chest hair. Her stomach tightened uncontrollably as she relived the sensation of running her fingers through…

“You remember my name,” he said, and pushed away from the door.

She stared at his face—the lean lines, defined cheekbones, straight nose and green, green eyes. Everything was the same…except for the tiny lines around his eyes and mouth and the gray in his blond hair. Jean was right; he was fine-looking, even more so than she’d recalled. And he was now a man instead of the boy she had given herself to.

Seeing that he was waiting for an answer, she collected herself. “Of course I remember you.”

I’ll never forget you.

“Earlier you acted as if we’d never met, never…”

He let the unfinished sentence hang between them, and to stop the nervousness in her stomach she slowly took the stethoscope from around her neck and placed it on her desk. She chose her next words carefully. “I didn’t think my colleagues would be interested in my girlish infatuation.”

“Infatuation?” He raised a dark blond eyebrow. “Wasn’t it more than that?”

To me, it was.

But the words that came out of her mouth were “No, I don’t think so. You left and never came back and I got on with my life.” She hated that she couldn’t disguise the bitterness in her voice.

He knew she was lying and trying to hide it. He remembered that about her. She had a hard time lying, especially to her mother. He used to tease her about it. But through the nervousness, he could hear the hurt in her voice. He should’ve gone back. He’d never wanted to hurt her, but he’d gotten so caught up in his own turmoil that he could only think about himself. Looking at her, he regretted that.

He couldn’t help asking, “Did you wait for me?”

Every minute, every hour of every day.

“Of course not,” she denied emphatically.

She was lying again. He could tell by the way she ran her hand along the edge of the desk. He was making her nervous. Why? He just wanted to talk.

The terse chitchat was disconcerting her. She felt as if her emotions were in a blender and someone had pushed the high button and any minute she was going to explode all over the room.

“I’ve got to go,” she said abruptly, reaching for her purse. “I’m expected at the hospital.”

Jackson was taken aback by her sudden departure and he was thinking of ways to keep her talking a little longer. He saw a picture on her desk. He walked over and picked it up. It was a family portrait of her parents, herself and another young woman. Her mother had been pregnant all those years ago, and this had to be the baby. Emily had so many problems with her mother’s pregnancy, but judging by their smiling faces everything had obviously worked out.

“This must be your sister,” he said.

“Yes, that’s Rebecca. We call her Becca,” she replied, and swung the strap of her purse over her shoulder.

Why didn’t he leave? She didn’t want to talk to him.

“She looks like you when you were seventeen.”

“Yes, everyone says that,” she found herself saying. “But her hair is lighter and our personalities are completely different. Becca’s very outspoken and direct. She’s always talking and laughing and getting involved in things that my parents disapprove of. She’s constantly arguing with my mother and—”

She stopped, unable to believe she was telling him all this. For a moment, it seemed like old times when she used to pour her heart out to him.

“Sounds as if she’s a lot like you,” he said, and carefully placed the picture back on her desk.

“In ways I guess we are,” she admitted, knowing that Becca was stronger than she ever hoped to be. Her mother would never be able to force Becca to do anything against her will. Becca was strong-willed and stubborn, and she had her own views on everything. Emily had never been that opinionated or unyielding. She was weak…weak and…

Don’t think about the baby. Don’t think about her now.

“I’ve got to run,” she said in a detached voice. “Is there something you wanted to see me about?”

Again he was thrown by her coolness. She clearly had no interest in talking to him. Had his callous behavior almost two decades ago destroyed any chance of their having a normal conversation?

“Yes,” he said quietly. “I wanted to talk about old times. Maybe take you to dinner.”

A paralyzing fear gripped her, and she fought to maintain her composure, her control. Jackson Talbert wasn’t getting to her again. Talk? Dinner? Absolutely not! She had to escape from him as quickly as possible.

“I’m sorry, I’m too busy, but it was nice seeing you again,” she lied, moving resolutely toward the door.

“Emily?”

Against her will, she halted. It was the way he said her name—soft and persuasive with a deep, husky nuance. It was the same way he always used to say it on the beach, before his lips claimed hers…before he’d kiss her into oblivion…kiss her into forgetting everything but him. How could a voice, a sound, obliterate years of pain, years of hating Jackson Talbert? She didn’t know, but just like that, she felt herself being pulled toward him.

“Aren’t you curious about why I never came back?”

Those words held her spellbound and suddenly she desperately wanted an answer. She turned slowly around.

“Yes, I am,” she said, and she wondered if that low, aching voice was hers.

He smiled and her stomach tied into a painful knot of pure need—something she’d never experienced with any other man. What was she doing? she asked herself. Walk out that door and don’t look back.

Go. Go. Go.

But her feet didn’t move.

Something stronger than herself kept her rooted to the spot. All these years she’d believed that he’d simply used her for a good time, a vacation fling—but maybe he hadn’t. Maybe he’d had a reason for not returning to her, for not calling. She needed to find out—for her own sanity. She needed to justify what had happened back then. If she could do that, maybe the dreams would stop…. Maybe she could let the memory of her daughter go.

“Good. There’s this little Italian restaurant I go to when I’m in town,” he was saying. “It’s not far from the medical center.” He checked his watch. “We could be there in less than twenty minutes.”

She gripped her purse strap, knowing she was about to take a step that could change so many things. Was she ready? She swallowed. “I really have to go to the hospital first,” she told him. “I can meet you there in two hours.” To her surprise, she made the decision quickly and easily.

“Two hours?” He frowned. “That long?”

“Yes,” she replied. “I don’t rush my patients. I try to be attentive to their needs.”

“The dedicated doctor.” He smiled again.

She didn’t respond.

He reached for a pen and pad from her desk. He scribbled on a piece of paper and handed it to her. “That’s the address and my cell phone. Just in case you get tied up.”

“Thanks.”

“I’ll see you at the restaurant,” he said, and walked through the door.

She stared at the paper and began to question her decision. She didn’t need two hours at the hospital. Seeing Mrs. Williams wouldn’t take that long. She wanted to go home and shower and change into something more feminine, more… She was having dinner with Jackson Talbert, Emily reminded herself with a sense of panic. The father of her child. She couldn’t help wondering how he’d say her name if she told him that. She shuddered. It was her secret, and after tonight she’d never see Jackson again.

She’d only accepted his invitation because she had to hear his version of the past, his explanation for disappearing from her life. Then she could put Jackson out of her heart forever. As long as she remembered that, she’d be fine.

SHE SPENT LONGER at the hospital than she’d planned, and barely had enough time to shower and change. She went through her closet repeatedly before she decided what to wear. For someone who was seeing Jackson only once and only to hear about the past, she was a little too excited, too eager. She tried to curb those feelings, without success. She felt seventeen again and she knew that tonight was a bad decision, but it was too late to do anything about it. Or was it? She could just not show up and let him get a taste of what it was like to wait for someone who was never coming. Oh, yeah, that would be sweet revenge. She chewed on her lip and had to admit she wasn’t out for revenge. She’d gotten beyond that, thank God. Now she just needed answers…about the past.

She gazed at herself in the mirror. She had on a pale pink vest with turned-up collar and a long maroon skirt that whispered around her ankles. Her dark hair hung loose to her shoulders and her makeup was simple—some mascara and liner, a slick of lip gloss. With her olive complexion she didn’t wear much, but in the evenings a little helped. At least it eased the tiredness in her eyes.

Noticing the clock, she realized she had to hurry. She slipped on a pair of sling-back heels and headed for the door. Traffic was a nightmare, as always, but she made it on time. Jackson was already there and she was shown to his table. The restaurant, which was unfamiliar to her, was small, but had a warm, pleasant atmosphere with its linen tablecloths, candlelight and soft music. Wine bottles and glasses seemed to be everywhere, and green plants adorned the nooks and crannies.

Jackson stood as she reached the table. She saw that he too, had changed. He now had on a dark blue suit and a crisp white shirt that emphasized his lean good looks.

He smiled, taking in her new appearance. For a moment he was speechless. He had known the young, enticing Emily, and today he’d met the professional Emily, but now he was staring at Emily, the woman. Wow was all he could think. She was dressed to perfection; even her makeup was flawless. He remembered she’d rarely worn it back then. With her coloring she didn’t need adornment, but tonight it was perfect, setting off her beautiful face and dark eyes.

Those glorious eyes—he never tired of gazing into them. They used to be tantalizing and bright, but now they held shadows, shadows he knew nothing about. Maybe her life hadn’t been all that rosy. His certainly hadn’t. A lot of things had happened in the intervening years…. But none of them would be discussed tonight. They—

He pulled himself up short. He was reacting as if he and Emily had a future. After tonight they’d probably never see each other again. Somehow he didn’t feel good about that.

He wanted to tell her why he hadn’t come back and she wanted to listen. He was aware that she had ambivalent feelings about him and, if nothing else, he had to set the record straight. She still might not understand, but at least she’d know the truth.

“I ordered wine,” he said. “I hope that’s okay.”

“Sure,” she answered as the waiter handed her a menu.

She inhaled deeply, trying to gather enough strength to get through this.

Jackson approved the wine, and the waiter poured it into glasses that sparkled in the candlelight. “Are you ready to order, Mr. Talbert?”

Jackson put down his menu. “House salad and linguine for me, Carlo, as always, but the lady might need a moment.”

“No, no,” she said promptly. “I’ll have the green salad—vinaigrette on the side. Roasted garlic chicken breast with pasta—no sauce.”

“Yes, ma’am,” the waiter responded, then took their menus and walked away.

Jackson stared at her. “You eat healthy, don’t you?”

She folded her hands in her lap. “I try.”

He leaned back in his chair. “A doctor, Emily. You made that dream come true. I bet your parents are proud.”

She took a sip of wine. “Yes, my mother loves telling people about her daughter, the doctor.”

“Having met your mother, I can imagine that.”

She tilted the glass to her lips once again. She’d talked endlessly about her mother to Jackson. She’d confided her innermost secrets, her struggle with her mother’s pregnancy, her strict morals and unreasonable discipline. Jackson knew all about her problems with Rose, but he didn’t know the worst part.

“Evidently you didn’t go into your father’s hardware business,” she said, deftly changing the subject.

“No,” he murmured, “I didn’t. That’s what I—”

Before he could tell her anything, their salads arrived and conversation was interrupted.

Sprinkling vinaigrette over hers, Emily asked, “Do you come to Houston often?”

“Maybe once a month. We have a lot of customers here. Our new program cuts down on work, and on the expenditure of time and money. It’s been very successful and it keeps me traveling.”