She

As if she sensed her watching, Bella suddenly turned her gaze towards Jo. Jo quickly rearranged her features into a smile but Bella’s large brown eyes narrowed and there was a glint of something that Jo couldn’t read, except that she knew it wasn’t pleasant.

She sighed and stood up, fed up with being excluded from the conversation.

No one seemed to notice as she left the room. Walking back into the kitchen, she caught sight of the pan of mulled wine gently bubbling on the Aga. Feeling a sudden spike of annoyance, she picked it up and tipped it down the sink. She watched the dark red, gloopy liquid congeal around the plughole, with its crimson tendrils clinging to the stark white walls of the sink like blood. She turned on the tap and swished water over the incriminating evidence until it was all gone.

She stared at the empty pan guiltily. But, she reassured herself, it was about time someone told Peter the truth about what they all thought of his horrible yearly concoction. She wished Emma would get here. She needed an ally, someone to tell her whether she was imagining Bella’s offhand behaviour.

As if on cue, her mobile rang. She snatched it up as she saw Emma’s name flashing on the screen. ‘Hi, darling, where are you?’

‘Mum!’ Emma sobbed. ‘I’ve had an accident. I hit a patch of ice on a bend and I’ve spun off the road.’ Her voice was audibly shaking.

‘Oh my God! Are you OK? Are you hurt?’ Jo’s legs suddenly felt weak.

‘Bit of a bump on the head. And my neck is killing me. But I think I’m OK.’ Jo could hear her holding the phone away from her body as she examined herself.

Jo swallowed down the tide of panic that was rising up inside her and tried to keep her voice steady and calm. ‘Right. Daddy and I are coming to get you. Where are you?’

Emma began to cry, causing Jo’s heart to constrict. Emma rarely cried. She was so composed and she always seemed to be in control of her emotions. Hearing her lose it completely told Jo that they needed to get to her as quickly as possible. ‘I’m at the corner of Bramble Lane and Mill Road, near the pub,’ Emma managed, through giant, gulping sobs.

‘We’ll be with you in ten minutes. Just stay where you are.’

Jo dashed into the sitting room, where Peter, Ben and Bella were still chatting, seemingly unaware of her absence. They all looked up at her in surprise as she entered. ‘Emma’s had an accident. We need to go and get her.’

Peter and Ben both leaped out of their seats. ‘Shit! Is she OK?’ Ben’s face creased with concern and Jo could see that he was genuinely worried for his sister. It gave her a small crumb of comfort to see a glimpse of the old Ben.

‘She’s very shaken and upset and I think she’s bumped her head but she was talking coherently, so hopefully she’s fine. Come on, Peter, we need to hurry.’ She gestured towards the door expectantly.

Peter nodded quickly and strode past her, already scooping his car keys from the glass bowl on the console table in the hallway.

‘I’ll come!’ Ben followed Peter towards the door.

‘No, Ben!’ Bella shouted suddenly, causing all of them to stop in their tracks. ‘You can’t go.’

Ben scowled irritably. ‘What? I need to go with them in case Dad and I have to pull the car out of a ditch or something.’

Bella’s face darkened. ‘You can’t leave me here on my own!’

Jo felt a sudden urge to slap her daughter-in-law’s pretty face. ‘Come. Don’t come,’ she snapped at Ben. ‘But make your bloody mind up because we need to get to Emma.’

Ben hesitated and Jo could see the dilemma he faced. If he came with them, Bella would be furious with him. If he didn’t come, he would be furious with himself. ‘Sorry,’ he said to Bella, seemingly having made up his mind. ‘I’ll only be a few minutes. You’ll be fine.’

There was a short, awkward pause, before the three of them raced out of the door, leaving Bella looking so angry that Jo imagined she could almost see the steam coming out of her ears.

As they rounded the corner of the road where Emma had told them she was, Jo gasped, clamping her hand over her mouth. Emma was sitting on the still-frosty grass verge with her head in her hands. Even at a distance, Jo could see that she was very distressed. Her mint green Fiat 500 was neatly nestled up against a tree, almost as if it was giving it a hug. Flimsy plumes of smoke rose lazily from beneath the bonnet. Peter pulled the car over and they all leaped out. Jo knelt down and put an arm around Emma’s shaking shoulders. ‘It’s OK, sweetheart, we’re here now. You’re going to be fine.’

Emma let out a sound that was a cross between a groan and a sob and nodded. Ben moved round behind her and put his hands under her armpits, before lifting her gently to her feet. She took a deep breath to steady herself and gave him a watery smile. ‘Cheers, Ben.’

Ben smiled back, his face still full of concern. ‘No worries. That’s quite an impressive bump on your head.’

Jo followed his gaze. A huge egg-shaped lump was forming on Emma’s forehead. It reminded her of the time when she was three and she had fallen down the stone steps in the garden, resulting in a similar-shaped bump.

‘Come on, piglet, let’s get you home.’ Peter pulled Emma into his arms and steered her towards the Range Rover, where he carefully helped her into the back seat.

Jo could see that Emma was violently shaking and climbed in beside her, wrapping one arm around her and taking her hand in the other.

‘I’ll drive Em’s car home,’ Ben said, heading towards the Fiat.

‘Is it OK to drive?’ Jo looked dubiously at the little car, which was looking very sorry for itself. ‘I don’t want you having an accident, too.’

‘I think it’ll be fine. Let’s just get it home and we can get someone to take a look later.’ Peter was already starting up the Range Rover and putting it into gear.

A few minutes later, they arrived home and helped a still-trembling Emma out of the car and into the house. Peter steered her towards the kitchen and settled her on a chair at the huge granite island in the middle of the room. ‘I know what you need – a glass of mulled wine.’ He turned expectantly towards the hob and stopped in puzzlement. ‘What’s happened to the mulled wine?’

Jo could feel her cheeks reddening. ‘I tipped it away.’

‘What did you do that for?’ Peter frowned and looked at Jo in astonishment.

‘Because … oh, because it was horrible!’ Jo waved her hand dismissively. ‘And I think Emma needs something a bit stronger than a non-alcoholic mulled wine anyway. Go and get her some whisky!’ She knew she was blustering because she was embarrassed. She had tipped the mulled wine away in a fit of pique because Peter had prepared it especially for Bella.

Peter tutted and continued to frown but, after a moment’s hesitation, he found the whisky and poured Emma a generous slug.

‘Thanks.’ Emma picked up the glass and drained it.

‘Would you like to go and have a lie-down?’ Peter had poured himself a whisky and raised his eyebrows questioningly at Jo, who nodded, suddenly desperate for a drink.

‘No.’ Emma held out her glass. ‘But I’ll have a refill.’

Ben joined them in the kitchen looking sheepish. ‘Um, Bella’s not feeling too good. I’m sorry but I think we’d better go home.’

Jo’s shoulders sagged with disappointment. ‘What? But what about lunch, your presents … you were supposed to be staying the night?’

Ben’s eyes slid away from Jo’s, as he glanced towards the door nervously. ‘I’m sorry, Mum.’

Jo watched him go, feeling weak with disappointment, as well as the shock of Emma’s accident catching up with her. She looked at Peter beseechingly. ‘Peter, can’t you speak to her? See if you can persuade her to stay? She seems to like you more than me …’ Her words hung in the air between them.

Peter hesitated, looking uncomfortable. ‘I’d rather not. I’m not sure it’ll do much good anyway and if she’s genuinely not feeling well …’

‘Please, Peter. It’ll spoil everything if they leave and I can tell Ben doesn’t want to. It’s her. She can’t bear the attention wandering from her for a second. She’s such a little bloody madam! Honestly, Emma, you should have seen her earlier, refusing to even take her coat off!’

As she finished speaking, she became aware that both Peter and Emma were looking over her shoulder with horrified expressions and she sensed, rather than heard, that both Ben and Bella were standing in the doorway. She swallowed hard and closed her eyes momentarily to steady herself, before spinning around to face them. Ben was staring at her in shock but Bella looked triumphant, a tiny smirk on her lips. ‘Wow, thanks for that, Jo. It’s a good job we’re leaving – I certainly know where I’m not wanted.’

‘Bella, I …’ Jo fumbled for words as she reached out to take Bella’s arm.

Bella shook her off roughly. ‘Let go of me! Come on, Ben. We’re going.’

Ben looked like he might cry. ‘I’m really sorry but we have to go. Em, I hope you’re OK?’

Emma nodded and raised her glass. ‘Thanks, I’ll be fine,’ she slurred. ‘Happy Christmas.’

Ben hesitated and for a moment, Jo thought he might hug her but another yell from Bella sent him scurrying after her.

Jo slumped down beside Emma at the island and burst into tears. She had had such a lovely day planned and now it was all ruined. But as she drained her glass of whisky, she somehow knew that it was more than just Christmas Day that was ruined.

Chapter Seven

Charlotte scanned the busy, dimly lit bar, her eyes hunting out Matt and Freya. Finally, she spotted them at a table in the corner, deep in conversation. ‘Hey, guys!’ she said, dumping her huge grey leather tote bag down on the floor and slumping into the seat they were zealously guarding for her. ‘Matt, be a love and get me an enormous glass of white wine, will you?’

Matt beamed at her fondly and stood up. ‘Your wish is my command, Lady Charlotte!’ He planted a kiss on top of her head as he squeezed past her and disappeared into the crowd towards the bar.

Charlotte smiled at Freya, holding her gaze as she acknowledged the familiar tug of longing that she felt every time she saw her old friends. She missed them so much. Missed the closeness and the laughter they used to share as a foursome, before she made the biggest mistake of her life by breaking up with Ben and blowing it all apart. ‘So … how are you, my love?’

Freya stood slightly and reached across the small wooden table to hug her, holding on for just slightly longer than normal. ‘I miss you.’ There was a slight tremble in her voice as she spoke.

Charlotte tilted her head and examined Freya’s face. She looked strained and tired. ‘What’s wrong? Is it work?’ Her job at St Thomas’ hospital was enormously stressful.

Freya shook her head and pushed back her blonde hair nervously. ‘No, work’s OK. It’s … well, it’s Ben, actually.’

Charlotte’s stomach plummeted with fear. ‘Ben? Why, what’s happened? Is he all right?’

Freya’s grey-blue eyes locked onto Charlotte’s. ‘Yes, as far as we know, he’s fine. It’s just that Bella’s had the baby. A girl.’

Charlotte’s mouth dried instantly. She nodded, trying to digest the news, wondering why it was such a shock when she had known it was coming for months. ‘Well, that’s good, isn’t it?’ she managed.

‘Yes, I suppose it is.’ Freya shrugged.

‘What have they called her?’

‘Elodie.’

Charlotte nodded again and attempted a smile. ‘Elodie. That’s a pretty name. And is everything OK? How are they managing?’

Freya made a ‘pfff’ sound and rolled her eyes. ‘That’s the thing …’ She picked up her glass and took a large sip of wine. ‘We don’t know. We haven’t seen them.’

At that moment, Matt arrived back at their table and put a large glass of chilled white wine down in front of Charlotte. She gave him a quick smile, before turning her attention back to Freya. ‘Thanks, Matt. Why haven’t you seen them?’

Matt looked at Freya and threw his hands up helplessly. ‘We’ve got no idea. She just doesn’t seem that keen on us.’

‘Have you spoken to Ben?’

‘Yup, briefly, when he called to tell me about the baby being born.’ Matt looked slightly crestfallen as he spoke. ‘But I think she might screen his calls. I rang once and obviously my number was displayed, so they didn’t answer. But when I blocked my number and rang back, she picked up.’

‘Well, call his mobile then?’

Matt scratched his cheek. ‘Nope. Tried that. He must have changed his number.’

Charlotte frowned. ‘How weird. Why would he change his number and not let his friends know?’

‘Because his fucking bitch of a wife told him to?’ Freya cut in, shaking her head in disgust.

Charlotte’s stomach churned with a dozen different emotions. Knowing that she no longer had Ben’s mobile number unnerved her hugely. Made her feel as though she had been cut adrift from her anchor. And hearing Bella described as his wife was like a punch to her kidneys. It was ridiculous, of course, but she couldn’t stop the feelings that were coursing unstoppably through her. She gave herself a shake. She needed to get a grip.

‘And how was she? Bella, I mean, when you spoke to her on the phone?’

Again, Matt glanced at Freya and gave a resigned sigh. ‘Frosty, I suppose, is the best way to describe it. Very offhand. Made it clear she didn’t want me calling.’

‘I hate her,’ Freya said suddenly.

‘Freya!’ Matt shot her an appalled look. ‘That’s a bit strong. We don’t even really know her.’

Freya shrugged apologetically. ‘I know, I know …’ She turned towards Charlotte. ‘But it feels a bit like a bereavement, except that he’s still alive and well and living just a mile or so away.’ She bit her lip and glanced at Matt. ‘And he wouldn’t say so but I know how hurt Matt is. Ben is his oldest, closest friend and yet he doesn’t even hear from him anymore.’

Matt’s eyes clouded slightly and he picked up his bottle of beer. ‘That’s not strictly true. He calls sometimes when she’s out.’

Charlotte tutted, infuriated and unnerved by what she was hearing. ‘But why would she not want him to speak to you guys?’

Matt and Freya both shook their heads. ‘No idea. Control, maybe?’ Freya said at last. ‘She does seem very possessive and domineering.’

Charlotte nodded, feeling guilty. This was all her fault. If she hadn’t broken up with Ben, he would never have met Bella and maybe it would be the two of them celebrating the birth of their first child. There was no way she’d have allowed Ben to shut out his oldest friends. They would have been with them every step of the way. ‘What would happen if you ignored the way she’s been behaving and just acted the way you always did? Why don’t you just go round with some flowers and a present for the baby? You used to pop by all the time, so it wouldn’t be anything out of the ordinary.’

Matt recoiled in horror. ‘It would now! Honestly, Charlie, you have no idea how different things are to when you two were together. She’s so cold towards us. She would make it clear we weren’t welcome.’

‘So what?’ Charlotte looked from Matt to Freya defiantly. ‘You aren’t there to see her, you’re there to see your friend and his new baby daughter. If she doesn’t want to see you, she can always go out.’ She could feel the anger bubbling up inside her and knew it was borne out of guilt. But on the other hand, they couldn’t just accept that a lifelong friendship was over because Bella wanted him all to herself. ‘And I’m sure she’s not that bad?’

‘She is!’ Freya shot back. ‘Matt’s not exaggerating when he says she’s really off with us. She just has this way of making you feel so unwelcome, even when we’re not at their flat.’

Charlotte tried not to feel hurt at the description of the flat as ‘theirs’. Yes, Ben’s parents had bought it for him but it was she who had helped him choose it and furnish it, back in the days when she and Ben were so happy and excited about the future. But it was also she who had walked away from it, leaving Ben battered and broken, and vulnerable to the attentions of someone like Bella. ‘Well,’ she said at last. ‘I think you should just turn up and act like nothing’s wrong. Buy something lovely for the baby and behave as you normally would. You owe it to Ben …’

Matt stood up suddenly. ‘Just going to the loo,’ he said, by way of explanation as he strode off.

Charlotte and Freya watched him go. ‘He’s taken it quite badly,’ Freya began. ‘I think he’s just so unbelievably hurt. He and Ben have been inseparable since primary school. It just seems so unfair that this … this bitch, can have got her claws into him so quickly and so bloody effectively.’

Charlotte shifted in her seat uncomfortably. ‘It does,’ she agreed. ‘What if you were to speak to him? Alone.’

‘How?’ Freya looked gloomy. ‘She never leaves him on his own for a minute.’

‘She’s not with him at work. You could go and wait for him outside his office.’

Freya smiled slightly, as she digested the idea. ‘What? Ambush him, you mean?’

Charlotte picked up her glass and took a large slug of her wine. ‘Well, yes, I suppose that is what I mean. But at least Bella wouldn’t be there and you could ask him outright why he’s shutting you and Matt out all of a sudden.’

Freya squirmed in her seat and worry lines creased her brow. ‘I don’t know … what if he gets cross with me?’

‘Why would he? You haven’t done anything wrong. And you know Ben – he absolutely adores you.’

‘Do you think so?’

‘Yes, absolutely!’ Charlotte could feel herself warming to her theme. ‘And you never know, he might have a perfectly rational explanation that will put your mind at rest and then you can reassure Matt that it’s just a temporary blip and things will be back to normal soon.’

Freya reached across the table and took Charlotte’s hand in hers. ‘Oh God, I miss you so much, Charlie. We both do.’

‘I miss you guys, too.’ Charlotte swallowed hard, afraid she might cry.

‘Is there anyone on the scene at all?’ Freya dropped her hand and changed the subject, as if sensing that Charlotte might be wobbling.

Charlotte wrinkled her nose and shook her head. ‘No, not really. I don’t think I’m in the right frame of mind to have a relationship at the moment, anyway, so it’s probably no bad thing.’

‘No, maybe not.’ Freya looked suddenly wistful and smiled. ‘Although it would be great if you could find someone nice and we could have a whole new foursome.’

Charlotte tried to smile, but found that the corners of her mouth refused to turn upwards. ‘The trouble is that I found someone nice and dumped him, like the complete bloody idiot I am. Now all I can think is that there’ll never be anyone as good as him again.’

Freya shook her head. ‘I’m not going to say that I always thought there was something lacking in your relationship with Ben because I didn’t. But for you to have broken up with him when you did, when he was on the verge of proposing …’

Charlotte spluttered on her wine and her eyes widened. ‘What?’

Freya’s cheeks flushed slightly and she nodded. ‘Yes … I thought you knew? He didn’t exactly make a secret of it.’

Charlotte looked away, thinking. Yes, she probably did know, and maybe that’s what had made her get cold feet so suddenly. It was the enormity of it all.

‘So, what I’m saying,’ Freya continued, ‘is that you obviously did think there was something not quite right. Don’t be too hard on yourself, Charlie, because maybe, just maybe, you did the right thing for you.’

Charlotte so wanted to believe her. To think that she had been unhappy and that the relationship had run its course. But she knew deep down that it hadn’t and that she had just had a panic about the future and wanted to clear her head. Now it was too late and whatever she did, she couldn’t turn back time and make everything right again.

Chapter Eight

Freya pulled her fitted leather jacket a little tighter around her body. It was a surprisingly chilly day for early March and she stamped her feet to try to warm up her feet inside her ankle boots, as she scanned the lunchtime crowds for Ben’s familiar dark head. As he was usually a few inches taller than everyone else around him, she had thought that he’d be easier to spot, but she hadn’t caught sight of him yet and was beginning to worry that maybe she’d missed him.

She was just contemplating giving up, when he appeared, head down and his hands stuffed deep in to the pockets of his coat, which looked considerably warmer than hers.

‘Ben!’ Freya stepped into his path and gave a nervous wave.

Ben’s eyes widened in surprise and he pulled up sharply. ‘Hey, Freya! What a lovely surprise!’ He held his arms out widely and pulled her into a hug.

Freya allowed herself to be drawn into his embrace and held on to him for what she knew was a fraction too long. She could feel the tears pricking her eyes as she felt a wave of longing. The aching familiarity of him was so strong that, for the first time, she realized how painfully she had borne his absence and truly understood how Matt must have been feeling.

‘What are you doing here?’ Ben gently extricated himself from her arms and shoved his hands back into the pockets of his overcoat, shuffling from foot to foot.

Freya took a deep breath. ‘I wanted to see you. You haven’t been returning our calls and our texts aren’t getting through …’ She hesitated. ‘I just wanted to make sure you were OK.’

Ben frowned. ‘Yeah, everything’s fine. Look, I was just about to grab a sandwich, do you want to join me?’

Freya beamed. ‘I’d love to.’

They headed for a café near Ben’s office and found a table. ‘What can I get you?’ he asked, gesturing towards the counter.

‘Oh, thanks, Ben. A cheese and ham toastie would be lovely.’

Ben smiled. ‘Of course. I should have remembered. I’ll have the same.’

Freya watched him ordering and paying for their food, trying to analyse whether there was anything different about him. He looked a bit more tired and there were shadows under his eyes but that was understandable with a new baby. Other than that, he looked pretty much the same as he ever had.

He carried a tray over to their small, round, marble table. ‘Dinner is served!’

Freya laughed. ‘And very nice it looks, too. Thank you.’

Ben took a seat opposite her and picked up his toastie, taking a huge bite. ‘Mmmm, I haven’t had one of these for ages. Bloody lovely!’

‘Yep,’ Freya agreed, as they chewed in comfortable silence. ‘So, how is Elodie?’

Ben smiled, as crumbs spilled out of his mouth and he wiped them with a napkin. ‘She’s adorable. Really gorgeous.’

‘Got any photos?’

‘Hang on.’ Ben finished his toastie with one final huge bite and wiped his hands on his napkin before fumbling for his phone. He frowned slightly as he scrolled through his pictures, until he found one he liked and handed it to Freya.

On the screen was a picture of Bella looking serenely at the camera, clutching a beautiful baby girl with a shock of black hair to her chest. ‘Oh my, Ben, she is so, so lovely. They both are.’ As she looked back at the screen, a message notification flashed up, blocking the photo.

Bella: Where the fuck are you?

‘Oh! You’ve got a message,’ she said, feeling embarrassed for him as she handed back the phone.

Ben raised his eyebrows in surprise and took the phone from her. He read the message and flushed slightly.

‘Is everything OK, Ben?’ Freya asked gently, knowing that she needed to seize the opportunity.

‘Of course. Why wouldn’t it be?’ Ben was immediately on the defensive, his eyes flickering from side to side.

‘It’s just that … well, we haven’t seen you. Matt’s called you several times and you haven’t called him back. We haven’t even met Elodie yet. I just wondered if there’s something going on?’

Ben’s face darkened. ‘Is that why you ambushed me?’

Freya sighed. ‘Well, yes. How the hell else are we supposed to see you if you won’t return our calls? If you change your mobile number and don’t let us have the new one?’