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“They’re just people,” he said quietly. “Parents like you who want their kids to succeed. We can help them, if we work together. If we get the town working together.”
How many years had she prayed, begged God to let her help kids, to give her the knowledge and grace to make a difference in the world? Her old job had denied her that opportunity. She’d felt useless, a cog in a machine that ground up and spat out those who didn’t conform. She’d done her best to help, but this would bring her the chance she’d longed for every time she’d pushed herself a little harder to finish her doctorate. This was why she’d clung to Zac’s ring and savored his past words of encouragement even when he was no longer in her life. Now he was telling her she could make a difference in Hope.
“Okay. I’ll do it.” Her nerves evaporated.
“Thank you.”
“On one condition,” she added.
“Brianna.” Zac sighed. “What condition?”
“Just listen.” She had to stand firm on this. “I have Cory, my mom in the nursing home and my dad healing from his heart attack. I also have my work. All of them take my time, time I’ll have to cut back on to help you. So I want your agreement that if and when you see a time and place where you can get involved with Cory, you will.”
“Cory? But what would I do?” Clearly Zac was not enthralled by the prospect.
“I don’t know. But there must be something.” Brianna leaned forward. “Cory’s on the wrong path and I need help to turn him around before his appointment with the judge at Christmas. I’ve agreed to help you out, Zac, now I want your promise you’ll do what you can to find some common ground with Cory.”
“I don’t know what I can do,” Zac murmured.
“You’ll think of something.” Inside she was desperately afraid he’d refuse, but she stood firm. “That’s my condition, Zac. Take it or leave it.” She waited, hoping he’d say yes because she really wanted to be a part of Your World, to make a difference, to see lives changed because of something she’d helped create.
“All right. If there’s something I can do, I’ll try.” That was all Zac said, but it was enough.
His secretary paged him then, so Brianna left. As she drove back to work, she realized Zac’s project was her opportunity. If she could just find the right words, share her vision with the school board, maybe she could finally help kids as she’d longed to since she’d left Zac—and this town—so long ago.
“Please don’t let me screw this up,” Brianna prayed.
Chapter Four
“Dad, why is Mom so insistent I revive her store? It’s been closed for years.” Fresh from a disastrous visit at the nursing home, Brianna flopped into a chair. “I don’t understand her obsession with that place.”
“Nor did I until last year.” Hugh Benson sank into his easy chair, his face sad. “I learned the whole story after a private investigator visited us. You see, your grandfather passed away last year. According to his will, his assets were then distributed to his descendents—Anita being his daughter.”
“A grandfather? In Iowa? But you never told me—” Brianna frowned at him.
“I never knew. Your mother told me when we were married that her father was dead. That’s all I ever knew until last year when your mother told me her father inherited a furniture store from his father. Anita grew up there. She worked in that store from a very early age, loved it and learned every facet of what went on. You know how adept your mother is at business. As an only child, she expected to one day run the family business herself.”
“Of course.” Brianna recalled her mother’s keen business sense. “She’d have been very good at it. She always had a flair for interior decor.”
“Yes.” Her father looked grim. “Well, Anita stepped in to manage the place when her dad had his first heart attack. She was only eighteen and did well, except she made a mistake. Her error cost the company money and her father was furious. A little later, when he was forced to retire, he refused to give Anita any control because of that mistake. He said she wasn’t smart enough or capable enough to carry on the business he’d inherited from his father.”
“Poor Mom. That must have hurt.”
“Yes, even more because he put some distant cousin in charge and made Anita one of the hirelings. The cousin made bad mistakes but no matter how Anita pleaded, her father wouldn’t recant. Anita was desperately hurt and left Iowa after her mother died. Her father told her not to come back so she didn’t. She never spoke to her father again. The bequest he left her was the smallest in his estate, smaller than the least employee’s. He punished her to the end.”
“So to get back at him, Mom created her own business to pass on to me,” Brianna guessed, glimpsing the past with wiser eyes. “That explains so much. But why didn’t she ever tell me?”
“Would it have made a difference?” her father asked, his face grave.
“You mean would I have given up my goal of psychology?” she asked. “No. But at least I’d understand why she was so determined that I stay. She was ashamed and embarrassed and determined to prove her father wrong by building her own business. Except I couldn’t be part of it.” Hindsight explained a lot.
“So now you know.” Hugh Benson’s pencil flew across the page, his caricature of Cory coming to life. “You said you came back to Hope to help kids. So that’s why you’re helping Zac present this Your World plan tonight?”
“Yes.” Brianna sighed. “I’m not sure about working with him, though.”
“Because?”
But Brianna could not, dare not answer that. Not until she’d sorted out the miasma of conflicting feelings that took over whenever Zac was around.
Outside, a short beep of a car horn sounded.
“That’s Jaclyn. We’re going out for a quick supper before I go to the board meeting. I know you’re going back to see Mom. Cory’s eating at his new friend’s house but he’s supposed to be back in a couple of hours.” Brianna grabbed her bag and her jacket. As she slipped her feet out of slippers and into her sandals she felt her dad’s stare. “What?”
“I thought—hoped you might stop by the nursing home later tonight. You know the truth now. Maybe you two could make up.” There was no condemnation in his quiet voice but that didn’t stop Brianna feeling a ripple of guilt.
“It’s too soon for that, Dad.” She grabbed the doorknob. “Mom was pretty upset today.” She winced, remembering her mother’s angry diatribe.
“Brianna.” Her dad’s firm tone insisted she hear him out.
She inhaled and waited.
“Your mother had a stroke.” He sounded angry. “She can’t do the things she wants to do and her temper flares. She gets uncertain mood swings and frequently can’t express herself the way she wants. Cut her some slack, will you?”
All the past hurt, all the angry words and bitter remarks she’d endured came flooding back. Brianna couldn’t stop the rush of anger.
“I’ve been cutting Mom slack my whole life, Dad. I figured that maybe, after all these years, she might have learned to do the same for her one and only daughter. But I guess I still embarrass her.” Stung by the chastisement in his eyes, she left, quietly but firmly shutting the door behind her before she walked to her friend’s car.
“Hey, Brianna. I’m starv—” Jaclyn took one look at her face and turned off the car. “What’s wrong? Cory again?” She frowned, shook her head. “No, wait. I know that look. It’s your mom, isn’t it, Brianna?”
“I’m a fully accredited psychologist, Jaclyn. I’ve dealt with all kinds of people. Yet, I can’t seem to deal with my feelings toward my own mother.” Slowly she unclenched her fingers as she relayed what she’d learned. “It explains why, all these years, she’s been so driven. But why couldn’t she have just told me?”
“Old grudges die hard.” Jaclyn frowned. “Now, what are you going to do about it?”
“Keep trying to rebuild our relationship.” Brianna couldn’t keep the bitterness of the past inside any longer; she had to let it out. “My mother is the reason I left Hope. Well, her and Zac.”
“I’m your best friend, Brianna.” Jaclyn frowned. “Isn’t it about time you finally explained why I never got to wear your mother’s choice of that delightful flounced fuchsia bridesmaid dress down the aisle for your wedding?” She giggled at Brianna’s gagging sound but quickly sobered. “You’re only about ten years late explaining.”
“It was always too hard to talk about. I wanted to forget it.” She gulped, forced herself to continue the sad story. “Remember the rehearsal dinner?”
“Like I could forget that—all eleven courses.” Jaclyn grimaced.
“There weren’t eleven!” Brianna argued. “But my mother did have to make her only daughter’s wedding an extravaganza.”
“Go on.”
“After the rehearsal dinner I hadn’t seen Zac for a while so I went looking for him. He and my mother were by the hotel pool.” Brianna bit her lip. “I overheard them talking. He accepted her offer of a teaching job in Hope for two years. Without even talking to me, he accepted.”
“But how could—?” Jaclyn’s furrowed brow smoothed. “Oh, I remember now. Your mom was elected chairman of the school board that year, wasn’t she?”
“Yes. And she had the store, of course.” Brianna swallowed hard. “I heard Zac tell her he was worried about supporting me. Remember I couldn’t find a job that summer. As my mother said many times, I returned to Hope with a useless undergrad degree.” Bitterness ate another hole inside.
“She never understood how much psychology meant to you, did she?”
“She always said I should get over Jessica’s death, like it was a skinned knee or something.” Brianna bit her lip. “It hurt so badly to lose her. I couldn’t just forget her or that her death might have been prevented if better medical care had been available in Hope.”
“Nor could I,” Jaclyn murmured.
“Anyway that night Mom preyed on Zac’s fears.” Brianna needed to get this out and let go of it. “She convinced Zac we should stay in Hope by guaranteeing him a job and telling him that I’d have work in her store while he taught. She said we’d be able to save faster for our PhDs.”
“Baloney.” Jaclyn snorted. “She was always after you to take over her store. She couldn’t accept your refusal so she decided to bribe your fiancé to get her way.”
“Exactly. I couldn’t believe Zac agreed with her that I should work in the store. He knew as well as you did how useless I felt in that place. I was never into home decor. I had no knack for furniture styles or placement. Still don’t,” Brianna admitted. “The only thing I enjoyed about that store was the fabrics, hence my love of quilts.”
“Did you talk to Zac about it?”
“I tried on the way home after the party. I asked why he’d accepted the job without talking to me. He was surprised that I was angry about it. He thought I’d be glad that we wouldn’t have to go into a lot of debt for our degrees.” She squeezed her eyes tightly shut and inhaled to ease the stress of those horrible moments. “He said I’d probably end up reconsidering my decision to do a doctorate anyway once we had a family.”
“Shades of male machismo.” Jaclyn’s face tightened.
“No. He wasn’t being macho. I don’t think he honestly believed I was as committed as he was.” Brianna sighed. “I was stunned by what he said. Weeks of him falling in with my mother’s suggestions and not standing up for me—I’d been having doubts about getting married and I told him so. But he apologized, convinced me that he loved me, that he only wanted what was best for us.”
“So you decided to go through with the wedding.”
“Yes. But I was furious. When I got home, I told my mother I knew she’d gone behind my back to coerce Zac into accepting that job.” Brianna tried to make her friend understand. “She knew we’d planned to get jobs in the city where we could still take night classes because I’d gone to great lengths to explain our plans to my parents. Zac and I had put months of thought into it because I’d insisted we have our game plan in place before we ever came to Hope for the wedding. She knew that plan and she deliberately ruined it.”
Jaclyn squeezed her shoulder in sympathy. “Tell me the rest.”
“Eventually my mother admitted asking Zac’s mom to say she was too ill to travel for the wedding so we’d have to come here to get married. It was all part of her plan. Zac and I, we were just pawns.”
There was nothing Jaclyn could say.
“I asked her why she’d done it. Do you know what she said?” The protective barrier she’d maintained for so many years was breached as tears welled. Brianna made no attempt to stop them. “My mother claimed she’d done it to help me. She said Zac told her he was worried I’d never be able to support myself, that he felt I was holding him back. She said Zac’s mom was afraid I might derail his goal to get his PhD. My mother insisted she couldn’t stand by and watch me lose him. The way she put it, I began to believe she was right, that for Zac’s sake I needed to stay and work in the store.”
“Oh, Brianna. I wish you’d called me.”
“I wish I had, too. But I was so confused. And Mom just kept piling it on. I was a weight on Zac’s back, but she said she would rescue me. She would make me assistant manager at her store. I’d run things and she’d take a break once in a while.”
“That wouldn’t have happened. She always had to be the boss.” Jaclyn bit her lip. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s true.” Brianna swallowed. “Anyway, she said I had to prove to Zac that I didn’t need him to be responsible for me, so he wouldn’t feel I was—let’s see, ‘a chain around his neck’ was the way she put it. She said that maybe then he wouldn’t resent me.”
Jaclyn made a face. “And Zac? You did talk to him about it?”
“After my argument with my mother I called him. He said she was right, that he had been worried but he wasn’t now that he had the job. He said it was better to stay in Hope and save.” Brianna pursed her lips. “He even suggested we consider moving in with one or the other of our parents to cut costs further.”
Jaclyn groaned.
“I was reeling.” Brianna tried to smile. “All our plans were out the window. I just wanted him to reassure me. But Zac was really worried about the financial aspect of both of us returning to school. He even said he was glad I was willing to do my share. As if I was some kind of leech!”
“He was probably just nervous. Zac was never great with words,” Jaclyn reminded.
“He repeated over and over that he was glad I’d finally be working,” Brianna sputtered. “And he kept babbling about getting his PhD as soon as possible. He sounded as if he thought I’d ask him to give up his dream.”
“He used to bore us to tears with that PhD dream sometimes, didn’t he? But I’m sure he loved you,” Jaclyn consoled.
“Well, I wasn’t so sure. And the more my mother talked to me, the less sure I became. She played me like a fiddle, Jaclyn.” Brianna sighed. “I finally decided she was right, that I was holding back the man I loved and that I needed to give up my own dream to help Zac. So I agreed to work in her store.”
Jaclyn frowned. “But you didn’t stay, Brianna. You left.”
“Yes.” Brianna couldn’t stop her tears. A bitter smile rose from the cauldron of bitterness simmering inside. “Zac phoned me the next morning to tell me of my mother’s suggestion that we cut our honeymoon short so I could start work early, as thanks for the elaborate wedding that I never wanted.”
Jaclyn’s face expressed her disgust.
“I told him in no uncertain terms what I thought of that. He sounded hurt. He was only trying to help make it easier for me, he said. It would be a sacrifice but sometimes sacrifices were necessary. I told him I felt I was making all the sacrifices and he said that he was sacrificing, too, by having to put off his doctorate. We argued a bit, made up and I hung up. Then my mother appeared with a list she’d made of my future duties and responsibilities at the store and a contract.”
“A contract?” Jaclyn lifted one eyebrow.
“She said I’d need to sign a contract for five years to make sure she wasn’t left high and dry if I changed my mind. Five years!” Brianna straightened her shoulders. “I knew then how it would be, how she’d grind me down until I gave up my plan to become a child psychologist. And I knew Zac wouldn’t be strong enough to stand up to her, either. You see she was right about one thing.”
“Right how?” Jaclyn glared at her. “Explain.”
“I’d been worried for some time that I was holding Zac back. He was so much smarter, had so much to offer. I slowed him down because he spent so much time helping me, time he should have spent on his own work.” Brianna dashed away her tears. “If we’d married and I got stuck in her store, Zac would have felt compelled to stay those five years, too. I didn’t want him to lose his dream because of me.”
“That woman!” Jaclyn sputtered.
“It wasn’t just Mom.” Brianna felt the weight of it dragging her down. Wasn’t confession supposed to make her feel better? “By then Zac was completely under her spell, convinced that giving up our plans to teach in Hope was his opportunity. I was afraid Zac would eventually turn against me if I objected too much and I couldn’t stand that. I loved him and I wanted him to be happy. I thought he would be if I wasn’t there so I packed a bag and snuck away.”
“I would have helped you if I’d known.”
“I know. But then Mom would have caused problems for you.” Brianna paused. “Dad saw me leave.”
“Really?”
“When I was in the cab, I looked back and saw him standing there. He was crying.” Brianna dabbed at her wet cheeks with the tissue Jaclyn handed her. “I wrote him later that when I did get married I’d make sure he walked me down the aisle, but that didn’t happen. After Craig proposed, he insisted we marry quickly. He was sick and he wanted me to be able to stay at his house and care for Cory without any improprieties. I was afraid my mother would talk me out of it if she knew, so I married Craig with nobody there. But Craig betrayed me, too.”
“How?” Jaclyn asked, her beautiful face sad.
“Craig died three months after we married. That’s when I learned he’d known all along that he had a terminal illness.” Brianna stared through the windshield remembering the gut-wrenching dismay when she learned the truth. “He knew he didn’t have long to live, but he never told me. He pretended he was getting better. Maybe he thought I would have left if I’d known.”
Jaclyn’s hand covered hers and squeezed.
“I wouldn’t have left,” Brianna whispered. “Craig was wonderful to me in those horrible weeks after I left Hope for Chicago. He took time to help me find a place to live, helped me find a job. Cory was Craig’s pride and joy but neither he nor his first wife, Cory’s mother, had family. He had no one to help him. He adored that boy but I saw how hard it became for him to care for him. I wanted to help because I loved Cory, too.”
“But you didn’t love Craig?”
“No.” Brianna smiled, sadness filling her heart. “I wish I could have. He was a wonderful man. But there was never love between us. We were just good friends who married a few months after we met to give Cory a home. At least I thought that’s what we were. But when I learned the truth, that he knew—” Brianna bit her lip. “I might not have been so decimated if Craig had prepared me. But he never said a word and suddenly at twenty-three I was a widow and a mother, responsible for this little boy, no clue how I was going to do it and all alone. I was at my lowest when I phoned you for help.”
“I’m glad you finally did. That’s what friends are for.” She wrapped her arms around Brianna and help on tight. “I wish I could have come.”
