The Mirror of Literature, Amusement, and Instruction. Volume 14, No. 387, August 28, 1829

SPIRIT OF THE PUBLIC JOURNALS

ARRIVAL AT MARGATE

From "The Monthly Club" of Sharpe's London Magazine

The buildings of Margate now became evident, and every minute developed some new feature in the landscape; all the party abandoned their sitting to enjoy the view. The curved pier painted pea green and covered with Cockneys, now was disclosed to our eyes, and my old friend from Leicester was again staggered into a profound silence, by being told that a row of houses with a windmill at the end of it, was Buenos Ayres. I saw his amazement, but he did not betray his ignorance in speech as the French actress did, who was in London some years since, and when dining on the Adelphi Terrace was shown Waterloo Bridge. After gazing at it, with a degree of pathos, partly national and partly theatrical, she heaved a sigh for the brave fellows who had perished in the neighbourhood, and feelingly inquired whereabouts the farm of Haye Saint was—this is literally a fact and is vouched for—nor is the absence of geographical knowledge in the natives of France, confined to the lady—she is by no means a solitary instance of the most glorious ignorance of localities.—The Turks too, talk of Ireland as a disorderly part of London; and an American, during the last winter, lecturing in Germany, referring to the great improvements which have recently taken place in England, enumerated, amongst other stupendous works of art, the Menai Bridge, which he informed his hearers united IRELAND with WALES.

As we approached the harbour we seemed to fly—the jetty and pier became more and more crowded—it was evident we had created "an interest;" the hurry and bustle on board appeared to increase as we neared the shore, and the sudden tranquillization of the hubbub by the magical words, "stop her," of the master evidently excited a mingled feeling of wonder and satisfaction in the breast of our Leicestershire companion, whose countenance had previously indicated a strong suspicion that it was the captain's intention to try the relative strength of our vessel's bow and the nob end of Mr. Jarvis's jetty.

I never shall forget his delight as we tranquilly glided to the side of the landing-place, nor his violent indignation when stepping out of the boat in a pair of jockey boots, and selecting, what appeared to his ruralized vision, a verdant spot; his feet slid from under him, and he got a fall unmodified in its disagreeable results by the excitement of the sport so prevalent in his native country.

"Who built this fine stone affair?" said R–, pointing to the pea-green promenade on our right.

"The people of Margate," said some one.

"I thought nobody in England but the king could make a pier," said R–.

"Come, come," cried B–, "let us be grave for a minute or two; we look more like a parcel of boys landing than a grave and learned body."

"Youth is the time for punning," said R–.

"It is no great crime when one is older," said B–.

"That I deny," answered our wag; "it may be good in youth, but it is bad in age."

The groan which followed this last pun of the voyage reechoed along the shore, and it was not until we reached Howe's hotel, a sort of Bath York House stuck in the middle of Golden Square, London, that the tumult died away.

THE UNICORN

In the physical world, some of our secrets are disappearing; and though Captain Parry failed to find out the pole, and we believe, with that worthy navigator, that the world have been dreaming from the beginning, and that there is no pole; and though Captain Ross will go further and fare worse, yet things are turning up now and then that our most benevolent scepticism cannot resist. But among other plunders of the imagination, they are going to rob us of the unicorn. For two thousand years and upwards, a short date in the history of human quarrel about nothings, the sages of this world have been doubting and deciding on the existence of this showy creature. Pliny would have sworn to his having all but seen it, and he would have sworn that too, if any one had taken the trouble to ask him. Kircher, and a few of the German naturalists, and black-letter fools—every naturalist and black-letter man being more or less a fool—dug up the question out of the pit of Teutonic dulness, and ever since, every traveller beyond the Needles, has had his theory, which was quite as good as his fact, and his fact, which was quite as good as his theory.

The topic perished in Germany, being stifled under professor Bopp and Sanscrit, Professor Semler and Scepticism, Professor Jahn and Jacobinism, and the whole vast feather-bed suffocation of Professor Kotzebue and Comedy. But in England it was endeared to us by associations "deep in every truly British heart," as the chairmen of our tavern parties say over their third bottle. We had seen it for ages gallantly climbing the slippery heights of the kingly crown on show boards, carriages, transparencies, theatres, and the new, matchless, hydropyric, or fiery and watery fairy palace of Vauxhall. It met us in every material, from the gilt confitures of Bartholomew fair, to the gold plateau of the "table laid for sixty," at St. James's. All the dilettanti were immersed in the great national question of its shape and features. Mr. Barrow, in a journey of exploration, which extended to three miles beyond the Cape, believed that he saw it, but strongly doubted its existence. M. Vaillant never saw it, nor believed that any one ever did, but was as sure of its existence as if it had slept in his bosom, and been unto him as a daughter. Mr. Russel had one, which he milked twice a day, and drove in a curricle to visit the Queen of Madagascar. Doctor Lyall is writing a quarto from Madagascar, to deny the statement in toto; admitting, however, that there is a rumour of the being of some nondescript of the kind in the mountains, somewhat between the size of the elephant and the Shetland pony; but that he and we think the subject-matter will turn out asinine. But now a Mr. Ruppell, after a long sojourn in the north-east of Africa, comes at once to cheer and dishearten us by the discovery, that in Kordofan, if any one knows where that is, the unicorn exists; stated to be of the size of a small horse, of the slender make of the gazelle, and furnished with a long, straight, slender horn in the male, which was wanting in the female. According to the statements made by various persons, it inhabits the deserts to the south of Kordofan, is uncommonly fleet, and comes only occasionally to the Koldagi Heive mountains on the borders of Kordofan. This, it must be acknowledged, is a sad falling off from the rival of the lion, that we have honoured so long in the arms of England. But we sincerely hope, that by the next arrival, it will not degenerate into a cow, or worse, a goat. But he tells us, that to our knowledge of the giraffe he has added considerably. He obtained in Nubia and Kordofan five specimens, two of which were males and three females. He regards the horns as constituting the principal generic character, they being formed by distinct bones, united to the frontal and parietal bones by a very obvious suture, and having throughout the same structure with the other bones. In both sexes one of these abnormal bones is situated on each branch of the coronal suture, and the male possesses an additional one placed more anteriorly, and occupying the middle of the frontal suture. The anomalous position of this appendage furnishes a complete refutation of the theory of Camper with regard to the unicorn, that such an occurrence was contrary to nature, and proves at least the possibility of the existence of such an animal. Professor Camper is an ass, of course; but when are we to expect any thing better from the illustrissimi of the land of sour-krout? Give a Doctor Magnificus his due allowance of the worst tobacco, and the worst beer in the world, with a ream of half-brown paper, and a Leipsic catalogue to plunder, and he will in three months write any subject dead—smother the plainest truth with an accumulation of absurdity, astonishing, as the work of a creature with but two hands—and prove that the earth is but a huge oyster, in which Germany is the pearl; or that man is only a reclaimed baboon, of which all the wit is centered in Weimar.

Monthly Magazine.

THE GATHERER

"A snapper-up of unconsidered trifles."SHAKSPEARE.

A PUNSTER

Dr. Barton was a punster. He said, "the fellows of my college wished to have an organ in the chapel, but I put a stop to it;" whether for the sake of the pun, or because he disliked music, is uncertain. He invited, for the love of punning, Mr. Crowe and Mr. Rooke to dine with him; and having given Mr. Birdmore, another guest, a hint to be rather after the time, on his appearing, said, "Mr. Rook! Mr. Crowe! I beg leave to introduce one Bird more." He married his niece to a gentleman of the hopeful name of Buckle. The enterprise succeeded beyond his expectation. Mrs. Buckle was delivered of twins. "A pair of Buckles!" "Boys or girls?" said a congratulating friend; the answer may be supposed. To him, though it has been attributed to others, belongs the glory or the shame of having said to one, who having re-established his health by a diet of milk and eggs, took a wife:—"So, you have been egged on to matrimony: I hope the yoke will sit easy on you."

PLAY BILL

(Translated from the Spanish.)To the sovereign of heaven,To the mother of the eternal world,To the Polar Star of Spain,To the faithful protectress of the Spanish nation,To the honour and glory of the most Holy Virgin Mary,For her benefit, and for the propagation of her worship,The company of comedians will this day give a representation ofthe comic piece called Manine.The celebrated Italian will also dance the Fandango,and the theatre will be superbly illuminated.

"Write your name at full length the first time you order any thing which you ought to pay for, that the person so employed or ordered may have no difficulty of applying (legally) if necessary for payment."—The advice of one who from a common soldier died in opulence honestly gained by trade.

A French philosopher placed a statue in his hall, under which was the follow-distich:—

"Whoever you be, Sir, pray take off your castor;For this is, or has been, or will be your master."

PARIS

The following Notes convey some idea of the extent and resources of the French capital:—

By the last census, 1827, the population of Paris was 890,000.

Bread.—In Paris, 830,000 persons consume 227,760,000 pounds in a year.

Printing.—There are in Paris 80 printing establishments; 600 presses going; and 3,000 journeymen printers in constant employ.

Deaths.—The annual mortality is 21,033; average of suicides 200, of whom the greater number are single persons; and on an average, a death occurs every twenty minutes. Upwards of 1,100 children die annually from small-pox.

Lamps.—The city is lit with 4,533 oil lamps, with 12,672 wicks.

The River.—The river Seine where it enters Paris is 510 feet broad; at the Pont Neuf 864 feet, and where it leaves the city 400 feet broad.

Hospitals.—The income of the hospitals is 9,762,154 francs, or about £406,756.; the average cost to government for a day in the hospital, is about 11-1/2d. The maniacs from two prisons average 3,000 a year; and the majority of mad persons are unmarried.

Lottery.—The average annual receipts of the lottery is about a million sterling—of which the treasury receive about £180,000. the remainder being the adventurers'.

Marriages.—The average of marriages is 6,316, or 1 marriage in every 108 persons. Marriages are most frequent in February, and least in December. There is rather more than an average of three children to each marriage.

Births.—The births average 27,000, or 1 birth for every 12 minutes; of the number, 8,760 are illegitimate.

Gaming Houses.—The annual receipt is £360,000.; the whole expenses £60,000. Those who lease them clear in 6 years about £83,000.

Wine Tax.—The annual revenue is a million sterling.

Theatres.—There are 10,000 persons daily at the theatres, Of these, it is estimated, 6,816 pay for admission. The annual average receipts of all the theatres is £209,298.

Tombs.—The price for a tomb in Pere la Chaise, is about £4. without the right to the grave; some have cost £1,400. Those erected to women are fewer by half than those for men.

Travellers.—The average since the peace of 1814, is 17,676 English residents or travellers in Paris.

MOTTO AND TRANSLATION

Presto et Presto.Double quick time.

DIALOGUE BETWEEN GLUTTON AND ECHO

The following lines, written in the year 1609, are said to have induced Butler to pursue the same idea in his Hudibras;

Dialogue.

Glutton.—My belly I do deify.

Echo.—Fie.

Glutton.—Who curbs his appetite's a fool.

Echo.—Ah! fool!

Glutton.—I do not like this abstinence.

Echo.—Hence!

Glutton.—My joy's a feast, my wish is wine.

Echo.—Swine.

Glutton.—We epicures are happy truly.

Echo.—You lie.

Glutton.—May I not, Echo, eat my fill.

Echo.—Ill.

Glutton.—Will it hurt me if I drink too much?

Echo.—Much.

Glutton.—Thou mock'st me nymph, I'll not believe it.

Echo.—Believe it.

Glutton.—Dost thou condemn then what I do?

Echo.—I do.

Glutton.—Is it that which brings infirmities?

Echo.—It is!

Glutton.—Then sweetest temperance I'll love thee.

Echo. I love thee..

Glutton.—

If all be true which thoudost tell,To gluttony I bid farewell.

Echo.—Farewell.

W.A.

EPITAPH ON A GAMESTER

Here lies a gamester, poor but willing,Who left the room without a shilling.Losing each stake, till he had thrownHis last, and lost the game to Death;If Paradise his soul has won,'Twas a rare stroke of luck i'faith!

Suicide is very common among the New Zealanders: thus, a woman who has been beaten by her husband will perhaps hang herself immediately.

LIMBIRD'S EDITION OF THE

Following Novels is already Published:

s. d.

Mackenzie's Man of Feeling             0    6

Paul and Virginia                      0    6

The Castle of Otranto                  0    6

Almoran and Hamet                      0    6

Elizabeth, or the Exiles of Siberia    0    6

The Castles of Athlin and Dunbayne     0    6

Rasselas                               0    8

The Old English Baron                  0    8

Nature and Art                         0    8

Goldsmith's Vicar of Wakefield         0   10

Sicilian Romance                       1    0

The Man of the World                   1    0

A Simple Story                         1    4

Joseph Andrews                         1    6

Humphry Clinker                        1    8

The Romance of the Forest              1    8

The Italian                            2    0

Zeluco, by Dr. Moore                   2    6

Edward, by Dr Moore                    2    6

Roderick Random                        2    6

The Mysteries of Udolpho               3    6

Peregrine Pickle                       4    6

Printed and Published by J. LIMBIRD 143, Strand, (near Somerset House,) London; sold by ERNEST FLEISCHER, 626, New Market, Leipsic; and by all Newsmen and Booksellers.

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