The Soul of a Bishop

Whether an actual vision had made his conviction, or whether the conviction of his own subconscious mind had made the dream, seemed but a small matter beside the conviction that this was indeed the God he had desired and the God who must rule his life.

“The stuff? The stuff had little to do with it. It just cleared my head… I have seen. I have seen really. I know.”

(2)

For a long time as it seemed the bishop remained wrapped in clouds of luminous meditation. Dream or vision it did not matter; the essential thing was that he had made up his mind about God, he had found God. Moreover, he perceived that his theological perplexities had gone. God was higher and simpler and nearer than any theological God, than the God of the Three Creeds. Those creeds lay about in his mind now like garments flung aside, no trace nor suspicion of divinity sustained them any longer. And now – Now he would go out into the world.

The little Library of the Athenaeum has no visible door. He went to the book-masked entrance in the corner, and felt among the bookshelves for the hidden latch. Then he paused, held by a curious thought. What exactly was the intention of that symbolical struggle with his sash and gaiters, and why had they impeded his pursuit of God?

To what particularly significant action was he going out?

The Three Creeds were like garments flung aside. But he was still wearing the uniform of a priest in the service of those three creeds.

After a long interval he walked into the big reading-room. He ordered some tea and dry toast and butter, and sat down very thoughtfully in a corner. He was still sitting and thinking at half-past eight.

It may seem strange to the reader that this bishop who had been doubting and criticizing the church and his system of beliefs for four long years had never before faced the possibility of a severance from his ecclesiastical dignity. But he had grown up in the church, his life had been so entirely clerical and Anglican, that the widest separation he had hitherto been able to imagine from this past had left him still a bishop, heretical perhaps, innovating in the broadening of beliefs and the liberalizing of practice, defensive even as Chasters was defensive, but still with the palace and his dignities, differing in opinion rather than in any tangible reality from his previous self. For a bishop, disbelief in the Church is a far profounder scepticism than mere disbelief in God. God is unseen, and in daily things unfelt; but the Church is with the predestined bishop always. His concept of the extremest possible departure from orthodoxy had been something that Chasters had phrased as “a restatement of Christ.” It was a new idea, an idea that had come with an immense effect of severance and novelty, that God could be other than the God of the Creed, could present himself to the imagination as a figure totally unlike the white, gentle, and compromising Redeemer of an Anglican’s thought. That the bishop should treat the whole teaching of the church and the church itself as wrong, was an idea so new that it fell upon him now like a thunderbolt out of a cloudless sky. But here, clear in his mind now, was a feeling, amounting to conviction, that it was the purpose and gesture of the true God that he should come right out of the church and all his professions.

And in the first glow of his vision he felt this gesture imperative. He must step right out… Whither? how? And when?

To begin with it seemed to him that an immediate renunciation was demanded. But it was a momentous step. He wanted to think. And to go on thinking. Rather than to act precipitately. Although the imperative seemed absolute, some delaying and arresting instinct insisted that he must “think” If he went back to Princhester, the everyday duties of his position would confront him at once with an effect of a definite challenge. He decided to take one of the Reform club bedrooms for two or three days, and wire to Princhester that he was “unavoidably delayed in town,” without further explanations. Then perhaps this inhibitory force would give way.

It did not, however, give way. His mind sat down for two days in a blank amazement at the course before him, and at the end of that time this reasonless and formless institution was as strong as ever. During that time, except for some incidental exchanges at his clubs, he talked to no one. At first he did not want to talk to any one. He remained mentally and practically active, with a still intensely vivid sense that God, the true God, stood watching him and waiting for him to follow. And to follow meant slipping right out of all the world he had ever known. To thrust his foot right over the edge of a cliff would scarcely have demanded more from the bishop’s store of resolution. He stood on the very verge. The chief secretion of his mind was a shadowy experiment or so in explanation of why he did not follow.

(3)

Insensibly the extreme vividness of his sense of God’s nearness decreased. But he still retained a persuasion of the reality of an immediate listener waiting, and of the need of satisfying him.

On the third day he found his mind still further changed. He no longer felt that God was in Pall Mall or St. James’s Park, whither he resorted to walk and muse. He felt now that God was somewhere about the horizon…

He felt too no longer that he thought straight into the mind of God. He thought now of what he would presently say to God. He turned over and rehearsed phrases. With that came a desire to try them first on some other hearer. And from that to the attentive head of Lady Sunderbund, prettily bent towards him, was no great leap. She would understand, if any one could understand, the great change that had happened in his mind.

He found her address in the telephone book. She could be quite alone to him if he wouldn’t mind “just me.” It was, he said, exactly what he desired.

But when he got to her great airy flat overlooking Hyde Park, with its Omega Workshop furniture and its arresting decoration, he was not so sure whether this encounter was so exactly the thing he had desired as he had supposed.

The world had become opaque and real again as he walked up St. James’s Street and past the Ritz. He had a feeling that he was taking an afternoon off from God. The adventurous modernity of the room in which he waited intensified that. One whole white wall was devoted to a small picture by Wyndham Lewis. It was like a picture of an earthquake in a city of aniline pink and grey and keen green cardboard, and he wished it had never existed.

He turned his back upon it and stared out of the window over the trees and greenery. The balcony was decorated with white and pink geraniums in pots painted black and gold, and the railings of the balcony were black and gold with crimson shape like squares wildly out of drawing.

Lady Sunderbund kept him waiting perhaps five minutes. Then she came sailing in to him.

She was dressed in a way and moved across the room in a way that was more reminiscent of Botticelli’s Spring than ever – only with a kind of superadded stiffish polonaise of lace – and he did not want to be reminded of Botticelli’s Spring or wonder why she had taken to stiff lace polonaises. He did not enquire whether he had met Lady Sunderbund to better advantage at Mrs. Garstein Fellows’ or whether his memory had overrated her or whether anything had happened to his standard of taste, but his feeling now was decidedly one of disappointment, and all the talk and self-examination he had promised himself seemed to wither and hide away within him. For a time he talked of her view, and then admired her room and its arrangement, which he thought really were quite unbecomingly flippant and undignified for a room. Then came the black tea-things on their orange tray, and he searched in his mind for small talk to sustain their interview.

But he had already betrayed his disposition to “go on with our talk” in his telephone enquiry, and Lady Sunderbund, perceiving his shyness, began to make openings for him, at first just little hinting openings, and then larger and larger ones, until at last one got him.

“I’m so glad,” she said, “to see you again. I’m so glad to go on with our talk. I’ve thought about it and thought about it.”

She beamed at him happily.

“I’ve thought ova ev’y wo’d you said,” she went on, when she had finished conveying her pretty bliss to him. “I’ve been so helped by thinking the k’eeds are symbols. And all you said. And I’ve felt time after time, you couldn’t stay whe’ you we’. That what you we’ saying to me, would have to be said ‘ight out.”

That brought him in. He could not very well evade that opening without incivility. After all he had asked to see her, and it was a foolish thing to let little decorative accidentals put him off his friendly purpose. A woman may have flower-pots painted gold with black checkers and still be deeply understanding. He determined to tell her what was in his mind. But he found something barred him from telling that he had had an actual vision of God. It was as if that had been a private and confidential meeting. It wasn’t, he felt, for him either to boast a privilege or tell others of things that God had not chosen to show them.

“Since I saw you,” he said, “I have thought a great deal – of the subject of our conversation.”

“I have been t’ying to think,” she said in a confirmatory tone, as if she had co-operated.

“My faith in God grows,” he said.

She glowed. Her lips fell apart. She flamed attention.

“But it grows less like the faith of the church, less and less. I was born and trained in Anglicanism, and it is with a sort of astonishment I find myself passing now out of every sort of Catholicism – seeing it from the outside…”

“Just as one might see Buddhism,” she supplied.

“And yet feeling nearer, infinitely nearer to God,” he said.

“Yes,” she panted; “yes.”

“I thought if one went out, one went out just to doubt and darkness.”

“And you don’t?”

“No.”

“You have gone at one step to a new ‘iligion!”

He stared for a moment at the phrase.

“To religion,” he said.

“It is so wondyful,” she said, with her hands straight down upon the couch upon which she was sitting, and leaning forward at him, so as to seem almost as much out of drawing as a modern picture.

“It seems,” he reflected; “ – as if it were a natural thing.”

She came back to earth very slowly. She turned to the tea-things with hushed and solemn movements as though she administered a ceremony of peculiar significance. The bishop too rose slowly out of the profundity of his confession. “No sugar please,” he said, arresting the lump in mid air.

It was only when they were embarked upon cups of tea and had a little refreshed themselves, that she carried the talk further.

“Does it mean that you must leave the church?” she asked.

“It seemed so at first,” he said. “But now I do not know. I do not know what I ought to do.”

She awaited his next thought.

“It is as if one had lived in a room all one’s life and thought it the world – and then suddenly walked out through a door and discovered the sea and the mountains and stars. So it was with me and the Anglican Church. It seems so extraordinary now – and it would have seemed the most natural thing a year ago – to think that I ever believed that the Anglican Compromise was the final truth of religion, that nothing more until the end of the world could ever be known that Cosmo Gordon Lang did not know, that there could be no conception of God and his quality that Randall Davidson did not possess.”

He paused.

“I did,” he said.

“I did,” she responded with round blue eyes of wonder.

“At the utmost the Church of England is a tabernacle on a road.”

“A ‘oad that goes whe’?” she rhetorized.

“Exactly,” said the bishop, and put down his cup.

“You see, my dear Lady Sunderbund,” he resumed, “I am exactly in the same position of that man at the door.”

She quoted aptly and softly: “The wo’ld was all befo’ them whe’ to choose.”

He was struck by the aptness of the words.

“I feel I have to come right out into the bare truth. What exactly then do I become? Do I lose my priestly function because I discover how great God is? But what am I to do?”

He opened a new layer of his thoughts to her.

“There is a saying,” he remarked, “once a priest, always a priest. I cannot imagine myself as other than what I am.”

“But o’thodox no maw,” she said.

“Orthodox – self-satisfied, no longer. A priest who seeks, an exploring priest.”

“In a Chu’ch of P’og’ess and B’othe’hood,” she carried him on.

“At any rate, in a progressive and learning church.”

She flashed and glowed assent.

“I have been haunted,” he said, “by those words spoken at Athens. ‘Whom therefore ye ignorantly worship, Him declare I unto you.’ That comes to me with an effect of – guidance is an old-fashioned word – shall I say suggestion? To stand by the altar bearing strange names and ancient symbols, speaking plainly to all mankind of the one true God – !”

(4)

He did not get much beyond this point at the time, though he remained talking with Lady Sunderbund for nearly an hour longer. The rest was merely a beating out of what had already been said. But insensibly she renewed her original charm, and as he became accustomed to her he forgot a certain artificiality in her manner and the extreme modernity of her costume and furniture. She was a wonderful listener; nobody else could have helped him to expression in quite the same way, and when he left her he felt that now he was capable of stating his case in a coherent and acceptable form to almost any intelligent hearer. He had a point of view now that was no longer embarrassed by the immediate golden presence of God; he was no longer dazzled nor ecstatic; his problem had diminished to the scale of any other great human problem, to the scale of political problems and problems of integrity and moral principle, problems about which there is no such urgency as there is about a house on fire, for example.

And now the desire for expression was running strong. He wanted to state his situation; if he did not state he would have to act; and as he walked back to the club dinner he turned over possible interlocutors in his thoughts. Lord Rampound sat with him at dinner, and he came near broaching the subject with him. But Lord Rampound that evening had that morbid running of bluish legal anecdotes which is so common an affliction with lawyers, and theology sinks and dies in that turbid stream.

But as he lay in bed that night he thought of his old friend and helper Bishop Likeman, and it was borne in upon him that he should consult him. And this he did next day.

Since the days when the bishop had been only plain Mr. Scrope, the youngest and most helpful of Likeman’s historical band of curates, their friendship had continued. Likeman had been a second father to him; in particular his tact and helpfulness had shone during those days of doubt and anxiety when dear old Queen Victoria, God’s representative on earth, had obstinately refused, at the eleventh hour, to make him a bishop. She had those pigheaded fits, and she was touchy about the bishops. She had liked Scrope on account of the excellence of his German pronunciation, but she had been irritated by newspaper paragraphs – nobody could ever find out who wrote them and nobody could ever find out who showed them to the old lady – anticipating his elevation. She had gone very red in the face and stiffened in the Guelphic manner whenever Scrope was mentioned, and so a rich harvest of spiritual life had remained untilled for some months. Likeman had brought her round.

It seemed arguable that Scrope owed some explanation to Likeman before he came to any open breach with the Establishment.

He found Likeman perceptibly older and more shrivelled on account of the war, but still as sweet and lucid and subtle as ever. His voice sounded more than ever like a kind old woman’s.

He sat buried in his cushions – for “nowadays I must save every scrap of vitality” – and for a time contented himself with drawing out his visitor’s story.

Of course, one does not talk to Likeman of visions or intuitions. “I am disturbed, I find myself getting out of touch;” that was the bishop’s tone.

Occasionally Likeman nodded slowly, as a physician might do at the recital of familiar symptoms. “Yes,” he said, “I have been through most of this… A little different in the inessentials… How clear you are!”

“You leave our stupid old Trinities – as I left them long ago,” said old Likeman, with his lean hand feeling and clawing at the arm of his chair.

“But – !”

The old man raised his hand and dropped it. “You go away from it all – straight as a line. I did. You take the wings of the morning and fly to the uttermost parts of the earth. And there you find – ”

He held up a lean finger, and inclined it to tick off each point.

“Fate – which is God the Father, the Power of the Heart, which is God the Son, and that Light which comes in upon us from the inaccessible Godhead, which is God the Holy Spirit.”

“But I know of no God the Holy Spirit, and Fate is not God at all. I saw in my vision one sole God, uncrucified, militant – conquering and to conquer.”

Old Likeman stared. “You saw!”

The Bishop of Princhester had not meant to go so far. But he stuck to his words. “As if I saw with my eyes. A God of light and courage.”

“You have had visions, Scrope?”

“I seemed to see.”

“No, you have just been dreaming dreams.”

“But why should one not see?”

“See! The things of the spirit. These symbols as realities! These metaphors as men walking!”

“You talk like an agnostic.”

“We are all agnostics. Our creeds are expressions of ourselves and our attitude and relationship to the unknown. The triune God is just the form of our need and disposition. I have always assumed that you took that for granted. Who has ever really seen or heard or felt God? God is neither of the senses nor of the mind; he is of the soul. You are realistic, you are materialistic…”

His voice expostulated.

The Bishop of Princhester reflected. The vision of God was far off among his memories now, and difficult to recall. But he said at last: “I believe there is a God and that he is as real a person as you or I. And he is not the theological God we set out before the world.”

“Personification,” said Likeman. “In the eighteenth century they used to draw beautiful female figures as Science and Mathematics. Young men have loved Science – and Freedom – as Pygmalion loved Galatea. Have it so if you will. Have a visible person for your Deity. But let me keep up my – spirituality.”

“Your spirituality seems as thin as a mist. Do you really believe – anything?”

“Everything!” said Likeman emphatically, sitting up with a transitory vigour. “Everything we two have ever professed together. I believe that the creeds of my church do express all that can possibly be expressed in the relationship of – That” – he made a comprehensive gesture with a twist of his hand upon its wrist – “to the human soul. I believe that they express it as well as the human mind can express it. Where they seem to be contradictory or absurd, it is merely that the mystery is paradoxical. I believe that the story of the Fall and of the Redemption is a complete symbol, that to add to it or to subtract from it or to alter it is to diminish its truth; if it seems incredible at this point or that, then simply I admit my own mental defect. And I believe in our Church, Scrope, as the embodied truth of religion, the divine instrument in human affairs. I believe in the security of its tradition, in the complete and entire soundness of its teaching, in its essential authority and divinity.”

He paused, and put his head a little on one side and smiled sweetly. “And now can you say I do not believe?”

“But the historical Christ, the man Jesus?”

“A life may be a metaphor. Why not? Yes, I believe it all. All.”

The Bishop of Princhester was staggered by this complete acceptance. “I see you believe all you profess,” he said, and remained for a moment or so rallying his forces.

“Your vision – if it was a vision – I put it to you, was just some single aspect of divinity,” said Likeman. “We make a mistake in supposing that Heresy has no truth in it. Most heresies are only a disproportionate apprehension of some essential truth. Most heretics are men who have suddenly caught a glimpse through the veil of some particular verity… They are dazzled by that aspect. All the rest has vanished… They are obsessed. You are obsessed clearly by this discovery of the militancy of God. God the Son – as Hero. And you want to go out to the simple worship of that one aspect. You want to go out to a Dissenter’s tent in the wilderness, instead of staying in the Great Temple of the Ages.”

Was that true?

For some moments it sounded true.

The Bishop of Princhester sat frowning and looking at that. Very far away was the vision now of that golden Captain who bade him come. Then at a thought the bishop smiled.

“The Great Temple of the Ages,” he repeated. “But do you remember the trouble we had when the little old Queen was so pigheaded?”

“Oh! I remember, I remember,” said Likeman, smiling with unshaken confidence. “Why not?”

“For sixty years all we bishops in what you call the Great Temple of the Ages, were appointed and bullied and kept in our places by that pink irascible bit of dignity. I remember how at the time I didn’t dare betray my boiling indignation even to you – I scarcely dared admit it to myself…”

He paused.

“It doesn’t matter at all,” and old Likeman waved it aside.

“Not at all,” he confirmed, waving again.

“I spoke of the whole church of Christ on earth,” he went on. “These things, these Victorias and Edwards and so on, are temporary accidents – just as the severance of an Anglican from a Roman communion and a Greek orthodox communion are temporary accidents. You will remark that wise men in all ages have been able to surmount the difficulty of these things. Why? Because they knew that in spite of all these splits and irregularities and defacements – like the cracks and crannies and lichens on a cathedral wall – the building held good, that it was shelter and security. There is no other shelter and security. And so I come to your problem. Suppose it is true that you have this incidental vision of the militant aspect of God, and he isn’t, as you see him now that is, – he isn’t like the Trinity, he isn’t like the Creed, he doesn’t seem to be related to the Church, then comes the question, are you going out for that? And whither do you go if you do go out? The Church remains. We alter doctrines not by changing the words but by shifting the accent. We can under-accentuate below the threshold of consciousness.”

“But can we?”

“We do. Where’s Hell now? Eighty years ago it warmed the whole Church. It was – as some atheist or other put it the other day – the central heating of the soul. But never mind that point now. Consider the essential question, the question of breaking with the church. Ask yourself, whither would you go? To become an oddity! A Dissenter. A Negative. Self emasculated. The spirit that denies. You would just go out. You would just cease to serve Religion. That would be all. You wouldn’t do anything. The Church would go on; everything else would go on. Only you would be lost in the outer wilderness.

“But then – ”

Old Likeman leant forward and pointed a bony finger. “Stay in the Church and modify it. Bring this new light of yours to the altar.”

There was a little pause.

“No man,” the bishop thought aloud, “putteth new wine into old bottles.”

Old Likeman began to speak and had a fit of coughing. “Some of these texts – whuff, whuff – like a conjuror’s hat – whuff – make ‘em – fit anything.”

A man-servant appeared and handed a silver box of lozenges into which the old bishop dipped with a trembling hand.

“Tricks of that sort,” he said, “won’t do, Scrope – among professionals.

“And besides,” he was inspired; “true religion is old wine – as old as the soul.

“You are a bishop in the Church of Christ on Earth,” he summed it up. “And you want to become a detached and wandering Ancient Mariner from your shipwreck of faith with something to explain – that nobody wants to hear. You are going out I suppose you have means?”

The old man awaited the answer to his abrupt enquiry with a handful of lozenges.