The Soul of a Bishop

At first there was little or no doubt of his own faith. He was still altogether convinced that he had to confess and proclaim God in his life. He was as sure that God was the necessary king and saviour of mankind and of a man’s life, as he was of the truth of the Binomial Theorem. But what began first to fade was the idea that he had been specially called to proclaim the True God to all the world. He would have the most amiable conference with Lady Sunderbund, and then as he walked back to Notting Hill he would suddenly find stuck into his mind like a challenge, Heaven knows how: “Another prophet?” Even if he succeeded in this mission enterprise, he found himself asking, what would he be but just a little West-end Mahomet? He would have founded another sect, and we have to make an end to all sects. How is there to be an end to sects, if there are still to be chapels – richly decorated chapels – and congregations, and salaried specialists in God?

That was a very disconcerting idea. It was particularly active at night. He did his best to consider it with a cool detachment, regardless of the facts that his private income was just under three hundred pounds a year, and that his experiments in cultured journalism made it extremely improbable that the most sedulous literary work would do more than double this scanty sum. Yet for all that these nasty, ugly, sordid facts were entirely disregarded, they did somehow persist in coming in and squatting down, shapeless in a black corner of his mind – from which their eyes shone out, so to speak – whenever his doubt whether he ought to set up as a prophet at all was under consideration.

(6)

Then very suddenly on this October afternoon the situation had come to a crisis.

He had gone to Lady Sunderbund’s flat to see the plans and drawings for the new church in which he was to give his message to the world. They had brought home to him the complete realization of Lady Sunderbund’s impossibility. He had attempted upon the spur of the moment an explanation of just how much they differed, and he had precipitated a storm of extravagantly perplexing emotions…

She kept him waiting for perhaps ten minutes before she brought the plans to him. He waited in the little room with the Wyndham Lewis picture that opened upon the balcony painted with crazy squares of livid pink. On a golden table by the window a number of recently bought books were lying, and he went and stood over these, taking them up one after another. The first was “The Countess of Huntingdon and Her Circle,” that bearder of lightminded archbishops, that formidable harbourer of Wesleyan chaplains. For some minutes he studied the grim portrait of this inspired lady standing with one foot ostentatiously on her coronet and then turned to the next volume. This was a life of Saint Teresa, that energetic organizer of Spanish nunneries. The third dealt with Madame Guyon. It was difficult not to feel that Lady Sunderbund was reading for a part.

She entered.

She was wearing a long simple dress of spangled white with a very high waist; she had a bracelet of green jade, a waistband of green silk, and her hair was held by a wreath of artificial laurel, very stiff and green. Her arms were full of big rolls of cartridge paper and tracing paper. “I’m so pleased,” she said. “It’s ‘eady at last and I can show you.”

She banged the whole armful down upon a vivid little table of inlaid black and white wood. He rescued one or two rolls and a sheet of tracing paper from the floor.

“It’s the Temple,” she panted in a significant whisper. “It’s the Temple of the One T’ue God!”

She scrabbled among the papers, and held up the elevation of a strange square building to his startled eyes. “Iszi’t it just pe’fect?” she demanded.

He took the drawing from her. It represented a building, manifestly an enormous building, consisting largely of two great, deeply fluted towers flanking a vast archway approached by a long flight of steps. Between the towers appeared a dome. It was as if the Mosque of Saint Sophia had produced this offspring in a mesalliance with the cathedral of Wells. Its enormity was made manifest by the minuteness of the large automobiles that were driving away in the foreground after “setting down.” “Here is the plan,” she said, thrusting another sheet upon him before he could fully take in the quality of the design. “The g’eat Hall is to be pe’fectly ‘ound, no aisle, no altar, and in lettas of sapphiah, ‘God is ev’ywhe’.’”

She added with a note of solemnity, “It will hold th’ee thousand people sitting down.”

“But – !” said Scrope.

“The’e’s a sort of g’andeur,” she said. “It’s young Venable’s wo’k. It’s his fl’st g’ate oppo’tunity.”

“But – is this to go on that little site in Aldwych?”

“He says the’ isn’t ‘oom the’!” she explained. “He wants to put it out at Golda’s G’een.”

“But – if it is to be this little simple chapel we proposed, then wasn’t our idea to be central?”

“But if the’ isn’t ‘oem!” she said – conclusively. “And isn’t this – isn’t it rather a costly undertaking, rather more costly – ”

“That doesn’t matta. I’m making heaps and heaps of money. Half my p’ope’ty is in shipping and a lot of the ‘eat in munitions. I’m ‘icher than eva. Isn’t the’ a sort of g’andeur?” she pressed.

He put the elevation down. He took the plan from her hands and seemed to study it. But he was really staring blankly at the whole situation.

“Lady Sunderbund,” he said at last, with an effort, “I am afraid all this won’t do.”

“Won’t do!”

“No. It isn’t in the spirit of my intention. It isn’t in a great building of this sort – so – so ornate and imposing, that the simple gospel of God’s Universal Kingdom can be preached.”

“But oughtn’t so gate a message to have as g’ate a pulpit?”

And then as if she would seize him before he could go on to further repudiations, she sought hastily among the drawings again.

“But look,” she said. “It has ev’ything! It’s not only a p’eaching place; it’s a headquarters for ev’ything.”

With the rapid movements of an excited child she began to thrust the remarkable features and merits of the great project upon him. The preaching dome was only the heart of it. There were to be a library, “‘efecto’ies,” consultation rooms, classrooms, a publication department, a big underground printing establishment. “Nowadays,” she said, “ev’y gate movement must p’int.” There was to be music, she said, “a gate invisible o’gan,” hidden amidst the architectural details, and pouring out its sounds into the dome, and then she glanced in passing at possible “p’ocessions” round the preaching dome. This preaching dome was not a mere shut-in drum for spiritual reverberations, around it ran great open corridors, and in these corridors there were to be “chapels.”

“But what for?” he asked, stemming the torrent. “What need is there for chapels? There are to be no altars, no masses, no sacraments?”

“No,” she said, “but they are to be chapels for special int’ests; a chapel for science, a chapel for healing, a chapel for gov’ment. Places for peoples to sit and think about those things – with paintings and symbols.”

“I see your intention,” he admitted. “I see your intention.”

“The’ is to be a gate da’k blue ‘ound chapel for sta’s and atoms and the myst’ry of matta.” Her voice grew solemn. “All still and deep and high. Like a k’ystal in a da’k place. You will go down steps to it. Th’ough a da’k ‘ounded a’ch ma’ked with mathematical symbols and balances and scientific app’atus… And the ve’y next to it, the ve’y next, is to be a little b’ight chapel for bi’ds and flowas!”

“Yes,” he said, “it is all very fine and expressive. It is, I see, a symbolical building, a great artistic possibility. But is it the place for me? What I have to say is something very simple, that God is the king of the whole world, king of the ha’penny newspaper and the omnibus and the vulgar everyday things, and that they have to worship him and serve him as their leader in every moment of their lives. This isn’t that. This is the old religions over again. This is taking God apart. This is putting him into a fresh casket instead of the old one. And… I don’t like it.”

“Don’t like it,” she cried, and stood apart from him with her chin in the air, a tall astonishment and dismay.

“I can’t do the work I want to do with this.”

“But – Isn’t it you’ idea?”

“No. It is not in the least my idea. I want to tell the whole world of the one God that can alone unite it and save it – and you make this extravagant toy.”

He felt as if he had struck her directly he uttered that last word.

“Toy!” she echoed, taking it in, “you call it a Toy!”

A note in her voice reminded him that there were two people who might feel strongly in this affair.

“My dear Lady Sunderbund,” he said with a sudden change of manner, “I must needs follow the light of my own mind. I have had a vision of God, I have seen him as a great leader towering over the little lives of men, demanding the little lives of men, prepared to take them and guide them to the salvation of mankind and the conquest of pain and death. I have seen him as the God of the human affair, a God of politics, a God of such muddy and bloody wars as this war, a God of economics, a God of railway junctions and clinics and factories and evening schools, a God in fact of men. This God – this God here, that you want to worship, is a God of artists and poets – of elegant poets, a God of bric-a-brac, a God of choice allusions. Oh, it has its grandeur! I don’t want you to think that what you are doing may not be altogether fine and right for you to do. But it is not what I have to do… I cannot – indeed I cannot – go on with this project – upon these lines.”

He paused, flushed and breathless. Lady Sunderbund had heard him to the end. Her bright face was brightly flushed, and there were tears in her eyes. It was like her that they should seem tears of the largest, most expensive sort, tears of the first water.

“But,” she cried, and her red delicate mouth went awry with dismay and disappointment, and her expression was the half incredulous expression of a child suddenly and cruelly disappointed: “You won’t go on with all this?”

“No,” he said. “My dear Lady Sunderbund – ”

“Oh! don’t Lady Sunderbund me!” she cried with a novel rudeness. “Don’t you see I’ve done it all for you?”

He winced and felt boorish. He had never liked and disapproved of Lady Sunderbund so much as he did at that moment. And he had no words for her.

“How can I stop it all at once like this?”

And still he had no answer.

She pursued her advantage. “What am I to do?” she cried.

She turned upon him passionately. “Look what you’ve done!” She marked her points with finger upheld, and gave odd suggestions in her face of an angry coster girl. “Eva’ since I met you, I’ve wo’shipped you. I’ve been ‘eady to follow you anywhe’ – to do anything. Eva’ since that night when you sat so calm and dignified, and they baited you and wo’id you. When they we’ all vain and cleva, and you – you thought only of God and ‘iligion and didn’t mind fo’ you’self… Up to then – I’d been living – oh! the emptiest life…”

The tears ran. “Pe’haps I shall live it again…” She dashed her grief away with a hand beringed with stones as big as beetles.

“I said to myself, this man knows something I don’t know. He’s got the seeds of ete’nal life su’ely. I made up my mind then and the’ I’d follow you and back you and do all I could fo’ you. I’ve lived fo’ you. Eve’ since. Lived fo’ you. And now when all my little plans are ‘ipe, you – ! Oh!”

She made a quaint little gesture with pink fists upraised, and then stood with her hand held up, staring at the plans and drawings that were littered over the inlaid table. “I’ve planned and planned. I said, I will build him a temple. I will be his temple se’vant… Just a me’ se’vant…”

She could not go on.

“But it is just these temples that have confused mankind,” he said.

“Not my temple,” she said presently, now openly weeping over the gay rejected drawings. “You could have explained…”

“Oh!” she said petulantly, and thrust them away from her so that they went sliding one after the other on to the floor. For some long-drawn moments there was no sound in the room but the slowly accelerated slide and flop of one sheet of cartridge paper after another.

“We could have been so happy,” she wailed, “se’ving oua God.”

And then this disconcerting lady did a still more disconcerting thing. She staggered a step towards Scrape, seized the lapels of his coat, bowed her head upon his shoulder, put her black hair against his cheek, and began sobbing and weeping.

“My dear lady!” he expostulated, trying weakly to disengage her.

“Let me k’y,” she insisted, gripping more resolutely, and following his backward pace. “You must let me k’y. You must let me k’y.”

His resistance ceased. One hand supported her, the other patted her shining hair. “My dear child!” he said. “My dear child! I had no idea. That you would take it like this…”

(7)

That was but the opening of an enormous interview. Presently he had contrived in a helpful and sympathetic manner to seat the unhappy lady on a sofa, and when after some cramped discourse she stood up before him, wiping her eyes with a wet wonder of lace, to deliver herself the better, a newborn appreciation of the tactics of the situation made him walk to the other side of the table under colour of picking up a drawing.

In the retrospect he tried to disentangle the threads of a discussion that went to and fro and contradicted itself and began again far back among things that had seemed forgotten and disposed of. Lady Sunderbund’s mind was extravagantly untrained, a wild-grown mental thicket. At times she reproached him as if he were a heartless God; at times she talked as if he were a recalcitrant servant. Her mingling of utter devotion and the completest disregard for his thoughts and wishes dazzled and distressed his mind. It was clear that for half a year her clear, bold, absurd will had been crystallized upon the idea of giving him exactly what she wanted him to want. The crystal sphere of those ambitions lay now shattered between them.

She was trying to reconstruct it before his eyes.

She was, she declared, prepared to alter her plans in any way that would meet his wishes. She had not understood. “If it is a Toy,” she cried, “show me how to make it not a Toy! Make it ‘eal!”

He said it was the bare idea of a temple that made it impossible. And there was this drawing here; what did it mean? He held it out to her. It represented a figure, distressingly like himself, robed as a priest in vestments.

She snatched the offending drawing from him and tore it to shreds.

“If you don’t want a Temple, have a meeting-house. You wanted a meeting-house anyhow.”

“Just any old meeting-house,” he said. “Not that special one. A place without choirs and clergy.”

“If you won’t have music,” she responded, “don’t have music. If God doesn’t want music it can go. I can’t think God does not app’ove of music, but – that is for you to settle. If you don’t like the’ being o’naments, we’ll make it all plain. Some g’ate g’ey Dome – all g’ey and black. If it isn’t to be beautiful, it can be ugly. Yes, ugly. It can be as ugly” – she sobbed – “as the City Temple. We will get some otha a’chitect – some City a’chitect. Some man who has built B’anch Banks or ‘ailway stations. That’s if you think it pleases God… B’eak young Venable’s hea’t… Only why should you not let me make a place fo’ you’ message? Why shouldn’t it be me? You must have a place. You’ve got ‘to p’each somewhe’.”

“As a man, not as a priest.”

“Then p’each as a man. You must still wea’ something.”

“Just ordinary clothes.”

“O’dina’y clothes a’ clothes in the fashion,” she said. “You would have to go to you’ taila for a new p’eaching coat with b’aid put on dif’ently, or two buttons instead of th’ee…”

“One needn’t be fashionable.”

“Ev’ybody is fash’nable. How can you help it? Some people wea’ old fashions; that’s all… A cassock’s an old fashion. There’s nothing so plain as a cassock.”

“Except that it’s a clerical fashion. I want to be just as I am now.”

“If you think that – that owoble suit is o’dina’y clothes!” she said, and stared at him and gave way to tears of real tenderness.

“A cassock,” she cried with passion. “Just a pe’fectly plain cassock. Fo’ deecency!.. Oh, if you won’t – not even that!”

(8)

As he walked now after his unsuccessful quest of Dr. Brighton-Pomfrey towards the Serpentine he acted that stormy interview with Lady Sunderbund over again. At the end, as a condition indeed of his departure, he had left things open. He had assented to certain promises. He was to make her understand better what it was he needed. He was not to let anything that had happened affect that “spi’tual f’enship.” She was to abandon all her plans, she was to begin again “at the ve’y beginning.” But he knew that indeed there should be no more beginning again with her. He knew that quite beyond these questions of the organization of a purified religion, it was time their association ended. She had wept upon him; she had clasped both his hands at parting and prayed to be forgiven. She was drawing him closer to her by their very dissension. She had infected him with the softness of remorse; from being a bright and spirited person, she had converted herself into a warm and touching person. Her fine, bright black hair against his cheek and the clasp of her hand on his shoulder was now inextricably in the business. The perplexing, the astonishing thing in his situation was that there was still a reluctance to make a conclusive breach.

He was not the first of men who have tried to find in vain how and when a relationship becomes an entanglement. He ought to break off now, and the riddle was just why he should feel this compunction in breaking off now. He had disappointed her, and he ought not to have disappointed her; that was the essential feeling. He had never realized before as he realized now this peculiar quality of his own mind and the gulf into which it was leading him. It came as an illuminating discovery.

He was a social animal. He had an instinctive disposition to act according to the expectations of the people about him, whether they were reasonable or congenial expectations or whether they were not. That, he saw for the first time, had been the ruling motive of his life; it was the clue to him. Man is not a reasonable creature; he is a socially responsive creature trying to be reasonable in spite of that fact. From the days in the rectory nursery when Scrope had tried to be a good boy on the whole and just a little naughty sometimes until they stopped smiling, through all his life of school, university, curacy, vicarage and episcopacy up to this present moment, he perceived now that he had acted upon no authentic and independent impulse. His impulse had always been to fall in with people and satisfy them. And all the painful conflicts of those last few years had been due to a growing realization of jarring criticisms, of antagonized forces that required from him incompatible things. From which he had now taken refuge – or at any rate sought refuge – in God. It was paradoxical, but manifestly in God he not only sank his individuality but discovered it.

It was wonderful how much he had thought and still thought of the feelings and desires of Lady Sunderbund, and how little he thought of God. Her he had been assiduously propitiating, managing, accepting, for three months now. Why? Partly because she demanded it, and there was a quality in her demand that had touched some hidden spring – of vanity perhaps it was – in him, that made him respond. But partly also it was because after the evacuation of the palace at Princhester he had felt more and more, felt but never dared to look squarely in the face, the catastrophic change in the worldly circumstances of his family. Only this chapel adventure seemed likely to restore those fallen and bedraggled fortunes. He had not anticipated a tithe of the dire quality of that change. They were not simply uncomfortable in the Notting Hill home. They were miserable. He fancied they looked to him with something between reproach and urgency. Why had he brought them here? What next did he propose to do? He wished at times they would say it out instead of merely looking it. Phoebe’s failing appetite chilled his heart.

That concern for his family, he believed, had been his chief motive in clinging to Lady Sunderbund’s projects long after he had realized how little they would forward the true service of God. No doubt there had been moments of flattery, moments of something, something rather in the nature of an excited affection; some touch of the magnificent in her, some touch of the infantile, – both appealed magnetically to his imagination; but the real effective cause was his habitual solicitude for his wife and children and his consequent desire to prosper materially. As his first dream of being something between Mohammed and Peter the Hermit in a new proclamation of God to the world lost colour and life in his mind, he realized more and more clearly that there was no way of living in a state of material prosperity and at the same time in a state of active service to God. The Church of the One True God (by favour of Lady Sunderbund) was a gaily-coloured lure.

And yet he wanted to go on with it. All his imagination and intelligence was busy now with the possibility of in some way subjugating Lady Sunderbund, and modifying her and qualifying her to an endurable proposition. Why?

Why?

There could be but one answer, he thought. Brought to the test of action, he did not really believe in God! He did not believe in God as he believed in his family. He did not believe in the reality of either his first or his second vision; they had been dreams, autogenous revelations, exaltations of his own imaginations. These beliefs were upon different grades of reality. Put to the test, his faith in God gave way; a sword of plaster against a reality of steel.

And yet he did believe in God. He was as persuaded that there was a God as he was that there was another side to the moon. His intellectual conviction was complete. Only, beside the living, breathing – occasionally coughing – reality of Phoebe, God was something as unsubstantial as the Binomial Theorem…

Very like the Binomial Theorem as one thought over that comparison.

By this time he had reached the banks of the Serpentine and was approaching the grey stone bridge that crosses just where Hyde Park ends and Kensington Gardens begins. Following upon his doubts of his religious faith had come another still more extraordinary question: “Although there is a God, does he indeed matter more in our ordinary lives than that same demonstrable Binomial Theorem? Isn’t one’s duty to Phoebe plain and clear?” Old Likeman’s argument came back to him with novel and enhanced powers. Wasn’t he after all selfishly putting his own salvation in front of his plain duty to those about him? What did it matter if he told lies, taught a false faith, perjured and damned himself, if after all those others were thereby saved and comforted?

“But that is just where the whole of this state of mind is false and wrong,” he told himself. “God is something more than a priggish devotion, an intellectual formula. He has a hold and a claim – he should have a hold and a claim – exceeding all the claims of Phoebe, Miriam, Daphne, Clementina – all of them… But he hasn’t’!..”

It was to that he had got after he had left Lady Sunderbund, and to that he now returned. It was the thinness and unreality of his thought of God that had driven him post-haste to Brighton-Pomfrey in search for that drug that had touched his soul to belief.

Was God so insignificant in comparison with his family that after all with a good conscience he might preach him every Sunday in Lady Sunderbund’s church, wearing Lady Sunderbund’s vestments?

Before him he saw an empty seat. The question was so immense and conclusive, it was so clearly a choice for all the rest of his life between God and the dear things of this world, that he felt he could not decide it upon his legs. He sat down, threw an arm along the back of the seat and drummed with his fingers.

If the answer was “yes” then it was decidedly a pity that he had not stayed in the church. It was ridiculous to strain at the cathedral gnat and then swallow Lady Sunderbund’s decorative Pantechnicon.