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I had always thought that if they moved me they would do it to Washington, or if I had to go abroad, I would go to London or Paris, but to Madrid? I couldn't wait for it! What would I do there?
A decision that only increased my curiosity to know what a mathematician specialized in coding and decoding messages would do in that country.
I tried to work as much as possible, trying my best, but my work at that time was still rejected by my bosses. Not because I failed, not because I didn't do it right, but because they said “We have gone at the right time, and we didn't find anyone!” Or “There are no troops where the message said!”, which puzzled me, and it just increased my pressure.
Spain, what a country! It completely changed my way of seeing life, at the beginning I did not interact with anyone, I rarely left the embassy where I felt comfortable, as I did not know anyone I preferred to stay in reading, but soon they started inviting me to parties, and I couldn’t refuse, I had to attend as part of the staff.
I was not a friend of the parties, and less of that loud music of the Spaniards, those songs and dances, I did not understand them because it seemed all quite confusing. I tried to pay attention to the lyrics, while seeing the showy movements of the dancers and I did not understand the meaning of all that.
Within a few months of being there, they sent me to introduce myself to the command,, an institution of the Spanish army. I didn't know very well why, but it was an order, and you know, you always have to comply those without questioning!
As soon as I got there they arrested me, I didn't understand anything, they stripped me of everything I had and they put me in a cell where I was held for several hours.
You have chosen a bad time to leave your embassy! –A captain told me that he was the first one I talked to.
–What? – I asked a little confused.
– Your country is at war! –That person told me.
"At war? But what are you saying?" – I asked surprised, I thought I
had misunderstood.
And as a military man, you can't be on the street – he kept telling me.
–No, I wasn't on the street, I was coming here …
– Anyway, you are invading our country and that is why you have to remain arrested.
– Invading, me? With what, with my briefcase and my hat?
– I said surprised, I did not understand anything that was happening, I even thought that I was misunderstanding what I was hearing, something that I did not want to believe, because my knowledge of the language I had already tested it many times.
–Less jokes ! Everyone here is suspicious until proven otherwise, you are awaiting a war council!
–But, what are you talking about? – They told me to appear in command.
– Did they tell you? Who told you? – He asked very seriously.
– Well, I received orders from Washington.
– Let's see, show me! – He demanded impatiently.
– I do not have them with me, I only fulfilled what they told me to, I was never told I have to present any document.
– Yes, they all say that! They say they don't know what they are doing, that they carry out orders. You are not the first spy we have behind bars.
–Spy? – I asked surprised, he had called me a spy, I couldn’t believe it, it really was a confusion.
–Of course ! Or do you think we have locked you up to admire our facilities from the inside ? Until our government decides what to do with you, you will remain locked, and pray for your government to be willing to cooperate, because if thy don't…
–What if they don't ? – I asked scared, seeing that this man was serious, and that he planned to leave me there.
– Others before you, have been in this same room and with those same bars, and not all have returned to their country, many have served as bargaining chip, but the rest …
I remember that I was very scared at the time, but speaking of money, where have I left mine? I have to go out for bread and I don't know where I left the cash, it doesn't have to be far, maybe in the kitchen, because bread goes in the kitchen.
After checking everywhere, rearranging everything I had and opening all the drawers I said to myself: "It must be on the dining room table, because bread is for eating."
I went there and looked again without success, a little frustrated by the situation I thought, "Well, it wasn't important" and I sat in my armchair, next to a large window where I could see a small garden.
I don't know how many times I had run out of food because I didn't remember where I had left the money, even though I had it written down in my notebook, the one I carried everywhere, only that sometimes, I forgot to look at it as well.
This memory, seems that it only worsens, how can this happened to me? I was always told that I had photographic memory ! Just one look at the message and I was able to retain it to mentally translate it before any computer, and after years and years of secret work, I had managed to repeat each written report, to put together a personal file.
My memory … if I have been able to show off something in my life, it's of having a good memory. Cultivated every day with many hours of study and reading, because although it may not seem like it, languages need to be practiced continuously to keep them fresh.
How many hours have I spent studying each of the languages I know, or well, did I know, or who knows if I still know them.
That is something that surprisingly I think I have not lost, the ability to understand other languages, on television sometimes I put one of those international channels, and I understand it without problems … it's like what they say about riding a bicycle, “Once learned, never forgotten, regardless how many years that you go without practicing”.
Something that has helped me a lot to progress in my career and arrive, strangely, to know more secrets than many presidents, since they only wanted results, and we were a few who knew what to do in each case.
My task as a mathematician had changed over time, and I went from translating messages from others to creating complex models to encrypt my own. It was no longer about coding one or two words for the field agents, security should be maximum for all government documents, and they asked us that if there were leaks, the stolen documents couldn’t be read by our enemies.
And from there, without expecting it they moved me to intelligence, well, until now I was working for one of their sections, but then it was knowing all the secrets.
Everything that the government denies or is silent, I was the first to know, and codify it.
There was a system within the system, an exclusive coding for ultra-secret documents and messages, as colleagues liked to say.
These, in no way were to be deciphered, so the work was sometimes strenuous, and the demand even greater.
It was no longer about knowing where the positions of the enemies were, their advances, and even their field agents, now they knew each of the tactical and intimate details of the relevant people of the enemy regime, their family, their lovers… A huge amount of information classified as vital and that should not be available to any other than the authorized person.
That seemed to me nothing more than a curiosity, something like those magazines that only serve to pry into the lives of others, but little by little I became interested, not so much for people and their relationships, but for certain issues that were hid from the public voice.
But yes, I was very clear that I never, never should say anything, since my life was at stake.
It never occurred to me to comment on any of those papers, despite their seriousness, and then I saw on television such absurd news about it, a chemical accident, a fire started without apparent cause, a plane that fell inexplicably.
I do not know how people can be so calm seeing these absurd justifications, if they stopped to think they would realize that that, more than news, is misinformation nationwide.
So many implausible stories to cover some government operation or a frustrated attack, and nobody stopped to think how strange that sounded.
Maybe everyone would rather look the other way, and not ask anything, feeling safe like this, sometimes I have heard that "naive people are the happiest" to refer to when you ignore what is happening around you, that gives you a False feeling of happiness.
Hundreds and hundreds of interventions on American soil with the same result, “Neutralized Agent”.
At first I did not know what it meant, but it became clear to me that neutralized meant eliminated, because when that word appeared in the reports, there were no more news of that agent again.
All the spies were classified, and we received periodic reports of their follow-up, what they did, who they talked to, who they had relationships with … until one day, they were neutralized, and from there nothing.
Sometimes reading the newspaper that they left on the porch every morning, I started to think if what I read would be true or not. Some news seems so false, I wondered if it was a government thing.
Although I have been disconnected from all that for some time since I retired, I am sure that the government has continued to do what it believes is best for the country, or at least we were always told so, “Freedom is not something that you have by right, it is something that is achieved by force ”, from time to time our superior in the academy reminded us.
At first, after I retired, I cut the most absurd news from the newspapers, an oil platform sunk by a tsunami, a gas explosion in an Alaska region … unconnected things, which make no sense whatsoever, and I tried to guess what had really happened.
When I was active, I didn't have to guess, I knew, exactly who had done what, how many dead, and how it was justified. And as absurd as the news that covered that was, no one seemed to wonder about the truth of what happened, even the relatives of the deceased were "at ease" with the "official version", without questioning anything.
A few months after I retired, I had so many cuts, and so little idea of what really happened that I abandoned it, since it was impossible to know for sure what was behind each news, or if any or several of them were related.
Now, when I read the newspaper with those kind of news , which are clearly absurd, I simply smile and wonder what the government will have done this time?.
In fact, I have noticed something strange with all those spy stories, I understand that it was necessary to keep the enemy under control, but sometimes I think that, if there were no real threats at one time, strangely our government intervened to "stir things up" and the others must answer.
I do not understand much the sense of losing the peace and tranquility that a calm season can offer, but it seems that to someone at the high spheres, that seemed boring, because at that time they always took advantage to annoy the enemy and make him react.
Many and many stories not always with a good ending, that made me wonder if there were other interests behind, the army arm dealers are always the most interested in the government being one way or another on alert, intervening in small or large wars; but then there are the military, who would have no reason to exist in a peaceful country; and then the politicians, who often base their discourse on patriotic sentiment, against the enemies, without them, what would they say ?, or how would they justify the expenses?
Each and every one of them wanted one thing, to have a high level of action and intervention against the enemies, although this was changing over the years.
Allied countries became strategic objectives, new enemies arose, and paradoxically, enemy countries of a lifetime, became key allies in the area.
Despite my access to information, I couldn’t see the whole equation and understand the movements involved. There was a lot that escaped me, although I had more information than any of the generals of my government.
Be that as it may, if it were a chess board, it had gone from being a simple pawn, to being a tower, a safe place for government secrets, but far from the central figures of the board, the ones that really make the decision… And speaking of chess, with this memory issue, I don't know how I can manage to play every day.
They had forced me to learn to play chess, a strange game at first, but that helped me to have an agile mind, which suited me very well with mathematics.
But in a short time I had no opponent to beat, and the others got tired of playing because they always lost, so I had to learn to play against myself.
A board game for two, only for one, which created a small problem for me, because when I changed position and had to play with the opposite color, as I knew the strategies I was going to apply, I had to think about how to refute myself . In the end a game could become endless, spending days and days to win it.
My point being, with this memory, it was becoming increasingly difficult to follow the games, because as soon as I got up to see something, and returned to the game, I did not know what color of chips I was playing.
Such is the case, that I had to start placing notes before getting up, such as "Now move the white ones", but there came a time, that I even forgot to write those notes, so I stayed blank, looked and looked at the board , trying to guess what chips I had to play, and I even had a hard time thinking about the plays.
It was weird, I presumed to be able to see the whole game as soon as I started playing, being able to predict in which movement I was going to win, now, instead, it was strangely difficult for me to concentrate on knowing what to do.
So much that chess has become one of many things that I keep in the house, junk that I suppose at some point served, but now only serve as an ornament.
Many of them I have kept in the drawers so that they are not in the middle, but then, I don't even know what's in there.
Sometimes I entertain myself by opening the drawers to surprise myself with the amount of objects that are stored there, some of them gave me the feeling that it was the first time I saw them, but it couldn't be, if they were there, it's because I would have put them there, and despite that I couldn’t remember, either when or where I bought them, if it was mine or someone else who had lent it to me, and sometimes, I did not even know what that "junk" was for.
Not even the plants, which my wife cared for so dearly, not even these survived my forgetfulness. Although she had told me, "Before the nap, pour some water and they will last forever," but even that simple instruction I was unable to remember, and they all dried up.
The lady who came to do the cleaning from time to time, brought me a new plant to "give joy to the house," as she said, and told me when to water it, despite this, they did not survive.
Well, for me it was better, so I had no more of those obligations, the kind that then overwhelmed me for not knowing if I had fulfilled them or not.
I believe that I have already obeyed too much during my life, and that I have also more than fulfilled my patriotic duties, if one could say so.
Luckily I never had to use a weapon, but I'm not naive either, the information I was handling has led some to death, especially spies from the opposite side, but above all it has saved lives.
Luckily for everyone, mathematics is finite, and as much imagination as we throw it, there is always some element that can be used for decoding, it is only a matter of time and effort.
Thus, we could be aware of the progress of our enemies, many times without intervening so as not to reveal that we were able to read their messages. Then everything got complicated.
After the Second World War, our country assumed a relevant role worldwide, we were no longer a country that only limited ourselves to guarding our borders, now we maintained world peace, and our work got complicated, so much that they sent me to Europe to work from there, because that was the greatest political interest of our country at that time.
The Nazi threat had put the intelligence of all European countries in check, but especially ours, despite the distance, something I did not fully understand until I got there.
At the time, no one had noticed the real danger of that popular movement, or everything that had happened afterwards, and it couldn’t be repeated.
That is why they sent me there, to study everything I could about the advances in codification of the Europeans, who strangely had come a long way in recent years, something that I could observe over time, how great technological advances occur in times of war and not only in terms of armament development concerns.
I do not know what it is, the need to survive or something else, but the progress when there is imminent danger is evident, and nothing better than Europe to prove it, always threatened by one side or the other, and yet, look how They have progressed leaving their competitors behind and becoming world leaders in many fields, despite the fact that they practically had to rebuild their nation from their foundations after World War II.
So, they sent me to Europe, as a diplomat, cultural attaché with a mission, to learn from our allies, which is what the Europeans were called at that time, in return, from our government they would receive tactical assistance, so that they could rebuild their cities and towns.
At first everything went well, but what am I saying?!, Well, removing the incident in Spain, from which I learned to take nothing for granted and cover my back very well. Someone had tried to get me out of there, and I hadn't even noticed it. False instructions that I had never seen before had put me behind bars waiting for a military trial.
Luckily, in those troubled times, not everyone thought I was a traitor, and with help from inside they managed to free me and took me out of the country, with the promise of never returning under penalty of death.
"An exile is better than death," I thought, but they had left me on the French border without knowing what to do.
That was not much safer than the country where I came from, so I had to look for some kind of embassy or military base, from where I could communicate with my command, to give signs of life and request instructions.
As I could, and after many hardships, I finally got to England and I felt at home there.
Already at the border I was able to show my papers and they treated me very well, at first they sent me to a nearby military base, to corroborate my story, but when they were sure that I was who I said I was, everything was easier.
Chapter 2. The Farewell
I had not yet reached thirty, when one of the strangest events of my life happened. I remember it perfectly, because that year we had to work non-stop for the most relevant historical event that has happened to the American people, the arrival of man on the Moon.
An event that changed the conception of what until then we knew about the universe, now seemed to be all closer, accessible, so that in a few years time we could colonize that neighboring star.
How naive on our behalf! So many hours of television broadcasting debates between journalists and intellectuals about what we should do there, what it meant to be the first step in the colonization of other planets, both talking and making plans, for nothing.
There were even those who sold moon plots, so that when colonized one could have their place there, and now, after a few decade, What about all that?, nothing, because nothing was real, not even the technicians of that time believed in everything that was said, now it seems that there is no interest in colonizing the moon anymore.
At that time I was very far from my country, in an undercover mission, but instead of being in the field of the enemy, it was within the territory of our allies.
My mission was to discover, copy and forward technological advances, referring to the encoding and decoding of messages, that is, the art of encryption, for which I was authorized to use any method within my reach.
