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Этот неподражаемый Дживс! / The Inimitable Jeeves
Пелам Гренвилл Вудхаус
Легко читаем по-английски
«Этот неподражаемый Дживс!» – это коллекция эпизодов из жизни Бертрама Вустера и его дворецкого Дживса. Друг, постоянно влюбляющийся в новых девушек, тетушка, находящаяся в постоянном поиске невесты для Берти, а также два совершенно неуправляемых племянника – все это вносит раздор в размеренное существование молодого джентльмена.
Для удобства читателя текст сопровождается комментариями и кратким словарем.
Предназначается для продолжающих изучать английский язык (уровень 4 – Upper-Intermediate).
Пелам Гренвилл Вудхаус / P.G. Wodehouse
Этот неподражаемый Дживс! / The Inimitable Jeeves
© The Trustees of the P.G. Wodehouse Estate
© Матвеев С. А., адаптация текста, словарь, 2018
© ООО «Издательство АСТ», 2018
1
Jeeves Exerts the Old Cerebellum[1 - Jeeves Exerts the Old Cerebellum – Дживз шевелит мозгами]
“Morning, Jeeves,” I said.
“Good morning, sir,” said Jeeves.
He put the good old cup of tea softly on the table by my bed, and I took a refreshing sip. Excellent, as usual. Not too hot, not too sweet, not to weak, not too strong, not too much milk, and not a drop spilled in the saucer. A wonderful guy, Jeeves. So competent in every respect. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Just for example. Every other valet I’ve ever had entered my room in the morning while I was still asleep, but Jeeves seems to know when I’m awake by a sort of telepathy. He always comes in with the cup exactly two minutes after I come to life.
“How is the weather, Jeeves?”
“Exceptionally clement, sir.”
“Anything in the papers?”
“Some crisis in the Balkans[2 - the Balkans – Балканы], sir. Otherwise, nothing.”
“I say, Jeeves, a man I met at the club last night told me to put all my money on Privateer[3 - Privateer – Флибустьер (кличка лошади)] for the two o’clock race this afternoon. How about it?”
“I shall not advise it, sir.”
That was enough for me. Jeeves knows. How, I couldn’t say, but he knows. There was a time when I would laugh lightly, and go ahead, and lose everything, but not now.
“By the way,” I said, “have those mauve shirts I ordered arrived yet?”
“Yes, sir. I sent then back.”
“Sent them back?”
“Yes, sir. They would not suit you.”
Well, I must say I bow to superior knowledge. Weak? I don’t know. Most fellows, no doubt, are sure that their valets must only crease trousers and so on; but it’s different with Jeeves. Right from the first day he came to me, I have looked on him as a sort of guide, philosopher, and friend.
“Mr. Little[4 - Little – Литл] rang up on the telephone a few moments ago, sir. I informed him that you were not yet awake.”
“Did he leave a message?”
“No, sir. He mentioned that he had a matter of importance to discuss with you, but gave no details.”
“Oh, well, I expect I shall see him at the club.”
“No doubt, sir.”
To be honest, I wasn’t excited to see him. Bingo[5 - Bingo – Бинго] Little is a fellow I was at school with, and we see each other often. He’s the nephew of old Mortimer[6 - Mortimer – Мортимер] Little, who retired from business recently with a lot of money. Bingo wandered about London, his uncle gave him enough money, and led a fairly unclouded life. I suspected that he had discovered some new brand of cigarette which he wanted me to try, or something like that.
After breakfast I lit a cigarette and went to the open window. It certainly was one a bright day. “Jeeves,” I said.
“Sir?” said Jeeves.
“You were absolutely right about the weather. It is a nice morning.”
“Decidedly, sir.”
“Spring and all that.”
“Yes, sir.”
“In the spring, Jeeves, flowers grow and birds sing.”
“No doubt, sir.”
“Exactly! Then bring me my cane, my yellowest shoes, and the old green hat. I’m going into the park.”
I don’t know if you know that sort of feeling you get on these days in the end of April and in the beginning of May, when the sky is blue, with cotton-wool clouds, and there’s a breeze blowing from the west? Romantic, if you know what I mean. On this particular morning it seemed to me that what I really wanted was some charming girl to ask me to save her from assassins or something. So that it was rather terrible when I suddenly ran into[7 - ran into – столкнулся с] Bingo Little, in a crimson satin tie decorated with horseshoes.
“Hallo, Bertie[8 - Bertie – Берти],” said Bingo.
“My God, man!” I gargled. “Your tie! Why? For what reason?”
“Oh, the tie?” He blushed. “I—er—I was given it.”
He seemed embarrassed, so I dropped the subject[9 - I dropped the subject – я оставил эту тему]. We walked a bit, and sat down on a couple of chairs by the Serpentine[10 - by the Serpentine – у Серпентина].
“Jeeves tells me you want to talk to me about something,” I said.
“Eh?” said Bingo. “Oh yes, yes. Yes.”
I waited for the news, but he didn’t seem to go on. Conversation languished. He stared straight ahead of him.
“I say, Bertie,” he said, after a pause of about an hour and a quarter.
“Hallo!”
“Do you like the name Mabel[11 - Mabel – Мэйбл]?”
“No.”
“No?”
“No.”
“You don’t think there’s a kind of music in the word, like the wind through the trees?”
“No.”
He seemed disappointed for a moment; then cheered up.
“Of course, you wouldn’t. You always were a worm without any soul, weren’t you?”
“Just as you say. Who is she? Tell me all.”
For I realized now that poor old Bingo had fallen in love again. Ever since I have known him—and we were at school together—he has been perpetually falling in love with someone, generally in the spring. At school he had the finest collection of actresses’ photographs of his time; and at Oxford he was famous for his romantic nature.
“You’d better come along and meet her at lunch,” he said, looking at his watch.
“Well,” I said. “Where are you meeting her? At the Ritz[12 - the Ritz – «Ритц» (название отеля)]?”
“Near the Ritz.”
He was geographically accurate. About fifty yards east of the Ritz there is a tea-and-bun shop[13 - tea-and-bun shop – закусочная, кафе], and into this young Bingo dived like a rabbit. Before I had time to say a word we were at a table, with a pool of coffee left there by a previous client.
I couldn’t quite understand the situation. Bingo was not a millionaire, but he has always had a fair amount. Why, then, has he invited the girl at this eatery?
The waitress arrived. A rather pretty girl.
“Aren’t we going to wait?” I started to say to Bingo, but I caught sight of his face, and stopped.
“Mabel,” said Bingo, “this is Bertie Wooster, a friend of mine.”
“Pleased to meet you,” she said. “Nice morning.”
“Pleased to meet you, too,” I said.
“You see I’m wearing the tie,” said Bingo.
“It suits you beautiful,” said the girl.
Personally, if anyone had told me that a tie like that suited me, I should have risen and fight them, regardless of their age and sex; but poor old Bingo simply got all flustered with gratification[14 - got all flustered with gratification – расплылся от удовольствия], and smirked.
“Well, what’s it going to be today?” asked the girl. Bingo studied the menu.
“I’ll have a cup of cocoa, cold veal and ham pie, slice of fruit cake, and a macaroon. Same for you, Bertie?”
I gazed at him, revolted. He thinks I am going to insult my stomach with that! And he has been a friend of mine all these years.
“Or how about a bit of hot steak-pudding[15 - steak-pudding – мясной пуддинг], with some wine?” said Bingo.
You know, love can change a man completely. This fellow before me, who spoke carelessly of macaroons and cocoa, was the man who had ordered sole frite au gourmet aux champignons and the best wine some day. Ghastly! Ghastly!
A roll and butter and a small coffee seemed the only things on the list that were eatable, so I chose them, and Mabel went away.
“Well?” said Bingo rapturously.
He wanted my opinion of the female poisoner[16 - female poisoner – отравительница] who had just left us.
“Very nice,” I said.
He seemed dissatisfied.
“You don’t think she’s the most wonderful girl you ever saw?” he said.
“Oh, absolutely!” I said. “Where did you meet her?”
“At a subscription dance[17 - subscription dance – благотворительные танцы] at Camberwell[18 - Camberwell – Камберуэлл (район в южной части Лондона)].”
“What were you doing at a subscription dance at Camberwell?”
“Your Jeeves asked me to buy a couple of tickets. It was in aid of some charity or other.”
“Jeeves? I didn’t know about that business of his.”
“Well, I suppose he has to relax a bit every sometimes. Anyway, he was there, too. And danced. I didn’t want to dance at first, but changed my mind. Oh, Bertie, think what I might have missed[19 - what I might have missed – чего бы я мог лишиться]!”
“What might have you missed?” I asked.
“Mabel, you fool. If I hadn’t gone I shouldn’t have met Mabel.”
“Oh, ah!”
“Bertie,” said Bingo, “I want your advice.”
“Go on.”
“At least, not your advice, because that wouldn’t be good to anybody. Not that I want to hurt your feelings, of course.”
“No, no, I see that.”
“What I wish you would do is to tell the whole story to that fellow Jeeves, and see what he suggests. You’ve often told me that he has helped other friends of yours. From what you tell me, he’s the brains of the family. Tell him about my problem.”
