скачать книгу бесплатно
Tyler relaxed slightly. “I must.”
She tucked her hands in the flowing folds of her skirt. Eventually, she lifted her head and locked eyes with him. “I’m ticked off at my parents.”
No surprise there. Tyler was, too.
“For the fix-up?” Tyler guessed, wishing there were some way he could ensure that Susie would never be hurt by anything or anyone, past, present or future.
“For making this all about my cancer, once again.”
And then, to Tyler’s surprise, she promptly burst into tears.
Chapter Two
Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye….
Susie couldn’t believe she was standing there, blubbering in the parking lot.
She could believe Tyler was right there to fold her into his big strong arms and hold her close as the emotion poured out of her in great, galvanizing waves.
It wasn’t the first time she had turned to him this way. Although she was beginning to think maybe it should be the last.
It wasn’t fair of her, dumping all this on him when all he had done was care about her and stand by her. The two of them were crisis-buddies, nothing more, even if they had fallen into bed together, at last count, four highly memorable times.
Even if he was the only man she had ever made love with. Or even wanted to make love with… Never mind dared get that close.
She had to get a grip. He wasn’t her pillow.
Although right now with her drenching his shirt, that must be what he felt like.
She pulled away from him, wiping her eyes, and voiced the first excuse that came to mind that wouldn’t lead to questions. “I’m premenstrual,” she sniffed.
He chucked her beneath her chin. She should have known he wouldn’t let her off easy.
“Since when?” he teased.
In an effort to shield her eyes from his probing gaze, Susie let her forehead rest against his chest. “Since… forever,” she mumbled. A fresh flood of tears pressed hotly behind her eyes.
As if knowing the storm wasn’t over yet, Tyler tucked her into the curve of his arm and drew her back, to lean against the passenger side of his pickup truck. “There must be something more,” he murmured against the top of her head, one hand stroking down her back in long soothing strokes. “’Cause you rarely ever cry.” His warm breath touched her ear. He brought her closer yet. “Not like that.”
She had gotten pretty good at blinking back—or all-out hiding—discreet tears, when she was in public. It didn’t mean she didn’t feel incredible, overwhelming sadness sometimes.
And it didn’t mean Tyler didn’t pick up on the slightest change in her mood or demeanor. If she didn’t tell him now, he would just keep pestering her, keep digging, keep searching out the truth.
Finally, she shrugged.
She took the folded tissue he pressed into her hand.
Wiped her eyes. Blew her nose. And still couldn’t look him in the eye. “It’s everything,” she said finally.
Tyler brought her back into the curve of his strong arms. His touch was more brotherly than anything else, despite their passionate past. “I’m listening,” he told her in a low, gravelly voice.
Susie took another halting breath as she struggled to get her emotions under control. “If you must know, it’s Rebecca and Trevor. Seeing them together tonight, just back from their honeymoon. They looked so incredibly happy together. And I’m glad for them, I really am.” More than she had words to say. “But…”
Trevor nodded, even as his grip on her tightened protectively. “I felt a stab of envy, too,” he admitted in a low, understanding voice.
Susie pressed on the bridge of her nose to keep more tears from falling. “Which is stupid,” she continued, making no effort to hide her aggravation with herself, “because marriage has never been something I wanted.”
Trevor exhaled. His big body began to relax. “Me, either.”
The tears she had been doing everything to stop flowed anyway. “And yet…”
“Looking at the two of them—” Tyler picked up where she left off, as intuitive as ever where Susie was concerned “—I couldn’t help but feel I was missing out on something pretty spectacular.”
“Yeah.” Susie forced a watery smile. She dabbed at her eyes and took in a deep breath. “Although if we see them again in a month, they’ll probably be fighting over who leaves the toothpaste cap on and who leaves it off.”
Tyler ruffled the hair on the top of her head playfully. He drew back, smiling now. “And even that will be spectacular.”
Susie warmed at his attentiveness, even as she cautioned herself not to get used to it. Due to their busy schedules, there were times when the two of them went months without seeing each other, except for the occasional accidental meeting.
A couple other vehicles left the hospital parking lot. But Tyler seemed in no hurry to depart.
Nor was she.
She needed to talk to him tonight. She needed the special brand of comfort only he could give.
“So what else is on your mind?” he prodded.
Susie leaned against the side of the pickup truck, the cold metal a contrast with the warmth of Tyler’s tall frame. She folded her arms in front of her and looked up at the crescent moon, peeking out from behind the clouds. “I realized tonight I probably shouldn’t have agreed to my mom and dad’s plan to match me up with someone.”
Tyler shrugged, unconcerned. He turned so he was standing with one shoulder braced against the truck, facing her. He reached over and brushed a strand of hair from her cheek and tucked it behind her ear. “So tell ’em you’ve changed your mind.”
Susie studied the strong column of his throat, visible in the open neck of his shirt. “I made a deal. Besides—” she paused, bit her lip “—this is the only way I know to get them to back off for now.”
“So you’re assuming this won’t work?” Tyler didn’t look unhappy about that.
Nor, Susie realized, was she.
Finally, she felt herself begin to relax. And smile. “Well, duh, of course not,” she said wryly. She paused to look deep into his hazel eyes, noticing all over again what a ruggedly handsome man he was. And it was more than just the symmetry of his features. It was his kindness and compassion. The humor he exhibited. The way he picked up on a person’s slightest change in mood, the way he could always make a person feel better, with an offhand comment or smile.
Tyler McCabe was one man who was beautiful inside and out.
A man who revered family and friends.
A man who should not be going through life alone.
Aware he was waiting for her to continue unburdening herself, she said, “Fix-ups never work.”
He squinted as if doing some inner calculations, then finally allowed in a matter-of-fact tone, “Statistically, there’s probably a slight chance.”
Susie blew out an exasperated breath and shifted, her knee nudging his leg slightly in the process. “Not chance enough,” she muttered. The idea of living some real-life fairy tale occasionally dredged up romantic dreams she’d had about her future. But inevitably reality intervened and hit her with a terrible illness, disabusing her of any notion that she lived in a bubble, protected from all the worst things in life. Others might lead a charmed existence. Not her.
Never her.
“Some of us aren’t cut out for marriage,” Susie said firmly.
“I hear you.”
She smiled. “So don’t look for me to have an engagement ring on my finger, because it’s just not going to happen.”
Was that her imagination or was that a distinctly male satisfaction gleaming in his eyes, before concern took over once again.
Tyler studied her with his usual intuitiveness. “So what else is dragging you down?”
Susie knew there was something more, too, but she couldn’t figure out what.
She just knew, after she had talked to Tyler today, out at Healing Meadow, that she’d felt depressed. And her low mood had continued through the evening, only abating slightly when she had asked Tyler to go to the hospital with her.
Tyler’s voice turned husky. His hand cupped her shoulder, transmitting warmth and comfort through the cloth. “Is it about Emmaline?” He paused. “Did Whit Jenkins tell you something tonight before you went to see her that you’ve yet to share with me?”
Susie shook her head, still holding his eyes. “It’s not that. Whit told me Emmaline’s prognosis was good, that they are expecting her to make a full recovery as soon as she finishes the current course of chemo. Emmaline’s just depressed from the stress of treatment, and needed someone in her life who could relate. Since the hospital doesn’t have a support group for teens—currently she is their only oncology patient in that age group—and she refuses to go to the regular group, he thought—hoped—I would step in to be there for Emmaline.”
Tyler frowned, all protective male again. “Having no idea how hard that was going to be for you.”
Susie gave Tyler a look that let the handsome rancher know he did not have to go after Whit. “I’ve visited with adults who were sick and struggling with the disease. I’ve never talked to kids who were the age I was when I got diagnosed. I guess I just wasn’t prepared for how swiftly it would take me back to that place.”
A place she never wanted to visit again.
Suddenly aware how cold and damp the evening had become, how thin her sweater was, Susie shivered and wrapped her arms more tightly in front of her. “Or how overly emotional it would make me feel,” she finished, teeth chattering slightly.
Tyler scowled, abruptly looking like a knight charged with protecting his queen. “I know you want to help Emmaline. She obviously needs comforting from someone who can relate to her. But it doesn’t have to be you,” Tyler instructed her firmly.
He opened the door to her truck, and guided her inside, his hand lingering on her waist until he was sure she was settled behind the wheel. “I can go see Emmaline, in your place. I can take my aunt Kate. You know she does counseling here. She deals with stuff like this all the time.”
Susie appreciated Tyler’s desire to shield her from hurt, as always. This time she couldn’t let him shoulder the burden. She was strong now, as capable of helping others as he was. And it was time Tyler realized that.
Susie fit her truck keys into the ignition. “Kate is wonderful. I’m sure Emmaline would appreciate seeing both of you.”
Tyler rested a hand on the back of her seat and propped one boot on the running board. Elbow resting on his thigh, he studied her expression and guessed, “But you can’t duck out on her.”
Not and live with myself, I can’t.
Susie bolstered her courage even as she turned the key. “I made a promise to her tonight, Tyler.” She waited until he had closed the door for her, then put down her window and stated, just as firmly, “It’s a commitment I intend to keep.”
THE FOLLOWING MORNING, Tyler dropped by the Carrigans to see Susie’s parents. A Saturday, both Meg and Luke were working outside in the yard, raking leaves and weeding flower beds. As Tyler approached, he thought about how respected both were in the community. Meg was director of nursing at Laramie Community Hospital. Luke ran the family practice program that had recruited both Tyler’s cousin Riley, and their son, Jeremy Carrigan, to be on the hospital staff. They were good parents and they loved all four of their children dearly.
But they were making a mistake and it was up to Tyler to help them see it.
Hoping his meddling wouldn’t be taken the wrong way, Tyler headed up the walk. The last thing he wanted to do was make Susie’s life more difficult than it already was.
“Hi, Dr. Carrigan.”
“Tyler.” Luke put down his edger and ran a hand through his silver-blond hair.
Tyler nodded at Susie’s mother. “Mrs. Carrigan.”
Meg left her spade in the dirt and rose from her place beside the flower beds. Her auburn hair was mussed from the breeze stirring the fall air. Dirt and grass stained the knees of her coveralls. She smiled at Tyler, inching off her work gloves.
“Mind if I have a word with you?” Tyler asked.
“Of course not.” Meg motioned him to the screened-in back porch at the rear of the large turn-of-the-century Cape Cod.
Unlike the evening before, the afternoon was pleasantly warm.
She slipped into the house and came back with three glasses of mint iced tea.
“What’s up?” Luke Carrigan always got straight to the point.
Tyler sat in a cushioned wicker chair, opposite the long-married couple. “I want to talk to you about this plan to fix up Susie with four more guys.”
Brows lifted. Meg and Luke exchanged the kind of husband and wife glances that brimmed with understanding but required no words. “She told you,” Meg said finally.
Tyler nodded. “The first introduction didn’t go so well.”
“Yes, we know,” Luke said.
“Whit called this morning to say he and Susie were destined to be friends. The chemistry just wasn’t there.” Meg made no effort to hide her disappointment.
The next was a little harder to broach. Tyler frowned. “She’s upset you paired her with an oncologist.”
Meg and Luke clearly did not agree with Tyler’s opinion that it had been a stupid thing to do.
Giving Tyler the kind of man-to-man look that held nothing back, Luke replied, “Who better, if it had worked out?”
Me, Tyler wanted to say, though he had no idea where that thought had come from. He and Susie were not—had never been—a couple. They were crisis buddies, pure and simple.
Most of the time they were busy living their own lives. But right now Susie needed his help in the worst way.
Tyler approached her parents with the same mixture of tempered caution and compassion he used on his patients’ owners.
“Susie is trying to put the disease in her past.”
Meg’s expression clouded with remorse. It was clear she was reacting as much as a medical professional now, as a mother.
“That’s not possible, Tyler,” Meg said.
Luke added, with empathy, “None of us can ever forget what Susie went through to regain her good health.” He paused, looked Tyler straight in the eye, his aggravation plain. “I would think you would understand that better than anyone, given how much time you spent with Susie during her treatment.”
“And every time since, when she has encountered some sort of difficulty,” Meg added, with a look at her husband.
