From Survival and Suffering Questions to Questions of Choice. Authors Transformational Method by Uliana Sunny

"Others do it better."

"I could never do that."

"Maybe this just isn't for me at all."

And gradually, these thoughts begin to control a person. A person stops acting and believing. She no longer dreams. And then she stops living.

I always say one simple thing: watch what you say. Watch the words you speak aloud. Many believe that words are just words. But I think differently. I am convinced that every word carries power. If it seems to you that no one hears your words, you are mistaken. You hear them yourself. Your mind hears every word. Your subconscious hears every word.

And if you believe that thoughts are material, then all the more must you understand how important it is what you think about and what you speak each day.

I believe that all our thoughts and words do not vanish without a trace. They transform. Thoughts become our inner state. They become our faith.

They become our decisions.

And our decisions, in turn, become our life. Therefore, begin with your thoughts. Begin with what you say to yourself.

Instead of:

"I won't succeed,"—

say:

"I can handle this."

Instead of:

"I lost,"—

say:

"I am learning."

Instead of:

"I am a failure,"—

say:

"I am someone moving toward her goal."

I often tell myself:

"I am a winner."

"My dreams will come true."

"The Lord has plans for me."

And these words give me the strength to keep moving forward, even when it is hard.

If you do not know where to begin changing your life, start with the simplest thing. You do not need to try to change absolutely everything at once; you do not need to wait for the ideal moment. Start with one small action. For example, as I once did, begin learning a foreign language.

Not because it is fashionable, but because any new knowledge expands your world. Every new word is already a step forward. And a new, beneficial habit is already a new version of you.

Or start writing. Take an ordinary notebook or notepad. And simply begin writing down your thoughts. Write honestly. As if you were talking to yourself. Do not think about anyone else reading it. Do not try to write beautifully. Write sincerely. Perhaps one day, you too will write a book.

When you put your truth on paper, you cast off the weight of past mistakes and other people's expectations from your shoulders.

I remember how wonderfully I could explain ways to solve the most intricate problems to students, yet for years I could not lead myself out of a personal dead end. Ultimately, I found myself with huge debts and a feeling of complete emptiness inside. I was not valued at work, and after my relationship ended, only an oppressive ache remained. I had to go through living at my own rock bottom and endure a true rebirth to realize: life's trials and hardships do not come to destroy us. On the contrary, they are precisely what knock illusions from under our feet, forcing us to seek new solutions, take risky steps, and lay the indestructible foundation of our inner home.

When a new opportunity opens before you, your psyche often switches on defense barriers and fear. We are frightened by the unknown; we close ourselves off and whisper to ourselves: "I'm not ready, I can't handle it." But you do not need to earn love or the right to success. You are already worthy of this simply by right of your existence. You do not need to become someone else to be happy. Inside you there is already a unique combination: tenderness and incredible strength, dreaminess and vivid practicality, courage and caution. This combination allows you to restore your wings after falls, to stand up again, and to walk your path with confidence.

Always remain in sensitive contact with your body. When you replace a living "I want" with a dry "I must" and betray your true desires, the body immediately reacts—the condition of your skin and hair changes, physical exhaustion or illnesses appear. These are not merely glitches, but direct signals from your temple that you are turning away from your path. Learn to listen to yourself and trust the space around you without a shadow of a doubt. When you fill your mind with faith rather than anxiety, speak words of support, and make choices from a pure heart, life begins to unfold toward you. Being yourself is not scary. It is beautiful, honest, and gives that very deep feeling when you can proudly say to yourself: "I am whole."

Just as it once happened to me.

When I started writing down my thoughts, I could not even imagine that one day they would turn into books that other people would read.

Everything great begins with the small. With one thought. With one decision.

Surround yourself with people who inspire you. People in whose presence you want to become better.

Get rid of informational garbage, of unnecessary noise. Stop letting everything and anything into your head. Today, thousands of information sources are fighting for your attention:

News. Social networks. Arguments. Conflicts. Other people's lives. But think about it.

How much of that time truly makes you happier? How much information helps you become stronger?

Very little.

Therefore, learn to protect your inner space. Concentrate first and foremost on yourself and your development. On your work, health, and goals. And, of course, on those closest to you. Because it is our loved ones who become our support during the hardest periods of life.

And one more thought in which I sincerely believe: not all of your thoughts need to be shared with those around you.

Some are worth entrusting only to proven people. And some—only to God.

There are conversations that take place in silence. There are prayers that only the Lord hears. And it is precisely after such conversations that an astonishing calm is born within a person. Because sometimes a person does not need advice. Sometimes they simply need to be heard. Even if only God hears them.

When you begin writing your thoughts in a notebook, be sure to write about your goals and desires. Do not be afraid to dream. Write down what seems too big or even impossible to you right now. Remember: your desires do not appear out of nowhere.

If a dream lives inside you, it means that somewhere within, a part of you already believes it is possible.

So many people limit themselves. They do not even allow themselves to want more.

Perhaps you also think:

"This isn't for me."

"Only other people get opportunities like that."

"I could never reach that level."

But who said you can't? Who decided that you, of all people, are not allowed? Why can one person change their life, while another writes themselves off in advance? The difference often lies in just one thing—in choice.

We do not choose the pain that enters our lives. But we can choose how to react to it. You can choose to remain in suffering, recalling the past every day, returning again and again to your mistakes, living in pain. Or you can choose to live. And it is this very choice that changes everything. What do you choose?

Do you know why I speak of choice so often?

Because many believe their lives are determined solely by circumstances.

They say:

"That's just my fate."

"I was simply unlucky."

"There's nothing I can change."

But that is not entirely true, dear woman.

Yes, there are situations in life we do not choose. You do not choose where you are born, your family, certain losses, the betrayal of other people, illnesses, and difficult periods. But you can always choose what to do next.

This is precisely where your real strength begins. Not when everything is going well for you. But when things are hard, yet you still choose to move forward.

If a fear of choosing appears in you, that is normal. What is more, it is a good sign. Because fear often appears right where growth begins.

Where you step out of your accustomed life. Where you become a new person.

You must not think:

"If I am afraid, it means I am not ready."

No.

Sometimes fear means you are standing right before something important. The main thing is not to let fear control your life. You need to look fear right in the eye. Not run away. Not pretend it does not exist.

Instead, admit:

"Yes, I am afraid."

"Yes, I am afraid of making a mistake."

"Yes, I am afraid it won't work out."

Yet despite this—I keep going. Because courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is acting despite fear.

I know this not merely from books.

I went through this myself. At that moment, my fear tried to convince me that it was too late to change anything, that this was my fate. But it was on that deep rock bottom that I made the primary choice—to take full responsibility for my life and step into the unknown, despite the sticky fear of making a mistake.

Your strength does not lie in turning your heart into an indestructible stone and closing yourself off from the world behind the heavy armor of control. For a long time, I confused survival with real life myself. Surviving means keeping everything under total control, not allowing anyone to touch your wounds. But true closeness and spiritual growth begin where you risk trusting, where you lower your shield and allow yourself to feel. Difficulties, failures, and pain came into my life not to break me, but to teach me how to turn this hard experience into a solid foundation beneath my feet. When you stop hiding from your own fears and honestly acknowledge your vulnerability, you gain real wings.

It took me years to learn simply to accept love and care without the habitual feeling that I instantly owed something in return. In the past, I was always on my guard, constantly waiting for a catch even in the happiest moments, because it seemed that if you expected a blow in advance, it would not take you by surprise. That was my old defense. But when a person came into my life who genuinely wanted to know the real me—not just a beautiful and strong woman, but that very girl from the village with her childhood resentments, fears, and past mistakes—I realized how important it was to open that locked door. I had to learn all over again how to relax, how to take off my familiar armor, and how to choose preserving warmth and closeness instead of the urge to prove I was right. Accepting care and love is also a profound art, one that requires immense trust in oneself and in God.

Sometimes, when things become hard for me or when the fear of taking a new step tightens my chest, I return in my mind to that little village where my story began. I see an old wooden house, a cold room, and that little girl sitting at a modest table over her notebooks. There is no running water in the house, it is freezing outside the window, and ahead lies nothing but the unknown. Yet inside this girl, a quiet but unquenchable fire of faith burned. She did not yet know anything about what trials and victories awaited her, but even then she was learning not to give up. I look at her and tell myself: if she was able to stand firm, walk through all the failures, and find the strength within herself to start life anew, then today you too can take this single important step.

Remember, dear woman: as long as you are breathing and your pulse is beating, it is never too late to rewrite your story. We cannot erase the mistakes of past years, we cannot re-choose our childhood, and we cannot undo the pain we have already lived through. But in your hands, the most important thing always remains—your choice today. You can spend years explaining your stagnation by past resentments and unfavorable circumstances, or right now you can take a deep breath, pull your shoulders back, and tell yourself: “Yes, that happened in my life, but I choose to go on.” You do not need to see the entire long road to the very end in order to step out of the dark. It is enough simply to take one small, resolute step toward the real you.

I went through this myself. I had a very hard and thorny path toward my goals. And at the first stage, I had fears too. The very same ones you might have right now.

I was afraid. I doubted. I thought about what would happen if I didn't succeed. But then I began working on myself: on my thoughts, my consciousness, and my attitude toward life.

And gradually I understood: fear does not disappear when we avoid it. It disappears when we stop running away from it.

I even had an unusual experience. At one point, my fear came to me in a dream.

I began having dreams in which it appeared. It was like a separate person. In my dream, it stood before me in the form of a man. It was my fear. At first, I was terribly afraid. Every such dream ended in severe tension and stress. I would wake up feeling as if I had truly lived through this encounter.

Sometimes after these dreams, I noticed gray hairs on my head. Two or three hairs after each such dream. It didn't happen every day, but the fear kept returning.

It came again and again. And do you know what was most interesting? My fear, which used to live in my real life, had seemingly crossed over into my dreams. There, in the dream, my mind continued to fight it.

And one day I thought:

“I don't want this anymore.”

“I don't want to be afraid even in my dreams.”

“I want to control this.”

And then I started doing what I had learned through working on myself. I began to control my state. I began to look my fear in the eye even in my dreams.

Can you imagine? In the dream, I realized this was my fear. And instead of running away, I looked it right in the eye. And one day, I simply gave it the middle finger. “Fuck off!”

I stopped perceiving it as something stronger than me. I stopped giving it power. And with each time, it grew weaker.

Here is what I want to tell you. If you submit to your fear, you yourself give it power over your life.

Fear says:

“You can't handle it.”

“Nothing will work out for you.”

“Stay right where you are.”

“Don't take risks.”

“Don't change anything.”

But you must answer:

“No.”

“I choose to move forward.”

“I choose to try.”

“I choose my life.”

Because if you choose fear every time, your life will stay the same. You will wake up at that very same point. With the very same thoughts, problems, and dreams that will remain merely dreams. Fear nothing and no one in this life.

Of course, this does not mean you should be reckless. It means you must not let fear stop you. No one and nothing should become the reason you give up on yourself. No one and nothing can make you suffer forever.

Yes, there are moments of sadness in life. And that is normal. Women especially have periods when they want to be a little sad, to be alone with themselves.

There is the pain of losing a loved one, disappointment, a breakup. There is a period when it feels as if the whole world is against you. But it is important to learn to let go.

You can give yourself time to feel the emotion. You can cry. You can acknowledge that you are hurting. But then you need to get up and keep going.

Because your life continues. And your future still depends on your decisions.

Suffering is a choice.

This is one of the most important thoughts I want to convey to you. You might disagree with me right now.

You might think:

“How can you say that suffering is a choice? After all, terrible things happen in life. People lose loved ones, endure illnesses, go through betrayal, divorces, financial hardships, the destruction of their plans.”

And yes, I agree. Life truly holds situations that cause us pain. We cannot control everything that happens around us. We cannot undo every hardship. We cannot ensure that losses will never occur.

But we can choose what to do after it has happened. And that is precisely where our strength lies.

Because pain is part of life. But remaining in suffering for years—that is already your choice.

If you want to suffer—choose to suffer.

I remember a time when my own strength seemed like my only reliable defense. Confronted early on with severe trials, when five painful blows struck me at once, I learned to make decisions quickly, to control everything around me, and to leave in time. I forged real armor, becoming “iron,” because I was used to relying only on myself. But over the years, I realized an important truth: the ability to survive and the ability to live are two completely different paths. Surviving is built on constant, total control, while a deep, authentic life is built on the ability to trust. Pain turns into valuable experience only when we stop using it as a shield against the outside world and ask ourselves what this lesson has taught us, instead of hiding behind old resentments and fears for years.

When I finally brought my past relationship to an end, I felt no burning regret for the lost time—only a quiet gratitude for everything beautiful we had experienced together. But inside, a desire to radically change everything was already ripening: I was planning to move to another country, with no idea how or where exactly I would go. And then life swept me up in a whirlwind of unexpected events. A chance acquaintance at an exhibition led to work at a major event, where almost simultaneously two men appeared in my life, along with courtships, dates, and endless confusion in my thoughts. I felt that familiar emptiness and disorientation again, wondering whether I should fly away or stay, choose someone or shut myself off from everyone. In that moment, I was losing my inner wholeness because, frantically trying to calculate the future, I had forgotten what mattered most. So I took a step back: I postponed my hasty departure, hired a real estate agent to rent out my apartment, tended to everyday practicalities with documents and bank cards, and simply allowed life to take its natural course without unnecessary strain.