The Mirror of Literature, Amusement, and Instruction. Volume 13, No. 353, January 24, 1829

THE ANECDOTE GALLERY

OTHELLO

On the crew of the Flora being treated to see Othello at the Portsmouth Theatre, Cassio's silly speech proved an exquisite relish to the audience, where he apostrophizes heaven, "Forgive us our sins," and endeavours to persuade his companion that he is sober. "Do not think, gentlemen, I am drunk? this is my Ancient: this is my right hand, and this is my left hand: I am not drunk now." "No, not you," roared a Jack, who no doubt would have been a willing witness in Cassio's defence, had he been brought to the gangway for inebriety. "I can stand well enough," continued the representative of Cassio. "Then, hang it! why don't you walk the plank at once, and prove yourself sober?" vociferated a long-tailed wag, determined not to slip this opportunity of having a shot on the sly at his first lieutenant, who had only a night or two before put his perpendicularity to a similar test.

At the last scene the shouts became alarming; volleys of imprecations were hurled at his head—his limbs—his life. "What!" said one of the rudest of the crew, "can the black brute cut her lifelines? She's a reg'lar-built angel, and as like my Bet as two peas."—"Ay," said a messmate, "it all comes of being jealous, and that's all as one as mad; but you know, if he's as good as his word, he's sure to be hanged,—that's one comfort!" When the Moor seized her in bed by the throat, Desdemona shrieking for permission to repeat but one short prayer, and he rancorously exclaims, in attempting to strangle her, "It is too late!" the house, as it is said a French audience had done ere now, could endure no more; and the sailors rose in their places, giving the most alarming indications of angry excitement, and of a determination to mingle in the murderous scene below. "I'm –, Dick, if I can stand it any longer," said the spokesman of the gallery. "You're no man, if you can sit and look on quietly; hands off, you blood-thirsty niggar," he vociferated, and threw himself over the side of the gallery in a twinkling; clambering down by a pillar into the boxes, and scrambled across the pit, over every person in his way, till he reached the noisy boatswain's mate. Him he "challenged to the rescue," and exclaimed, "Now's your time, Ned,—Pipe the boarders away—all hands,–! if you're a man as loves a woman. Now, go it," said he, and dashed furiously over all obstacles,—fiddles, flutes, and fiddlers. Smash went the foot-lights—Caesar had passed the Rubicon. The contagion of feeling became general; and his trusty legions, fired with the ambition that inspired their leader, followed, sweeping all before them, till the whole male population of the theatre crowded the stage en masse, amid shouts of encouragement, or shrieks of terror; outraging, by their mistaken humanity, all the propriety of this touching drama; and, for once, rescuing the gentle Desdemona from the deadly grasp of the murderous Moor, who fled in full costume, dagger in hand, from the house, and through the dark streets of Dock, until he reached his home in a state of inconceivable affright. The scene of confusion which followed, it would be fruitless to attempt to describe. All was riot and uproar.—Sailors and Saints.

DEATH OF DAUBENTON

We have had countless instances of "the ruling passion strong in death;" but perhaps we can adduce nothing more illustrative of that feeling than the following fact, which may vie with the sublimity of Rousseau's death, when he desired to look on the sun ere his eyes were closed in the rayless tomb:—M. Daubenton, the scientific colleague of Buffon, and the anatomical illustrator of his "Histoire Naturelle," on being chosen a member of the Conservative Senate, was seized with apoplexy the first time he assisted at the sessions of that body, and fell senseless into the arms of his astonished colleagues. The most prompt assistance could only restore him to feeling for a few moments, during which he showed himself, what he had always been—a tranquil observer of nature. He felt with his fingers, which still retained sensation, the various parts of his body, and pointed out to the assistants the progress of the disease! He died on the 31st of December, 1799. The Edinburgh Philosophical Journal states, "it may be said of him, that he attained happiness the most perfect, and the least mixed, that any man could hope to attain. His life was marked by an undeviating pursuit of science; and to him was Buffon indebted for instruction and example. Naturally of a mild and conciliatory disposition, and gifted with cool and dispassionate consideration, he was just such a preceptor as was calculated to curb the imagination of Buffon, whose fiery and ardent genius was apt to substitute theory for proof, and fancy for fact; and often did the 'biting smile' of M. Daubenton check the ardency of Buffon, and his well-weighed words arrest him in his headlong progress." What more noble picture of scientific devotion can we imagine than the feeble and aged Daubenton, shut up for whole days in his cabinet of natural history, ardently exerting himself in the complex and weary task of arranging the objects according to their several relations? But Buffon, with the wayward negligence which clings to genius, did wrong to his friend in publishing an edition of his "Histoire Naturelle" without the dissections. Yet such a step, discountenanced by all the liberal body of science, was forgiven by the philosophic and gentle Daubenton; and Buffon made atonement for his aberration, by re-uniting himself to the companion of his childhood, the participator in his studies, and the preceptor of his genius.

H

STORY ON A MARCH

An officer in India, whose stock of table-linen had been completely exhausted during the campaign,—either by wear or tear or accident,—had a few friends to dine with him. The dinner being announced to the party, seated in the al fresco drawing-room of a camp, the table appeared spread with eatables, but without the usual covering of a cloth. The master, who, perhaps, gave himself but little trouble about these matters, or who probably relied upon his servant's capacity in the art of borrowing, or, at all events, on his ingenuity on framing an excuse, inquired, with an angry voice, why there was no table-cloth. The answer was, "Massa not got;" with which reply, after apologizing to his guests, he was compelled, for the present, to put up. The next morning he called his servant, and rated him soundly, and perhaps beat him, (for I lament to say that this was too much the practice with European masters in India,) for exposing his poverty to the company; desiring him, another time, if similarly circumstanced, to say that all the table-cloths were gone to the wash. Another day, although the table appeared clothed in the proper manner, the spoons, which had probably found their way to the bazar, perhaps to provide the very articles of which the feast was composed, were absent, whether with or without leave is immaterial. "Where are all the spoons?" cried the apparently enraged master. "Gone washerman, sar!" was the answer. Roars of laughter succeeded, and a teacup did duty for the soup-ladle. The probable consequence of this unlucky exposure of the domestic economy of the host, namely, a sound drubbing to the poor maty-boy, brings to my mind an anecdote which, being in a story-telling vein, I cannot resist the temptation of introducing. It was related to me, with great humour, by one of the principals in the transaction, whose candour exceeded his fear of shame. He had been in the habit of beating his servants, till one in particular complained that he would have him before Sir Henry Gwillam, then chief justice at Madras, who had done all in his power to suppress the disgraceful practice. Having a considerable balance to settle with his maty-boy on the score of punishment, but fearing the presence of witnesses, the master called him one day into a bungalow at the bottom of his garden, at some distance from the house. "Now," said he as he shut the door and put the key into his pocket, "you'll complain to Sir Henry Gwillam, will you? There is nobody near to bear witness to what you may say, and, with the blessing of God, I'll give it you well."—"Massa sure nobody near?" asked the Indian.—"Yes, yes, I've taken good care of that."—"Then I give massa one good beating." And forthwith the maty-boy proceeded to put his threat into execution, till the master, being the weaker of the two, was compelled to cry mercy; which being at length granted, and the door opened with at least as much alacrity as it was closed, Maotoo decamped without beat of drum, never to appear again.—Twelve Years' Military Adventures, &c.

THE GATHERER

A snapper up of unconsidered trifles.SHAKSPEARE.

MEMENTO MORI

Inscribed on a Tombstone.

When you look on my grave,And behold how they wave,The cypress, the yew, and the willow,You think 'tis the breezeThat gives motion to these—'Tis the laughter that's shaking my pillow.I must laugh when I seeA poor insect like theeDare to pity the fate thou must own;Let a few moments slide,We shall lie side by side,And crumble to dust, bone for bone.Go, weep thine own doom,Thou wert born for the tomb—Thou hast lived, like myself, but to die;Whilst thou pity'st my lot,Secure fool, thou'st forgotThou art no more immortal than I!H.B.A

TEA-DRINKING

While the late Mr. Gifford was at Ashburton, he contracted an acquaintance with a family of that place, consisting of females somewhat advanced in age. On one occasion he ventured on the perilous exploit of drinking tea with these elderly ladies. After having swallowed his usual allowance of tea, he found, in spite of his remonstrances to the contrary, that his hostess would by no means suffer him to give up, but persisted in making him drink a most incredible quantity. "At last," said Gifford in telling the story, "being really overflooded with tea, I put down my fourteenth cup, and exclaimed, with an air of resolution, 'I neither can nor will drink any more.' The hostess then seeing she had forced more down my throat than I liked, began to apologize, and added, 'but, dear Mr. Gifford, as you didn't put your spoon across your cup, I supposed your refusals were nothing but good manners.'"

PRECEDENCE

An anecdote is told of a captain in the service, since dead, that whilst carrying out a British ambassador to his station abroad, a quarrel arose on the subject of precedency. High words were exchanged between them on the quarter-deck, when, at length, the ambassador, thinking to silence the captain, exclaimed, "Recollect, sir, I am the representative of his majesty!" "Then, sir," retorted the captain, "recollect that here I am more than majesty itself. Can the king seize a fellow up and give him three dozen?" Further argument was useless—the diplomatist struck.

MARCEL

A lady who had been a pupil of this distinguished professor of dancing, and remained subsequently his steady and zealous friend, succeeded in obtaining for him from the government a pension for life. In her great joy at having such a boon to put into his possession, she advanced to him—the certificate in her hand—with a hurried and anxious step; when M. Marcel, shocked at the style of presentation, struck the paper out of her hand, demanding if she had forgotten his instructions? The lady immediately picked it up, and presented it with due form and grace; on which the accomplished Marcel, the enthusiastic professor of his art, respectfully kissed her hand, and with a profound bow exclaimed, "Now I know my own pupil!"

ACROSTIC

Ccould angel's voice, or poet's lays,Attune my votice song to praiseResistless then I'd touch the lyre,Or chant her praise, whom all admire.Let candour, dearest maid, excuse;Iclaim no kindred to the muse,Nor can a lowly song or mineExpress the worth of Caroline.A.C.

"JACK OF BOTH SIDES."

This proverb is derived from the Greek, and applied to Theramenes, who was at first a mighty stickler for the thirty tyrants' authority: but when they began to abuse it by defending such outrageous practices, no man more violently opposed it than he; and this (says Potter) got him the nick-name of "Jack of both sides," from Cothurnus, which was a kind of shoe that fitted both feet. P.T.W.

PLAY OF "CAESAR IN EGYPT."

When the pack'd audience from their posts retir'd,And Julius in a general hiss expir'd,Sage Booth to Cibber cried, "Compute your gains;These Egypt dogs, and their old dowdy queens,But ill requite these habits and these scenes!To rob Corneille for such a motley piece—His geese were swans, but, zounds, thy swans are geese."Rubbing his firm, invulnerable brow,The bard replied, "The critics must allow,"'Twas ne'er in Caesar's destiny to run."Wils bow'd, and bless'd the gay, pacific pun.Mist's Journal, 1724

FRIENDSHIP AND LOVE

Friendship is like the cobbler's tye,That binds two soles in unity;But love is like the cobbler's awl,That pierces through the soul and all.W.J

Why is St. Giles's clock like a pelisse, and unlike a cloak?—Because it shows the figure without confining the hands.

"STRICTOR."

CORPORATION LEARNING

The mayor of a country town, conceiving that the word clause was in the plural number, would often talk of a claw in an act of parliament.

A HUNDRED POUND NOTE

The following pathetic soliloquy was found written on the back of a hundred pound note of the National Bank, which passed through our hands lately, and we are sorry we can now add our sympathies to those of our poet on the transitory nature of those sublunary enjoyments:—

"A little while ye hae been mine;Nae langer can I keep ye;I fear ye'll ne'er be mine again,Nor any ither like ye."Edinburgh Paper

FRENCH.– ENGLISH

At Boulogne

"NOTICE to Informe the gentries: Find Dogs and some to be sold."

At Paris

"M. Boursier, mershant, has the honour to give account at the English and strangers, gentlemen and livings from East Indies, that he takes charge of all species of goods or ventures, and all commissions. Like all kinds of spices and fine eating things: keep likewise a general staple of French and strangers wines, the all in confidence, and the most reasonable prices."

At Boulogne

"Bed and table linen, plate, knives, and forks, also donkies to let. Mangling done here."

In the church al Calais"Tronc pour les pauvres de L'hôpital.""Trunk for the poor hospitable."At DieppeFrench despair"Quand on a tout perdu et qu'on a plus déspoirOn prend l'devant sa chemise pour sa farie un mouchoir."

The above are all copied verbatim and literatim. J.G.R.

When a Grand Vizier is favourably deposed, that is, without banishing or putting him to death, it is signified to him by a messenger from the Sultan, who goes to his table, and wipes the ink out of his golden pen; this he understands as the sign of dismissal. W.G.C.

TIME

It is the remark of a sensible authoress, (Miss Hawkins,) that every day resembles a trunk which has to be filled; and when we fancy that we have packed it to the uttermost, we shall still find that by good management it might, and would, have held more.—Our quotation is from memory, but correct as to simile and substance; and we consider the remark not less striking than quaint. M.L.B.

1

See vol xi. p. 391—vol. xii. p. 70.