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It was then, watching a show I’ve seen so often I can genuinely mouth along with certain scenes, that I was hit with sudden inspiration. Right in the middle of watching the same suspects go round and round in and out of suspicion, I had a real, honest to God light-bulb moment. I felt like Thomas Edison himself, on the brink of a massive, life-changing discovery.
I sat up. It suddenly dawned on me… Yes, my entire life is the same TV shows. The same few people. The same activities. But it doesn’t have to be.
Obviously, I’m not going to stop watching PLL. But what I mean is, it suddenly occurred to me that focusing on my friendships doesn’t have to mean only pre-existing friendships. And focusing on my hobbies doesn’t have to mean just designing clothes when I feel like it.
All that I’ve been doing…it’s not enough. If I’m really going to change my life then I need to go even further. Drastic times call for drastic measures.
I know, I know, it’s not my first rodeo… But just because last term was a total disaster, doesn’t mean all my missions will go awry, right? Ladies and gentlemen… I think it’s officially time to begin work on some Brand. New. Resolutions.
posted by EditingEmma 12.29
New Resolutions
ARE. YOU. READY.
So, after A LOT of reflection on all the disasters from last term, I think I figured out partially where I went wrong. Stopping using the internet to torture/alienate myself and actually use it to connect was, in theory, a well-intentioned and worthy mission. However, I think limiting this only to ‘romantic’ connections was my main error… There are all kinds of connections a mere click away from me that are just waiting to be discovered!
This term, I am eschewing love with a firm hand, but I will continue to use the internet to connect, and to improve my life and me as a person. Behold, my new resolutions:
RESOLUTIONS
Spend even more time purely on myself and my own social media profiles.
I will do this by:
1)Not only stopping stalking Leon, but going one step further and actually never referring to him directly. Ever.
2)Not only by keeping on designing and posting on my new fashion blog, but also posting about…wait for it… THE UPCOMING SCHOOL FASHION SHOW.
Now that I’m done finding boys online, spread the platonic love.
I will do this by:
A) Devoting time and attention to my pre-existing pals, but also…
B) Using the internet to SEEK OUT A NEW ONE.
In conclusion, those hobbies and those friends aren’t gonna know what’s hit ’em!!!
posted by EditingEmma 13.09
Phoned Steph to tell her about my resolutions. At first she didn’t say anything. There was just silence.
‘Steph?’ I called. ‘Earth to Steph?’
She took a deep breath. ‘… I don’t even know where to start.’
‘Am I to understand you see flaws in my brilliant plan?’
‘Just a few.’ She sighed.‘OK. First of all, I thought you were going to stop stalking?’
‘Ah,’ I said. ‘Well, I was going to stop stalking Leon… But I never said anything about new buddies! I mean, is stalking for a good cause even stalking at all?!’
‘OK.’ I could practically hear her eyes rolling. ‘Next question. Never mentioning Leon. Like, ever?’
‘Who?’ I asked.
‘Aren’t you sort of giving him more power? Like Voldemort?’
‘No,’ I said.
‘You are. It makes him like this big, scary, lurking thing.’
‘Voldemort was eventually defeated.’
‘Only because Hogwarts faced him head on.’
‘Yeah, well, some wizards got through it by cowering under a bit of rubble. That can be me.’
Steph sighed again. ‘OK. Fine. Leon shall remain nameless from now on.’
I coughed.
‘I mean, You Know Who shall remain nameless from now on.’
‘Thank you.’
‘Last question. A school event?’
I paused. ‘Yes?’
‘A school event, Emma? You?’
‘All right, so it’s a little out of character… ’
Steph snorted.
‘… but I have sometimes gone to school events.’
So what if a large part of my attendance at My Fair Lady involved hypocritically mocking others for their lack of musical ability? I was still there.
‘I give it three weeks,’ Steph said.
I’ll show her! I’ve already emailed Ms Parker to sign up, and I’m about to get started on…
NEW PALS.
So the concept is a little alien to me and I can’t actually remember the last time I made a new friend… Or, er, how… But how hard can it be, right?! I mean, I have friends. I must have ‘made friends’ with each of them somewhere along the line.
Right…a new friend. A. New. Friend. Hmm.
Maybe for now, I should focus not on the how, but on the who…
And I know exactly where to start…
Hello, laptop, my old friend.
posted by EditingEmma 16.08
Emma’s List of New Bezzies
I’ve spent the last hour drawing up a list of potential new best friends for life, based solely on the Instagram/Twitter profiles of other girls at my college. I have to say…it’s a little bit weird being back here. Internet stalking, I mean. Although obviously it’s completely different this time. In many ways the threat of embarrassment has been completely removed, because there’s so much less that can go wrong. Having said that, it’s sort of harder in a way than when I was looking for a new boyfriend… At least with dating you can look at someone’s picture and know roughly whether or not you find them attractive. But that doesn’t matter with friends. With friends it is literally entirely about personality, which makes this challenging in a different way.
The pool of super-cool ladies seems almost impossibly big. Plus, whilst people put a bit about themselves online, I know from experience it can be a limited view. I mean, Faith posts all those pictures of rocks and twigs and stuff for her art class and we’re still friends. It’s hard to tell sometimes isn’t it?
Still, I’ve done the best I can, based on the somewhat patchy evidence, and drawn up a Top Three.
Kayleigh Spencer
Pros: She won some Maths trophy thing for our school, so she’s obviously very clever. She shares mainly pictures of cats, which indicates she’s warm and unpretentious.
Cons: Although I dig that she’s into Maths and cats, I struggle with even the most basic of mathematical concepts and I’m not really an animal person. Cats always seem to hiss at me. Will she sense that?
Anika Khatri
Pros: She seems fun. I can always hear her across the sixth form centre. Judging from her profiles she’s also an excellent dancer.
Cons: If she’s too fun, will she get annoyed by the amount of hours I spend on Netflix? Will she want to make up dance routines together? Because if so, I can say with absolute confidence this relationship won’t work.
Hannah Condom
Pros: Hannah is actually on the list purely on the basis that her last name is Condom. From this I figure that she must, surely, have had to develop a sense of humour.
Cons: I’m not sure I could resist constantly pointing out that her last name is Condom.
Having assessed the list, I’ve decided that Anika Khatri is the place to start. I can just picture it…us having a good old laugh together in the sixth form centre, engaging in constant chatter… People will be able to hear us from all corners of the school. Oh, what good friends they are, they’ll say. What japes we’ll have! What mischief we’ll cause! If I’m very quiet, I can almost hear our future bonding ringing in my ears.
Also, at parties if I stand near her whilst she dances and don’t move, people might assume I’m also good at dancing just by being near her.
My plan is to go through all of Anika’s profiles and collect as much information as possible, and see what I can use as a ‘conversation starter’.
posted by EditingEmma 16.58
Research on Anika
She has a big family. (Can I ask her about this? Compare to my tiny one?)
She recently went to Bali. (I’ve always wanted to go?)
She had a tooth out. (Ask if was painful?)
Hmm. I don’t know if I should use the tooth thing. That was six months ago and might give away that I’ve essentially been revising her life.
posted by EditingEmma 17.15
Something Awful Has Happened
No. No nonono nonononoooo. NOOOOOOOO.
Oh God.
NO.
How can my plan have gone awry already?!?! I only started this afternoon! And I haven’t even spoken to Anika yet!!!
I’d just completed my research. I was still on her Twitter, about three years back, when I had a sudden urge for a Jammy Dodger. As I was grasping for the Dodger, which was just out of reach, I slipped a little bit…and my other hand was still on the trackpad…
I accidentally clicked.
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
For a moment, I thought, it will be OK. You just liked one of her old tweets. Standard. A bit embarrassing but I’ll just pretend it never happened, she’ll just pretend she never saw the notification and we’ll all move on. Maybe we’ll laugh about it in years to come when we’re bezzies.
But no. I didn’t just ‘like’ one of her tweets from the end of last year.
I RETWEETED IT.
Oh God. And it’s possibly one of the weirdest things I could have retweeted. It’s a photo of her ninety-year-old granddad, saying, ‘90 today, wow!! Happy Birthday, love you so much.’
Now Anika’s very old relative is just sitting there on my own profile. Baring his missing teeth in a grim smile, birthday hat tipped jauntily to one side, a glassy look in his eye, about to tuck into his little piece of cake.
I tried to delete it, but, of course, because the Gods of Sod’s Law love to taunt me…at that very moment my computer froze up.
‘Ctrl Alt Delete!!’ I screamed. ‘Ctrl Alt Delete!!!’
I waited for the computer to restart and raced back on, only to see that Anika had already been online. My heart sank. She’d already seen it.
What do I do now??!
posted by EditingEmma 17.18
He’s still there. It’s starting to feel distinctly creepy. Mum came in and said, ‘Why are you staring at a picture of an old man?’
His glassy eyes are boring into my soul.
posted by EditingEmma 17.25
Gave in and rang Steph again. I know she’s out with Andy today, but desperate times and all that.
