It’s Marriage Or Ruin

Then he led her into the swarm of dancing people and she beamed in all the right places and feigned all the fascination she could and hid her relief as the music ended.

When she reached her mother at the refreshment table, she peeked at Lord Grayson. He was observing Lady Elliot and her two daughters.

Then, another man approached the group. The man glared at Grayson, which was wise of him, and offered his arm to the younger Miss Elliot. She accepted the invitation and they sauntered away.

Then Grayson turned, an indulgent smile on his lips. He gave Emilie the barest glance before he turned to the elder daughter, spoke and she tucked her hand under his arm and let him lead her to the Roger de Coverly.

Emilie tapped with her fingertips against the side of her lemonade glass, watching Lord Grayson with Miss Elliot—the woman dancing was obviously revelling in the experience of being so close to him.

Grayson spoke to his partner when they met. He moved as if he had wings on his boots. The woman floated along, too.

He gazed at the woman as if he’d never had such a captivating audience.

When he changed position, Emilie knew he’d perceived she was observing him.

He spoke again to the woman and indicated the doorway.

That wasn’t appropriate. He would likely take that woman to the gardens as he had suggested to Emilie. True, the garden had many guests conversing in it, but a later meeting could be planned.

That unrepentant rake. That scoundrel. He was aware she watched.

Well, if he wished her to be aware, then she would give him a taste of his own medicine. Emilie turned to her mother.

‘Did you notice how Lady Elliot appears pained?’

Her mother’s brows furrowed and she inspected Lady Elliot, her grey hair swirled at the edges of a feathered band. ‘No,’ her mother said at Emilie’s side. ‘I perceive nothing out of the ordinary about her.’

‘I should ask her to take a turn around the gardens,’ Emilie said. ‘For her—for my health. If I say it is for my health, that might make her feel better and not make her ashamed of her weakness.’

‘That is so unlike you.’

‘It is the society, Mama. It makes me feel…um, not like an artist so much, but more like a…’ She paused, listening to the nonsense she spouted, but it had truth in it. ‘I feel…womanly.’

Her mother groaned. ‘If I had known that getting you to a gathering such as this would change you, I would have made sure to have done it years ago.’

All her mother would have had to do was guarantee some interesting artists would be there and Emilie would have jumped at the chance.

She meandered to the mother of the woman Lord Grayson had danced with. She was engrossed in conversation with a dowager. Chaperonage fell to the wayside when a mother’s daughter was close to a potential peer and a longed-for son-in-law.

‘Lady Elliot,’ she whispered, touching the woman’s arm and interrupting the discussion. ‘Could you please join me in the gardens? I may have had more wine than I should have. I had two glasses, but perhaps more.’

The woman raised her eyebrows. ‘The wine is delicious, but a lady must always pace herself.’

Emilie touched her gloved hand to her forehead. ‘I agree. But sometimes a faster pace gets the better of me.’

The older woman patted her hand, spoke briefly to her companions and took Emilie’s arm as they strolled to the cooler air.

Emilie saw the darkest edge and aimed for it, leaving the strains of music behind.

‘If you’d stay with me for a moment longer…’ She kept Lady Elliot at her side. ‘I am feeling better, but…’

‘Dear…’ Lady Elliot patted Emilie’s glove ‘…do be careful of the drink. It doesn’t always improve a woman’s complexion. A little does add a rosy glow, but take a lot and the headache isn’t worth it. You’ll be ghastly the following day.’

‘Well,’ Emilie admitted, brushing away a wisp of hair that had loosened from her bun, ‘now and then, I do forget about my appearance.’

‘You must never do that.’ Lady Elliot sputtered. ‘A woman’s decorum and fashion should always be of utmost importance in her mind. My Cecilia Ann has been schooled in that. Proper manners and a good wardrobe can take a woman far.’

Emilie frowned. She wouldn’t make it far then.

They found a bench in the darkness. ‘It is a lovely evening,’ Lady Elliot said, ‘except for Mrs Hodges’s dress. The colours would favour Mr Hodges better.’

‘Um…’ Emilie said, imagining a painting of Mr Hodges. ‘It would not work with his complexion. He would fade away into nothing.’

They discussed the varieties of colour in the ballroom, then feminine laughter and one rich baritone interrupted their chat. The laughter and the baritone were obviously moving towards Emilie and Lady Elliot.

The woman beside Emilie stilled.

Lord Grayson and his dancing partner were nearly directly in front of them when the two standing saw the two sitting. Even the air stopped.

The young woman spoke, voice high. ‘Mother?’

Lady Elliot moved to her feet. She took her daughter’s arm. ‘You promised the next reel to Sir Calvin.’ She took her daughter’s arm. ‘Cecilia. Inside. Right now. Immediately. I cannot fathom how you got confused. That is inexcusable manners.’

Lady Elliot didn’t slow as she twirled her daughter around and moved towards the lighted house—forgetting all about Emilie.

Chapter Two

Lord Grayson remained perfectly still for several moments before he moved. He rearranged the hem of his sleeve and his eyes fell over Emilie, making the air she swallowed fill her with a fresh warmth. ‘We meet again.’

‘You knew I was out here,’ she said.

‘Whether I did or not, it doesn’t matter.’

Even in the darkness, Emilie could imagine him plainly. Nature had sculpted a visage which could have inspired Michelangelo to do better work.

Her hand wanted to caress, to run over the planes of his cheek so she could experience him with the feeling of touch as well as sight.

Inwardly, she berated her traitorous thoughts. She pulled herself from the momentary stupor, blaming it on her fascination with form.

How unfair that someone such as Lord Grayson, a man who said he liked frivolities, would have such a pleasing appearance. Her mother had been so wrong about which of Avondale’s sons had been graced with handsomeness.

The humour on his lips faded. ‘Miss Catesby, you are an accident waiting to happen.’

She tossed the words out. ‘Accidents do happen and I am not the cause of any of them.’

‘You cause things to happen on purpose.’

‘Occasionally.’

He reached out, taking her hand, and she moved, letting him pull her to her feet.

‘When you are near, Miss Catesby, I suspect they happen more than usual.’ He touched her waist, gently connecting with her garment and pouring sensation into her.

‘I would not claim that.’ She forced her voice to be firm and tried to examine him closely in the darkness—an error. Something pushed her heartbeats faster.

‘We have seen each other before,’ he said. ‘Years ago.’

‘I don’t…’ She searched her memories. ‘Are you certain?’ she asked.

She heard the leaves whispering to each other as they rustled in the darkness.

He didn’t answer with his voice. But his expression told her. ‘I remembered where earlier. But it has been many years. I didn’t recognise you at first.’

Emilie paused.

‘I should go inside.’ The words didn’t sound like her own. ‘I wouldn’t want either of our reputations harmed.’

‘Miss Catesby.’ His free hand closed over her gloved fingers and before she knew what he intended, he lifted her fingertips as if to kiss them. The scent of his shaving soap teased her. She’d never come across a soap like that, but she wasn’t sure if it was the soap that made him smell so good, or if it was the man himself.

‘If my reputation were to be harmed, I would be pleased if you were the one to do it.’

She felt disappointment when he dropped her hand instead of kissing it.

He moved closer and she realised he still held her waist, rotating his fingertips against the covered corset which felt thicker than any mattress, yet the warmth of his hand penetrated the garment. His mouth moved closer to her own and he held her still, keeping her so steady she couldn’t have moved away. She presumed him about to kiss her, but instead, he spoke.

‘Miss Catesby. Stay away from my brother. He would ruin you.’

She touched the light wool of his waistcoat, letting her fingers flatten against him. Leaves rustled again as the wind touched them. The breeze strengthened, and the air tingled her cheeks. ‘I would say it’s not your concern.’

‘Miss Catesby. You’re an innocent.’ His fingers pressed into the fabric at her waist and he moved back a whisper.

She trailed her fingers up the waistcoat, touching the cravat, the edge of his jaw, the curve of his lips. She could have been touching a Michelangelo when she felt his face. This was something she’d never imagined before. Her heart pounded from the merest touch of his skin.

To feel a true masterpiece overwhelmed her. She dropped her hand and clenched it, keeping it at her side. She could hardly wait to capture in paint a masculine jawline. One with a hint of darkness in it. In shadows. Such a challenge. To put this image on canvas. A man in the shadows. Darkened features. She could never call it The Dark Angel. Her mother would destroy it. She would call it A Saint In Repose.

She could not calm her heartbeats, but inspiration came at the strangest moments, and one should relish them, hold them close, hug them to one’s heart.

But she could not touch him again. He was the forbidden fruit. The crevasse that could swallow the as-yet-unmade creations that were inside her and turn her into nothingness.

‘Art is my passion.’

His mouth parted. ‘You could have more than one passion, perhaps.’

‘I do. Oils, then watercolours.’

‘Oils?’ he spoke, moving so close, and somehow he’d turned the word into something else. Something intimate.

Her scrutiny never left him and her hand escaped again. She had to study him. She retraced his jawline. The linen cravat. The rougher wool. She stopped where she started, trapped in some trance that he had spun around her.

Her love of shape and form and inspiration travelled from her fingertips to deep inside her.

He stepped away and her fingers followed, lingering at his waistcoat.

‘No.’ His voice roughened.

‘Your brother would not refuse my touch.’

‘No.’ The word destroyed the magic. ‘I am telling you no for both of us.’

He touched the hand at his chest, took her fingers, kissed above the glove and released her. ‘And you must stay away from him.’

‘Really, Lord Grayson?’

‘Yes.’ He brushed a touch across her cheek and she swayed towards him.

She whispered, ‘I know what I’m doing.’

‘You are creating an accident and it is your choice.’ Grayson took her shoulders and moved inches from her, hinting at things both darker and softer. ‘Do you prefer my brother?’

She didn’t speak.

He whispered at her ear, his voice becoming even richer. Fingertips touched her chin. ‘He is wrong for you.’

She turned away, pulling from his grasp.

He increased the distance between them, using his voice to make a barrier, but a barrier that could be moved. ‘Say it, Miss Catesby. Say whether you prefer me over my brother.’

‘Why should it matter? I hardly know him.’ She examined Lord Grayson again. ‘I know even less of you.’

‘I feel I have known you for ever.’ He paused. ‘Please call me Marcus.’

‘This is the first occasion we’ve met. Truly.’ Yet he stirred something deep inside her. She wanted to tell him the energy he inspired within her. How fortunate she’d been to have the opportunity to approach him and to feel the sensations. She gave him her greatest compliment. ‘You would make a lovely portrait.’

In that second, he retreated, turning the night cold.

His head tilted back and, even in the dim light, she could tell he scrutinised something in the distance. He flexed his jaw. ‘I hope you enjoy the soirée.’

‘And you as well, Marcus.’

She couldn’t force herself to leave him, but he turned and moved back to the light.

She took her glove from her hand and touched her lips. Marcus. So much better than Michelangelo’s David. David was almost a child. Marcus was a man.

Unable to move inside, she waited in the darkness, listening to the muted music and the laughter. Her aunt had a book with an engraving of the sculptor’s Moses. Marcus was not bearded or old, but she imagined him as a likeness of that sculpture. Oh, the arms. They were magnificent in the engraving.

She touched her chin, retracing the movement of his hand. She must stay away from Marcus.

To create was one thing. To love that moment was glorious. But to be swallowed inside one piece of passion could destroy the creator.

Look what Michelangelo had done to Moses’s head. No matter what the protuberances truly were, they hinted at a darker side of inspiration. The face warned her. The same man who had sculpted David had created Moses. Moses, with the glare, the judgemental regard and the condemnation within him.

Marcus condemned her. His voice, his movement and his face did.

Then she paused. He condemned her. When he was not staring at her as if she were the only woman in the world.

But she wasn’t a woman. She was an artist. And she’d been born to be alone and to create.

Then she thought of Marcus. But what if she must experience deep feelings in order to reflect them in her paintings? What if she must have a tortured soul in order to paint with depth…?

Or perhaps she had heard that somewhere and it was nonsense. Perhaps she just needed a roof for her studio, an imagination and paints.

Yes, she decided, thinking back to her struggles with paints.

Art provides all the torture an artist requires.

She would ask her aunt if that were true. She could imagine Beatrice’s laughter.

For now, she wanted to observe Marcus.

She preferred Marcus as a subject. She preferred him to speak with. She preferred him far above Mr Westbrook. But Westbrook was the safer of the two. He thought her name Amelia and she had no desire to correct him.

Marcus watched her as his brother twirled Emilie around the room warmed by all the people moving about. Their second encounter of the night, but neither one a waltz.

Nathaniel appeared entranced with Emilie, but then Nathaniel was taken with every woman he spoke to. It did him well.

The violins stopped and the musicians raised their bows with a flourish. The talk surrounding Marcus faded into nothingness while he watched his brother and Emilie. Never before had he been jealous of his younger brother, but Nate was looking at Emilie so.

Marcus had no reason to be envious. None at all. In fact, he’d felt guilt for being the eldest and the one who would inherit the title.

He enjoyed verbally jousting with his brother. He loved Nate. Loved him, but if his brother did not stop making eyes at Emilie, Marcus would take him aside after the evening ended and throttle him.

Emilie was not another conquest. She was a country girl and not used to the soirées and light talk his brother excelled at.

Both Nathaniel and Emilie went their separate ways without hesitation. Marcus exhaled. Perhaps they were both wiser than he.

He went to his mother’s portrait now that the guests were beginning to leave and stared at it. It was a fine painting, but no different from any of the many others in the family gallery, except it was of his mother.

‘Lord Grayson.’ Instantly he recognised Emilie’s voice. He turned to her and saw that her mother was behind her.

‘It is an amazing picture,’ Emilie said.

‘True.’ In those seconds he meant it. His mother liked the painting. Everyone said it portrayed her well. And anything that could bring such raptness to Emilie fascinated him.

‘You do appreciate some art?’ she asked.

‘Occasionally.’ When it appeared before him as Emilie did.

‘Most everyone does, even if they don’t know it. Usually if they don’t like paintings or sculpture, it is because they haven’t seen the right work. Something that stirs them.’

He took in the tendrils of her hair that trickled from her bun. He didn’t have to have a portrait painted of Emilie for her to remain in his mind. ‘I agree.’ His voice barely reached his ears.

Emilie was about to leave when she stopped and looked for her mother. Her mother stared at her as if Emilie had said something rude. Confusion filled her. She’d spoken nicely with Marcus.

Surely it was not so terrible to have a conversation with a rake.

Emilie gave Marcus a peek from under her lashes, surprised that he still watched her. He almost smiled, turned and went on his way.

Her mother’s lips tightened and her fingers clasped Emilie’s arm. ‘Come along, Emilie Marie. The carriage is waiting.’

Her mother marched ahead.

The carriage ride would not be a smooth one and she had been on her best behaviour. Well, except for fetching her mother so many lemonades. And eavesdropping, but she’d not been detected. And the moments in the garden.

Emilie hid her sigh. She was not tailored for society.

They reached the carriage and her mother didn’t speak. Emilie was certain it wasn’t a good thing that her mother was so quiet.

Settling on to the squabs, Emilie prepared for a recital of her errors to be repeated, but her mother remained silent.

The carriage rumbled along, returning her mother and Emilie to her aunt Beatrice’s home.

‘Goodness, Emilie, Avondale’s heir was speaking to you at his mother’s portrait and you brushed him away as if he were of no consequence. You have no skills in courtship.’

Emilie sighed inwardly and then her mind wandered to Marcus, but she forced herself to concentrate on his brother.

Mr Westbrook had good qualities. They were hard to identify, but lurked under the surface, she was sure.

At the soirée, she’d wandered by a group of men talking and couldn’t avoid overhearing their conversation. A gruff voice said if a man were to be lost in the desert, it would be good to be lost with Mr Westbrook because he would find the quickest path to the nearest woman and could do so without a smudge on his boots.

Then another man claimed Westbrook’s sense of direction was sad because he could never locate a path back to the same woman twice. The other men had laughed. And one claimed Westbrook had his compass in the same place as all men carried one.

‘Emilie.’ Her mother snapped out the word, pulling Emilie’s concentration back into the carriage. ‘I must talk privately with you. That is why your father and sisters remained at home and we have been visiting London.’

Emilie frowned, but she hid it before she turned to her mother, waiting. She’d known that her father had stayed home because her mother could be forceful about pushing Emilie into marriage and he preferred to stay out of the discussion.

These motherly speeches always went on overly long and it was best to pretend interest.

Her mother raised her chin. ‘It is not so horrible to want a family. Children. Sons…’ she raised a brow when she observed Emilie ‘…or daughters who marry.’

‘I’ve not found anyone who suits me.’

Her mother pulled her wrap closer and gripped her fan.

Emilie toed her slippers into the floor of the carriage, and let her stocking feet wiggle free while she rested her toes on the footwear.

‘Search about and uncover someone who suits.’ Her mother paused before raising her voice. ‘And put your slippers back on.’

Emilie dared not meet her mother’s eyes and she pushed her feet back inside the shoes. Even her feet had to do as they were told.

‘Your father,’ the older woman continued, ‘and I are distressed at your stubbornness where men are concerned. It is not just your prospects you’re scuttling—you are not doing your younger sisters any favours either,’ she grumbled. ‘You are twenty-five. Twenty-five. You should have married years ago.’

‘Oh,’ Emilie mumbled and felt her lip tremble. She had so hoped to have her artistic talent noticed earlier. She must try harder. Elisabeth Vigée Le Brun had achieved fame with her portraits, but her father had encouraged her from such a young age.

Emilie sighed. She should have been as dedicated, but, no, she had spent her youth learning nonsensical matters. Watercolours had hardly interested her at all until she discovered oils and then everything had burst into fulfilment for her. Even the watercolours became worthwhile.

Emilie studied the dark outlines of the passing shops, wondering how a night-time drawing of them would be best accomplished.

All she needed was watercolours, or oils and canvas. To paint was her greatest joy. To hide away somewhere with a brush and palette would be the best excitement of all.

No one understood.

When she irritated her sisters enough, they avoided her, which gave her a chance to sketch and enjoy her work.

‘You even discourage your sisters’ prospects.’

‘Mother, if a young man of worthiness approached any of my sisters, I would do all I could to encourage a courtship.’ Emilie crossed her arms. Her sisters were green girls. They couldn’t imagine the truth of men and needed her guidance.

‘You cannot fault me because no man among the ton is worthy of them.’ Emilie straightened her shoulders. ‘Except for timid Bertram Reynolds and Marthe ignores him.’

‘Dear.’ The seat creaked when her mother turned to Emilie. Her mother’s voice gave Emilie no option for refusal. ‘You must let them decide whether the man is worthy or not. Or me or your father. You are not to keep distressing their beaus. Don’t demand perfection in their suitors. At this point, we may consider a man of medium worthiness if he is willing for a match. You certainly should do the same. We do not aspire to be relegated to less-than-medium worthiness because the others have been scorned.’

‘A man of value would not let a few words of truth dispatch him,’ Emilie muttered.

‘I would not want my daughters to obtain a match with a man whose main quality is persistence.’

Emilie felt the sharp rap of a fan against her fingers. Never a good sign when the fan came out.

Her mother continued, voice rising. ‘Timid beaus can have many desirable attributes. Your father—’ she pointed the fan at Emilie ‘—was so timid, I near had to—’ She stopped, waved her hand and turned to the window. ‘Never mind. I had no trouble with your father’s reserved behaviour.’

Emilie knew her mother and father cared too much for the state of marriage and too little about the state of men. They were happy. They didn’t observe the disastrous lives among them.

‘Mother, you must forget about a wedding for me. I shall never marry. I shall paint.’

‘Emilie Marie—you are not destined to paint. You are destined to have children. You are destined to maintain a household and serve your husband.’ She pressed her teeth into the words. ‘Forget your fanciful nonsense. No more paints will be purchased. I have told your father and he agrees with me. This trip is to locate a suitor for you. If there is no agreeable man, then I will acknowledge your spinsterhood. However, I will not accept the scent of turpentine in my home any more. The rooms reek of it. You will not be dabbling in oils there, indoors or out.’

Emilie fell back against the seat, fingers closed tightly. ‘I must,’ she said.